All The Things I Wish You Knew
“You remind me of someone I used to be”
Dear Mrs. Skerry,
I know Kristen is going far away and doesn’t need a ‘mom.’ But soon, she’s going to need a friend. The kind that she can only find in someone who knows her like you do. The kind only you could be; someone to let her sleep in her ‘old room’ when she’s newly graduated and finding a job in a hospital in or near Boston; someone to help her choose that right job; someone to help her pick out her wedding flowers; someone to help her and give her advice when the baby won’t stop crying; and when they get the chicken pox; and when they get their license; someone that she cry to when her baby’s all grown up and going off to college or getting married. Someone she can rant to when your grandchild disobeys.
She’s not going to need rules; she’s going to need your friendship and support. You’ve raised her for eighteen years. It’s time to cut the proverbial cord, take a couple steps back, and watch your hard work prosper. She’s not perfect. She’ll make mistakes. But instead of a lecture or a grounding, give her someone to turn to; someone to respect who respects her. Eventually you’re going to have to let her live her own life. And eventually, you’re going to have to realize something: no one will love her as much as I do. She is perfect for me and I for her. And I am going to be the one who takes care of her for the rest of our lives. I’ve never wanted to take care of someone the way I want to with her. I will support and protect her. She moves my world. Just hearing her say my name fills me with more emotions than I can know what to do with. I’m not a threat; because everyone needs their mom. It just depends on how you approach the changes that that role is going to take.
If this were some letter being read by a gentle voice in a movie, people would oooh and aahh and wish that they could be a part of a relationship like ours. But since this is real life, I’m assuming that people reading this will just think that I’m being overdramatic. But I don’t care. I know what I feel. And what I feel is this:
You are the first parent who hasn’t told me to call you by your first name. You are the first parent to show the least amount of interest in me. And you are the first parent that I actually wish I could better explain myself to you.
Do you know how much Kristen and I have in common? Too much to even begin listing. We even have similar events in our childhoods. And I guess I should thank you because, as much as she wouldn’t like to admit it, she is a product of you. I wish you could know what I see when I look into her eyes. Or maybe, you do know. Or once did? Perhaps you’re too caught up in sports games, barbeques, hair appointments and dinner to see that you’re one of those jaded parents who thinks that their child knows nothing of ‘true love’ when they themselves felt the same at their child’s age and now have just too much on their plate to look again for themselves and remember. I’ll remind you.
Kristen is everything to me. She is my hope. You created my hope, my future. Kristen is the most beautiful person, the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on. She is not only physically beautiful, but all throughout as well. When I look at her, into her eyes, I feel safe. Everything around me just melts away. Looking into her eyes brings about the biggest rush of love I’ve ever felt. It just fills my body. My soul emanates this love into my body and awakens it. I feel that because when I look at her, I can feel her love. I can see every wonderful thing she’s done for me, every amazing word she’s uttered because her love radiates through those eyes.
I wish you could know that when we watch movies, we just like to cuddle and hold each other because we can’t get enough. We even fit perfectly in each other’s arms. I could lay and talk for hours with her. We always have things to talk about and she always listens. She’s also always right about things. She loves all of my freckles. She described to me tonight how she loves the look I give her when I’m smiling and looking into her eyes better than anyone ever could. The love she describes is poetry. She memorized the texture of my tongue. I know that could be taken as a gross over share but there was nothing sexual about it. Who loves someone so much that they actually want and take the time to memorize such small, minute details?
I look forward to spending time with her every minute because she is my perfect match. We laugh together, we cry together, we burp and make dinosaur noises (long story) together. She is my best friend, my girlfriend, my soul mate and my future wife. So thank you. But the day that I can actually share all this with you, all my true feelings, is the day where everything will be ok. And that is the day that I will truly thank you.
I feel whole when I’m wrapped up in her arms. She is like my safety blanket. I wish you knew that when I picture her face, I can’t help but smile. Did you also know that I think about that smile more than men think about sex (approximately two and five seconds, respectively)? Or that when I stepped off the bus for the first time I wanted to run away as fast as I could because I knew that there was no turning back. I knew I was going to love her like no one else and forever and that it was going to be the one thing that I was terrified to lose. Did you know that I fell in love with the smile lines around her eyes the moment I saw her? She is in every way, the best thing that’s ever happened to me. She loves me the way people can only dream of being loved. The way that they hope for. Did you know that your daughter could do that? That she could make someone so happy just by smiling or by giving them a hug that in that one instant their life, my life, feels complete?
I can tell Kristen anything and I know that I still have her love and support. I feel more comfortable with her than with anyone else. She makes me feel different. Alive. Whole. She filled a void in me that I didn’t even know I had. She makes me feel so happy it makes me crazy. There is nothing that I wouldn’t do for her. She makes me want to make her tons of things, create works of art for her, buy her oodles of presents and so much more. I wish you could see how much I truly love your daughter and how perfect we are for each other. Someday, you will.