(no subject)
I hate that he has all the power in this situation. What he wants, goes. If he picked up the phone right this second and told me he missed me, there I would be, going right back into his arms. There are so many questions that I have left unanswered and I sit here analyzing over and over what I did wrong. Like it was all my fault. When in reality, I did everything I could to be the best girlfriend I knew how to be. I cant accept that its over till I see him in person. And knowing thats 22 days away seems like FOREVER. Im trying to live each day, one day at a time. Trying to stay strong, but its so hard to live a lie and pretend that im okay when really, i feel like im screaming inside and just looking for someone to make me happy. It's so sad that when I have a guy in my life that everything seems so right and perfect. I cant find that happiness inside ME. I need to have someone there who loves me all the time, and my family and friends isnt good enough. There are so many things i want to say, things that I want to tell him. Like how hes going to loose me forever and regret ever giving me up. And how hes the only person that I want to be with. But what good is that going to do at this point? Give him the ego boost that he has me under his "spell"? Ya know, what is LOVE anyways? Love just seems to me to be one BIG lie. One big thing that I obsess over ever single day of my life...I'm at a loss.
And theres no one there to tell me what I should or could do anymore. I'm on my own.
And theres no one there to tell me what I should or could do anymore. I'm on my own.