Biting the Bullet So to Speak
Hey kids! Things are going great here musically and thankfully my embarressing moment hasn't come up so it's just Daniel and me making sweet music which is all the sweet things we should be making, thank you very much. I think it's good for me to have Daniel around to poke fun at me otherwise I would just keep writing love ballads. Not that there's anything wrong with ballads or that I don't like writing them, they are just something that comes easily to me and if I want to challenge myself, I have to have someone like Daniel gently and not-so-gently pushing me out of my comfort zone. And after all these years, I can admit that his opinion still matters to me more than anyone's.
I knew that while my current low-press status would make it pretty easy to keep Daniel's presence off the media radar, keeping it a secret from Leonie for long would be impossible. She told me on the phone that if I wasn't shagging some Greek god would it be too much trouble to just spill it ** LOL ** So yesterday after I found Daniel on his cellphone in the middle of what looked like a long conversation, I left a note in the kitchen saying I was off to Leo's for a visit and then gave Daniel a wave before I left. He waved back though who knows what he thought of my waving at the time ** LOL **
Of course I stopped along the way to bring some teething cookies for her son because I am so in with the concept of the godparent who spoils the pants off the godchild. I know I always babble on about how much I adore children and babies but there is really this side to me that is melted into a Darren-goo at the sight of chubby arms and those little shoes and oh God help me.
So I dropped by Leo's house and caught her in the middle of sorting out some bills while Michael played nearby, since she's quickly mastered the motherly art of keeping an eye on him without keeping both eyes on him. Rob was out but she was happy to let me come in and pretend to be helpful with her mail, mostly I just rummaged around purposefully and made fun of how they word their polite requests for money.
"So it's Daniel you've been keeping squirreled away over there, hmm?" She said as I explained who my mystery guest was. "Pity, here I was hoping it was Brad Pitt and then you could be of some use to me." I laughed and pretended to swat her, then Michael picked up the laughter and I crowed even louder.
"Yeah, I told him to come check out what Rob and I threw together and he's just hanging around trying to get a few more decent songs out of me." I grinned.
"Like old times?" Leo's voice was carefully neutral and I frowned a little.
"Actually no, I am continually reminded how we aren't the same two blokes anymore." I said, and I think it's for the best because I don't want to go back to the person I was back then. I've said this kind of thing in interviews and it mostly gets interpretted as some sort of "I'm embarassed of Savage Garden" comment, to my annoyance. Savage Garden was fine, it was Darren Hayes of Savage Garden that I sometimes cringe about.
"You wanna come over sometime and we can have a nice dinner or something?" I asked, fiddling with a ballpoint pen and doodling a sketch of myself on a rocketship.
"Hmmm once I get through all these blasted little chores I've given myself, I'll let you know." Leo replied, carefully filling out a tax form and not looking in my direction. I sighed quietly to myself; Leo and Daniel have never gotten along, despite my best and sometimes ridiculous efforts otherwise. Most of it is Leo feeling that Daniel blames her for the souring of the band, which if it is anyone's fault it's mine and Daniel's. I've tried to tell her that she's just imagining things but Daniel has never really helped the situation because even if he's never spoken a word against her he's also never spoken a word to reassure her about her worries.
Just thinking about it reminded me of one of the last time we three were together and it was in a restaurant booth while we were on the last SG tour through the US. He and I were talking business about trying to tie up all the loose ends of the band and Leo was partly there to help with that and partly there because I demanded her morale support, something I did a lot. Daniel never gave any indication he minded her there but every so often his gaze would linger on her and then switch back to me before I could really be sure what he was looking at. And how I got the idea he wanted to tell me something without her there when his face was so calm and serene, I have no idea where I get these crazy ideas. Anyway, Leo didn't seem to notice anything and we had to get back on our buses before I thought to ask Daniel about it.
The popstar part of me got a real ego kick for a while out of the idea that they were jealous of each other and I peversely tried to egg them on until Daniel's smooth refusal continued on without pause so long that it took all the fun out of it and left me feeling small and stupid.
Sometimes I wonder how anyone is friends with me, given my tendency to give into pettiness or drama, I mean I am always nice to strangers and fans because it's a natural reaction but try being around me for weeks at a time and I get bored and start causing trouble. Mostly it's of the harmless cheeky-monkey variety but I get the strangest notions sometimes and act them out until someone takes me down a peg.
I stayed at Leo's for a few hours, catching up on business gossip and having her tell me what she was up to besides raising a beautiful child, then I drove back home. I found Daniel flopped on my couch, flipping idly through channels on the TV.
"Welcome home." He greeted me with a vague wave.
"Cheers. I see you're off your cell, who was that? Kat?" I put my coat on a hook and joined him on the other side of the couch.
"Yeah, she was telling me about the new producer they have who is just killing her with his indecision about standing cues and lighting." He chuckled.
"She want you to come back home soon?" I asked, not sure what answer I wanted.
"No, I told her we were on a roll here and she told me to have fun." He kept his eyes on the flickering screen, his gaze turned blue by the broadcast. I made a noise of comprehension and pulled my knee up under my chin to watch cheetahs roam the savanna on my nice plasma screen. After a moment, Daniel stretched his arms along the back of the couch, his thumb absently rubbing in a repetitive motion against the soft leather. One end of the arc brought his thumb close enough to brush my shoulder but I didn't even notice for a few minutes and when I did I didn't say anything, I didn't look at Daniel, I just sat there with the periodic sensation of light brushing against the material of my shirt. I should have complained or moved out of his way but I just sat as the cheetahs were chased off their kill by a pack of smug hyenas with their laughing faces, these compact little brutes that the skinny cheetahs don't stand a chance against. The camera panned to this shot of the mother cheetah standing stiff in the distance, panting her irritation and her weird little barks of frustration raised the hair on the back of my neck.
-D
I knew that while my current low-press status would make it pretty easy to keep Daniel's presence off the media radar, keeping it a secret from Leonie for long would be impossible. She told me on the phone that if I wasn't shagging some Greek god would it be too much trouble to just spill it ** LOL ** So yesterday after I found Daniel on his cellphone in the middle of what looked like a long conversation, I left a note in the kitchen saying I was off to Leo's for a visit and then gave Daniel a wave before I left. He waved back though who knows what he thought of my waving at the time ** LOL **
Of course I stopped along the way to bring some teething cookies for her son because I am so in with the concept of the godparent who spoils the pants off the godchild. I know I always babble on about how much I adore children and babies but there is really this side to me that is melted into a Darren-goo at the sight of chubby arms and those little shoes and oh God help me.
So I dropped by Leo's house and caught her in the middle of sorting out some bills while Michael played nearby, since she's quickly mastered the motherly art of keeping an eye on him without keeping both eyes on him. Rob was out but she was happy to let me come in and pretend to be helpful with her mail, mostly I just rummaged around purposefully and made fun of how they word their polite requests for money.
"So it's Daniel you've been keeping squirreled away over there, hmm?" She said as I explained who my mystery guest was. "Pity, here I was hoping it was Brad Pitt and then you could be of some use to me." I laughed and pretended to swat her, then Michael picked up the laughter and I crowed even louder.
"Yeah, I told him to come check out what Rob and I threw together and he's just hanging around trying to get a few more decent songs out of me." I grinned.
"Like old times?" Leo's voice was carefully neutral and I frowned a little.
"Actually no, I am continually reminded how we aren't the same two blokes anymore." I said, and I think it's for the best because I don't want to go back to the person I was back then. I've said this kind of thing in interviews and it mostly gets interpretted as some sort of "I'm embarassed of Savage Garden" comment, to my annoyance. Savage Garden was fine, it was Darren Hayes of Savage Garden that I sometimes cringe about.
"You wanna come over sometime and we can have a nice dinner or something?" I asked, fiddling with a ballpoint pen and doodling a sketch of myself on a rocketship.
"Hmmm once I get through all these blasted little chores I've given myself, I'll let you know." Leo replied, carefully filling out a tax form and not looking in my direction. I sighed quietly to myself; Leo and Daniel have never gotten along, despite my best and sometimes ridiculous efforts otherwise. Most of it is Leo feeling that Daniel blames her for the souring of the band, which if it is anyone's fault it's mine and Daniel's. I've tried to tell her that she's just imagining things but Daniel has never really helped the situation because even if he's never spoken a word against her he's also never spoken a word to reassure her about her worries.
Just thinking about it reminded me of one of the last time we three were together and it was in a restaurant booth while we were on the last SG tour through the US. He and I were talking business about trying to tie up all the loose ends of the band and Leo was partly there to help with that and partly there because I demanded her morale support, something I did a lot. Daniel never gave any indication he minded her there but every so often his gaze would linger on her and then switch back to me before I could really be sure what he was looking at. And how I got the idea he wanted to tell me something without her there when his face was so calm and serene, I have no idea where I get these crazy ideas. Anyway, Leo didn't seem to notice anything and we had to get back on our buses before I thought to ask Daniel about it.
The popstar part of me got a real ego kick for a while out of the idea that they were jealous of each other and I peversely tried to egg them on until Daniel's smooth refusal continued on without pause so long that it took all the fun out of it and left me feeling small and stupid.
Sometimes I wonder how anyone is friends with me, given my tendency to give into pettiness or drama, I mean I am always nice to strangers and fans because it's a natural reaction but try being around me for weeks at a time and I get bored and start causing trouble. Mostly it's of the harmless cheeky-monkey variety but I get the strangest notions sometimes and act them out until someone takes me down a peg.
I stayed at Leo's for a few hours, catching up on business gossip and having her tell me what she was up to besides raising a beautiful child, then I drove back home. I found Daniel flopped on my couch, flipping idly through channels on the TV.
"Welcome home." He greeted me with a vague wave.
"Cheers. I see you're off your cell, who was that? Kat?" I put my coat on a hook and joined him on the other side of the couch.
"Yeah, she was telling me about the new producer they have who is just killing her with his indecision about standing cues and lighting." He chuckled.
"She want you to come back home soon?" I asked, not sure what answer I wanted.
"No, I told her we were on a roll here and she told me to have fun." He kept his eyes on the flickering screen, his gaze turned blue by the broadcast. I made a noise of comprehension and pulled my knee up under my chin to watch cheetahs roam the savanna on my nice plasma screen. After a moment, Daniel stretched his arms along the back of the couch, his thumb absently rubbing in a repetitive motion against the soft leather. One end of the arc brought his thumb close enough to brush my shoulder but I didn't even notice for a few minutes and when I did I didn't say anything, I didn't look at Daniel, I just sat there with the periodic sensation of light brushing against the material of my shirt. I should have complained or moved out of his way but I just sat as the cheetahs were chased off their kill by a pack of smug hyenas with their laughing faces, these compact little brutes that the skinny cheetahs don't stand a chance against. The camera panned to this shot of the mother cheetah standing stiff in the distance, panting her irritation and her weird little barks of frustration raised the hair on the back of my neck.
-D