"i don't wanna fall to peices I just want to sit and stare at you. Cause I'm in love with you"

Sep 06, 2004 15:08

I have never had a weekend like this. I have never felt like this, thought like this, or been like this.

Friday: Went to the mall with Andrew, Matt, Sean, Blake, Amber, Emma, Ryan, and Anna. Everything was okay until I didn something. Matt wouldn't talk to me. Blake and I kind of hung out for a while and had some thing going on and all of a sudden Matt is mad at me.

Saturday: Didn't sleep at all friday night. Hung around the house, went to target. Felt like crap. Couldn't really think. I was really tired.

Sunday: Slept 14 hours. Went to the mall with Sal and Holli. Didn't do crap. Got home, went to bed and tried to call Matt. Wouldn't answer his phone or talk to me. It was horrible. I don't know why I started to feel like this, but he was treating me like crap and I really felt like I wasn't worhta whole bunch and I layed there for a long time thinking about how I could leave. I wanted to go. Like I wanted to leave everything. I have never felt or thought like that. I still do. I don't want to be here anymore. I always fuck things up and I don't feel good enough for anyone. I am shamed of myself. I am not asking for aympathy or asking for help. That's just How I felt and it scared me so much.

Don't know why I keep going back to Matt. I'm in love and he is nothing but reckless with my heart. I can't stand being out in this position over and over where he syas he loves me and then trweats me like this. It hurts and I am the one that keeps going back to it. I'm just so angry with myself and I wish I could just leave it all. Hopefully next weekend will be better.

I love you guys
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