(no subject)
I thought that I could handle a break right now but I guess I can't. All I've been thinking about is him and why he needs some time to think. I'm afraid I guess and because I'm afriad I can't get it out of my mind. I couldn't sleep last night in hope that maybe he'll call and tell me that everything is okay that he was wrong and he doesn't need his break anymore. I wish I knew what was going on in his head so that I can maybe understand this a little bit better. I can't stop thinking about him and it's fucking killing me. So many times I picked up the phone and started to dial his number but then against my will hanging up and telling myself no this is a break don't call don't be a fool. I wonder if he's thinking about me at all or if maybe he's thinking about me the way I'm thinking about him. God all I want to do right now is go to Queens ring his bell and tell him stop it, stop making me wait I love you and I want to be with you, I'm willing to give everything up for you can't you see that!! But I know that if I do that he's going to look at me and tell me I told you I need a break and probably slam the door in my face as well as get mad at me for going to Queens probably thinking I'm there for Sam as well. I only want to see him I want him to know how much I love him how much he means to me but my words are never enough and I don't know how else I can show him. I miss you so much and like I said I'm willing to drop everything for you.