God is pulling on my heart
all I can do is cry lately. Due to some recent discussion, my heart is broken. I have been praying, for my friends and families first, and myself second. I'm really trying to figure out if I should move home in December or not.
Reading my Bible lately has really opened my eyes, and now I feel like I'm being tested. I want to move home so badly, but I don't know if its the right choice. I could have a better paying job, my own apartment, all my friends. But I would also be extremely distracted by those things, and I know I would be selfish.
If I stay here, I have a semi-rough time, working hard hours, trying to make sure I'm taking care of Reggie well, etc. But being here, I have really had to turn to Jesus for support and direction. I feel like I've grown so much from the few weeks I've been here. I wonder if I'm being told to stay here, because here I'm letting my own selfishness go and really forcing myself to be put completely into God's hands.
I know deep down its more important to focus on Jesus and put him first, but it is so hard to let those other things go. Its really hard for me, because I miss the comfort of my friends and family. I can't help but feel a calling to be here, and not have those comforts to really set myself with Jesus. I know what to do, but I don't want to do it.
Part of me even wants to move to further south, because I know of good friends who work at a church. Here I'm on my own, which I think is what I need for a while. But I can't be alone forever. I need to be around other christians and have that support system.
School is not important to me. Having that good paying job is not important in the long run. Having a nice apartment and nice things, I know is not important. But I feel like I'm letting my family down if I don't do those things. But that's not right, because I shouldn't try to please them with material things. They should be happy I'm growing closer to christ. That's the bottom line. I can't do things for myself or to please others. I have to do things for God. That's the only answer for true happiness.
This is so hard. I hate it, but a challenge is what tests our character and faith. and it is god's timing to test mine now.
Reading my Bible lately has really opened my eyes, and now I feel like I'm being tested. I want to move home so badly, but I don't know if its the right choice. I could have a better paying job, my own apartment, all my friends. But I would also be extremely distracted by those things, and I know I would be selfish.
If I stay here, I have a semi-rough time, working hard hours, trying to make sure I'm taking care of Reggie well, etc. But being here, I have really had to turn to Jesus for support and direction. I feel like I've grown so much from the few weeks I've been here. I wonder if I'm being told to stay here, because here I'm letting my own selfishness go and really forcing myself to be put completely into God's hands.
I know deep down its more important to focus on Jesus and put him first, but it is so hard to let those other things go. Its really hard for me, because I miss the comfort of my friends and family. I can't help but feel a calling to be here, and not have those comforts to really set myself with Jesus. I know what to do, but I don't want to do it.
Part of me even wants to move to further south, because I know of good friends who work at a church. Here I'm on my own, which I think is what I need for a while. But I can't be alone forever. I need to be around other christians and have that support system.
School is not important to me. Having that good paying job is not important in the long run. Having a nice apartment and nice things, I know is not important. But I feel like I'm letting my family down if I don't do those things. But that's not right, because I shouldn't try to please them with material things. They should be happy I'm growing closer to christ. That's the bottom line. I can't do things for myself or to please others. I have to do things for God. That's the only answer for true happiness.
This is so hard. I hate it, but a challenge is what tests our character and faith. and it is god's timing to test mine now.