(no subject)
I’ve been getting some weird IM’s about Ian. One stupid girl told me to stay the fuck away from her man and another is asking if I know him. I asked Ian if he was dating or “talking to” anyone else and he didn’t reply. I guess that’s my answer right there. Haha that’s why he didn’t want me to think too much about it or him, because he wasn’t thinking anything about me. I was talking to my friend who was on and he said this:
o Enter Light o: well im sure he talks to other girls
o Enter Light o: so dont let it hurt you
cowboys4kelly: why would he talk to other girls?
o Enter Light o: otherwise he would be as much excited about commitment
o Enter Light o: as you are
o Enter Light o: if guys want to commit
o Enter Light o: they are usually all over you about it
o Enter Light o: to the point that it scares you
o Enter Light o: but
o Enter Light o: those are those nice guys i was talking about
You know what’s really funny? That every guy talks to me as if they are the answer to my guy troubles and in the end they just cause more. Like Ian, for example, he told me Justin was an asshole and he was using me and that I should get with him. So we hang out and he doesn’t want anything serious. I guess I’m not what people expect. I’m not high enough on their spectrum. That’s really shitty. I try to better myself and all I get are more idle promises. I want a commitment with a guy not a fuck buddy. If I can’t get that with Ian I need to just quit trying with him. I don’t need a commitment. Which is to say if Ian won’t give it to me I will be ok and continue to live my life. I won’t go looking for another guy. But I do want one and not something else. I guess this is what it comes down to, I need to finally make the decision that is best for me. All my life I’ve made decisions so that other people would be happy or other people wouldn’t get upset. I gave others what they wanted and made it work for me. But not anymore, now I’m going to look out for #1. I’m not saying I won’t care what other people want or need anymore I’m just saying I’m not going to give in to something that will fuck me over or make me very unhappy. That’s life. I’ve been told “no” all my life, I guess its time for me to start saying it back. “No I will not sacrifice my happiness for yours!” “No we cannot be friends with benefits!” “No I will not fucking settle!” For all of my hard work I need a reward. And the reward I’m going to give myself is happiness. True I have no friends, and true I have no b/f to take up time, but I am all I need. I create my own happiness. So Fuck Ian and his stupid don’t worry about it. That’s right I said it, and if he reads this and gets mad he can talk to me about it and let me know he cares, otherwise, tough shit! One key to being happy is being smart. Another is being skinny. I will work on those.
o Enter Light o: well im sure he talks to other girls
o Enter Light o: so dont let it hurt you
cowboys4kelly: why would he talk to other girls?
o Enter Light o: otherwise he would be as much excited about commitment
o Enter Light o: as you are
o Enter Light o: if guys want to commit
o Enter Light o: they are usually all over you about it
o Enter Light o: to the point that it scares you
o Enter Light o: but
o Enter Light o: those are those nice guys i was talking about
You know what’s really funny? That every guy talks to me as if they are the answer to my guy troubles and in the end they just cause more. Like Ian, for example, he told me Justin was an asshole and he was using me and that I should get with him. So we hang out and he doesn’t want anything serious. I guess I’m not what people expect. I’m not high enough on their spectrum. That’s really shitty. I try to better myself and all I get are more idle promises. I want a commitment with a guy not a fuck buddy. If I can’t get that with Ian I need to just quit trying with him. I don’t need a commitment. Which is to say if Ian won’t give it to me I will be ok and continue to live my life. I won’t go looking for another guy. But I do want one and not something else. I guess this is what it comes down to, I need to finally make the decision that is best for me. All my life I’ve made decisions so that other people would be happy or other people wouldn’t get upset. I gave others what they wanted and made it work for me. But not anymore, now I’m going to look out for #1. I’m not saying I won’t care what other people want or need anymore I’m just saying I’m not going to give in to something that will fuck me over or make me very unhappy. That’s life. I’ve been told “no” all my life, I guess its time for me to start saying it back. “No I will not sacrifice my happiness for yours!” “No we cannot be friends with benefits!” “No I will not fucking settle!” For all of my hard work I need a reward. And the reward I’m going to give myself is happiness. True I have no friends, and true I have no b/f to take up time, but I am all I need. I create my own happiness. So Fuck Ian and his stupid don’t worry about it. That’s right I said it, and if he reads this and gets mad he can talk to me about it and let me know he cares, otherwise, tough shit! One key to being happy is being smart. Another is being skinny. I will work on those.