Damn-Male in Distress Syndrome or What's Bad About Bad Boys
I was reading an essay on women in literature by the lovely Sarah, which you can find here:
sarahtales.livejournal.com/151335.html
And it got me thinking.
You've all heard of the damsel in distress and how very much men love to save her. and you've heard of women who just love bad boys with issues because they think they can change them. Essentially, what they want to do is SAVE them (from themselves), putting the bad boys in a damsel in distress position and giving the women, what I am going to call the Damn-Male in Distress Syndrome.
Surely you've all had friends with the Damn-Male in Distress Syndrome. Your friend who knows the guy she's trying to date is bad news but he was just waiting for her (of course) and only SHE can help him be a better person!
It's been romanticized in fiction since time immemorial, and people still fall for even if takes the realistic approach and ends unhappily.
Heathcliff and Cathy. Bad boy and his woman who COULD have fixed him but didn't so he killed himself on the moors. Personally, I don't know that she could have saved him, he seemed pretty messed up to me.
Draco from Harry Potter. When I read the books, he struck me as an awfully unlikeable guy, but apparently I am the exception as most girls of the fandom seem to think he's a prince charming who just needs love. The majority of the fanfiction I have read features Draco as a bad boy that everybody loves, a boy who just needs saving. Now I can see why they want to save him in the fanfic, as he's written pretty charmingly, but in the canon, he's a horrible prig! I can't even imagine the canon Hermione agreeing to date him from a thousand miles away. With a stick.
Girls essentially see a bad guy as someone who is "hurt" and think that they can heal him, they can fix him, they can undo whatever pain he's ever lived through and make him a happy, well-adjusted human being with just the power of love but not the help of a therapist. The point I'd really like to make other than complaining about these guys and the fatal attraction women seem to have for them that never ends well, is that not just men, but women, have always wanted to do the rescuing as well. Who wouldn't love to be someone else's reason for living? To have done what no one else could do? To be a saviour, like Sabrina fair. As much as the stereotype exists that women like to be saved, like Cinderella or Snow White or even somebody more modern, I think they prefer to do some of the saving themselves and always have.
Another thing that bugs me is women who fall in love with the potential of a man. Does that even make sense to fall in love with a POTENTIAL? And then later, when the poor guy is the same as he always is, they get upset. Ladies, the person he is today, is the same person he will always be no matter what degree/job/lifestyle he gets. People don't change their fundamental personality. I think with a lot of willpower and effort a person can change a behavior, but ladies, if he is cheap now, he will always be cheap. Newsflash, that guy you are looking at right now is the same man you will be looking at in a few years. Seriously. I have seen girls try and try and fail and it is so painful to watch your friend go through this. I don't want to see this anymore. :(
sarahtales.livejournal.com/151335.html
And it got me thinking.
You've all heard of the damsel in distress and how very much men love to save her. and you've heard of women who just love bad boys with issues because they think they can change them. Essentially, what they want to do is SAVE them (from themselves), putting the bad boys in a damsel in distress position and giving the women, what I am going to call the Damn-Male in Distress Syndrome.
Surely you've all had friends with the Damn-Male in Distress Syndrome. Your friend who knows the guy she's trying to date is bad news but he was just waiting for her (of course) and only SHE can help him be a better person!
It's been romanticized in fiction since time immemorial, and people still fall for even if takes the realistic approach and ends unhappily.
Heathcliff and Cathy. Bad boy and his woman who COULD have fixed him but didn't so he killed himself on the moors. Personally, I don't know that she could have saved him, he seemed pretty messed up to me.
Draco from Harry Potter. When I read the books, he struck me as an awfully unlikeable guy, but apparently I am the exception as most girls of the fandom seem to think he's a prince charming who just needs love. The majority of the fanfiction I have read features Draco as a bad boy that everybody loves, a boy who just needs saving. Now I can see why they want to save him in the fanfic, as he's written pretty charmingly, but in the canon, he's a horrible prig! I can't even imagine the canon Hermione agreeing to date him from a thousand miles away. With a stick.
Girls essentially see a bad guy as someone who is "hurt" and think that they can heal him, they can fix him, they can undo whatever pain he's ever lived through and make him a happy, well-adjusted human being with just the power of love but not the help of a therapist. The point I'd really like to make other than complaining about these guys and the fatal attraction women seem to have for them that never ends well, is that not just men, but women, have always wanted to do the rescuing as well. Who wouldn't love to be someone else's reason for living? To have done what no one else could do? To be a saviour, like Sabrina fair. As much as the stereotype exists that women like to be saved, like Cinderella or Snow White or even somebody more modern, I think they prefer to do some of the saving themselves and always have.
Another thing that bugs me is women who fall in love with the potential of a man. Does that even make sense to fall in love with a POTENTIAL? And then later, when the poor guy is the same as he always is, they get upset. Ladies, the person he is today, is the same person he will always be no matter what degree/job/lifestyle he gets. People don't change their fundamental personality. I think with a lot of willpower and effort a person can change a behavior, but ladies, if he is cheap now, he will always be cheap. Newsflash, that guy you are looking at right now is the same man you will be looking at in a few years. Seriously. I have seen girls try and try and fail and it is so painful to watch your friend go through this. I don't want to see this anymore. :(