(no subject)
Thursday night.
Now synonymous with the last hockey night of the week....my friday.....
I think of how my life has changed over the past few years and I honestly can't even imagine a day in my old life. I read some old livejournal entries the other night and everything is so different now that a lot of it doesn't even make any sense...Better in some ways, worse in others...Unrequited love has been replaced by love thats mutual deep and true. School has been replaced with work, which soon will be replaced with school again. Friends have come and gone....some for the better, some for the worst. Family relationships have become more complicated and harder to hold on to in some ways...but more hopeful for the future all the same.
Today I was struck by the stark realization that some day....the place where I sit right now will no longer be my home...and suddenly I wanted to breath in all the things that made me love it...all the familiar corners...I could navigate this house with my eyes closed tight....It's the only place thats stayed consistent for me in 23 years on this earth...and yet someday it won't be here anymore....or it won't be mine anymore. Could I ever get comfortable somewhere else?
I've been thinking of Alan and Amanda a lot tonight. Since the night Matt went to see Aerosmith with them, I've taken it as a given that the rumors about Alan were true after all. I don't know if its fair of me or not but all the signs point to it being a reality and even though she and I are no longer friends, ever part of me is willing her to run, not walk away from that. The thing is...she's ignored everything everyones told her for this long....I don't think there is a straw that would break the camels back at this point because I think she'd deny it to herself no matter what the case was. It's so easy to deny these things when we find someone that means something to us. How easy is it to pretend that every one else is just out to ruin your happiness...and not that the person you're with might be the real culprit?
I think about them from time to time and while there are bits and pieces of their friendship that are missed by matt and I both, we both know that we're the better for not having them in our lives anymore. I look back on the past two years, and then the past two months and the difference in how free we are to do what we wish when we wish is amazing. I also kinda want to warn alisha and dave that they were doing the same sort of shit to them that they did to us...but how can you? Timmy told matt not long after shit hit the fan that he seriously thinks they were trying to break us up. It seems so odd to me that two people in love have time to devote to the judgement of the relationships of others. I mean Matt and I have always been there to lend a helping hand to friends when they need it or ask for it...but otherwise, the only relationship we focus on is our own. Matt and Richie are somewhat hurt by Tuohey's actions but you know what...he'll learn the hard way just like matt and I did. I always knew there wasn't something quite right there, but you never want to believe that people are really that fake/dishonest/mean spirited.
Now synonymous with the last hockey night of the week....my friday.....
I think of how my life has changed over the past few years and I honestly can't even imagine a day in my old life. I read some old livejournal entries the other night and everything is so different now that a lot of it doesn't even make any sense...Better in some ways, worse in others...Unrequited love has been replaced by love thats mutual deep and true. School has been replaced with work, which soon will be replaced with school again. Friends have come and gone....some for the better, some for the worst. Family relationships have become more complicated and harder to hold on to in some ways...but more hopeful for the future all the same.
Today I was struck by the stark realization that some day....the place where I sit right now will no longer be my home...and suddenly I wanted to breath in all the things that made me love it...all the familiar corners...I could navigate this house with my eyes closed tight....It's the only place thats stayed consistent for me in 23 years on this earth...and yet someday it won't be here anymore....or it won't be mine anymore. Could I ever get comfortable somewhere else?
I've been thinking of Alan and Amanda a lot tonight. Since the night Matt went to see Aerosmith with them, I've taken it as a given that the rumors about Alan were true after all. I don't know if its fair of me or not but all the signs point to it being a reality and even though she and I are no longer friends, ever part of me is willing her to run, not walk away from that. The thing is...she's ignored everything everyones told her for this long....I don't think there is a straw that would break the camels back at this point because I think she'd deny it to herself no matter what the case was. It's so easy to deny these things when we find someone that means something to us. How easy is it to pretend that every one else is just out to ruin your happiness...and not that the person you're with might be the real culprit?
I think about them from time to time and while there are bits and pieces of their friendship that are missed by matt and I both, we both know that we're the better for not having them in our lives anymore. I look back on the past two years, and then the past two months and the difference in how free we are to do what we wish when we wish is amazing. I also kinda want to warn alisha and dave that they were doing the same sort of shit to them that they did to us...but how can you? Timmy told matt not long after shit hit the fan that he seriously thinks they were trying to break us up. It seems so odd to me that two people in love have time to devote to the judgement of the relationships of others. I mean Matt and I have always been there to lend a helping hand to friends when they need it or ask for it...but otherwise, the only relationship we focus on is our own. Matt and Richie are somewhat hurt by Tuohey's actions but you know what...he'll learn the hard way just like matt and I did. I always knew there wasn't something quite right there, but you never want to believe that people are really that fake/dishonest/mean spirited.