fragmented heart: an anon/essi fanmix
Title: Fragmented Heart
Fandom: X-Note
Subject: Anon/Essi
Notes: Earlier this March, zeiva (who can also be found on deviantart), released a new game called X-Note. I've played free games by this person before, and enjoyed them. Compounding that with the fact that X-Note is a mystery/otome game, two genres I love more than anything, I decided to try out the demo. The beginning was a bit rushed, I admit, but it picked up fairly quickly, and by the time the demo ended, I was completely hooked. I bought the game immediately, and spent the next two days obsessively playing it.
It's a brilliant game, with complex and beautifully-developed characters, as well as an engrossing plot. I was immediately drawn to Anon, and by the time I finished with his storyline, that was that. I love Yuon and Oure as well, but they can't even come close to how wonderfully complex his character is, and his relationship with Essi is just amazing. Again, her relationship with the other two doesn't even come close.
Of course, all this fangirling had to have something come out of it, and this is the result. This is... a bit more angsty than I initially intended. But! That also led to me already beginning a more cheerful/romantic counterpart to this one, with the songs that just didn't fit this one. I've no idea when I'll be finishing that one, though.
This fanmix mainly deals with the events of Chapter Five and Chapter Six of Anon's path.
WARNING: This fanmix contains major SPOILERS for Anon's path in the game X-Note, especially chapters five and six. Haven't played it? Then don't check it out until you have!
Anon: I've never done it, ya know. I'm not that crazy to think that man can fly. It's just that--- When I saw you fall from the building, my mind went blank literally. Before I knew it, I frantically try to reach for you. At that time I finally realized that... Perhaps you weren't the one who held onto me. Rather, it was I who was desperately trying to hold onto you--- the only one that I won't let go.
monster hospital - metric
Monster hospital, can you please release me?
You hold my hands down, I've been bad
You hold my arms down, I've been bad
I've been bad, I've been bad
This one is for Anon when he was a kid, specifically dealing with what happened with Oure and what Scid did to him. The mentions of the war didn't hurt either, when I was trying to decide whether or not to put this one in.
look up - stars
Your girl, she's a renegade
A hurricane that keeps you there, safe
A hurricane that keeps you there, safe
(...)
You fall, feeling like its just begun
So far, keeping it together's been enough
Look up, rain is falling, looks like love
Anon and Essi, as they gradually grow closer. There's not much to say about this one.
those who caved in - maria mena
I wouldn't let them hurt you, I wouldn't let them scream
you'd listen to my stories,
and got back to your dreams
Stayed down on first floor
layed low with me
I saw your pieces so magically
A bit more about Anon and Essi's relationship, dipping into the more depressing side. They're both protective of each other, and this deals with that a bit. It can also deal a bit with that scene where Essi views the shards of Anon's memory.
dead hearts - stars
Was there one you saw too clearly?
Did they seem too real to you?
They were kids that I once knew
They were kids that I once knew
And more about Essi viewing the shards of Anon's memory, specifically dealing with the memories of the other refugees. I was thinking that the bit about "dead hearts" could refer to the fact that they're, well, dead, and there's a lot about how they once knew those kids, and just viewing things in general, and yeah. I thought it suited it.
better than me - hinder
The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older
Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the end
Mostly dealing with how they feel after the scene on the beach, where Essi says good-bye. To me, this song is a mixture of how Essi and Anon are feeling afterwards. The part where it goes "I think you can do much better than me / After all the lies that I made you believe" is definitely more Anon than anything, but the parts about them missing the other suits both of them, I think.
map of the problematique - muse
I want to be free
From desolation and despair
And I feel like everything I sow
Is being swept away
Well I refuse to let you go
Basically, Essi's feelings after that conversation with Rexus. Things aren't pretty right now, but Anon's very important to her, and she doesn't want to lose him. She won't let herself lose him.
romantic comedy - stars
You think you're so bad but you're just badly raised
You twisted and turned all the love that we made
I cannot hold on and I cannot let go
(...)
I loved you before and I'll love you 'til then
You're my foe and my brother and lover and friend
(...)
Don't walk away then turn and say I love you anyway
Don't go away
Gah. The specific situations in this song don't fit, but the overall feeling, yes, that does work. Anon's conviction that he's a monster, him trying to leave Essi and her not accepting it, it works pretty well with all of those. Plus, some of their interesting dynamics-- how they can so easily switch between arguing (at least on Essi's side, on Anon's it's just plain silliness) to being romantic just like that.
berlin, without return - voxtrot
Do you spend your whole life trying to get back home?
Where do you go?
(...)
And you were so young, baby.
You were so young.
Dragging your feet in the face of creation.
I was so young,
Yeah, we were so young.
And still there was you, the center of me.
Oh, and still there was you, the center of me.
This one mostly centers around how their relationship when they were kids works into the relationship that they have now. How Essi lost Anon, and how they both need each other so badly. Also, the bit where it goes "What do you know? / Tell me, what do you know? / About who I am?" fits the whole big reveal nicely, I think. I debated for a long time about where to put this song, because bits and pieces of it fits into a lot of places chronologically, but in the end I decided to put it here because it's close to the place where Essi reveals why she lost her memory, but doesn't interrupt the flow of the other songs too much.
make it back - lesley roy
Praying for a second try
To be in your arms
Now that I have realized
Just who we are
You're the one that makes me feel alive
Now I know that I need you
Only hope is just to see you
'Cause I know that I need you
Only hope is just to see you
Scream your name through the silence
See your face in the distance
This deals with the last scene before the epilogue, after the confrontation with Loil. When Anon is convinced that he can't do anything but take lives away, and Essi is fighting so desperately to save him, because he's important to her, and she just refuses to lose him again, even if it means dying with him.
all around me - flyleaf
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
(...)
I'm alive, I'm alive
This deals with what I affectionately refer to as 'the floating scene', and the events that unfold because of it. Finally, finally, they've reached each other, after fighting so hard and for so long for each other. And, despite the fact that all their problems are definitely not solved, everything's just fine anyways.
<8tracks link coming>
Fandom: X-Note
Subject: Anon/Essi
Notes: Earlier this March, zeiva (who can also be found on deviantart), released a new game called X-Note. I've played free games by this person before, and enjoyed them. Compounding that with the fact that X-Note is a mystery/otome game, two genres I love more than anything, I decided to try out the demo. The beginning was a bit rushed, I admit, but it picked up fairly quickly, and by the time the demo ended, I was completely hooked. I bought the game immediately, and spent the next two days obsessively playing it.
It's a brilliant game, with complex and beautifully-developed characters, as well as an engrossing plot. I was immediately drawn to Anon, and by the time I finished with his storyline, that was that. I love Yuon and Oure as well, but they can't even come close to how wonderfully complex his character is, and his relationship with Essi is just amazing. Again, her relationship with the other two doesn't even come close.
Of course, all this fangirling had to have something come out of it, and this is the result. This is... a bit more angsty than I initially intended. But! That also led to me already beginning a more cheerful/romantic counterpart to this one, with the songs that just didn't fit this one. I've no idea when I'll be finishing that one, though.
This fanmix mainly deals with the events of Chapter Five and Chapter Six of Anon's path.
WARNING: This fanmix contains major SPOILERS for Anon's path in the game X-Note, especially chapters five and six. Haven't played it? Then don't check it out until you have!
Anon: I've never done it, ya know. I'm not that crazy to think that man can fly. It's just that--- When I saw you fall from the building, my mind went blank literally. Before I knew it, I frantically try to reach for you. At that time I finally realized that... Perhaps you weren't the one who held onto me. Rather, it was I who was desperately trying to hold onto you--- the only one that I won't let go.
monster hospital - metric
Monster hospital, can you please release me?
You hold my hands down, I've been bad
You hold my arms down, I've been bad
I've been bad, I've been bad
This one is for Anon when he was a kid, specifically dealing with what happened with Oure and what Scid did to him. The mentions of the war didn't hurt either, when I was trying to decide whether or not to put this one in.
look up - stars
Your girl, she's a renegade
A hurricane that keeps you there, safe
A hurricane that keeps you there, safe
(...)
You fall, feeling like its just begun
So far, keeping it together's been enough
Look up, rain is falling, looks like love
Anon and Essi, as they gradually grow closer. There's not much to say about this one.
those who caved in - maria mena
I wouldn't let them hurt you, I wouldn't let them scream
you'd listen to my stories,
and got back to your dreams
Stayed down on first floor
layed low with me
I saw your pieces so magically
A bit more about Anon and Essi's relationship, dipping into the more depressing side. They're both protective of each other, and this deals with that a bit. It can also deal a bit with that scene where Essi views the shards of Anon's memory.
dead hearts - stars
Was there one you saw too clearly?
Did they seem too real to you?
They were kids that I once knew
They were kids that I once knew
And more about Essi viewing the shards of Anon's memory, specifically dealing with the memories of the other refugees. I was thinking that the bit about "dead hearts" could refer to the fact that they're, well, dead, and there's a lot about how they once knew those kids, and just viewing things in general, and yeah. I thought it suited it.
better than me - hinder
The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older
Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the end
Mostly dealing with how they feel after the scene on the beach, where Essi says good-bye. To me, this song is a mixture of how Essi and Anon are feeling afterwards. The part where it goes "I think you can do much better than me / After all the lies that I made you believe" is definitely more Anon than anything, but the parts about them missing the other suits both of them, I think.
map of the problematique - muse
I want to be free
From desolation and despair
And I feel like everything I sow
Is being swept away
Well I refuse to let you go
Basically, Essi's feelings after that conversation with Rexus. Things aren't pretty right now, but Anon's very important to her, and she doesn't want to lose him. She won't let herself lose him.
romantic comedy - stars
You think you're so bad but you're just badly raised
You twisted and turned all the love that we made
I cannot hold on and I cannot let go
(...)
I loved you before and I'll love you 'til then
You're my foe and my brother and lover and friend
(...)
Don't walk away then turn and say I love you anyway
Don't go away
Gah. The specific situations in this song don't fit, but the overall feeling, yes, that does work. Anon's conviction that he's a monster, him trying to leave Essi and her not accepting it, it works pretty well with all of those. Plus, some of their interesting dynamics-- how they can so easily switch between arguing (at least on Essi's side, on Anon's it's just plain silliness) to being romantic just like that.
berlin, without return - voxtrot
Do you spend your whole life trying to get back home?
Where do you go?
(...)
And you were so young, baby.
You were so young.
Dragging your feet in the face of creation.
I was so young,
Yeah, we were so young.
And still there was you, the center of me.
Oh, and still there was you, the center of me.
This one mostly centers around how their relationship when they were kids works into the relationship that they have now. How Essi lost Anon, and how they both need each other so badly. Also, the bit where it goes "What do you know? / Tell me, what do you know? / About who I am?" fits the whole big reveal nicely, I think. I debated for a long time about where to put this song, because bits and pieces of it fits into a lot of places chronologically, but in the end I decided to put it here because it's close to the place where Essi reveals why she lost her memory, but doesn't interrupt the flow of the other songs too much.
make it back - lesley roy
Praying for a second try
To be in your arms
Now that I have realized
Just who we are
You're the one that makes me feel alive
Now I know that I need you
Only hope is just to see you
'Cause I know that I need you
Only hope is just to see you
Scream your name through the silence
See your face in the distance
This deals with the last scene before the epilogue, after the confrontation with Loil. When Anon is convinced that he can't do anything but take lives away, and Essi is fighting so desperately to save him, because he's important to her, and she just refuses to lose him again, even if it means dying with him.
all around me - flyleaf
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
(...)
I'm alive, I'm alive
This deals with what I affectionately refer to as 'the floating scene', and the events that unfold because of it. Finally, finally, they've reached each other, after fighting so hard and for so long for each other. And, despite the fact that all their problems are definitely not solved, everything's just fine anyways.
<8tracks link coming>