Adrenaline Dynamite (Touch Me to Ignite) [Original Prompt] (3/4)
Title: Adrenaline Dynamite (Touch Me to Ignite)
Rating: NC-17
Length: 39,090
Warnings: Graphic violence, minor character death, slight gore, breathplay and minor mentions of self harm
Summary: Modern Gladiator AU: Falling in love in the dark wasn’t what Yixing ever expected, not when he’s the only source of light.
Notes: I would like to thank G for being my saviour and putting up with my strange writing patterns while being my beta. I should also give a shoutout to G (again), K, E and J for letting me rant at any time of day over this fic - you are all stars. There is also a mini-playlist I have compiled for this fic, which is as follows:
One of Them by G-Eazy and Big Sean
TKO by Justin Timberlake
Lucid Dreams by Tribe Society
Glory and Gore by Lorde
Go by Delilah
Alibi by Banks
Dazzle by Oh Wonder
{part 2}
Yifan's fight was a three round affair, his opponent being better at his attack than the other's Yixing had seen but Yifan seemed to pick up on the fact that his defence was a little below par. It was the first fight that Yixing saw Yifan take the offensive in, the tall male had made rapid hits look like air blowing over water, and it was strange to watch. However, Yixing still had those burning feelings deep down in his gut whenever he saw Yifan grow more confident in himself, in his fighting. It was attractive, many of the women around him commenting so and he couldn't help but grin because it was him that Yifan looked for at the start and end of every fight, often just to wink or nod. It didn't help that Yifan had something covering his shoulder, almost like a large band aid, though that didn't restrain him in anyway. It made Yixing worry that his boyfriend had picked up an injury in the short days they had apart, Yifan having to focus on training himself in ways that let his back heal nicely.
It made Yixing worry to see the marks that had scabbed over, the redness around them having gone down and they looked more like they were actually drawn on with a pen. It was weird watching the six lines curve and move with Yifan's body without tearing open, but Yixing had been assured by his boyfriend in the couple of seconds they had together just before the fight that things would be fine, that they were cinched together in a way that wouldn't split.
That didn't stop Yixing from thoroughly inspecting his boyfriend's back once he came out of the venue with his shirt on, Yixing was certain that a few of the fighters from Yifan's house had seen him corner the tall male to yank his shirt up his back to make sure there was no new blood from the older wounds. Yifan only laughed off his worries as he wrapped his arms around the fully concentrated student.
"Trust me when I tell you that I'm fine, okay?" Yifan had said once Yixing stopped fretting over infection and the risks of being cut with an unclean knife. "I've been looked over by a doctor; it was the first thing I did after I left your house. I'm completely fine, I've just got to be a little more careful in training for the next few days then I'll be as good as new."
Yixing wanted to ask Yifan if he was sure but it wasn't long until Yifan was pulling him towards his car, opening up the passenger door for Yixing to settle himself in. The vehicle was noticeably cleaner than before, no more food packets or items of clothing laid across surfaces.
"Where are we going?" Yixing asked, buckling himself in and frowning when he saw Yifan not bother with his own seatbelt, he wanted to say something but as soon as he opened his mouth, the car started to move.
"You, mister Zhang," Yifan said, glancing over at him quickly, "are going home, because I know for a fact that you have morning classes tomorrow."
Yixing's mouth fell open, his boyfriend's seriousness taking him by surprise, "How did you know that? And I'm an adult; I can be out for however long I want to be."
"Yixing, your classes are important and I know the last year is important, so you really have to pay attention," Yifan replied so quickly that he was sure that the elder had run through the conversation multiple times before. "I just don't want to be the reason why you slip behind on everything."
"But I want to spend time with you," Yixing argued, his face falling because he could vaguely recognise the route back to his home that Yifan was taking. "Can we stop for a while then? I've not seen you since the other night and I want to make-"
"Yixing, how about this, you go home tonight and I'll pick you up once your classes have finished and we can go out somewhere together."
"But you'll have training after my lectures end," Yixing was pouting, the sound of it clear in his voice and Yifan shifted a hand from the gear stick onto Yixing's thigh to give it a soft squeeze.
"I'm not training tomorrow, it's a rest day."
"You have rest days?" Yixing felt shocked by that revelation, his lips opening into a wide gape as he registered the fact that he could see Yifan in the daylight for once.
"Well, yeah, it's pretty counter-productive to be worked every day with such high intensity, everybody needs a break, Xing," Yifan stopped the car at a red light, "I just usually use my days off to sleep and eat, but I guess that if you make the effort to come and see me when you should be sleeping, then I see no problem in doing it myself."
"Can you put your belt on please? It's making me nervous that you aren't wearing one," Yixing managed to say that as the words of Yifan making the effort for him really seeped under his skin.
Yifan looked down on his body and immediately did as Yixing asked, the younger smiling at how little argument he got from his boyfriend. He imagined Yifan would have been more stubborn in not changing his habits but Yixing realised that it was probably just a show, something to highlight that Yifan always did as Yixing asked but the reverse didn't really happen. It worked though; Yixing knew he should drop the want to stay with Yifan so late on a night before important classes.
He could feel something molten and hot inside of him at the idea of Yifan caring about his education, probably more so than even himself. It felt nice to be cared for; to have the mundane everyday things cared for by the person he felt a lot towards. It made him let a soft smile plaster itself on his lips, lacing his fingers with Yifan's quickly on his thigh while his thumb brushed over the scar free skin of his hands. Yixing felt comfort in the gentle tightening of Yifan's hand as they pulled onto Yixing's street, he knew the elder probably didn't want to let go but knew that him sneaking into Yixing's house again would defeat the point of Yixing going home early.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Yifan whispered, inching his face closer to Yixing's until the younger leaned forward to press their kisses into each other's lips. Yixing felt something spark up within him, something that felt more like a fire igniting than it had when he had watched Yifan fight. Yifan pulled away just before Yixing was going to plead for his tongue to pass between them. "You finish at two, yes?"
"Uh huh," Yixing nodded, not trusting his voice to speak to Yifan.
"I'll be waiting for you," the elder promised and Yixing didn't doubt it, he knew that Yifan would be there before two just in case he was released from lessons early and he wasn't even trying to quash his smile at that thought.
Yixing kissed him again, his lips pressing harder and more eagerly against his boyfriend's than their previous kiss, his body shifting him across the centre console and Yifan had to push him back to stop him from crawling over as their lips dipped together.
"I'm not coming inside, Yixing," Yifan stated with finality that Yixing knew wouldn't waver at all, "We can make out all you want tomorrow."
Yixing huffed but undid his seatbelt nonetheless, pouting as Yifan let go of his hand to place it on the gear stick, "Tomorrow, at two, do you promise?"
"I do."
"Okay, goodnight, Yifan," Yixing sighed, kissing his cheek before opening his car door to step out onto the pathway.
"Night, Yixing, sleep well," Yifan was smiling and waving affectionately at him as he closed the passenger door behind himself and returned the gesture. They were both smiling at each other for a little while, tilting their heads every so often to take in more features that they could see in the lacking light and Yixing felt his heart race faster and faster.
Yifan even went as far as to blow him a kiss, a quick wink too, while Yixing dramatically pretended to catch it and place it over his heart and the younger felt as though he'd silently confessed how strongly he felt for the fighter but didn't really mind that.
He knew that Yifan must have felt somewhat the same because he waited until Yixing had closed the gates of his house behind himself before driving away.
###
Yixing felt rejuvenated the next day, his whole body thrumming with a high at the thought of seeing Yifan for more than a few hours or minutes at a time. It made him anticipate the ends of his classes more, ignoring the fact that the constant tapping of his foot would probably make those sat beside him feel as though they wanted to kill him with how repetitive the sound was and how distracting that would be from what his lecturer was talking about. Yixing, despite Yifan's stressed importance on his studies, was completely distracted by the thought of the fighter. It made him want to fidget until the moment he was released from his class, even avoiding talking to Bai in favour of checking if he could see Yifan stood outside of the university or his car parked by the edge of the gates. He wasn't disappointed when he saw his boyfriend leaning against the side of the American style muscle car, the vehicle looking even cleaner and perfectly coloured in the daylight. The tall male had his back to the students who were leaving the building, the questioning muttering filling the air as Yixing approached with a slight skip.
"Yifan," he called out, the elder looking over his shoulder with a smile and a slight shift of his body to face a little more towards Yixing, "You kept your promise."
"Of course I did," he let Yixing circle around to the driver's side, giving his boyfriend a tight hug and drawing in the scent of Lemongrass and Sea Salt that had grown to be so familiar over the months. "What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't?"
"A bad one," Yixing laughed, releasing the tall fighter and retreating back around to ride shotgun in the car. They both got in, ignoring the fact that they had an audience, Yixing smiling when he saw Yifan reach for the ignition but then pull back to drag his safety belt around himself, glowing inside at the fact that something so small was remembered from the previous night. "So, good boyfriend, where are we heading to today?"
"Lunch would be good," Yifan looked at his watch, smiling a little and Yixing wondered when the last time Yifan had seen the outside world at such a time of day was, "Then just go somewhere to relax a little."
"Where do you have in mind?"
Yifan paused, his fingers tapping the steering wheel in a tuneless procession before he turned the engine of the car on. He pulled away from the edge of the road, taking them out the main exit and away from the university, Yixing's smile growing even wider as Yifan took his hand in his own to kiss the palm of it. "How about somewhere like a park? I've not been to one since I moved away from home."
"That sounds like a good idea," Yixing agreed, relaxing into his seat and looking at Yifan's side profile while the elder concentrated on the roads ahead of them.
He could see the deep dip of Yifan's chin, how that sharpened his every bone pivot and it made Yixing scroll his eyes up to where Yifan's ears were scattered with piercings and where his nose flowed down in a slight curve. He could only marvel at the fact that the older male had such godly features, nothing subtle but nothing lost in a mass of bold features. Yixing found it endearing how Yifan always looked so harsh, so judging towards the world, but then his smile would break that up with golden dashes of warmth in his white teeth and pink lips. He didn't even stop staring when Yifan caught him, the fighter laughing at the intensity of it, how his face flashed up in what appeared to be a dusty pink colour. It was strange to see such a confident man appear taken aback at such gazes, as Yixing was certain that he was admired almost constantly by anybody he came into contact with, Yixing could only look at him in a way that came naturally.
He wasn't quite sure if that was adoration or love, neither would hurt but he would prefer the latter over the former.
"What are you looking at?" Yifan asked after a few more minutes under the blazing looks that Yixing was giving him. "Is there something on my face?"
"No," Yixing reassured him, fingers lifting to his own lips to run over them before his hand fell back down to his lap. "You just look different in daylight?"
"Really?"
"Yeah, you're far more handsome than I ever could have thought," Yixing didn't mind that Yifan looked torn between being insulted and being embarrassed by such an open compliment.
"Aren't you normally shy? Isn't this a bit out there for you?" Yifan's question made Yixing laugh in his seat, the elder smiling fondly as he stole looks at the younger's completely worry free face.
"I'm being myself," Yixing reassured himself and Yifan looked a little relieved, as if he had been expecting another answer.
"I'm glad I bring that out in you, I should have taken you out during the day before this," Yifan pulled up to a set of traffic lights, turning his head over to kiss Yixing, much like he had the night before, but Yixing didn't try to push on with it. He let the older male take his lips between his own, pulling them into his mouth before he released them to do the same again.
They were both smiling; the curve of their mouths making them both grin even wider and it had Yixing inexplicably happy within himself. It was like Yifan's smile spoke straight to his soul, that there was a deeper understanding between the two of them. Yifan only pulled away to continue driving, taking Yixing into the slightly less developed side of the city, a street that looked to be the main shopping road bustling with other people and Yifan pulled in to part quickly after then.
"I know this place, I think you'll like it, if my assumptions are right," Yifan got out, jogging around the car to open the door for Yixing while the younger was undoing his belt and picking up his bag.
Yifan guided him out, a warm hand on his back for a few seconds as he looked down the street and took them in that direction. It was a struggle for Yixing to not hold Yifan's hand; the streets which were empty during their previous dates were filled with people who may not feel as inclined towards their kind of relationship. It made Yixing stick closer to his boyfriend, maybe more than he would when their fingers would be linked, as he didn't have a hand keeping him grounded. It was a flicker of something different between them as Yixing really took Yifan in, his long legs clad in jeans and his upper half in a t-shirt and a black bomber jacket. It was so different to his normal boxing shorts and worn t-shirts. He was truly enticing to Yixing, his every movement was even and well placed, his long strides slow to help Yixing keep up and his eyes kept travelling down to the younger's face.
Yixing wondered how long he'd have the rippling feeling in his spine whenever he met Yifan's gaze, the same feeling as that of the first time they ever met had only become stronger, firmer in its hold on Yixing. It was difficult to not feel as though he was in love, as if Yifan could be that one that would care for him, even when he didn't think he needed it.
He followed apprehensively as Yifan took him into a slightly decrepit building, his hand pulling Yixing towards the tables at the back and he greeted the people at the counter warmly. Yixing felt as though the small, almost falling apart, restaurant shouldn't have been open. Either for hygiene reasons or the lack of clientele.
"What kind of food is it?" Yixing asked, his nose not picking up a combination of foods that smelt even remotely familiar and he felt a little behind in the fact that he couldn't identify anything other than chicken.
"This is a Frango house," Yifan explained, which continued to go over Yixing's head and the elder tousled his hair affectionately, "A couple from Macau do traditional Portuguese chicken, it's spiced and falls apart when you eat it. You'll love it."
"And you come here often?" Yixing was hopeful, he didn't want to hate somewhere Yifan loved and knew his boyfriend would only take him to a place he really trusted for food.
"More than I would ever like to admit to," he showed Yixing to a table for them to sit at, they sat opposite one another and Yifan smiled when he heard his name being called. The woman looking a little more on the tanned side, her black hair falling over her shoulder as she approached them both.
"This is not your time," the woman gasped jokingly, making Yifan beam up at her in the way that a child would do towards his grandmother. "It's far too early."
"I know but I don't think my date would like it if I brought him here at four in the morning," Yifan told her, her gaze falling on Yixing with a wide smile.
"This is your Yixing?" She looked enthralled, her slightly wrinkled hand reaching to the top of Yixing's head her serene look making Yixing feel comfortable with the touch. "He's more handsome than you described but I see no dimple," Yixing felt himself smiling and the woman gasped happily, "Oh my goodness, isn't that just the light in all the dark?"
Yifan was smiling as the woman poked at the dent in Yixing's cheek, her nail pushing at the skin gently and he found himself smiling wider at the blush-inducing praise he was receiving.
"I'll put your normal food on now and I hope that little Yixing will love it too," she turned back to Yifan, her index finger still on Yixing's face and he could see the delight in his boyfriend's face, not an ounce of embarrassment on his lips as his talking of Yixing was revealed.
The woman walked away and Yixing quirked an eyebrow at Yifan, his silent question making Yifan laugh, "I come here after fights, or before training, for food and I'm usually the only person here and they have this 'make everybody feel at home' ethos, so we've been close for a few years."
"How long?" Yixing asked, his fingers edging over the forks that had been placed beside metallic chopsticks, the prongs digging in slightly into his flesh.
"Since I started training, so since I was fourteen, about ten years give or take then," Yifan held his upturned palm towards Yixing, an invite to hold his hands across the table. "They helped to guide me through stuff I couldn't talk about with my parents."
"You've been fighting for that long?" Yixing gaped, his eyes widening so much that there was a frame of white around them.
"No, nobody can fight until they're sixteen," Yifan explained, "House rules, one of the only ones that are actually enforced, but you can train from nearly any age. I'm the youngest that's been in my house and I had this mentor, a really great fighter, who taught me everything I know. I'm still pretty young, compared to other fighters, most are probably verging on thirty but I've been around for such a long time, people tend to forget that I'm twenty four."
"That's still so young," Yixing frowned and Yifan only squeezed his hand. "Have you ever fought your mentor?"
"You don't fight in house; it's counterproductive to do so. We do friendly sparring sessions to train but nothing other than that," Yifan sounded a little downtrodden, his next statement making Yixing understand why. "My mentor, he died during a fight when I turned eighteen, just after he gave me my name."
"Duizhang?"
"Yeah, he said I was going to be great and gave me a name he felt reflected that. He told me to own my confidence and skills. I guess I always wanted to set an example for others to not see what I do as a killing machine, that’s not to say that I haven’t done awful things when pushed to my fear limit. But, I guess that comes with the territory." Yifan shrugged, his lips pulling up a little more and Yixing smiled softly at him. It was quiet between them after that. A server brought them a jug of water and two glasses, which disturbed the silence, the foreign presence making Yixing want to pull his hand away but Yifan kept his grip firm. "Tell me about your day? Lighten the mood."
"I had finance first, which is always a bit of a chore but then I had a life drawing class that helped to break up my stress," Yixing smiled, his hands covered in pen strokes and smudges of ink. "I always prefer the days I have my art lessons to those where I do my academic courses, I feel that little bit freer."
"I actually have something to show you," Yifan said quietly, pulling his jacket off and Yixing's eyes focused in on his shoulder with a slight gasp. "I got it coloured, do you like it?"
"Yifan, you got a tattoo from the drawing I did on there?" His free hand reached forward to touch over the slightly risen scabs that were coloured beneath. "I would have done something better, oh my god."
"No, I love it," Yifan placed his other hand over Yixing's, "It's different from the others, I really love it."
Yixing let his finger remain over his design, the brushing of his fingertips over the tattooed skin was something he had never felt before and knew he never would when it came to himself. It was delicate in motion and feeling, the way his fingers managed to ghost over the skin and the tattoos. It made Yixing feel as though he was melting inside.
The moment was taken when their food came over, the chicken coming out as a mix of gold and brown. The more regal shade coming from the crisped skin and the rest from the marinade that had been used on it. The two of them devouring the dish in silence, only looking at one another as Yifan hooked both his long legs around Yixing’s, the warmth passing between them pleasant as they both smiled into what they were eating.
It was easy to be with Yifan, Yixing thought to himself, there was a relaxing sense of belonging when he was with the fighter and he had never found that with anything other than when he was being creative. It was something effortless to share moments with Yifan and that was all he ever needed. He wanted somebody to sit and enjoy the quiet with, rather than fill it.
That didn’t stop them from flirting as they walked through the streets once they had finished, Yixing played a game where he would let his hand wander over Yifan and then act innocently about it afterwards. It was ingenious; he could see the older male feeling uncomfortable that he was being felt up by somebody who didn’t seem aware of their own actions. Though, that ended when Yixing smiled as Yifan let out a small gasp as his nipple was brushed over softly by a thumb.
Yixing’s teasing drove Yifan to pin him to the nearest wall, his hands pinned above his head and legs trapped in by Yifan’s. He didn’t want to be turned on by such a vulnerable pose but he couldn’t resist it, not when his panting chest was bouncing off of Yifan’s and the elder’s hips were in the perfect place to thrust up towards. Yifan could read the situation as Yixing’s face began to pink, his eyes glazing slightly and it wasn’t long before he was being dragged by the wrist towards Yifan’s car, his back hitting the backseat while his boyfriend crawled over him in a fiery haze.
###
Yixing always felt restricted with his bow tie and fitted jackets, the cummerbund his mother picked out hugged tightly to his lower waist and his shoes pinched at his toes He hated dressing up, being penned in at an event as his mother did yet more showing off to her so-called friends. His father, a man born into riches, unlike Yixing's mother, always pitied the youngest Zhang. He knew what it was like to be flaunted, showcased and nitpicked to the finest detail at an age where he should have been running free. He had told Yixing that he wouldn't go down that path, that everything would be more lax and normal around him but his mother had other ideas.
She was fixated on fitting in, having once been the social outcast of black tie events and large afternoon brunches the women's societies had, her willingness and drive was what made her so unique in the beginning. She didn't flaunt the designer clothing, but shy away from them when bought for her, and she certainly did not keep in time with every event his father would ask her to accompany him at.
That was all before they got married, before their bank accounts combined and suddenly she had an ocean of money to dip her hands in, and before she had a child. Yixing had always been told by his father that it was her pregnancy which had drawn her into society, every person loving the idea of there being yet another poster child of the elite class' success. She became embroiled in manicuring sessions, luncheon dates with other jobless wives and had even had the extension of an invite to one of the Li family's exclusive dinners. Her life was made by the Li matriarch; her embracing attitude towards everybody had been a backbone, a structural support, to Yixing's mother. With their husbands being so close, school friends from their younger years up until they both had children within a year of each other.
Yixing hadn't known what happened between his parents and the Li family in his younger years, having spent much time living in the next city over with his retired grandparents, he just knew there had been a slight difference in opinion between the two wives and the men had tried to stay out of it as much as they could.
The issues, apparently, had all been resolved a few years before and Yixing would have believed it, if his mother wasn't so open in her dislike for the family which were richer, thus more powerful, than the Zhang family. It was a struggle to juggle his father's positive views on the Li family with his mother's.
However, Yixing's mother was buzzing with excitement on the way to the venue, there had been talk of the Li son attending the event. Yixing's father had tried to settle her, nodding along as he fiddled with his son's styled auburn hair and rolled his eyes as his wife prattled on.
Their arrival was marked with flashes of cameras and Yixing put his invisible blinkers on, he followed behind his father in walking straight up the entrance while his mother lingered back to appear in photographs. She was the one who had put real effort into her evening look, Yixing and his father not caring so much about their matching outfits.
There were crowds swirling around in the room, each person clutching drinks and Yixing took a quick sweeping look around the room. He couldn't see the family everybody was likely to have been talking about, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to because he wished they wouldn’t appear, for their own sakes. He knew his father mirrored the sentiment, as he sucked in a long breath when the Li couple entered the room.
Yixing saw nothing unusual about the tall couple; the husband looked sharp but kind and the mother as graceful as a swan with the legs of a supermodel. There was something striking about them, something that very few people had and Yixing could see why his mother harboured ill feelings towards them, especially if she was jealous. Yixing let himself relax as the couple headed towards them, both of them bowing and shaking hands with the two Zhang males and their greetings were responded to warmly. They chatted away, asking about Yixing’s art subjects, asking him if he had considered going into mural painting because their living room was looking a little lacklustre in recent months. Yixing could only fight to hold back his blush as people actually seemed interested in his passions, his palms sweating over their kindness and he could feel eyes on him for a long while.
“Oh, here he is,” the business woman cooed, her hand stretching behind Yixing, “We had to drag this one kicking and screaming to this event but wouldn't you both agree with how handsome he looks dressed like this.”
Yixing opened his mouth reflexively to say that he agreed, his polite core not letting him say anything else but then his eyes registered the man in front of him. His dark brown hair was styled in a slight bouffant, his body wrapped in expensive designer suit and his whole aura was different. Yifan was stood ahead of him, the Li couple both staring at him fondly and Yixing knew he was gaping. The fighter looked similarly as he realised that it was Yixing in front of him too.
“Jiaheng?” Yixing’s father questioned, making Yixing even more confused as Yifan seemed to shrink under his scrutinising gaze.
“He goes by Wu Yifan now, it helps him separate from us a little more,” the man, who Yixing could assume to be Yifan’s father, commented. “I like it; it suits him far better than Jiaheng ever did.”
The adults whittled on, their voices carrying over the crowds around them but Yixing was just staring at Yifan with his eyes wide. He could not believe that his boyfriend was the one his mother compared him to; the person who she used Yixing to make an example of and he felt angry.
Angry with his mother for saying such vicious things about the man he loved, he was angry that his father had never even said anything about knowing the Li son and he was angry at Yifan’s parents because he didn’t want to meet them in that situation.
Above all, he was furious with Yifan.
He wanted to yell at his boyfriend for not telling him who he really was, that he wasn’t fighting for money like Yixing assumed and he wanted to kiss Yifan in front of everybody. It was a weird feeling to be so conflicted over a situation. Yixing wasn’t certain that he would ever be able to handle watching Yifan wear what he was without begging the elder to go home with him, whilst having an absurd amount of anger building up in his veins.
There was an awkward moment when Yixing’s mother arrived, her almost frosty approach to the other guests making Yixing want to combust instantly, especially while she started to brag about how Yixing was doing so well in his classes, all while side-eyeing Yifan as though he was something to throw away. Tension worked its way between them and the eldest child declared that he was going to get some drinks at the bar, his question angled so that he was asking Yixing to help him out with carrying the glasses.
They started to walk through the clusters of people, Yifan’s hand catching Yixing’s wrist and there was a moment when he considered ripping it out of his boyfriend’s grip. “I’m so sorry, Yixing. I was going to tell you.” The younger kept mum, his lips not moving as they drew ever closer to the bar. “I’m not the type to lie, Xing, you know that.”
“I don’t even know who you really are, Jiaheng,” Yixing hissed back, his defences soaring higher but a part of him knew that Yifan would always be able to climb over into his heart. “I can’t believe this… My mother hates you with a burning fire within her stomach.”
“Yixing, I can’t just go around telling people who my parents are, it’s bad fo-”
The student scoffed, “It’s bad for your image, I can’t believe you.”
“It’s bad for their image,” the taller corrected effortlessly, “I would have told you when the time was right. I can’t risk anybody working out who my parents really are; do you know how damaging that would be? They could lose everything they’ve ever worked for; I cannot be the reason for that. I may not be perfectly filial like you, but I know my duties as a son.”
“You think I would have told somebody or held it against you?” Yixing was a little hurt over that accusation, his mind humming with the need to punch Yifan’s chest ever so lightly. “You knew instantly who I was and I let that go because I trusted you, I thought that feeling went both ways but I guess not.”
“Yixing, please,” Yifan pleaded, alerting some of the people around them but the couple ignored it to pick up their drinks. “You must know how serious it is.”
“I accept that,” he snapped, his whole body tearing to get angry at Yifan’s stupidity. “It isn’t the fact that you kept this from me but more that you didn’t even trust me enough to say anything about it.”
Yixing ordered his own parents’ drinks, only picking up a soft drink for himself, and he could see that Yifan had only ordered water. He never expected Yifan to drink alcohol, the older male had to constantly have his head in the game and Yixing admired his willpower, especially given that so few drinks were enough to make the student tipsy. They were quiet for a short while, the different kind to what they had shared on their date a handful of days before. It made them slightly uneasy knowing that fact.
“Yixing, I do trust you,” Yifan whispered in his ear, his breath coasted over Yixing’s neck and the younger boy shivered. “I just needed to make sure.”
“I know,” Yixing mumbled, lifting his mix of orange juice and lemonade to his lips carefully, “But, I’m not sure if I can even really believe you right now. I didn’t even know your real name, Yifan. I have been in a relationship with somebody whose name I didn’t even know.”
“You know now though, that counts for something,” Yifan sounded scared, as if Yixing leaving him was his biggest fear and the younger felt himself smile a little at it. “I really do care about you, I would have told you, but can you imagine somebody wanting to be with you for you and not your parents’ name. I’ve been liberated by changing my name.”
Yixing rolled his eyes, feeling himself slipping into forgiving Yifan so easily and he turned back to make his way over to their parents. It was hard to ignore how Yifan’s mother looked between them fondly as they approached again, Yifan muttering how his parents knew about Yixing being his boyfriend. It left the student knocked for six, his shock making him spill his drink as he scrambled to follow Yifan.
It was awkward for the most part of the time that Yixing spent with his own parents, Yifan and his parents, seeing as Yixing was somewhat mad at his boyfriend and his mother wasn’t a delight to be around. It made him want to be at home, to have Yifan snuggled beneath his head and have him radiating the warmth between them. It was all Yixing really wanted from his evening. He had to put up with Yifan mouthing apologies and his hands wandering to rest, sometimes squeezing softly, at Yixing’s ass. He would do it all with a smirk on his lips, making him look cocky and Yixing could feel his anger bubbling back up again. The fighter only stopped what he was doing when his mother elbowed him in the ribs.
The conversation switched to Yixing numerous times, with his mother’s need to flaunt, Yifan’s teasing character and the Li couple inspecting him to see if he was a right match for their son. It was pleasant at first, it was talking that Yixing could keep up with but as soon as they shift back to their normal event conversations, it had him lost. Maybe he was a little happy to be seeing Yifan looking so good or his need to release frustration that had him following as Yifan mentioned going to the bathroom. It should have been a sign for something more when he was pushed into a cubicle wall, the fighter’s mouth over his and they both battled for dominance.
Yixing believed that he deserved it, that Yifan lying was enough of a reason for the younger to take the reins for a short while. That would have lasted if Yifan didn’t have an expertly refined tongue to delve between Yixing’s lips. His hand gripping at the younger’s hips in a bruising hold; his body responding positively with a swift body roll and that was when the taller pulled away from the lip lock. The student could only comment on Yifan’s mouth, how well it fit with his own before he was playfully batting at the elder’s chest with small, closed fists. Yixing knew that his trust in Yifan had fractured a little, seeing as he always viewed knowing his boyfriend’s name was a plus in a relationship. He couldn’t shake the feeling of betrayal that lingered in his mouth with the transferred parts of Yifan’s saliva. He wished he could rid himself from the insecurity but it stayed for the rest of the night.
It was still there when he got into one of his parents’ cars.
He heard his mother make numerous comments about Yifan, how his tattoos made him look unattractive and how he should have stuck with going to school, rather than appearing to fall from the face of the earth.
“He could have at least covered them up,” she huffed, Yixing’s father looking tiredly at her and Yixing felt himself growing irate. “I mean, what kind of drugs would he have been on to let his body be ruined so easily?”
“I don’t know,” was the sigh that Yixing could produce, his fingers plucking at the piece of thread that had unravelled from his jacket.
“Did you see those scars too? How ghastly,” she shook her head as if to dismiss the image but all he could think about was how perfect he found Yifan’s body to be. “I have no idea what’s wrong with him but he should definitely visit some kind of psychologist.”
“You can’t say things like that,” Yixing and his father spluttered at the same time, the both of them knowing Yifan more than Yixing’s mother did.
“It’s true,” she tried to defend, “nobody should have injuries like that, not that many. I bet there are more too.”
Yixing had to bite his lip, to force himself into not saying any more and he figured his father would have been doing something similar to suppress his distaste for what his wife was saying. They rode the rest of the way home with her throwing more dirt at Yifan, Yixing being close to tears by the time he made it to his room and he hated not being able to argue back that Yifan was nothing like his mother said he was; that there was a soft, caring man beneath all the smirking and steely expressions. He wasn’t how people depicted him and Yixing wished he could make people see that, he wanted to show people that Yifan placed himself second to those he cared about and never seemed to mind what bad happened to himself. There were so many sides to Yifan than the son of the Li family who went off the rails in his teen years and had yet to reconcile with his lifestyle differences.
Yixing felt numb to the fact that his mother would never accept the man he was in love with, she would never draw him into the family or ask Yixing to bring him over. It was something that broke the student’s heart easily as he undressed. He wanted to comfort himself with Yifan’s presence. Though his mind kept falling back into shock that Yifan was the one his mother compared him to, that Yifan was the person who had been placed as a bench marker throughout Yixing’s childhood. He felt a strange sensation of dread bleeding into his veins at the idea of Yifan lying to him, especially over something as big as his name, as his family. It wasn’t as if he had anything to be ashamed of, if what Yixing knew was to be the whole truth.
He tried to wrap his head around everything that had been said that night while he showered away all of the residual grime he felt build up at every social event. He wanted to be clean, rinsed from the drama and he could only hope it was that easy.
As he suspected, Yixing laid in his bed with the niggling sensation that Yifan had lied to him settling in the back of his head, and he knew it wouldn’t be going anywhere for a while. There was a definite strain in the trust built between them.
###
Watching from the edge of the ring helped Yixing to figure out the plans Yifan had made for the fight, if his confidence was high then his stance reflected that. But, with tense shoulders and slightly bent legs, Yixing could pick up from the elder’s aura that something was slightly wrong with the fight. Not only had his stomach been turning since Yifan had lied to him, the impending sense of dread hadn’t left him for a single minute since he had got home from the event in the days before.
Yifan looked like he was readying himself for something intense, the tension bubbling up and Yixing didn't want it to overflow. The younger was apprehensive, his gut was telling him that something was going to happen as soon as he spied his boyfriend through the crowd as he made his way into the makeshift ring. Yifan had his nervy stance, his whole body a coiled spring which was ready to explode and open itself up completely to his opponent. Yixing could see that the other fighter was more relaxed, his shoulders rolling like fluid and it was the first time he had ever seen somebody be so confident when going up against Yifan.
When the spectacle started, Yixing felt his love for watching Yifan return far quickly than it should have, ignoring the bad feeling that lingered over him like a grey cloud.
The opponent spoke, something too quiet for the crowd to hear but something was definitely said between them.
Yixing witnessed as something unknown rippled down Yifan's spine, he could imagine the fighter's expression darkening and his feet moved with even more intent. It confused the student to the point of no return, he watched as Yifan began to throw unprovoked punches and his whole demeanour shifted. It looked like rage, the way he held nothing back as he began to beat into the man ahead of him. There were kicks flicking and jamming into the opponent's ribs, his body curling in on itself as he feebly fought back.
He wasn't sure how Yifan managed it, but both of his fists were suddenly around the other man's throat. His whole strength being used in lifting the man off his feet, the smaller fighter's legs dangling as he struggled against the iron grip and he was turning such a deep shade of red that he looked purple. People around were screaming, so many bets flying around and Yixing felt dizzy. His throat had shut off as if Yifan was strangling him, his long fingers around his neck to cut off the air and Yixing could feel himself crying over the murderous appearance of the scene. Yixing felt his fingers shaking where they were by his side as the body in the air went limp, completely lax under the fists being pushed together on his windpipe.
Yixing gasped, stumbling away to the back room as he heard commotion exploding around him. He threw up, too much bile and food in his throat to push it back down and he fully emptied his stomach as he heard talk of death. Words of Yifan's first unprovoked kill spreading and Yixing couldn't stop his stomach from clenching, making everything come up until he dry wretched. Even then it didn't stop.
Not until a wary hand touched his back and he jumped away from the pressure, his body spinning around to see Yifan. The fighter looked impassive, his face giving nothing away and Yixing used a limp hand to wipe the vomit away from his lips.
"Yix-"
"What did you do?" Yixing interrupted, his whole body cowering as he tried to press himself closer to the wall. "Yifan, what did you do?" Yifan reached out to touch him, his finger stretched out towards Yixing's face but the younger flinched away. "Do not touch me with those hands."
"Yixing, I had to."
"You murdered somebody, I watched you. I saw with my own two eyes the life fading from another man's eyes because of those hands," Yixing yelled, his voice echoing through the empty room while Yifan stood with his hands limply by his side, as though he was a scolded child. "You did not have to kill, Yifan, so do not say that you did."
Yifan walked towards the younger male, not touching him but cornering him into the farthest part of the room. Yixing was shivering with something like fear and anxiety; his whole body looking as though it was vibrating as he tried to avoid Yifan but he couldn't get away. Unless the wall would open up and swallow him.
"Yixing, I have killed people before, I'm sure you know that," Yifan said softly, as if he was proclaiming his love to Yixing in the back corners of a library. "This is the life I lead, the way I live, and you know that. People die easily in this world, if not from my hands then from another's."
Yixing didn't want to believe it, he couldn't let it filter into his mind that Yifan could hurt somebody as easily as he did and remain to be expressionless. He didn't want to let himself believe that Yifan accepted death. It was easy to live in denial after it had only been implied that Yifan had done such things but Yixing was certain that it had only been in self-defence, that none of it was done as maliciously as he had witnessed.
"No," Yixing shook his head, refusing to believe what had come from Yifan's steeled mouth. "You're lying."
"Yixing," Yifan raised his voice a few decibels, making him shudder away, "Even you flinch from me. Don't deny it."
Yixing collapsed to the floor, his knees no longer bearing his weight and it was as though everything was crumbling away from him all at once. There was salt delving into the healing wound of his trust in Yifan, the one that was back to a gaping slash through his heart and he held his head in his hands. Yixing was falling apart so easily that he wasn’t sure he could have stopped it in any way.
“Yixing, this is me,” Yifan declared with a definitive finality that shook Yixing right into the marrow of his bones. “If you don’t want this life, if you don’t want me, then it’s best you leave and never come back.”
The student was left there, Yifan taking his leave from the room and Yixing could only try to relax himself as the urge to vomit arose again. His heart break thundered in every beat of his heart that he could hear in his ears, it was burning hot and rife in his veins. He could feel himself shaking until he could no longer feel his fingers and toes, his whole body numbing over to save himself from feeling the pain that had torn through him. Yixing felt as though he didn’t know a thing, like his life for months had been something baselessly created on a whim that Yifan had. He had not only been lied to but he had no idea what he was doing anymore.
{part 4}
Rating: NC-17
Length: 39,090
Warnings: Graphic violence, minor character death, slight gore, breathplay and minor mentions of self harm
Summary: Modern Gladiator AU: Falling in love in the dark wasn’t what Yixing ever expected, not when he’s the only source of light.
Notes: I would like to thank G for being my saviour and putting up with my strange writing patterns while being my beta. I should also give a shoutout to G (again), K, E and J for letting me rant at any time of day over this fic - you are all stars. There is also a mini-playlist I have compiled for this fic, which is as follows:
One of Them by G-Eazy and Big Sean
TKO by Justin Timberlake
Lucid Dreams by Tribe Society
Glory and Gore by Lorde
Go by Delilah
Alibi by Banks
Dazzle by Oh Wonder
{part 2}
Yifan's fight was a three round affair, his opponent being better at his attack than the other's Yixing had seen but Yifan seemed to pick up on the fact that his defence was a little below par. It was the first fight that Yixing saw Yifan take the offensive in, the tall male had made rapid hits look like air blowing over water, and it was strange to watch. However, Yixing still had those burning feelings deep down in his gut whenever he saw Yifan grow more confident in himself, in his fighting. It was attractive, many of the women around him commenting so and he couldn't help but grin because it was him that Yifan looked for at the start and end of every fight, often just to wink or nod. It didn't help that Yifan had something covering his shoulder, almost like a large band aid, though that didn't restrain him in anyway. It made Yixing worry that his boyfriend had picked up an injury in the short days they had apart, Yifan having to focus on training himself in ways that let his back heal nicely.
It made Yixing worry to see the marks that had scabbed over, the redness around them having gone down and they looked more like they were actually drawn on with a pen. It was weird watching the six lines curve and move with Yifan's body without tearing open, but Yixing had been assured by his boyfriend in the couple of seconds they had together just before the fight that things would be fine, that they were cinched together in a way that wouldn't split.
That didn't stop Yixing from thoroughly inspecting his boyfriend's back once he came out of the venue with his shirt on, Yixing was certain that a few of the fighters from Yifan's house had seen him corner the tall male to yank his shirt up his back to make sure there was no new blood from the older wounds. Yifan only laughed off his worries as he wrapped his arms around the fully concentrated student.
"Trust me when I tell you that I'm fine, okay?" Yifan had said once Yixing stopped fretting over infection and the risks of being cut with an unclean knife. "I've been looked over by a doctor; it was the first thing I did after I left your house. I'm completely fine, I've just got to be a little more careful in training for the next few days then I'll be as good as new."
Yixing wanted to ask Yifan if he was sure but it wasn't long until Yifan was pulling him towards his car, opening up the passenger door for Yixing to settle himself in. The vehicle was noticeably cleaner than before, no more food packets or items of clothing laid across surfaces.
"Where are we going?" Yixing asked, buckling himself in and frowning when he saw Yifan not bother with his own seatbelt, he wanted to say something but as soon as he opened his mouth, the car started to move.
"You, mister Zhang," Yifan said, glancing over at him quickly, "are going home, because I know for a fact that you have morning classes tomorrow."
Yixing's mouth fell open, his boyfriend's seriousness taking him by surprise, "How did you know that? And I'm an adult; I can be out for however long I want to be."
"Yixing, your classes are important and I know the last year is important, so you really have to pay attention," Yifan replied so quickly that he was sure that the elder had run through the conversation multiple times before. "I just don't want to be the reason why you slip behind on everything."
"But I want to spend time with you," Yixing argued, his face falling because he could vaguely recognise the route back to his home that Yifan was taking. "Can we stop for a while then? I've not seen you since the other night and I want to make-"
"Yixing, how about this, you go home tonight and I'll pick you up once your classes have finished and we can go out somewhere together."
"But you'll have training after my lectures end," Yixing was pouting, the sound of it clear in his voice and Yifan shifted a hand from the gear stick onto Yixing's thigh to give it a soft squeeze.
"I'm not training tomorrow, it's a rest day."
"You have rest days?" Yixing felt shocked by that revelation, his lips opening into a wide gape as he registered the fact that he could see Yifan in the daylight for once.
"Well, yeah, it's pretty counter-productive to be worked every day with such high intensity, everybody needs a break, Xing," Yifan stopped the car at a red light, "I just usually use my days off to sleep and eat, but I guess that if you make the effort to come and see me when you should be sleeping, then I see no problem in doing it myself."
"Can you put your belt on please? It's making me nervous that you aren't wearing one," Yixing managed to say that as the words of Yifan making the effort for him really seeped under his skin.
Yifan looked down on his body and immediately did as Yixing asked, the younger smiling at how little argument he got from his boyfriend. He imagined Yifan would have been more stubborn in not changing his habits but Yixing realised that it was probably just a show, something to highlight that Yifan always did as Yixing asked but the reverse didn't really happen. It worked though; Yixing knew he should drop the want to stay with Yifan so late on a night before important classes.
He could feel something molten and hot inside of him at the idea of Yifan caring about his education, probably more so than even himself. It felt nice to be cared for; to have the mundane everyday things cared for by the person he felt a lot towards. It made him let a soft smile plaster itself on his lips, lacing his fingers with Yifan's quickly on his thigh while his thumb brushed over the scar free skin of his hands. Yixing felt comfort in the gentle tightening of Yifan's hand as they pulled onto Yixing's street, he knew the elder probably didn't want to let go but knew that him sneaking into Yixing's house again would defeat the point of Yixing going home early.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Yifan whispered, inching his face closer to Yixing's until the younger leaned forward to press their kisses into each other's lips. Yixing felt something spark up within him, something that felt more like a fire igniting than it had when he had watched Yifan fight. Yifan pulled away just before Yixing was going to plead for his tongue to pass between them. "You finish at two, yes?"
"Uh huh," Yixing nodded, not trusting his voice to speak to Yifan.
"I'll be waiting for you," the elder promised and Yixing didn't doubt it, he knew that Yifan would be there before two just in case he was released from lessons early and he wasn't even trying to quash his smile at that thought.
Yixing kissed him again, his lips pressing harder and more eagerly against his boyfriend's than their previous kiss, his body shifting him across the centre console and Yifan had to push him back to stop him from crawling over as their lips dipped together.
"I'm not coming inside, Yixing," Yifan stated with finality that Yixing knew wouldn't waver at all, "We can make out all you want tomorrow."
Yixing huffed but undid his seatbelt nonetheless, pouting as Yifan let go of his hand to place it on the gear stick, "Tomorrow, at two, do you promise?"
"I do."
"Okay, goodnight, Yifan," Yixing sighed, kissing his cheek before opening his car door to step out onto the pathway.
"Night, Yixing, sleep well," Yifan was smiling and waving affectionately at him as he closed the passenger door behind himself and returned the gesture. They were both smiling at each other for a little while, tilting their heads every so often to take in more features that they could see in the lacking light and Yixing felt his heart race faster and faster.
Yifan even went as far as to blow him a kiss, a quick wink too, while Yixing dramatically pretended to catch it and place it over his heart and the younger felt as though he'd silently confessed how strongly he felt for the fighter but didn't really mind that.
He knew that Yifan must have felt somewhat the same because he waited until Yixing had closed the gates of his house behind himself before driving away.
###
Yixing felt rejuvenated the next day, his whole body thrumming with a high at the thought of seeing Yifan for more than a few hours or minutes at a time. It made him anticipate the ends of his classes more, ignoring the fact that the constant tapping of his foot would probably make those sat beside him feel as though they wanted to kill him with how repetitive the sound was and how distracting that would be from what his lecturer was talking about. Yixing, despite Yifan's stressed importance on his studies, was completely distracted by the thought of the fighter. It made him want to fidget until the moment he was released from his class, even avoiding talking to Bai in favour of checking if he could see Yifan stood outside of the university or his car parked by the edge of the gates. He wasn't disappointed when he saw his boyfriend leaning against the side of the American style muscle car, the vehicle looking even cleaner and perfectly coloured in the daylight. The tall male had his back to the students who were leaving the building, the questioning muttering filling the air as Yixing approached with a slight skip.
"Yifan," he called out, the elder looking over his shoulder with a smile and a slight shift of his body to face a little more towards Yixing, "You kept your promise."
"Of course I did," he let Yixing circle around to the driver's side, giving his boyfriend a tight hug and drawing in the scent of Lemongrass and Sea Salt that had grown to be so familiar over the months. "What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't?"
"A bad one," Yixing laughed, releasing the tall fighter and retreating back around to ride shotgun in the car. They both got in, ignoring the fact that they had an audience, Yixing smiling when he saw Yifan reach for the ignition but then pull back to drag his safety belt around himself, glowing inside at the fact that something so small was remembered from the previous night. "So, good boyfriend, where are we heading to today?"
"Lunch would be good," Yifan looked at his watch, smiling a little and Yixing wondered when the last time Yifan had seen the outside world at such a time of day was, "Then just go somewhere to relax a little."
"Where do you have in mind?"
Yifan paused, his fingers tapping the steering wheel in a tuneless procession before he turned the engine of the car on. He pulled away from the edge of the road, taking them out the main exit and away from the university, Yixing's smile growing even wider as Yifan took his hand in his own to kiss the palm of it. "How about somewhere like a park? I've not been to one since I moved away from home."
"That sounds like a good idea," Yixing agreed, relaxing into his seat and looking at Yifan's side profile while the elder concentrated on the roads ahead of them.
He could see the deep dip of Yifan's chin, how that sharpened his every bone pivot and it made Yixing scroll his eyes up to where Yifan's ears were scattered with piercings and where his nose flowed down in a slight curve. He could only marvel at the fact that the older male had such godly features, nothing subtle but nothing lost in a mass of bold features. Yixing found it endearing how Yifan always looked so harsh, so judging towards the world, but then his smile would break that up with golden dashes of warmth in his white teeth and pink lips. He didn't even stop staring when Yifan caught him, the fighter laughing at the intensity of it, how his face flashed up in what appeared to be a dusty pink colour. It was strange to see such a confident man appear taken aback at such gazes, as Yixing was certain that he was admired almost constantly by anybody he came into contact with, Yixing could only look at him in a way that came naturally.
He wasn't quite sure if that was adoration or love, neither would hurt but he would prefer the latter over the former.
"What are you looking at?" Yifan asked after a few more minutes under the blazing looks that Yixing was giving him. "Is there something on my face?"
"No," Yixing reassured him, fingers lifting to his own lips to run over them before his hand fell back down to his lap. "You just look different in daylight?"
"Really?"
"Yeah, you're far more handsome than I ever could have thought," Yixing didn't mind that Yifan looked torn between being insulted and being embarrassed by such an open compliment.
"Aren't you normally shy? Isn't this a bit out there for you?" Yifan's question made Yixing laugh in his seat, the elder smiling fondly as he stole looks at the younger's completely worry free face.
"I'm being myself," Yixing reassured himself and Yifan looked a little relieved, as if he had been expecting another answer.
"I'm glad I bring that out in you, I should have taken you out during the day before this," Yifan pulled up to a set of traffic lights, turning his head over to kiss Yixing, much like he had the night before, but Yixing didn't try to push on with it. He let the older male take his lips between his own, pulling them into his mouth before he released them to do the same again.
They were both smiling; the curve of their mouths making them both grin even wider and it had Yixing inexplicably happy within himself. It was like Yifan's smile spoke straight to his soul, that there was a deeper understanding between the two of them. Yifan only pulled away to continue driving, taking Yixing into the slightly less developed side of the city, a street that looked to be the main shopping road bustling with other people and Yifan pulled in to part quickly after then.
"I know this place, I think you'll like it, if my assumptions are right," Yifan got out, jogging around the car to open the door for Yixing while the younger was undoing his belt and picking up his bag.
Yifan guided him out, a warm hand on his back for a few seconds as he looked down the street and took them in that direction. It was a struggle for Yixing to not hold Yifan's hand; the streets which were empty during their previous dates were filled with people who may not feel as inclined towards their kind of relationship. It made Yixing stick closer to his boyfriend, maybe more than he would when their fingers would be linked, as he didn't have a hand keeping him grounded. It was a flicker of something different between them as Yixing really took Yifan in, his long legs clad in jeans and his upper half in a t-shirt and a black bomber jacket. It was so different to his normal boxing shorts and worn t-shirts. He was truly enticing to Yixing, his every movement was even and well placed, his long strides slow to help Yixing keep up and his eyes kept travelling down to the younger's face.
Yixing wondered how long he'd have the rippling feeling in his spine whenever he met Yifan's gaze, the same feeling as that of the first time they ever met had only become stronger, firmer in its hold on Yixing. It was difficult to not feel as though he was in love, as if Yifan could be that one that would care for him, even when he didn't think he needed it.
He followed apprehensively as Yifan took him into a slightly decrepit building, his hand pulling Yixing towards the tables at the back and he greeted the people at the counter warmly. Yixing felt as though the small, almost falling apart, restaurant shouldn't have been open. Either for hygiene reasons or the lack of clientele.
"What kind of food is it?" Yixing asked, his nose not picking up a combination of foods that smelt even remotely familiar and he felt a little behind in the fact that he couldn't identify anything other than chicken.
"This is a Frango house," Yifan explained, which continued to go over Yixing's head and the elder tousled his hair affectionately, "A couple from Macau do traditional Portuguese chicken, it's spiced and falls apart when you eat it. You'll love it."
"And you come here often?" Yixing was hopeful, he didn't want to hate somewhere Yifan loved and knew his boyfriend would only take him to a place he really trusted for food.
"More than I would ever like to admit to," he showed Yixing to a table for them to sit at, they sat opposite one another and Yifan smiled when he heard his name being called. The woman looking a little more on the tanned side, her black hair falling over her shoulder as she approached them both.
"This is not your time," the woman gasped jokingly, making Yifan beam up at her in the way that a child would do towards his grandmother. "It's far too early."
"I know but I don't think my date would like it if I brought him here at four in the morning," Yifan told her, her gaze falling on Yixing with a wide smile.
"This is your Yixing?" She looked enthralled, her slightly wrinkled hand reaching to the top of Yixing's head her serene look making Yixing feel comfortable with the touch. "He's more handsome than you described but I see no dimple," Yixing felt himself smiling and the woman gasped happily, "Oh my goodness, isn't that just the light in all the dark?"
Yifan was smiling as the woman poked at the dent in Yixing's cheek, her nail pushing at the skin gently and he found himself smiling wider at the blush-inducing praise he was receiving.
"I'll put your normal food on now and I hope that little Yixing will love it too," she turned back to Yifan, her index finger still on Yixing's face and he could see the delight in his boyfriend's face, not an ounce of embarrassment on his lips as his talking of Yixing was revealed.
The woman walked away and Yixing quirked an eyebrow at Yifan, his silent question making Yifan laugh, "I come here after fights, or before training, for food and I'm usually the only person here and they have this 'make everybody feel at home' ethos, so we've been close for a few years."
"How long?" Yixing asked, his fingers edging over the forks that had been placed beside metallic chopsticks, the prongs digging in slightly into his flesh.
"Since I started training, so since I was fourteen, about ten years give or take then," Yifan held his upturned palm towards Yixing, an invite to hold his hands across the table. "They helped to guide me through stuff I couldn't talk about with my parents."
"You've been fighting for that long?" Yixing gaped, his eyes widening so much that there was a frame of white around them.
"No, nobody can fight until they're sixteen," Yifan explained, "House rules, one of the only ones that are actually enforced, but you can train from nearly any age. I'm the youngest that's been in my house and I had this mentor, a really great fighter, who taught me everything I know. I'm still pretty young, compared to other fighters, most are probably verging on thirty but I've been around for such a long time, people tend to forget that I'm twenty four."
"That's still so young," Yixing frowned and Yifan only squeezed his hand. "Have you ever fought your mentor?"
"You don't fight in house; it's counterproductive to do so. We do friendly sparring sessions to train but nothing other than that," Yifan sounded a little downtrodden, his next statement making Yixing understand why. "My mentor, he died during a fight when I turned eighteen, just after he gave me my name."
"Duizhang?"
"Yeah, he said I was going to be great and gave me a name he felt reflected that. He told me to own my confidence and skills. I guess I always wanted to set an example for others to not see what I do as a killing machine, that’s not to say that I haven’t done awful things when pushed to my fear limit. But, I guess that comes with the territory." Yifan shrugged, his lips pulling up a little more and Yixing smiled softly at him. It was quiet between them after that. A server brought them a jug of water and two glasses, which disturbed the silence, the foreign presence making Yixing want to pull his hand away but Yifan kept his grip firm. "Tell me about your day? Lighten the mood."
"I had finance first, which is always a bit of a chore but then I had a life drawing class that helped to break up my stress," Yixing smiled, his hands covered in pen strokes and smudges of ink. "I always prefer the days I have my art lessons to those where I do my academic courses, I feel that little bit freer."
"I actually have something to show you," Yifan said quietly, pulling his jacket off and Yixing's eyes focused in on his shoulder with a slight gasp. "I got it coloured, do you like it?"
"Yifan, you got a tattoo from the drawing I did on there?" His free hand reached forward to touch over the slightly risen scabs that were coloured beneath. "I would have done something better, oh my god."
"No, I love it," Yifan placed his other hand over Yixing's, "It's different from the others, I really love it."
Yixing let his finger remain over his design, the brushing of his fingertips over the tattooed skin was something he had never felt before and knew he never would when it came to himself. It was delicate in motion and feeling, the way his fingers managed to ghost over the skin and the tattoos. It made Yixing feel as though he was melting inside.
The moment was taken when their food came over, the chicken coming out as a mix of gold and brown. The more regal shade coming from the crisped skin and the rest from the marinade that had been used on it. The two of them devouring the dish in silence, only looking at one another as Yifan hooked both his long legs around Yixing’s, the warmth passing between them pleasant as they both smiled into what they were eating.
It was easy to be with Yifan, Yixing thought to himself, there was a relaxing sense of belonging when he was with the fighter and he had never found that with anything other than when he was being creative. It was something effortless to share moments with Yifan and that was all he ever needed. He wanted somebody to sit and enjoy the quiet with, rather than fill it.
That didn’t stop them from flirting as they walked through the streets once they had finished, Yixing played a game where he would let his hand wander over Yifan and then act innocently about it afterwards. It was ingenious; he could see the older male feeling uncomfortable that he was being felt up by somebody who didn’t seem aware of their own actions. Though, that ended when Yixing smiled as Yifan let out a small gasp as his nipple was brushed over softly by a thumb.
Yixing’s teasing drove Yifan to pin him to the nearest wall, his hands pinned above his head and legs trapped in by Yifan’s. He didn’t want to be turned on by such a vulnerable pose but he couldn’t resist it, not when his panting chest was bouncing off of Yifan’s and the elder’s hips were in the perfect place to thrust up towards. Yifan could read the situation as Yixing’s face began to pink, his eyes glazing slightly and it wasn’t long before he was being dragged by the wrist towards Yifan’s car, his back hitting the backseat while his boyfriend crawled over him in a fiery haze.
###
Yixing always felt restricted with his bow tie and fitted jackets, the cummerbund his mother picked out hugged tightly to his lower waist and his shoes pinched at his toes He hated dressing up, being penned in at an event as his mother did yet more showing off to her so-called friends. His father, a man born into riches, unlike Yixing's mother, always pitied the youngest Zhang. He knew what it was like to be flaunted, showcased and nitpicked to the finest detail at an age where he should have been running free. He had told Yixing that he wouldn't go down that path, that everything would be more lax and normal around him but his mother had other ideas.
She was fixated on fitting in, having once been the social outcast of black tie events and large afternoon brunches the women's societies had, her willingness and drive was what made her so unique in the beginning. She didn't flaunt the designer clothing, but shy away from them when bought for her, and she certainly did not keep in time with every event his father would ask her to accompany him at.
That was all before they got married, before their bank accounts combined and suddenly she had an ocean of money to dip her hands in, and before she had a child. Yixing had always been told by his father that it was her pregnancy which had drawn her into society, every person loving the idea of there being yet another poster child of the elite class' success. She became embroiled in manicuring sessions, luncheon dates with other jobless wives and had even had the extension of an invite to one of the Li family's exclusive dinners. Her life was made by the Li matriarch; her embracing attitude towards everybody had been a backbone, a structural support, to Yixing's mother. With their husbands being so close, school friends from their younger years up until they both had children within a year of each other.
Yixing hadn't known what happened between his parents and the Li family in his younger years, having spent much time living in the next city over with his retired grandparents, he just knew there had been a slight difference in opinion between the two wives and the men had tried to stay out of it as much as they could.
The issues, apparently, had all been resolved a few years before and Yixing would have believed it, if his mother wasn't so open in her dislike for the family which were richer, thus more powerful, than the Zhang family. It was a struggle to juggle his father's positive views on the Li family with his mother's.
However, Yixing's mother was buzzing with excitement on the way to the venue, there had been talk of the Li son attending the event. Yixing's father had tried to settle her, nodding along as he fiddled with his son's styled auburn hair and rolled his eyes as his wife prattled on.
Their arrival was marked with flashes of cameras and Yixing put his invisible blinkers on, he followed behind his father in walking straight up the entrance while his mother lingered back to appear in photographs. She was the one who had put real effort into her evening look, Yixing and his father not caring so much about their matching outfits.
There were crowds swirling around in the room, each person clutching drinks and Yixing took a quick sweeping look around the room. He couldn't see the family everybody was likely to have been talking about, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to because he wished they wouldn’t appear, for their own sakes. He knew his father mirrored the sentiment, as he sucked in a long breath when the Li couple entered the room.
Yixing saw nothing unusual about the tall couple; the husband looked sharp but kind and the mother as graceful as a swan with the legs of a supermodel. There was something striking about them, something that very few people had and Yixing could see why his mother harboured ill feelings towards them, especially if she was jealous. Yixing let himself relax as the couple headed towards them, both of them bowing and shaking hands with the two Zhang males and their greetings were responded to warmly. They chatted away, asking about Yixing’s art subjects, asking him if he had considered going into mural painting because their living room was looking a little lacklustre in recent months. Yixing could only fight to hold back his blush as people actually seemed interested in his passions, his palms sweating over their kindness and he could feel eyes on him for a long while.
“Oh, here he is,” the business woman cooed, her hand stretching behind Yixing, “We had to drag this one kicking and screaming to this event but wouldn't you both agree with how handsome he looks dressed like this.”
Yixing opened his mouth reflexively to say that he agreed, his polite core not letting him say anything else but then his eyes registered the man in front of him. His dark brown hair was styled in a slight bouffant, his body wrapped in expensive designer suit and his whole aura was different. Yifan was stood ahead of him, the Li couple both staring at him fondly and Yixing knew he was gaping. The fighter looked similarly as he realised that it was Yixing in front of him too.
“Jiaheng?” Yixing’s father questioned, making Yixing even more confused as Yifan seemed to shrink under his scrutinising gaze.
“He goes by Wu Yifan now, it helps him separate from us a little more,” the man, who Yixing could assume to be Yifan’s father, commented. “I like it; it suits him far better than Jiaheng ever did.”
The adults whittled on, their voices carrying over the crowds around them but Yixing was just staring at Yifan with his eyes wide. He could not believe that his boyfriend was the one his mother compared him to; the person who she used Yixing to make an example of and he felt angry.
Angry with his mother for saying such vicious things about the man he loved, he was angry that his father had never even said anything about knowing the Li son and he was angry at Yifan’s parents because he didn’t want to meet them in that situation.
Above all, he was furious with Yifan.
He wanted to yell at his boyfriend for not telling him who he really was, that he wasn’t fighting for money like Yixing assumed and he wanted to kiss Yifan in front of everybody. It was a weird feeling to be so conflicted over a situation. Yixing wasn’t certain that he would ever be able to handle watching Yifan wear what he was without begging the elder to go home with him, whilst having an absurd amount of anger building up in his veins.
There was an awkward moment when Yixing’s mother arrived, her almost frosty approach to the other guests making Yixing want to combust instantly, especially while she started to brag about how Yixing was doing so well in his classes, all while side-eyeing Yifan as though he was something to throw away. Tension worked its way between them and the eldest child declared that he was going to get some drinks at the bar, his question angled so that he was asking Yixing to help him out with carrying the glasses.
They started to walk through the clusters of people, Yifan’s hand catching Yixing’s wrist and there was a moment when he considered ripping it out of his boyfriend’s grip. “I’m so sorry, Yixing. I was going to tell you.” The younger kept mum, his lips not moving as they drew ever closer to the bar. “I’m not the type to lie, Xing, you know that.”
“I don’t even know who you really are, Jiaheng,” Yixing hissed back, his defences soaring higher but a part of him knew that Yifan would always be able to climb over into his heart. “I can’t believe this… My mother hates you with a burning fire within her stomach.”
“Yixing, I can’t just go around telling people who my parents are, it’s bad fo-”
The student scoffed, “It’s bad for your image, I can’t believe you.”
“It’s bad for their image,” the taller corrected effortlessly, “I would have told you when the time was right. I can’t risk anybody working out who my parents really are; do you know how damaging that would be? They could lose everything they’ve ever worked for; I cannot be the reason for that. I may not be perfectly filial like you, but I know my duties as a son.”
“You think I would have told somebody or held it against you?” Yixing was a little hurt over that accusation, his mind humming with the need to punch Yifan’s chest ever so lightly. “You knew instantly who I was and I let that go because I trusted you, I thought that feeling went both ways but I guess not.”
“Yixing, please,” Yifan pleaded, alerting some of the people around them but the couple ignored it to pick up their drinks. “You must know how serious it is.”
“I accept that,” he snapped, his whole body tearing to get angry at Yifan’s stupidity. “It isn’t the fact that you kept this from me but more that you didn’t even trust me enough to say anything about it.”
Yixing ordered his own parents’ drinks, only picking up a soft drink for himself, and he could see that Yifan had only ordered water. He never expected Yifan to drink alcohol, the older male had to constantly have his head in the game and Yixing admired his willpower, especially given that so few drinks were enough to make the student tipsy. They were quiet for a short while, the different kind to what they had shared on their date a handful of days before. It made them slightly uneasy knowing that fact.
“Yixing, I do trust you,” Yifan whispered in his ear, his breath coasted over Yixing’s neck and the younger boy shivered. “I just needed to make sure.”
“I know,” Yixing mumbled, lifting his mix of orange juice and lemonade to his lips carefully, “But, I’m not sure if I can even really believe you right now. I didn’t even know your real name, Yifan. I have been in a relationship with somebody whose name I didn’t even know.”
“You know now though, that counts for something,” Yifan sounded scared, as if Yixing leaving him was his biggest fear and the younger felt himself smile a little at it. “I really do care about you, I would have told you, but can you imagine somebody wanting to be with you for you and not your parents’ name. I’ve been liberated by changing my name.”
Yixing rolled his eyes, feeling himself slipping into forgiving Yifan so easily and he turned back to make his way over to their parents. It was hard to ignore how Yifan’s mother looked between them fondly as they approached again, Yifan muttering how his parents knew about Yixing being his boyfriend. It left the student knocked for six, his shock making him spill his drink as he scrambled to follow Yifan.
It was awkward for the most part of the time that Yixing spent with his own parents, Yifan and his parents, seeing as Yixing was somewhat mad at his boyfriend and his mother wasn’t a delight to be around. It made him want to be at home, to have Yifan snuggled beneath his head and have him radiating the warmth between them. It was all Yixing really wanted from his evening. He had to put up with Yifan mouthing apologies and his hands wandering to rest, sometimes squeezing softly, at Yixing’s ass. He would do it all with a smirk on his lips, making him look cocky and Yixing could feel his anger bubbling back up again. The fighter only stopped what he was doing when his mother elbowed him in the ribs.
The conversation switched to Yixing numerous times, with his mother’s need to flaunt, Yifan’s teasing character and the Li couple inspecting him to see if he was a right match for their son. It was pleasant at first, it was talking that Yixing could keep up with but as soon as they shift back to their normal event conversations, it had him lost. Maybe he was a little happy to be seeing Yifan looking so good or his need to release frustration that had him following as Yifan mentioned going to the bathroom. It should have been a sign for something more when he was pushed into a cubicle wall, the fighter’s mouth over his and they both battled for dominance.
Yixing believed that he deserved it, that Yifan lying was enough of a reason for the younger to take the reins for a short while. That would have lasted if Yifan didn’t have an expertly refined tongue to delve between Yixing’s lips. His hand gripping at the younger’s hips in a bruising hold; his body responding positively with a swift body roll and that was when the taller pulled away from the lip lock. The student could only comment on Yifan’s mouth, how well it fit with his own before he was playfully batting at the elder’s chest with small, closed fists. Yixing knew that his trust in Yifan had fractured a little, seeing as he always viewed knowing his boyfriend’s name was a plus in a relationship. He couldn’t shake the feeling of betrayal that lingered in his mouth with the transferred parts of Yifan’s saliva. He wished he could rid himself from the insecurity but it stayed for the rest of the night.
It was still there when he got into one of his parents’ cars.
He heard his mother make numerous comments about Yifan, how his tattoos made him look unattractive and how he should have stuck with going to school, rather than appearing to fall from the face of the earth.
“He could have at least covered them up,” she huffed, Yixing’s father looking tiredly at her and Yixing felt himself growing irate. “I mean, what kind of drugs would he have been on to let his body be ruined so easily?”
“I don’t know,” was the sigh that Yixing could produce, his fingers plucking at the piece of thread that had unravelled from his jacket.
“Did you see those scars too? How ghastly,” she shook her head as if to dismiss the image but all he could think about was how perfect he found Yifan’s body to be. “I have no idea what’s wrong with him but he should definitely visit some kind of psychologist.”
“You can’t say things like that,” Yixing and his father spluttered at the same time, the both of them knowing Yifan more than Yixing’s mother did.
“It’s true,” she tried to defend, “nobody should have injuries like that, not that many. I bet there are more too.”
Yixing had to bite his lip, to force himself into not saying any more and he figured his father would have been doing something similar to suppress his distaste for what his wife was saying. They rode the rest of the way home with her throwing more dirt at Yifan, Yixing being close to tears by the time he made it to his room and he hated not being able to argue back that Yifan was nothing like his mother said he was; that there was a soft, caring man beneath all the smirking and steely expressions. He wasn’t how people depicted him and Yixing wished he could make people see that, he wanted to show people that Yifan placed himself second to those he cared about and never seemed to mind what bad happened to himself. There were so many sides to Yifan than the son of the Li family who went off the rails in his teen years and had yet to reconcile with his lifestyle differences.
Yixing felt numb to the fact that his mother would never accept the man he was in love with, she would never draw him into the family or ask Yixing to bring him over. It was something that broke the student’s heart easily as he undressed. He wanted to comfort himself with Yifan’s presence. Though his mind kept falling back into shock that Yifan was the one his mother compared him to, that Yifan was the person who had been placed as a bench marker throughout Yixing’s childhood. He felt a strange sensation of dread bleeding into his veins at the idea of Yifan lying to him, especially over something as big as his name, as his family. It wasn’t as if he had anything to be ashamed of, if what Yixing knew was to be the whole truth.
He tried to wrap his head around everything that had been said that night while he showered away all of the residual grime he felt build up at every social event. He wanted to be clean, rinsed from the drama and he could only hope it was that easy.
As he suspected, Yixing laid in his bed with the niggling sensation that Yifan had lied to him settling in the back of his head, and he knew it wouldn’t be going anywhere for a while. There was a definite strain in the trust built between them.
###
Watching from the edge of the ring helped Yixing to figure out the plans Yifan had made for the fight, if his confidence was high then his stance reflected that. But, with tense shoulders and slightly bent legs, Yixing could pick up from the elder’s aura that something was slightly wrong with the fight. Not only had his stomach been turning since Yifan had lied to him, the impending sense of dread hadn’t left him for a single minute since he had got home from the event in the days before.
Yifan looked like he was readying himself for something intense, the tension bubbling up and Yixing didn't want it to overflow. The younger was apprehensive, his gut was telling him that something was going to happen as soon as he spied his boyfriend through the crowd as he made his way into the makeshift ring. Yifan had his nervy stance, his whole body a coiled spring which was ready to explode and open itself up completely to his opponent. Yixing could see that the other fighter was more relaxed, his shoulders rolling like fluid and it was the first time he had ever seen somebody be so confident when going up against Yifan.
When the spectacle started, Yixing felt his love for watching Yifan return far quickly than it should have, ignoring the bad feeling that lingered over him like a grey cloud.
The opponent spoke, something too quiet for the crowd to hear but something was definitely said between them.
Yixing witnessed as something unknown rippled down Yifan's spine, he could imagine the fighter's expression darkening and his feet moved with even more intent. It confused the student to the point of no return, he watched as Yifan began to throw unprovoked punches and his whole demeanour shifted. It looked like rage, the way he held nothing back as he began to beat into the man ahead of him. There were kicks flicking and jamming into the opponent's ribs, his body curling in on itself as he feebly fought back.
He wasn't sure how Yifan managed it, but both of his fists were suddenly around the other man's throat. His whole strength being used in lifting the man off his feet, the smaller fighter's legs dangling as he struggled against the iron grip and he was turning such a deep shade of red that he looked purple. People around were screaming, so many bets flying around and Yixing felt dizzy. His throat had shut off as if Yifan was strangling him, his long fingers around his neck to cut off the air and Yixing could feel himself crying over the murderous appearance of the scene. Yixing felt his fingers shaking where they were by his side as the body in the air went limp, completely lax under the fists being pushed together on his windpipe.
Yixing gasped, stumbling away to the back room as he heard commotion exploding around him. He threw up, too much bile and food in his throat to push it back down and he fully emptied his stomach as he heard talk of death. Words of Yifan's first unprovoked kill spreading and Yixing couldn't stop his stomach from clenching, making everything come up until he dry wretched. Even then it didn't stop.
Not until a wary hand touched his back and he jumped away from the pressure, his body spinning around to see Yifan. The fighter looked impassive, his face giving nothing away and Yixing used a limp hand to wipe the vomit away from his lips.
"Yix-"
"What did you do?" Yixing interrupted, his whole body cowering as he tried to press himself closer to the wall. "Yifan, what did you do?" Yifan reached out to touch him, his finger stretched out towards Yixing's face but the younger flinched away. "Do not touch me with those hands."
"Yixing, I had to."
"You murdered somebody, I watched you. I saw with my own two eyes the life fading from another man's eyes because of those hands," Yixing yelled, his voice echoing through the empty room while Yifan stood with his hands limply by his side, as though he was a scolded child. "You did not have to kill, Yifan, so do not say that you did."
Yifan walked towards the younger male, not touching him but cornering him into the farthest part of the room. Yixing was shivering with something like fear and anxiety; his whole body looking as though it was vibrating as he tried to avoid Yifan but he couldn't get away. Unless the wall would open up and swallow him.
"Yixing, I have killed people before, I'm sure you know that," Yifan said softly, as if he was proclaiming his love to Yixing in the back corners of a library. "This is the life I lead, the way I live, and you know that. People die easily in this world, if not from my hands then from another's."
Yixing didn't want to believe it, he couldn't let it filter into his mind that Yifan could hurt somebody as easily as he did and remain to be expressionless. He didn't want to let himself believe that Yifan accepted death. It was easy to live in denial after it had only been implied that Yifan had done such things but Yixing was certain that it had only been in self-defence, that none of it was done as maliciously as he had witnessed.
"No," Yixing shook his head, refusing to believe what had come from Yifan's steeled mouth. "You're lying."
"Yixing," Yifan raised his voice a few decibels, making him shudder away, "Even you flinch from me. Don't deny it."
Yixing collapsed to the floor, his knees no longer bearing his weight and it was as though everything was crumbling away from him all at once. There was salt delving into the healing wound of his trust in Yifan, the one that was back to a gaping slash through his heart and he held his head in his hands. Yixing was falling apart so easily that he wasn’t sure he could have stopped it in any way.
“Yixing, this is me,” Yifan declared with a definitive finality that shook Yixing right into the marrow of his bones. “If you don’t want this life, if you don’t want me, then it’s best you leave and never come back.”
The student was left there, Yifan taking his leave from the room and Yixing could only try to relax himself as the urge to vomit arose again. His heart break thundered in every beat of his heart that he could hear in his ears, it was burning hot and rife in his veins. He could feel himself shaking until he could no longer feel his fingers and toes, his whole body numbing over to save himself from feeling the pain that had torn through him. Yixing felt as though he didn’t know a thing, like his life for months had been something baselessly created on a whim that Yifan had. He had not only been lied to but he had no idea what he was doing anymore.
{part 4}