malarian curly
i dont even know where to start with this weeked, but i just know that in 20 years, this is going to be the singular event of my high school career that anyone is to give a crap about, so if i dont write an entry somewhat proportional to the seven pages on camus i posted, im going to pay for it later, so brace yourself; here comes ris's super spectacular prom weekend event-o-ramma extravaganza!!
since i really didnt do anything on friday night, i suppose i can start my documentation on saturday, or as i like to refer to it, the day that should never have been. id been tossing around the idea of going to justine's party for quite some time, but i just knew the parents were going to veto. id mentioned the idea the day before, but i didnt really push the issue until we were all bonding together staining the deck. the converstion went something like this:
'are you really going to chicago tonight?'
'i wanted to.'
'but youre going to be all the way in chicago tomorrow, youre going to be driving all over the place...'
'do you really not want me to go? i mean, really?'
'well, i just dont understand why all of a sudden you have a reason i be in chicago every weekend.'
'i dont know what that has anything to do with anything.'
'i think maybe you need to make a choice. you wanted to go to that concert on thursday, right? maybe you need to choose one.'
'i want to go to both.'
'maybe you have to choose.'
'well, im going to this party if i can find someone to come with me.'
we went on staining the deck and talked about different stuff. afterwards i came inside and messed around online for a little while before going up to dust my room. i called griff, too, which was cool because, well, because hes griff for chrissake. he told me i have a very professional voice, and he tried to tell me what an astonishing disappointment j's party would be if i decided to go. and i believed him, too. but to be honest, i just wanted to experience it firsthand. for the last few years, id really wanted to be a part of that group, that scene, and i was finally given the opportunity to live it. in a way, i assumed it was going to suck, but i wanted to know. so after talking for something like half an hour, i got a call from sarah who said she was going and wanted to know if i still was. i told her yes, clicked back over, and told griff that i was going to go. he seemed a little disappointed in me, but thats too damn bad for griff. i was disappointed in him, too, when he started listening to linkin park.
so i pulled myself together and slipped into my dress that eryn and josh bought me. it was a prom themed party, so i got super snazzed up (without putting on my actual prom dress) and headed out. (on the way out the door, my mom said something about how im not going to go to bright eyes on thursday, but im working on that... im going to that show, people. i dont care what anyone says.) followed sarah up there and found parallel parking the next street over. we walked through alleyways to get over to the party, which may not have been the smartest thing in the world, but it was definitley effective, and we were walking up js steps not long after.
i think she was drunk when we got there, but it was hard to know for sure. she recognized me, pointed out that my hair was short and that my dress was hot, and then scolded me for always ditching her partys. i appologised, and she forgave me and invited us in. i didnt really know many people there, though. i thought id recognise more. instead, it was a bunch of really gross, greasy boys (and men) and some really skanky looking girls. (thats not to say that there were no normal people there, or even that the people i thought id recognise arent greasy or skanky.) there were a few surprises, though. sarah's ex was there, so i got to meet him, and so were katie (of course) and krissy and bradley. devine was there, too, which i wasnt expecting, and i heard that chris holmes was there, but i dont even know what the fuck he looks like so i really couldnt tell you either way. the biggest surprise, however, came in the middle of the night. i was sitting on the steps with sarah when this scrawny, weird looking kid comes walking up next to me. i watched him go inside before i flagged down j. 'holy fuck, j, was that aaron?' 'yeah, aaron? hes my prom date.'
no fucking way.
this is the kid that id had a super sexy sleep over with with brooke back in the day. his mother drove him up from indiana and just dropped him off, and what ensued was one of the weirdest weekends of my life. ill never forget him just wandering off without saying a word, or those black and blue fingernails or those huge heeled boots... or, god, or 'LECHE!' what a headcase.
but yeah. so i saw him, confirmed him with justine, and then went to find him out on the back deck. i asked around and someone pointed him out to me. 'hey aaron? this girl is looking for you.'
'yeah?'
'aaron, i know you. you slept over at my friend brooke's for our super sexy sleepover. i havent talked to you in... god, in a long time.'
'oh yeah, i remember... i left a tie at your house.'
'you did?'
'yeah.'
thats when he turned back around and stopped talking to me. i didnt know what else to say, then. [ive edited this for content in light of recent comments] i just walked away, thinking that he just didnt care to talk to me. i remember thinking 'what a little asshole' and as i went back out front i felt rejected, angry, and a little sad. [ive since been corrected, that he wasnt ignoring me, that he was actually just in line for the keg and his attention was divided elsewhere. therefore, i take back my comment that hes a little asshole, and admit that i was being judgemental and mean. id also appreciate not receiving comments on the matter because i will not respond and they will be deleted.]
little disillusionments like that hit me all night. i dont know if it was me or the setting or the situation or what, but the longer i stayed the less fun i was having. im not a mass-socialite (i dont do parties), and the fact that i dont drink, smoke, or eat anything with the word 'hash' in it couldnt have helped my mood much, so i just sort of stood by myself and thought a lot about how stupid i was to have wanted to be one of these people. i mean, sure, some of them like j and katie and krissy are fine enough, but ill be damned if im ever a fat, gross, drunken pediphile like one matt devine.
so that was justine's party. i left early and came home alone. called matt on the way back and told him that he should probably go to the party, but he said hed rather not. i didnt blame him. i wished i had the energy to go up to his place, but i was too tired and moody. i went straight home --straight to sleep, and had another really weird fucking dream.
ill post the rest of the weekend tomorrow. i need to go to bed, and ive got 3 days (and nights) left to go.
since i really didnt do anything on friday night, i suppose i can start my documentation on saturday, or as i like to refer to it, the day that should never have been. id been tossing around the idea of going to justine's party for quite some time, but i just knew the parents were going to veto. id mentioned the idea the day before, but i didnt really push the issue until we were all bonding together staining the deck. the converstion went something like this:
'are you really going to chicago tonight?'
'i wanted to.'
'but youre going to be all the way in chicago tomorrow, youre going to be driving all over the place...'
'do you really not want me to go? i mean, really?'
'well, i just dont understand why all of a sudden you have a reason i be in chicago every weekend.'
'i dont know what that has anything to do with anything.'
'i think maybe you need to make a choice. you wanted to go to that concert on thursday, right? maybe you need to choose one.'
'i want to go to both.'
'maybe you have to choose.'
'well, im going to this party if i can find someone to come with me.'
we went on staining the deck and talked about different stuff. afterwards i came inside and messed around online for a little while before going up to dust my room. i called griff, too, which was cool because, well, because hes griff for chrissake. he told me i have a very professional voice, and he tried to tell me what an astonishing disappointment j's party would be if i decided to go. and i believed him, too. but to be honest, i just wanted to experience it firsthand. for the last few years, id really wanted to be a part of that group, that scene, and i was finally given the opportunity to live it. in a way, i assumed it was going to suck, but i wanted to know. so after talking for something like half an hour, i got a call from sarah who said she was going and wanted to know if i still was. i told her yes, clicked back over, and told griff that i was going to go. he seemed a little disappointed in me, but thats too damn bad for griff. i was disappointed in him, too, when he started listening to linkin park.
so i pulled myself together and slipped into my dress that eryn and josh bought me. it was a prom themed party, so i got super snazzed up (without putting on my actual prom dress) and headed out. (on the way out the door, my mom said something about how im not going to go to bright eyes on thursday, but im working on that... im going to that show, people. i dont care what anyone says.) followed sarah up there and found parallel parking the next street over. we walked through alleyways to get over to the party, which may not have been the smartest thing in the world, but it was definitley effective, and we were walking up js steps not long after.
i think she was drunk when we got there, but it was hard to know for sure. she recognized me, pointed out that my hair was short and that my dress was hot, and then scolded me for always ditching her partys. i appologised, and she forgave me and invited us in. i didnt really know many people there, though. i thought id recognise more. instead, it was a bunch of really gross, greasy boys (and men) and some really skanky looking girls. (thats not to say that there were no normal people there, or even that the people i thought id recognise arent greasy or skanky.) there were a few surprises, though. sarah's ex was there, so i got to meet him, and so were katie (of course) and krissy and bradley. devine was there, too, which i wasnt expecting, and i heard that chris holmes was there, but i dont even know what the fuck he looks like so i really couldnt tell you either way. the biggest surprise, however, came in the middle of the night. i was sitting on the steps with sarah when this scrawny, weird looking kid comes walking up next to me. i watched him go inside before i flagged down j. 'holy fuck, j, was that aaron?' 'yeah, aaron? hes my prom date.'
no fucking way.
this is the kid that id had a super sexy sleep over with with brooke back in the day. his mother drove him up from indiana and just dropped him off, and what ensued was one of the weirdest weekends of my life. ill never forget him just wandering off without saying a word, or those black and blue fingernails or those huge heeled boots... or, god, or 'LECHE!' what a headcase.
but yeah. so i saw him, confirmed him with justine, and then went to find him out on the back deck. i asked around and someone pointed him out to me. 'hey aaron? this girl is looking for you.'
'yeah?'
'aaron, i know you. you slept over at my friend brooke's for our super sexy sleepover. i havent talked to you in... god, in a long time.'
'oh yeah, i remember... i left a tie at your house.'
'you did?'
'yeah.'
thats when he turned back around and stopped talking to me. i didnt know what else to say, then. [ive edited this for content in light of recent comments] i just walked away, thinking that he just didnt care to talk to me. i remember thinking 'what a little asshole' and as i went back out front i felt rejected, angry, and a little sad. [ive since been corrected, that he wasnt ignoring me, that he was actually just in line for the keg and his attention was divided elsewhere. therefore, i take back my comment that hes a little asshole, and admit that i was being judgemental and mean. id also appreciate not receiving comments on the matter because i will not respond and they will be deleted.]
little disillusionments like that hit me all night. i dont know if it was me or the setting or the situation or what, but the longer i stayed the less fun i was having. im not a mass-socialite (i dont do parties), and the fact that i dont drink, smoke, or eat anything with the word 'hash' in it couldnt have helped my mood much, so i just sort of stood by myself and thought a lot about how stupid i was to have wanted to be one of these people. i mean, sure, some of them like j and katie and krissy are fine enough, but ill be damned if im ever a fat, gross, drunken pediphile like one matt devine.
so that was justine's party. i left early and came home alone. called matt on the way back and told him that he should probably go to the party, but he said hed rather not. i didnt blame him. i wished i had the energy to go up to his place, but i was too tired and moody. i went straight home --straight to sleep, and had another really weird fucking dream.
ill post the rest of the weekend tomorrow. i need to go to bed, and ive got 3 days (and nights) left to go.