May 20, 2006 00:03
Okay, lets get this sorted out here. Why exactly am I pissed? Here's why.
You started a joke about me being a lesbian. Haha, funny, okay. I got it. I didn't really have a problem with it. Then it grew. And I wondered, why? I tried to ask you guys, but no one ever gave me a solid answer. This got me really suspicious. And then one day, I read Kari's away message, and it pretty much said "I agree with Jordan. lol." If I remember correctly, Jordan was the one who started this joke. I pretty much snapped, because I wasn't quite sure why the heck everyone was saying this stuff. This entire affair pretty much ended up with me going on a wild goose chase to find out what the source of all this was. Then this somehow led to you guys saying how annoying I was, since I would always talk about _____. I'm just going to leave that a blank, because I really don't want to open up old wounds here. Do you want to know why I would always talk about _____? Because it was on my mind. A lot. And because you guys never said anything else at lunch. It was either akward silences, or me, choosing to get grief caused by ______ off of my chest. I chose to vent. There was a lot of stuff going on in my life, a lot of insecurities, etc. I've grown up as a dancer; I'm bound to be insecure. All my life it's been "You're too skinny, you're too fat, you're too pale, your boobs are too small..." and this generally carried from my dance life into my real life. But you guys threw it all back at me, saying how immature I was being. No comfort at all? Maybe some, but mostly some blank stares and some talking behind my back. You guys could have told me to stop talking, or changed the subject, or done SOMETHING. Saying what you thought about me behind my back wasn't really the best thing to do. And then you guys threw this doozy back at me- "Well, YOU always talk about Aaron and Kari and how they're having SEX!" Okay, time to clear the air here. This so-called "backstabbing"? This was all me being CONCERNED. Because I'm concerned for my friends. It wasn't just me being concerned about the possibility of you two having sex either! Both Katie and I brought it up one day. Why aren' t you mad at Katie for saying things like that, also? A bit biased? Did you know that one day, when I came home from school, my MOM brought up the topic of you two, and how she was concerned for you? And did you ALSO know that she got the idea from KATIE'S MOM? Oh, you didn't know that? Well, yes, Katie's mom told my mom that she was worried that you two were having sex, and that you might do something stupid. So guess what? It wasn't just me talking about you guys, and stop trying to pin-point it on me. It wasn't backstabbing. It wasn't gossip. It was concern. And one more thing before I go (and apparently sob myself to sleep, since I'm emo and I listen to Simple Plan and I cut myself) to bed, here's one more thing- why won't you guys accept the fact that I want to be parted from you guys for just a little bit? I just want a break. I haven't felt good about myself whenever I'm around you guys in a long time. I feel almost degraded in a sense when I'm with you. I just wanted some alone time. Some fresh air. You guys aren't my only friends. And I'm generally sick of the way I get treated by you guys a lot of the time. I hate to be frank, but I've pretty much had it for now. So, I'm off to bed now, and I hope you take the time to read this with an unbiased mind.