ahhh life is tough!
wow alot has happened...i think im about thru with this thing..i never update. its kinda weird though. I always have so MUCH on my mind but when i go to say something, i end up thinking "no maybe i shouldnt say that..." so none of my real thoughts ever really get written down..they used to. I used to write down EVERYTHING i was feeling. but now im kind of numb..i dont really want to feel anymore. im just so tired...really realy really tired. so yeah i might not update anymore..unless i feel like i wanna share something..but other than that, im thru.
alot has been goin on tho...amanda's grad party was awesome. I'll never forget travis in spandex ramping a bike into the pond...volleyball tryouts, wkom, two-a-day practices, spending a weekend with bee...lots of stuff.
i hadda lot of fun with bee this past weekend. i stayed like all weekend. we went to kinds island and had alot of fun! we rode like everything! i got bee to ride drop zone!!! haha it wasnt that bad now was it? she bee got me to ride delirium...ugh..it was actually kinda fun. we decided that the beast should be named "the bitch" because its so bumpy its actually kinda painful. But yeah we had a good day i think..haha even though the girl in the green shirt wouldnt STOP STARING!! errrrr! it was a good day..until some stupid girl ran her mouth at taco bell..i got really pissed...but oh well..ppl are stupid.
sooo things have been kinda rough lately...ok really rough. Jaimies brother was killed in iraq...i dont really talk to her but i still think its so sad, i cant even imagine what its like...and now im just surrounded by it..ive never been so affected by war in all my life. no it doesnt affect me like it does jaimie or her family but like everyone im around talks about it, cries...its just all so ahhh!! plus its like plastered on the news everyday. I just hate death...i hate hate hate it! i dont like talking about it...its too sad, and saddness is something ive always had alot of trouble with dealing with. i just feel so sorry for her...
as selfish as this sounds, i cant wait for everything to be ok again. for teachers to stop bringing it up and making everyone uncomfortable. for all my friends to stop talking about it and saying "how sad" because i already know its sad...for everyone to stop crying and start smiling again....i just cant take the tension that is in every room i walk into...i cant take it when someone brings this tragedy up and the room goes into an akward silence...i liked things how they were before all this. i wanan go back to the way things were. but just when it seems like everyone is happy, something ALWAYS happens to bring everyone back down again. i know it does sound really selfish because im sure jaimie and her family wish it could go back to the way it was before too...i just errr...i want everyone to be happy again.
and now jailyn....a week after jaimies brother passed away, jailyns brother was also killed in iraq. what is the world comming too?? i mean seriously? why has war taken over??? its never hit this close to home...i was always so sheltered from things like this. my family is over in iraq have always come home safe. but now its like war has finally come to our doorstep. no it didnt happen to me, but its too close for my liking...i think it affects all of us in my town..because my town is sheltered too..until now. and i feel like even though most of us didnt know him, it still affects us all. every death does..its a really rude awakening...
ahhh!! its just so hard to deal with. first nicole...and im STILL not over that. And now with all this death around, its hitting really really hard. harder than its hit so far...and its making it really hard to deal. i kinda wish more than anything i coulda been there for her funeral...i keep thinking that maybe it would have given me some type of closure ya know? but its like now im just waiting to see her again like what happened didnt really happen at all..like im waiting for her to call and make it alright, for her to be there the next time i visit...but the reality is that she wont. and i cant handle it...i just cant get over it.
i dont know why i always throw nicole into things..but with all this saddness around, it just ties in with what im feeling.
what im feeling...what a broad topic...confusing and stressful...
ahhh i just cant wait for this week to be over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cuz then school starts so instead of dealing with depressing issues like this, ill just have to deal with the stress of school. atleast homework will keep me busy...
speaking of school, my schedule is:
1. spanish 3
2. piano
3. us history
4. trig
5. peer tutoring
6. chem 2
7. adv. composition *C-lunch! i hate c lunch!!*
so yeah...school in about 5 days...oh boy!! i cant believe summer is already over. man its actually went by fast! only 2 more years until im off to bigger and hopefully better things!!!
well i got freshman orientation tomorrow..and since im a WKOM i have to be there ALL DAY!!! ahhh!! not to mention i have vball practice right after..what a busy day!!! i gotta get up at like 5 30 so im off to bed! night everyone....maybe ill update again in the next few months! haha
xoxo Ness
***ok i know some people hate it when others act like they know someone and act like they are affected by the death of someone..like when someone goes to a funeral of a person who they dont even know. well im not doing that...i didnt know tim and i hardly know jaimie. but i do think its very very sad and ill admit ive been alittle affected..not as much as his family or friends but i was. everyone around here was. because now war is at our doorstep...someone from our town was affected seriously by the war..so that makes us all vulnerable. but please dont think im pretending like i know him just for attention..because im not. i just think its sad...***