Miserable? Possiblity?
I don't know if I would call it miserable or not but I am deffinitly not happy. I love the regiment of the school and I love the classes but it's the laid back part I can't seem to grasp. I can't seem to form a click or whatever the hell you want to call it. I am not really that great of friends with my roomate.. nothing against her though she's cool. I have made one friend so far since I have been here. I mean a person that I actually can hold a real conversation with. I miss home alot. I miss my mom, my sis, my friends and my life. I liked my life. I liked things ways going my way. It just seems like everyone is differnt here. I just really don't fit in. I mean I messed up the stupid chant that we sing in my profile and I got made fun of. It doesn't bother me just is kind of werid.. like Brigette (my roomie) is Miss Popular and I am just the quite girl in the corner all over again just like high school. I wanted to join the rugby team and I was so pysched for it and then my squad leader was like.. well Miss Butler.. your going to get killed and I just don't think it's for you.. so that kind of made me fell akward.. and normally I just let that shit role off my back and do it anyways.. but lately I have lost my courage and will to do anything. I just really have lost my self in the finding of the self process. No one has to really understand that. I think that if I go home I am a failure and if I stay I am just trying to fail. I really just need to find my in. One in on this campus and I think I will feel more at home. I don't really know why I choose this school. I am not athletic, or smart, or funny, or down right serious.. I am like nothing.. I would feel so much better if I could just zone out with my music. The sounds of classical opera always cleans my system.