(no subject)
I don't think anyone really reads this, so I'm just going to say what's on my mind. It's late.
At the beginning of the year, I was in a bad place. My life has adjusted itself and I was forced to function without a proper balance. A year ago this weekend, I went on a vacation with my mom, her boyfriend, and my sisters. We went to Disneyland as a family. This year, they went again, I was invited but I didn't go because I felt out of place. My mom wants to be a part of my life when it benefits her. If she doesn't want to be there for the harder parts of my life, I don't want her there for any of it. Right now, all of this crap is being brought up again because I feel so very alone. Pressure is building, school auditions are coming up, and I'm about to crack. My best friends have left and are leaving. People I care about are so far away. I just want to lay in my bed, close my eyes, and rest for a day. I just want to sleep in peace and not think about the stress of the upcoming months. I am having a harder time dealing with everything than I thought. What sucks is that old problems can be brought up so easily. I thought that I had gotten over the fact that I don't live with my sisters.. but I haven't, we aren't as close anymore. My sisters don't look at me the way they used too, we've become strangers. It hurts me that I never talk to them.
One of my closest friends is leaving tomorrow. I'm so happy that she is leaving to go onto something great, but it still doesn't help me deal with the fact that she is gone. I haven't been onstage without her in a year, can I do it without her? I hope that we get into the same schools, and carry out our ideas of rooming together. Without a little Kimiko in my life, who am I?
Life slips through my fingers and I can't seem to grab it. I feel annoying. I feel like I'm an annoyance, I'm sorry, I'm just trying so hard not to let you slip through my fingers. I don't want to lose anything that we had. It's so hard to keep something strong when distance stands in the way. I'm learning.
I'm not looking forward to the 23rd. :[ .
I'm sorry if I can't handle life right now. What's scary is that there really isn't anyone here to catch me. I have friends and family, but in the end, it's just me.
I haven't been able to say goodbye to CATS.
At the beginning of the year, I was in a bad place. My life has adjusted itself and I was forced to function without a proper balance. A year ago this weekend, I went on a vacation with my mom, her boyfriend, and my sisters. We went to Disneyland as a family. This year, they went again, I was invited but I didn't go because I felt out of place. My mom wants to be a part of my life when it benefits her. If she doesn't want to be there for the harder parts of my life, I don't want her there for any of it. Right now, all of this crap is being brought up again because I feel so very alone. Pressure is building, school auditions are coming up, and I'm about to crack. My best friends have left and are leaving. People I care about are so far away. I just want to lay in my bed, close my eyes, and rest for a day. I just want to sleep in peace and not think about the stress of the upcoming months. I am having a harder time dealing with everything than I thought. What sucks is that old problems can be brought up so easily. I thought that I had gotten over the fact that I don't live with my sisters.. but I haven't, we aren't as close anymore. My sisters don't look at me the way they used too, we've become strangers. It hurts me that I never talk to them.
One of my closest friends is leaving tomorrow. I'm so happy that she is leaving to go onto something great, but it still doesn't help me deal with the fact that she is gone. I haven't been onstage without her in a year, can I do it without her? I hope that we get into the same schools, and carry out our ideas of rooming together. Without a little Kimiko in my life, who am I?
Life slips through my fingers and I can't seem to grab it. I feel annoying. I feel like I'm an annoyance, I'm sorry, I'm just trying so hard not to let you slip through my fingers. I don't want to lose anything that we had. It's so hard to keep something strong when distance stands in the way. I'm learning.
I'm not looking forward to the 23rd. :[ .
I'm sorry if I can't handle life right now. What's scary is that there really isn't anyone here to catch me. I have friends and family, but in the end, it's just me.
I haven't been able to say goodbye to CATS.