(no subject)
to jump you into the middle -
after working there for a little over 3 years, i quit my job and am moving on to 2 part time jobs i hope balance out my life.
when i first started working there, i was part time, worked with awesome people, and had a great office manager that kept everything going smoothly, and the owner was never around. as time passed, i worked more, people quit, got fired, the office manager left, and the owner became a bigger presence in the store. while i still had fun on a regular basis, there was definitely a lot going on that would be stressful...or illegal...or just plain confusing. the last few months there...i just felt miserable. completely understaffed, and trying to juggle all of the owner's demands, many of which that were in opposition. and finally when the time came to say i was leaving, the owner just shut down on me. the past few weeks, i've been accused of stealing multiple times, all in weird ways (not like large sums of money or merchandise...instead, that i was lying about how long lunch breaks took and the like). today, i went to the store because she was giving me the run around over the phone about giving me a paycheck - my "hours were off" so she didn't think she could give me one. when i walked in, she threw my timecard at me and told me it was a "slap in the face" that i would lie like that.
but, amazingly, i wasn't lying. i haven't been stealing. she lied through her teeth about every truth i brought up to make my case. when i finally said, "you have video of every shift, let's watch them and see" she told me she'd "had enough of my bullshit".
amazing.
as crazy as that place has been, i always imagined when i left it would be bittersweet. that i'd have a drink with everyone at the bar, and give a few special people hugs, and feel good about the place.
but instead, i just feel...empty. i don't even want to bother trying to actually get my "final" paycheck...i don't want to fight the crazy for a days worth of money really. after spending a few days in a kind of depressed disbelief...after talking to her face to face...now...i just want to take a deep breath and say, how toxic. i'm so thankful to leave. to never be told "good girl" again, or to be introduced as a stripper, or to have my weight discussed, or to have my salary discussed with others, to work a 13 hour shift, to have to hear ridiculous gossip about everyone, to have to keep my mouth shut about a million illegal practices, to get distressed texts and phone calls demanding i "show my love", to get weird relationship advice, to be forced to dog sit or baby sit as i work, the list just keeps going.
i can't believe i did this for 3 years. how differently i would of viewed the place if i had moved to working in a different area for a different boss.
rawr.
i started watching this show called "circus" on netflix the other day. one of the girls, explaining why she became a performer, said that a job was selling your time. if she was going to sell hours of her life to someone, of course it would be the circus.
and for being so simple, i had never thought of a job in that way before. i have grown to view it as "their" clock that i'm working on...but its not. its my life. i only get so many hours, and its my responsibility to myself to use them wisely. to sell them to a worthwhile occupation. i've been giving them away like they're nothing.
i have worth.
i needed to be reminded.
after working there for a little over 3 years, i quit my job and am moving on to 2 part time jobs i hope balance out my life.
when i first started working there, i was part time, worked with awesome people, and had a great office manager that kept everything going smoothly, and the owner was never around. as time passed, i worked more, people quit, got fired, the office manager left, and the owner became a bigger presence in the store. while i still had fun on a regular basis, there was definitely a lot going on that would be stressful...or illegal...or just plain confusing. the last few months there...i just felt miserable. completely understaffed, and trying to juggle all of the owner's demands, many of which that were in opposition. and finally when the time came to say i was leaving, the owner just shut down on me. the past few weeks, i've been accused of stealing multiple times, all in weird ways (not like large sums of money or merchandise...instead, that i was lying about how long lunch breaks took and the like). today, i went to the store because she was giving me the run around over the phone about giving me a paycheck - my "hours were off" so she didn't think she could give me one. when i walked in, she threw my timecard at me and told me it was a "slap in the face" that i would lie like that.
but, amazingly, i wasn't lying. i haven't been stealing. she lied through her teeth about every truth i brought up to make my case. when i finally said, "you have video of every shift, let's watch them and see" she told me she'd "had enough of my bullshit".
amazing.
as crazy as that place has been, i always imagined when i left it would be bittersweet. that i'd have a drink with everyone at the bar, and give a few special people hugs, and feel good about the place.
but instead, i just feel...empty. i don't even want to bother trying to actually get my "final" paycheck...i don't want to fight the crazy for a days worth of money really. after spending a few days in a kind of depressed disbelief...after talking to her face to face...now...i just want to take a deep breath and say, how toxic. i'm so thankful to leave. to never be told "good girl" again, or to be introduced as a stripper, or to have my weight discussed, or to have my salary discussed with others, to work a 13 hour shift, to have to hear ridiculous gossip about everyone, to have to keep my mouth shut about a million illegal practices, to get distressed texts and phone calls demanding i "show my love", to get weird relationship advice, to be forced to dog sit or baby sit as i work, the list just keeps going.
i can't believe i did this for 3 years. how differently i would of viewed the place if i had moved to working in a different area for a different boss.
rawr.
i started watching this show called "circus" on netflix the other day. one of the girls, explaining why she became a performer, said that a job was selling your time. if she was going to sell hours of her life to someone, of course it would be the circus.
and for being so simple, i had never thought of a job in that way before. i have grown to view it as "their" clock that i'm working on...but its not. its my life. i only get so many hours, and its my responsibility to myself to use them wisely. to sell them to a worthwhile occupation. i've been giving them away like they're nothing.
i have worth.
i needed to be reminded.