The Danger of Socks
I don't know if you were aware of this, but when I get nervous I start to get klutzy, it begins with your average knocking over your coffee cup and ends where doors mysteriously jump out into my face and I find myself somehow tripping over a pair of socks on the floor and hitting my elbow on a nearby chair despite the distance being more than enough to normally give me space. The past couple of days, I am getting closer and closer to the sock-tripping stage, please someone help me!
I can hear you asking, what has got me so jumpy? Well I'll have you know that the source of my current black-and-blue state is no one other than a certain Daniel Jones. Who else could it be anyway, with just the two of us hanging around my place?
So what's he doing, you ask me next, well see that's the hard part, he's not doing anything, I'm the one doing things, normal things like walk around the house or record something in the studio or eat something and Daniel's right there watching me. Not all the time, heck not even a lot, but for someone who I've spent years doing the weirdest shit around and he's not even bothered to look up in my direction without some coaxing, any amount of looking is a lot. And he has been looking. At me, with a look in his eyes that tells me it's not just idle glances, he's intent on something. klgrem mentioned the idea of him testing me and my twitchy brain has really latched on to the idea, it's blossomed into my head from a random thought to something I'm testing out in my own way, who ever heard of testing for a test?
I'm not even trying to be interesting or anything. I'm not dressed to the nines or acting particularly crazy, OK I will admit that I've been a lot more chipper lately since he's come over but I don't think I've been too over-the-top, certainly nothing that would warrant that sliver of a smile that I've caught Daniel sporting a time or two. A part of me is really dying to ask him what's on his mind but the rest of me is just too unnerved to want to hear the answer, whatever it might be. Those green eyes of his, which fans around the world have used all sorts of adjectives to describe, have been making periodic surveys and I worry what he's seeing. I don't think I have any secrets to hide but I find myself taking extra care to make sure I've not accidently reverted to flirting with him like I used to do. Those eyes, they take me back in time or foward, they have always remained the same with him and I am remembering how weak his gaze can make me, I want him to give me a little rest because I don't know how long he intends to wind me up. Normally I'd say he has no idea what he's doing to me but I am getting the sneaking suspicion he knows exactly what he's doing and somehow my flustered reactions are... good? What am I supposed to make of this? He's not a malicious person, so what's left, is this just his way of yanking my chain as a friendly, taking the piss kind of thing to do?
The only time I really get rest from this induced self-consciousness is when we watch TV together in the evening and then I can finally relax with both our gazes locked on the glowing box. Daniel stops watching me and I can lose myself in the program and stop picking myself apart looking for mistakes and relax into the cushions with Daniel curled up beside me. We've even developed a little routine, where i make popcorn for us and I end up eating most of it out of the bowl with Daniel only snagging a few random bites. Daniel usually puts his arm around the back of the couch and I can feel it's weight against my shoulders as a solid, soothing warmth. Then I can tell myself I'm being silly for thinking I'm doing anything wrong, and Daniel being so close yet so unconcerned reassures me that I haven't gone and fucked everything up again.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to be such a downer of an entry, I'm just a little weirded out at present. I guess it's just a part of learning about your friends all over again when you haven't seen them for so long, I just don't know what to expect right now. With me, that sort of thing can translate into being worried that I'm doing everything wrong and I need to stop thinking that. I should just suck it up and ask Daniel ** look of dread ** what's up.
-D
I can hear you asking, what has got me so jumpy? Well I'll have you know that the source of my current black-and-blue state is no one other than a certain Daniel Jones. Who else could it be anyway, with just the two of us hanging around my place?
So what's he doing, you ask me next, well see that's the hard part, he's not doing anything, I'm the one doing things, normal things like walk around the house or record something in the studio or eat something and Daniel's right there watching me. Not all the time, heck not even a lot, but for someone who I've spent years doing the weirdest shit around and he's not even bothered to look up in my direction without some coaxing, any amount of looking is a lot. And he has been looking. At me, with a look in his eyes that tells me it's not just idle glances, he's intent on something. klgrem mentioned the idea of him testing me and my twitchy brain has really latched on to the idea, it's blossomed into my head from a random thought to something I'm testing out in my own way, who ever heard of testing for a test?
I'm not even trying to be interesting or anything. I'm not dressed to the nines or acting particularly crazy, OK I will admit that I've been a lot more chipper lately since he's come over but I don't think I've been too over-the-top, certainly nothing that would warrant that sliver of a smile that I've caught Daniel sporting a time or two. A part of me is really dying to ask him what's on his mind but the rest of me is just too unnerved to want to hear the answer, whatever it might be. Those green eyes of his, which fans around the world have used all sorts of adjectives to describe, have been making periodic surveys and I worry what he's seeing. I don't think I have any secrets to hide but I find myself taking extra care to make sure I've not accidently reverted to flirting with him like I used to do. Those eyes, they take me back in time or foward, they have always remained the same with him and I am remembering how weak his gaze can make me, I want him to give me a little rest because I don't know how long he intends to wind me up. Normally I'd say he has no idea what he's doing to me but I am getting the sneaking suspicion he knows exactly what he's doing and somehow my flustered reactions are... good? What am I supposed to make of this? He's not a malicious person, so what's left, is this just his way of yanking my chain as a friendly, taking the piss kind of thing to do?
The only time I really get rest from this induced self-consciousness is when we watch TV together in the evening and then I can finally relax with both our gazes locked on the glowing box. Daniel stops watching me and I can lose myself in the program and stop picking myself apart looking for mistakes and relax into the cushions with Daniel curled up beside me. We've even developed a little routine, where i make popcorn for us and I end up eating most of it out of the bowl with Daniel only snagging a few random bites. Daniel usually puts his arm around the back of the couch and I can feel it's weight against my shoulders as a solid, soothing warmth. Then I can tell myself I'm being silly for thinking I'm doing anything wrong, and Daniel being so close yet so unconcerned reassures me that I haven't gone and fucked everything up again.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to be such a downer of an entry, I'm just a little weirded out at present. I guess it's just a part of learning about your friends all over again when you haven't seen them for so long, I just don't know what to expect right now. With me, that sort of thing can translate into being worried that I'm doing everything wrong and I need to stop thinking that. I should just suck it up and ask Daniel ** look of dread ** what's up.
-D