the question is still there?
I spent a week at home in Seattle, 2 days with the guys, which I needed so badly. A day at the cadaver exhibits with Laura and Dave, I wish I could spend more time with those two...but I have a feeling sometime in the future we might be living together *fingers crossed*. I had a sleepover with Amy, and pancakes for breakfast!! A good evening with Linda, Jenny, and Kelsie. A couple days just running around, hanging with my mom, saw the Borat movie with her, haha. Jenny dropped me at the airport and bought me the yummiest breakfast somewhere on Pac Highway... hahah.
It was really nice to be home for a week and not really have any major obligations. I wish I could have gone to Mars Hill, I want to buy books from them. I wish I had internet at home so I could listen to Mark's sermons. But when I returned to Philly, I kind of started to like it here, just a little. I don't like the idea, when I look at the big picture, that I'm not really doing anything here. I have no goals here, I'm not ready for the super professional accounting jobs here at all the law firms and crap. I have a junky coffee job, searching for a second evening/weekend job, stressing about bills and what not, and just kind of doing nothing.
I did have a good couple of days just now, the RX Bandits were in town, and I was invited to hang out, so to the TLA I went. They were playing with Days Away, which was so awesome, I have not seen those guys since Bamboozle last year. Keith and I exchanged digits to hang out, new friends in the town!! Chris' brother is in Circa, weird. Tim lives really close to me. I'm going to try and have a dinner party for those kids. Anyway, the show was great, but somehow some miscommunication happened, and the next day, I found myself on the way to Langhorne, to Keith's house, to pick up half of the Bandits and drive them to Baltimore. Very awesome. I made it to Deleware and Maryland. What an adventure, and no matter what they say, I never put their lives in danger on the road. I swear. Oh yeah, Randy [finch] was with the guys, doing merch. What a random running into that was the first day. Its weird to *know* people for so many years, and see how they've changed and are still the same.
One thing that really got to me this weekend was when Sheets told me that I need to let go, because I have this wall up, and he could see right past it. Good grief, we've hung out like a total of maybe a week since I've known him, but that really got my goat. I mean, I thought I had changed and that I wasn't being so insecure about myself, but I guess not. He kept prying at me, I don't know what for, but it was nice to have someone seem interested in actually getting to know you, rather than trying to get you wasted and take advantage of you. I was politely asked if I wanted drinks throughout the weekend, and politely declined and stuck to bottled water....which if you know me at all, is a big thing! That sucks to say, but it is. I chilled out completely and felt really relaxed around those guys, but still got that comment. Anyway, now all I can think about is how can I change that perception that I give off? I know I do, but what can I do different. Dammit Sheets. You suck.
Anyway, I'm working crazy shifts for the rest of the month, and if I can get a second job, I will have no life, but be able to pay my effing bills, and buy Reginald a new rope toy!!!
I still miss Matt, and I hate that he doesn't want to be with me, but I'm doing pretty well with it. Its not in my hands anymore, and I'm becoming ok with that. I looks really silly how dependent I was becoming on him, in ways that I just knew I shouldn't. This move is really forcing me to get back into the swing of things.
I'm thinking of staying a little longer here, I have no schedule really to go by, so I'm not going to stress out. Just take it easy, Bridget. Maybe Philly isn't that bad.....
It was really nice to be home for a week and not really have any major obligations. I wish I could have gone to Mars Hill, I want to buy books from them. I wish I had internet at home so I could listen to Mark's sermons. But when I returned to Philly, I kind of started to like it here, just a little. I don't like the idea, when I look at the big picture, that I'm not really doing anything here. I have no goals here, I'm not ready for the super professional accounting jobs here at all the law firms and crap. I have a junky coffee job, searching for a second evening/weekend job, stressing about bills and what not, and just kind of doing nothing.
I did have a good couple of days just now, the RX Bandits were in town, and I was invited to hang out, so to the TLA I went. They were playing with Days Away, which was so awesome, I have not seen those guys since Bamboozle last year. Keith and I exchanged digits to hang out, new friends in the town!! Chris' brother is in Circa, weird. Tim lives really close to me. I'm going to try and have a dinner party for those kids. Anyway, the show was great, but somehow some miscommunication happened, and the next day, I found myself on the way to Langhorne, to Keith's house, to pick up half of the Bandits and drive them to Baltimore. Very awesome. I made it to Deleware and Maryland. What an adventure, and no matter what they say, I never put their lives in danger on the road. I swear. Oh yeah, Randy [finch] was with the guys, doing merch. What a random running into that was the first day. Its weird to *know* people for so many years, and see how they've changed and are still the same.
One thing that really got to me this weekend was when Sheets told me that I need to let go, because I have this wall up, and he could see right past it. Good grief, we've hung out like a total of maybe a week since I've known him, but that really got my goat. I mean, I thought I had changed and that I wasn't being so insecure about myself, but I guess not. He kept prying at me, I don't know what for, but it was nice to have someone seem interested in actually getting to know you, rather than trying to get you wasted and take advantage of you. I was politely asked if I wanted drinks throughout the weekend, and politely declined and stuck to bottled water....which if you know me at all, is a big thing! That sucks to say, but it is. I chilled out completely and felt really relaxed around those guys, but still got that comment. Anyway, now all I can think about is how can I change that perception that I give off? I know I do, but what can I do different. Dammit Sheets. You suck.
Anyway, I'm working crazy shifts for the rest of the month, and if I can get a second job, I will have no life, but be able to pay my effing bills, and buy Reginald a new rope toy!!!
I still miss Matt, and I hate that he doesn't want to be with me, but I'm doing pretty well with it. Its not in my hands anymore, and I'm becoming ok with that. I looks really silly how dependent I was becoming on him, in ways that I just knew I shouldn't. This move is really forcing me to get back into the swing of things.
I'm thinking of staying a little longer here, I have no schedule really to go by, so I'm not going to stress out. Just take it easy, Bridget. Maybe Philly isn't that bad.....