i don't know what to do besides be sad.
fuck i feel so unwanted now. i know we agreed to let each other go while he was away, but i hoped he wouldn't do it because i can't bare to. i wish i was as good at flirting and getting guys as he is at getting girls. i knew this would happen. i feel so pathetic. he acts like why the hell haven't i fooled around like he has. i always knew we didn't quite feel the same, even though i could never get him to admit it. wow this really sucks. how could something so long and happy be crushed just like that? i told him i was going to be the one to suffer but he assured me he would be suffering just as much. i was right, he was wrong, and i'm the one that lost. so now i feel like i should go out an screw around, but with who? i don't want anyone else. it's not like millions of people haven't gone through this before, but no matter how much you try to prepare for heartbreak and tell yourself to suck it up, it still feels like someone's taken a knife to your chest. i knew this was going to happen; i saw it coming and i had the instinct to run, but i didn't. i still don't know if i should have, but now i feel like i've been thrown out with the rest. completely useless.