what is the world coming to ???????

[kissforawish]

I do not understand what this world is coming to no one understands me or gets me. I'll never have a guy care about me or treat me the way I want and the ones That treated me somewhat good ARE GONE GONE ..... There nothing I can do about it there gone forever and hate me now. I feel like loving him is my curse that will forever haunt me.. life right now fun in the moment and all but when it comes down to it and I'm alone I realize how lonely I am and how I know I'll never find anyone b/c they always leave me or don't treat me good so I drop them. Then there the people that are close to me whom I feel I losing by the minute what is w/ me and pushing ppl away. I push matt away I push my family away I push my friends away, guys ,and guys that I actully love or care about to. What is wrong with me why do I have this wall protecting my self conformed my self as if I'm a castle.I just don't understand it but I guess I do this b/c I feel like ppl don't care about me or understand how I feel.I hate how guys just look at me like I some sort of fresh meat they can slater and pass or the left overs to their buddies and never look at me for the qualities I have or the talents I have hiddin away under my happy spirt and life full of surprising turns and a girl thats fun and can show them so much, more then they could ever know. Well I gues I should just exept the fact that all I am to men is a good lay and other then that if they saying something else their lying wow what a world. I ve given up I have for awhile I dont even know why I bother going out with guys or hanging out with them when deep down inside I know I've given up given up on love and boys in general.Well my heart is forever shattered all these years I 've just been trying to put the pieces back together so I can keep going and give a relationship a try but really in realty too many pieces are missing so there for there too much empty space to ever regain it back not to mention guys are capitable of filling that space and the one guy that did left me ovver my TEMPER how I miss him now and I shall not speak his name I love him and even If i hide it or don't speak of it I do. How I feel he hates me now. Like I said all nonsense and lies.No one ever meant it when they said they cared about me, I give up I off the market.

my day ways ok the usuall just school, working out, tanning, AND chores. I have a busy week ahead of me bc of deadline, grama coming on wed for good, work everyday this weekend, projects due finals to study for , x- mas gifts to shop for and aarrons to be ran extra. well night all I need my sleep so I don't get sick again......