[fanfiction] awkwardly reversed

[kisforkurama]

awkwardly reversed
William Beckett has always had a reflection.

No, that's an oversimplification. Everyone has a reflection, but William's reflection has always been a little bit different. A little bit sentient. He remembers finding out somewhere around the age of ten, because he noticed that his reflection didn't always copy him exactly. Sometimes it smiled just a little wider or didn't brush its hair quite enough and William could tell (even if no one else could). He knew that his reflection was alive, he just didn't know how alive it was until the day in high school that he pressed his hand up against the glass of the bathroom mirror, fingers splayed wide, and his reflection frowned a little before slowly extending from the mirror to curl its fingers around William's.

It smiled at him, and William was too startled to pull his hand away. That's what he tells himself, anyway. The truth is that William is kind of in love with his reflection-it's not a narcissistic thing really, because his reflection has a personality and mind that's separate from his own. Being in love with his reflection has nothing to do with the fact that they look the same, although William knows that most people would probably find that a little hard to believe. If they spent five minutes with his reflection, though, William thinks it would become pretty clear that even though William's reflection looks like him, they act nothing alike.

"Don't be sad, William," his reflection tells him one night, "I don't like being sad."
"Sorry," William says, managing a little smile, "It must be boring for you, copying whatever I do."
"No," his reflection says, "I like copying you! Just not the sad faces, because no one should be sad-especially not you! You should be happy as much as possible. Promise me?"
William laughs, startled but genuinely amused, "Okay. I promise."

He's never actually told anyone about the promise he made to his reflection on that day, but he does his best to keep it. It's hard most days, but William mostly manages to be happy so his reflection can be happy. Sometimes late at night on the days when he can't manage to be happy, when William is alone in a bathroom with his forehead pressed to the mirror, William's reflection extends from the mirror, fluid like quicksilver, and wraps around him. It tells him that it's okay, everything will be okay, and makes sure William smiles at least a little before it lets go.

"I love you, William."

The reflection always says that just before it leaves, and William always smiles a little-just a quick upturn of his lips, a smile just for his reflection-and says the words back. Some days he means them, and some days they're just hollow lies. His reflection is the only one that knows which days are which, William thinks, but it doesn't seem to mind that William is what he is. His reflection appears to be happy enough providing what little comfort he can to William, and if William spends a lot of late nights in the bathroom, well. No one really seems to notice.

Sisky does catch him at it once: William is sitting on the counter with his reflection curled around him and his reflection retreats almost immediately when Sisky stumbles into the bathroom. Luckily Sisky is drunk enough that he just sort of blinks and says that he kind of needs to piss and would William mind getting out of the bathroom? William says of course, and his reflection silently mouths I love you to him. He smiles at Sisky, even though he's really smiling at his reflection, and prays that Sisky is too drunk to remember in the morning.

He's not quite drunk enough as it turns out, but all William gets is the rambling story about the crazy shit that Sisky dreamed so it's like he was. William rolls his eyes at Sisky's story, says reflections coming out of mirrors?, and catches his reflection in a soda can. His reflection is grinning even though William himself isn't, and William can't help but grin back.

William makes sure to lock the door when he talks to his reflection after that. He's not entirely sure that his reflection understands why or understands that most people's reflections don't talk to them. Or if they do, William's never caught them at it. He asks his reflection once if every reflection is like him, and all he gets in response is a wide, slightly confused stare. He's not sure his reflection even knows it's a reflection, but he figures it doesn't really matter.

He likes his reflection just the way it is.

And, if William is being honest, he likes that other people don't know about it too. Careful of his secret and his reflection, William manages to keep the fact that his reflection is sentient a secret until he wakes up one morning on the bathroom counter with his reflection wrapped around him. It's not exactly an unusual position (William's woken up in it at least a dozen times before), but on that particular day his reflection has fallen entirely out of the mirror and is settled into William's lap, face pressed into the curve of William's neck. When William is awake enough to process that fact, he blinks. His reflection is still asleep, but it snuggles closer to him and mumbles something. William doesn't want to wake it, but he shakes its shoulder.

"Hey. Wake up."
"Sleepy . . ."
"Wake up."

His reflection blinks awake and leans back to sink back into the mirror, just like always, only its back hits the mirror and nothing happens. His reflection's eyes go wide and it turns toward the mirror and lays its hands flat, pressing, trying to get back in, but nothing happens. His reflection, William thinks, looks bewildered. William thinks he probably does too, only when he looks at the mirror he can't see himself.

"I can't," his reflection pounds on the mirror, like he's trying to break it, "It won't let me back in."
"Hey," William says, catching his reflection's hands, "Shhhh. Don't worry, we'll figure this out."

Except neither of them have any idea how to fix what's happened. They sit there, both staring at the mirror a little incredulously, and William thinks that maybe this is how a vampire would feel, because nothing is being reflected back at him. It's eerie, being able to stare at the smooth surface of the bathroom mirror and see the stuff behind him reflected like he doesn't exist at all. He has no idea what his face looks like currently-except he does, because if he looks sideways he's pretty sure his reflection is doing its job pretty well.

Even if his reflection isn't, William doesn't really want to know what his face looks like right now. He buries his face in his hands, because normal people don't have to deal with shit like Pete Wentz and Gabe Saporta and soundchecks and band drama and reflections that suddenly fall out of mirrors.

Scared and confused, his reflection curls closer to him and tucks its face in the curve of his neck again. Absently, William pets its hair like it's a dog and wonders what the fuck he's going to do.

They sit like that for a long time, and it's Mike that finds William and his reflection first. Or, more accurately, Mike pounds on the door to the bathroom and yells that William is such a fucking diva and other people need to use the fucking bathroom, asshole. There's nothing William can do at that point but unlock the door and face the music. His reflection is sort of hiding behind him, fingers curled up in the back of William's shirt, but Mike's a pretty sharp guy and he's not drunk like Sisky was. Mike blinks, and then he pinches himself. When that doesn't prove he's dreaming or whatever it's supposed to prove, Mike covers his face with a hand.

"There are two of you," Mike says, voice muffled by his hand, "You have a secret twin. It is way too early to be dealing with freaky situations like this."
"That's not really what he is," William corrects as his reflection hides behind him even more, "He's more of a reflection than a twin."
"Whatever. I need to piss and consume at least two cups of coffee to deal with this shit."

Mike shoves past William, and William gently guides his reflection out of the bathroom. His stomach growls, and William glances at his reflection. Do reflections eat? What would they eat? Either way, he supposes, he needs to eat. Still.

"Are you hungry?"
His reflection looks at him with wide eyes, "Hungry? You mean eating?"
"Something like that."

There's a small nod from his reflection, so William leads him into the kitchen and takes stock of what they have. It's mostly cereal, so William pours out Special K for both of them and sets the bowl down in front of his reflection. To make everything easier, William sits across the table from his reflection and eats. It seems to work, though, because his reflection hesitantly copies what William is doing. The whole scene is sort of like looking into a mirror, which is what he's doing in a way, and his reflection seems oddly delighted with the spoon. It licks over it, watches the way it catches light with wonder, and William has to laugh because it's kind of adorable.

It makes a face, pouty and childlike, that morphs into one of surprise. William's a little concerned until he realizes that his reflection has realized that it doesn't have to copy every face that William makes now when it proceeds to make the goofiest faces William's ever seen. William's not even sure he could copy some of them if he tried. He laughs, cereal entirely forgotten, and tries to match the expressions his reflection is making anyway.

They're still making faces at each other when Mike comes into the kitchen. He stares at them for a long moment before shaking his head and pouring a mug of coffee. Then, when he's done drinking that mug, Mike pours another one and drinks it while William and his reflection eat their slightly soggy cereal.

Mike calls a band meeting once he's on his third cup of coffee. They all gather in the living room of the house they're living in during recording, and William's reflection is pressed against his side, face buried in William's shoulder. He knows that his reflection is more like a scared child than anything at the moment, because the whole situation has to be overwhelming for it. It's never spoken to anyone but William and the sudden introduction to a bunch of other people is probably mildly terrifying. William knows what the whirlwind of being introduced to a million people feels like, knows that it tends to be twice as terrifying when you've never experienced anything like it. Rubbing soothing circles on his reflection's back, William's not really paying attention to what's being said unless it directly concerns him.

The reactions from the band vary. Mike seems to be taking this as one of those weird things that happen in bands. Butcher seems about as chill with it as he is with everything else. Chislett asks if it's an American thing. Sisky looks really, really confused.

"So," he says, squinting at William's refection like he's remembering the dream that William laughed at, "your reflection fell out of the mirror."
"I fell out, yeah."

His reflection mumbles the words into his shoulder and William pulls his reflection into a slightly awkward, one-armed hug.

"We should call Pete," Mike says finally, decisively, "because he's the only one that's likely to be able to fix this mess. He's, like, the master of dealing with weird shit happening."
"You do that," William says absently, "I'm going to be in my room."

Tugging his reflection until it's standing, William turns to walk out of the living room. Mike looks like he's going to say something, but William narrows his eyes and Mike backs off. For all that they don't always see eye to eye, Mike knows when to leave William alone. He pulls out his cellphone to call Pete while William nudges his reflection and guides it into his room. It goes easily, still clutching a handful of William's shirt like it's afraid of what will happen if it lets go, and William gently guides it to sit on his bed. Once his reflection is seated, William sits down next to it.

"Hey, you okay?"
"I want a name," his reflection says, apropos of nothing, "Can I have a name?"
"Sure," William smiles, "You can have anything you want. What do you want your name to be?"
"I don't know," his reflection shrugs, "any name is better than not having one."
"Your name should be Santi."

It's out of William's mouth before he can really think about it, because it's kind of perfect. Santi is something that William and Sisky have been using forever, since they were both in high school, because Josh Santiago was (and probably still is) an asshole. They've always used the word to mean everything good and awesome in the world. William tried to explain the word to his reflection one night, because he used it so often and his reflection couldn't figure out what it meant. He'd ended up settling on santi means whatever you want it to mean as the definition, because that's essentially how they'd been using it to begin with, and his reflection had picked up the word after that. William is about to take his suggestion back when his reflection lights up.

"Santi," it says, like it's testing it out, "It means whatever I want it to, right? I want it to mean my name."
"Okay," William says, and then slightly more hesitantly: "Are you going to be alright?"
There's a pause, but Santi nods, "I'm getting there."

William lets it go, and everything is quiet for a second before Santi points to William's laptop and demands to know what it is. When someone knocks on the door to William's room a while later, Santi is spread out on the bed with William's laptop and watching Youtube videos of The Academy Is... performing with wide, entranced eyes. William's leaning against the wall next to him, cringing at certain videos and smiling at others, but he gets up and answers the door at the knocking. It's Sisky with pizza and soda, looking a little sheepish.

"Mike says he'll kick your ass if you don't eat. There's some for him too."

Sisky motions the pizza box toward Santi, and Santi looks up at that. William takes the pizza box and the soda from Sisky and looks over to Santi, who's gone back to looking back at William's laptop. William motions for Sisky to come in, and Sisky looks a little apprehensive, but comes in and shuts the door behind him. William walks back over to Santi, setting the pizza box down next to him and the soda down on the floor before sitting.

"Santi," William says, "this is Sisky. Sisky, this is Santi."

There's a small, tentative wave from Santi, like he isn't sure what to be doing right then, and then Sisky gives a little wave back before sitting on the floor and opening the soda bottle.

"Hi, Sisky" Santi says, "I like your bass."

Sisky looks a confused at the non-sequitur, but Santi turns the laptop so Sisky can see what's on the screen and smiles at him. There's a picture of Sisky on stage and playing his bass loaded in one of the many tabs Santi opened, and Sisky stares at for a moment before glancing over to William. William shrugs, because seriously. Santi had seen William's laptop and brought it over to him, demanding to know what it was and how it worked because he'd never seen one before. He had pouted when William said no, and William rolled his eyes before booting it up and showing Santi what it was.

Santi is the one who decided to go looking for pictures and videos of the band. He said that William never told him about the band, which is only a little true. The little nostalgia-spree Santi's on makes William sort of regret teaching Santi how to read when they were younger and it had seemed like a good idea. It took Santi a little while it figure out the letters because everything was backwards, according to him, but once he did, he proceeded to look up everything he could about the band. William isn't that fond of hearing his voice to begin with, but he thinks he's over it forever at this point.

"I had to keep him occupied," William replies, "and he seems to like the laptop. He found the pictures and stuff on his own, honest."

The look Sisky gives him says that he doesn't believe a word that William's saying, but he'll let it slide. He turns back to Santi and grins.

"Yeah, it's pretty cool. So, your name is Santi?"
Santi nods excitedly, "Yes! William gave it to me, do you like it?"
Sisky laughs, "Yeah. Yeah, it's awesome. Hey, you want to see something cool?"

Taking the laptop from Santi, Sisky types something in and starts showing Santi all sorts of things that William will probably have to explain to him later. He doesn't even know if there's a proper way to explain Bonsai Kittens, but he's okay with that, because William thinks it's good that his reflection gets along well with his band. It would be awkward if they didn't get along, because no one gets any work done while they're waiting for Pete to send someone to help fix William's problem. Mike spends the better part of two days in near-constant conversation with Pete through texts and phone calls. William stays out of it, choosing to keep Santi occupied instead, because he can tell that Mike is still a little bit annoyed that William kept Santi secret from him for so long.

Every once in a while Mike comes and finds William to asks him some incredibly specific question that Pete needs the answer to, but mostly William sits in his room with Santi and tries to write songs for their next album. Santi has taken William's laptop as his own, and occasionally he finds things that he doesn't understand and crawls into William's space with the laptop to ask about it. If William ever has to explain dungeon bondage porn or lolcats to someone again, he thinks it'll be too soon.

By the end of the first day, Pete Wentz makes some calls or whatever and tells Mike that help is on the way. William has learned through repeated phone conversations with Patrick that "help is on the way" is a terrible phrase if Pete Wentz is the one saying it. It apparently means anything from "I ordered a time machine off the internet" to "I actually was useful and found someone who might be able to help with your problem" in Patrick's experience, and William thinks of Patrick as the world's number one Pete expert. He expects the absolute worst of Pete's "help," but even so William is a little surprised when the Way Brothers show up on his doorstep.

He knows of the Way Brothers, in the same way that he knows of a lot of bands because Pete knows a lot of bands, but he's never actually met them in person. They're a lot less greasy than he's previously been lead to believe, but William's in a band with Sisky and Sisky has a dead rat for hair. Everything else kind of pales in comparison for William.

Their presence on the doorstep is a little unexpected though, and William sort of blinks at them a lot before letting them in. Santi is sitting on the couch, like he has been whenever William goes to get them food, and watching Youtube. He's (thankfully) moved on to Fall Out Boy and Cobra Starship music videos after watching every The Academy Is... video at least a hundred times. William is getting a little tired of hearing his friend's voices pumped through tinny laptop speakers too at this point, but Santi still seems endlessly amused by the Dance Dance video, and he's watching it on repeat when the Way Brothers come in. Mikey raises an eyebrow at that, but then he goes back to texting. William wonders if the gossip about Mikey's Sidekick being the crux of the universe is true.

"Hi," William says, instead of asking Mikey, "I'm William Beckett and that's my reflection sitting over there on the couch. Say hi, Santi."
"Hi," Santi says, having paused his video and looked up, "I'm Santi. Who are you?"
"Mikeyway," Mikey mumbles, not looking up, "Nice to meet you."
"I'm Gerard," Gerard smiles, "and you need to come with me to the bathroom so you can meet Zaza Albin."

Gerard says it like it's no big deal, and William wishes that he could say it was the weirdest thing anyone has ever said to him but Gabe consistently wins that category. He's a dead-snake whisperer, apparently, and dead snakes told him to start a band while he was high and also in the desert. William is really, really glad that his stupid crush on Gabe Saporta ended once William had an actual conversation with him and the first thing Gabe said was the cobra says you are worthy.

Regardless, William obediently shows Gerard where the bathroom is. Santi trails after William, laptop clutched to his chest, because he always stays near William. It's kind of like having a puppy, only the puppy is people-sized and spends a lot of time reading Youtube comments and making angry faces at the screen like the comments can see him.

When they get to the bathroom, Gerard faces the mirror and places his hand against the glass. The fingers of his reflection curl out, and Gerard pulls his reflection from the mirror like it's something he does all the time. William watches, mouth open like an idiot, because he's never met someone else with a reflection like his. Santi tucks in behind William, peeking over his shoulder with fingers curled into William's shirt, as the reflection smooths out his clothing.

"Hello," he says, seated on the counter with his hands folded in his lap, "My name is Zaza Albin, and I am Gerard's reflection. What are your names?"
"I'm William," William mostly manages to say, "and this is my reflection, Santi."

Santi curls his fingers tighter into William's shirt, and ducks behind William entirely. William doesn't really blame him, because there's something about the way Gerard's reflection is so completely poised that freaks him out. Gerard seems a little concerned, though, so William tugs at Santi until Santi comes out and gives Zaza Albin a tiny, hesitant, wave. Zaza Albin smiles, giving a vaguely regal wave back, and William can feel Santi straighten behind him.

"I believe you need to speak with William, Gerard, and I need to speak with Santi. I promise I do not bite."

The smile Zaza Albin shoots at Santi is warm, but William feels the way Santi presses in closer to him. He doesn't really want to leave Santi alone with anyone, half because he's afraid of what Santi will do and half because he's a little overly protective of him, but William thinks that this is probably their best option. Turning as far as his shirt will let him twist around-he's really going to need to have a talk with Santi about his habit of twisting his fingers in William's shirts-William manages to get his lips reasonably close to Santi's ear.

"It's only for a little while, okay? They're here to help us. I love you."

He means the words with everything he has, and there's a soft exhale of breath before Santi loosens his grip on William's shirt and then lets go entirely. William takes a moment to make sure Santi is okay before glancing over at Gerard and walking back out to the living room. Mikey's sitting on the couch when they enter, and William wonders if he actually ever puts his Sidekick down because he's still texting. His Sidekick really must be the crux of the universe, because there is literally no other explanation for how Mikey can be constantly texting people. William can't think of one anyway.

"Pete says that you need to buy Mike Carden a really nice Christmas present," Mikey tells him when William flops down on the couch, "and that you need to buy me pizza. It's already ordered and it'll be here in like twenty minutes."

The gossip about Mikey being some kind of psychic is starting to make a lot more sense now, William admits. Mikey is hyper-competent and in charge of situations in the same way that Mike is, and William thinks there's probably one person like that in every band to balance out all the crazies. He's not really sure how to respond to Mikey, so he settles for not saying anything at all. It seems to be a decent response, because Mikey doesn't say anything further and Gerard settles onto the couch next to William. He rolls his eyes at Mikey.

"Don't let Mikey fool you," Gerard snorts, "He might act like he knows what he's doing, but he tried to take a shower with a space heater once."

Mikey looks up from his Sidekick for a moment and narrows his eyes at Gerard. Gerard just snorts again, and William knows that this is one of those little sibling pissing matches where the outcome doesn't really matter because the game is never really over. Sometimes he's not grateful for his sister.

"Anyway," Gerard says, "we're not really here to talk about how Mikey is dumb. We're here to talk about the fact that your reflection is sentient and it fell out of the mirrorworld and can't get back in. I'm guessing no one in your family has had this problem before?"
"I didn't know other people had sentient reflections until you showed up," William says, "so no. I'm guessing people in your family have?"
"Happens all the time," Gerard shrugs, "my family have been mirror souls for, like, ever. Mikey's one too, but Han doesn't like coming out of the mirror. Anyway, you probably don't know anything about mirror souls, so I guess that means we're going to need the educational video after all. Mikey, do you-"

Pulling an unmarked DVD from his jacket pocket, Mikey hands the disc to Gerard wordlessly. Gerard goes to put it in the PS2 that Sisky and Butcher hooked up to the TV, and starts it up. William thinks he might not be drunk enough for whatever is going to happen next, because the words MIRROR SOULS: WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOUR REFLECTION ISN'T REFLECTING fade onto the screen. They're a creamy off-white against a lavender background, and William thinks they might be in Comic Sans. There is absolutely no way what follows can be good after an opening like that, because it reminds William way too much of the horrible sex ed videos he hasn't seen since he was in high school.

"Oh god," William says preemptively.
"Shhhh," Gerard says, "It's starting."
"Mirror souls," the video says, "is the preferred term for people with sentient reflections. Historically, they've been called Narcissists, although that term is now widely considered to be derogatory."

The video is half an hour long and features terrible dramatic recreations of people coming out of mirrors. It also contains a lot of information about Santi and his relationship to Santi that William figured out on his own-things like the fact that Santi likes to learn new things and that Santi doesn't have to mimic what he does, but it's his job to. There's some information about the history of mirror souls that's useful to William, but also not something he really needed to know, and overall he kind of wants to claw his eyes out by the end of the video. Mikey seems to be in about the same position, if the way that he studiously avoids looking up at the screen and occasionally snorts is anything to go by. The fact that the pizza comes and William can ignore the latter half of the video in favor of eating helps a lot toward William trying to be grateful that the Way brothers are there to help.

(Okay, it's possible that the video might have been helpful for William when he was ten and concerned that he was going crazy because his reflection occasionally made funny faces at him. Now that he's well aware that's he's not crazy for that particular reason, the video is mostly somewhere between ridiculous and annoying.)

He guesses there might be some kind of ceremony involved in the process of getting someone's reflection to go back into the mirror, because Gerard asks a bunch of strange and weirdly personal questions after he's retrieved his video from the PS2. William, who is a incredibly private person to begin with, takes a while to actually answer any of Gerard's questions. Gerard assures him that all the questions are 100% relevant and not just Gerard wanting to know weird shit about William.

"Are you sure no one in your family spent a lot of time looking in mirrors or talking to themselves or anything weird like that?"
"No," William sighs, "I'm pretty sure I would have noticed and asked some questions about it."
"Just checking," Gerard says, "Okay, so when was the first time you actually noticed that, like, your reflection was sentient?"
"I was . . . ten? And my hair always looked more unbrushed that it felt in the morning and it felt like my movements in the mirror were slower than they were supposed to be. Oh, and Santi made faces at me sometimes when I was really tired."
"Do you love your reflection?"
"Yeah, of course."

Gerard tilts his head owlishly, am then he blinks and smiles like he's got everything in the world figured out. William's about to ask him why, only he asks another question and William has to scramble for an answer. The questions go on and on, and William goes through a water bottle trying to keep talking to Gerard, who is effusive and uses his hands a lot. William kind of wonders how he and Mikey can be brothers, given that they're so wildly different, but he supposes that siblings can be like that sometimes. It's really strange how Mikey seems so put together while Gerard is everywhere, but William is getting used to it in degrees. He does worry about Santi, though, because this is the longest time they've ever been apart from each other, and William knows that Santi hates to be alone for too long because he's said so.

Of all the people Santi could be with, though, William supposes that it's probably for the best that Santi is with another reflection. Zaza Albin might make William a little apprehensive, but he's the first reflection that William's met who isn't Santi. There's a lot to be said for that, William thinks, because he's sure that reflections have to have a better understanding of each other than their respective people do of them. There's got to be secret reflection knowledge or something like that, William just doesn't know what it is.

"I think Zaza Albin and Santi are probably done talking now," Gerard says eventually, "so it's probably time to try and get Santi back into the mirror."

Gerard stands without preamble and walks into the bathroom, where Zaza Albin and Santi are both sitting on the counter. Santi lights up when he sees William, and William subconsciously mirrors the sentiment. Gerard pulls Zaza Albin over to the side to talk to him while William stands in front of Santi, who tangles their fingers together. William lets him.

"So what did you and Zaza Albin talk about?"
"Just stuff," Santi shrugs, "Maybe I'll tell you one day, but it's not important right now. I think Gerard and Zaza Albin are ready to teach us a lesson."

William turns, fingers still laced with Santi's, and Zaza Albin climbs onto the counter with Gerard's help.

"There's a couple different ways to get your reflection in and out of a mirror," Gerard says, "but the most common one is just by helping them through physical contact. The reflection should be calm and focused on getting back in. We'll demonstrate."

Zaza Albin steps through the mirror easily, fingers tightly laced with Gerard's, and kneels until their hands are pressed palm to palm. It looks effortless, and somehow William is sure it won't go that smoothly when he tries it with Santi. Gerard pulls his hand away from Zaza Albin's, who settles back into being a normal reflection, and turns expectantly toward William and Santi. Santi looks between William and the mirror behind him, and then kneels on the counter to try and pass through the mirror in the way Zaza Albin did. He presses a hand to the glasses and William can tells he's focused on trying to sink back in, but nothing happens for a moment. William squeezes his hand in encouragement, and Santi slowly starts sinking into the mirror. It takes twice as long as it took Zaza Albin, but William suspects that just come with practice.

He wonders why this hadn't worked any of the other times they'd tried it. There's probably some secret to it, some lesson they both had to learn, but William doesn't know what it was. He can't really care when Santi's successfully back in the mirror and they're palm to palm in Holy Palmer's Kiss. William seriously can't resist the Shakespeare reference in his head, because mirror soul lore says that William Shakespeare was a mirror soul and that the Palmer scene in Romeo and Juliet is actually a reference to that. William's willing to believe it.

"Awesome," Gerard cheers, ruining the moment, "Okay, now we practice going in and out of the mirror because it gets easier with practice, I promise."

Coming out of mirrors is something Santi has practice with, so it doesn't take that much effort for him to curl his fingers around William's again. Unlike most times, William helps Santi out of the mirror. It's not nearly as smooth or effortless as Gerard makes it look when he pulled Zaza Albin out of the mirror, but it's not that hard and William thinks it's just something that you have to do over and over-like chords on a guitar. Gerard gives them pointers on what to do, and their teamwork gets better by degrees until Santi is able to sink in and out of the mirror without a lot of effort and William doesn't feel so awkward going through the motions of helping him sink in and pulling him out.

It takes a couple hours, but Gerad and Zaza Albin are satisfied with their handiwork. William thanks both Gerard and Mikey for their help when they leave, and everything is back to normal. Which, after the past two days, kind of sucks. Mike finds William once Gerard and Mikey leave, though, and waves a stack of lyrics that William handed over earlier in his face. It's distracting enough that William doesn't have time to dwell on how much it sucks to not have Santi's constant presence. The band spends the rest of the day and most of the night in a pizza and coffee-fuel haze of working on the album like they're supposed to.

They end up with one song that is better called a work in process and several potential songs-ideas of songs-which is a good day's work so no one feels bad about sleeping in the next day. William only wakes up because his phone is ringing and it won't stop, which means whoever is calling him is probably doing so repeatedly until he answers instead of leaving a message like a normal person which means that whoever is calling him is probably Gabe or talks to Gabe too much.

"Hello?"
"Billvy," Gabe's voice drawls into the phone, "how is my favorite lead singer today?"
"Better than I have been recently," William slurs, a little heavy with sleep, "Why are you calling?"
"I heard about your little reflection problem," Gabe says, and William can hear the shrug, "and I just wanted to check and see if you were okay. The cobra says that these things can be trying."
"What does the cobra have to say about Mikey Way's Sidekick?"
"The gossip about that is true, you know," Gabe says solemnly, "Mikey's sidekick contains the knowledge of the universe in it. That's why he never lets it out of his sight."

The problem with Gabe, Mikey has discovered, is that you can't always tell when Gabe is being serious and when he's joking. In this instance, William decides that Gabe's probably not joking at all. He's heard of weirder things than Mikey's Sidekick happening. He's friends with weirder things than Mikey's Sidekick, and Gabe is among those things. Again, William is pretty sure that Gabe wins all of the awards for weird shit by being a dead-snake whisperer. A snake whisperer is weird enough (and kind of cool in a Harry Potter sort of way), but only being able to talk to dead snakes is probably the weirdest and also most useless. William's pretty sure that storing the secrets of the universe on a sim card ranks pretty low compared to that.

Maybe William's perception of the situation is off, though. He doesn't really care, because talking to Gabe reassures him that his life is just crazy and it's probably never going to stop being crazy.

They've been talking for an hour when Sisky comes to find William because Mike wants his ass in the music room yesterday, and William sighs and says goodbye before hanging up and dragging himself out of bed. He doesn't bother to brush his hair or change first, because the band has all seen him in even worse condition and the whole point of a band is that they're like your family and they see you at your worst. Honestly, William doesn't even know if he would show up with his hair unbrushed in front of family.

"Coffee," Mike says when William enters the room.

He hands him a mug, still steaming, and William drinks it before he even feels awake enough to deal with making an album. Talking to Gabe is best done half asleep, when the things he says make sense to begin with, but working on music is best done awake. William's learned that the hard way.

There's still sorting through the pile of lyrics William's written and trying to find what's actually good and what's terrible when Mike finds the song that William thought he hadn't put in the pile. It's too sentimental, in his opinion, but Mike sets it in front of William.

"This one," Mike sighs, "This one is about Santi, isn't it? They're all about Santi somehow, but this one is about what just happened."

William wants to protest, but there's no point. The song is titled "Santi's Song" in handwriting that's not quite his and Mike knows him too well for the lie to be convincing. He sighs instead, and nods. The rest of the band is crowded around the sheet of lyrics now, and William doesn't tell them that Santi wrote a significant portion of the lyrics. Instead, he disappears into the bathroom and touches his fingers to the mirror.

"Santi," William whispers, "Come out, we need to talk to the band about you helping us with our album."

There's a slight look of confusion on Santi's face, but he lets William pull him out of the mirror anyway and take him back to the music room. The band is still discussing the song when they get there, and William has to whistle to get their attention.

"Santi helped me out a lot with the lyrics," William says when he's got their attention, "So unless anyone objects, I brought Santi to help us sort this stuff out. Okay?"

There's a murmur of assent, and it's as easy as that: Santi is pretty much a permanent fixture in the house. Sisky is the most at ease with Santi, which William attributes to their shared love of lolcats and other weird internet things, but the rest of the band doesn't take that long to forget that he's William's reflection, not his twin. Somehow, Santi makes the process much more streamlined than it would be otherwise-William mostly attributes this to the fact that Santi breaks up fights between Mike and William faster because he doesn't let them get very far before he makes them fix the issue like sane human beings.

There's about 80% less physical harm inflicted, that's for sure, which William appreciates because he thinks he might still have bruises from the fights he and Mike had making the first album.

When Pete comes to visit, because he wants to check up on them but also because he's Pete and he tends to randomly visit the people that work for him without warning, he's impressed with how much more quickly this album is going than the last. They've been working on everything kind of sideways, though, so they only have one finished song for Pete. He doesn't care, and he tells them to keep working hard on the album and in general.

They do, because the album feels like it's coalescing, being born, and all they have to do is follow along. It only takes three months to hammer out enough material for the album, and then they're booking studio time and recording the songs and when all the dust has finally settled, the whole band pretty much thinks that there is no possible title the record could have besides Santi. It's not just that the record owes a lot to Santi, for everything from mediating and making sure they didn't kill each other before the album was finished to helping out with the lyrics, but also that the album is just so unbelievably, indescribably awesome that there is no title that could describe it the way Santi does.

William tells Santi this when he's sitting on the bathroom counter after they've finalized the album and the tracklisting and everything else about it, in lieu of telling Santi that a small part of William has wanted the album to be named Santi since Santi helped him write that song or that the new album is kind of like a love letter to Santi in so many ways. Santi extends from the mirror, wrapping his arms around William and hugging him tightly, while babbling about how awesome that is and how excited he is and how proud he is. William hugs Santi back and listens to him talk, because sitting on the counter and listening to Santi's voice has always made him feel the most at home.

"I love you," William says when Santi sinks back into the mirror.

He's not sure if he means it or not, but he wants to mean it and William figures that has to count for something. He knows what it's like to be in love with someone else (or he thinks he knows, William's not entirely sure anyone ever knows what love is), and he's pretty sure he's in love with his reflection. Common sense says that's narcissism, but William knows that most narcissists aren't actually in love with their reflections, just good friends with them. There's all these sticky issues with being in love with your reflection that William doesn't really want to dwell on too much in the grand scheme of things, so he calls Gabe.

Gabe has a better handle on how to deal with strange things like being a dead-snake whisperer or in love with your reflection. He's good at stuff like that, as much as it pains William to admit, and even if he doesn't completely understand the situation he's always willing to give advice and William could really use the advice at this point. He's not really getting anywhere by freaking out over how he might be in love with his reflection and he might be a freakshow and he might not even care about that.

(If William does end up a freakshow, he figures that he can take Gabe and start a circus duo. The Amazing Mirror Man and Saporta the Fortune Teller. People would pay good money for that stuff. They could have a huge audience. In Sweden.)

William sighs when Gabe answers his phone, "What does the cobra say about being in love with your reflection or me and you starting a circus?"
"The cobra doesn't know everything, Billvy," Gabe responds, "It's a cobra, not a magic 8 ball. I say, however, that you should be in love with who you want as long as that person is consenting. Which, your reflection isn't really you so you'll need to check with Santi on whether or not he's down with a little freaky sex."
"I don't want to have sex with Santi," William says, mostly because admitting that he's thought about it will only encourage Gabe, "but thanks."

Gabe is helpful, in a weird way, and William turns over the thought of being in love with his reflection. It's a little less like being in love with his reflection than being in love with some who just happens to look a whole lot like him, in the end. He's pretty sure that his reflection is in love with him too, which solves at least half of the problem. The rest of the problem is how to proceed with their relationship, which takes care of itself in the end because the first single off Santi is Santi's Song. Well, they renamed it "We've Got a Big Mess on Our Hands" because calling the album Santi and having a song on it named "Santi's Song" seemed like pushing it a little-especially considering that the title didn't have a whole lot to do with the content without the backstory on the name. Since no one is ever going to get that backstory, "We've Got a Big Mess on Our Hands" just seemed like the better choice overall.

Because it's the first single, they have to do a music video for it so they can advertise and get youtube views and whatever. The band isn't really keen on the idea and no one actually has any idea what they want to do for this music video. Pete tells them they should do this crazy idea involving being naked in a house of mirror he had, which seems like a band idea all around. Mike just wants it to be a video of the band on stage. Santi, because he's clearly the only one who ever thinks logically in the band even though he's technically not in the band, says that the video should be a retelling of how the song came about. The whole band agrees that's brilliant.

Pete handles getting all the necessary parts of the crew for a music video together, once William and the band agree that they definitely want to tell a fictionalized version of what happened during the recording for the "We've Got a Big Mess on Our Hands" video. Santi wants to be evil like a proper mirrorverse version of William, which the rest of the band thinks is hilarious given that Santi is like their giant puppy dog mascot, and William thinks is a normal enough plot twist that no one will ever understand what the video is really about. Pete wants a video crossover between "We've Got a Big Mess on Our Hands" and "Thnks Fr th mmrs," because he's like that, and William doesn't fight him because it's usually easier to just let Pete have what he wants. Besides, Pete did play a role in the whole story anyway.

(In the end, the storyline of the video and what happened in real life are totally different but William thinks that's honestly better. Also he gets to look crazy, which keeps with the theme of their videos. William's always crazy in their music videos, because he maybe actually is.)

After much deliberation, the band decides that Santi needs to play William's reflection in the video. It's tricky, because Santi being out of the mirror means that William's left without a refection and a lot of surfaces are reflective. Still, Pete manages to get filming locations with very little reflective material and a crew that sees weird shit all the time so things like that are more likely to go unnoticed. No one actually gets told that Santi is William's reflection, and he gets introduced to everyone as Jack London-no relation to the book author. The official story, the one the band will tell about the making of this video later, is that Jack is a crazy homeless guy they picked up on the day of filming because he looked like William. It's the truth, tweaked very slightly, and William thinks that's easy enough to remember.

The hilarious thing is getting to see Santi act like an evil mirror version of William set out to destroy his life, but William has to admit that he pulls it off well. That probably says something about William's potential to be a crazy serial killer or something, but he doesn't dwell on it. People keep mistaking Santi for him and mistaking him for Santi, so William has no idea who the people in the final cut of the video will be. Half the time they're playing the wrong roles for fun, because Santi might be William's reflection, but William knows a thing or two about pretending to be someone else.

Only his band can tell the difference, which William supposes is mostly due to the sheer amount of time they've spent around both William and Santi. It's not that easy to mistake them for each other when you know them, because Santi doesn't act anything like William when he doesn't have to. He's never grown out of the excitable and childish personality that William's become accustomed to, and for that William is infinitely thankful. There's not a lot of things that are constant in his world, but Santi has always been one of them.

When the shooting for the video is done and over with, and Santi melts back into the mirror, William touches his forehead to the glass and Santi mirrors the motion.

"I love you, William," Santi says.
"I love you too," William says.

He means it, just like he means it when he leans forward to press his lips against cool glass and kiss the spot where Santi's lips should be. When he gets there, though, Santi is already surging forward from the mirror and kissing William back, twining his arms around William like he belongs there. There is literally no place that William would rather have him, so he tugs Santi all the way out of the mirror until he's sitting on the counter and they're kissing like they might die if they stop.

When they do stop (and don't die, thankfully), William touches his forehead to Santi's and just breathes.

"Zaza Albin told me that to go back in the mirror I had to want to go back in," Santi says, arms still curled around William's neck, "and he asked me why I didn't want to go back in. I lied at first, because reflections aren't supposed to love their person, but Zaza Albin just sat next to me and waited until I finally said that the reason I didn't want to go back in the mirror, the reason why I came all the way out in the first place, was that I just wanted to be near you physically because I love you so much."
"Gerard asked me if I loved you," William says in return, "and I said that I do, because I thought that most mirror souls love their reflections as friends or whatever, and Gerard gave me the strangest look, like he finally understood all the secrets of the universe. I guess I know why, now."
"Because you love me."
"Because I love you."

It's easy in a way William thinks it shouldn't be. Even among mirror souls, it's a taboo to be in love with your reflection because there's a risk that you'll become just like Narcissus. Luckily, William thinks, he's got other people in his life and a pretty rocking band that's doing well. He doesn't think he could end up like Narcissus if he tried.

(The story of Narcissus is actually kind of interesting because apparently it wasn't that he didn't realize his reflection was a reflection. It was that he didn't realize his reflection could come out of the water and he never wanted to leave his reflection's side because his reflection was charming and Narcissus had fallen in love. The story always makes it sound like Narcissus fell in love immediately, but he didn't. He visited the pool every day until the day when he couldn't bear to leave. That's when he stayed there until he died.)

Honestly, William is content with occasionally making out with Santi and falling asleep next to him (sometimes even in actual beds) and he doesn't want anything more until Santi decides to take things to the next level. They're lying on his bed when it happens, the soft press of lips to his neck and a gentle rock against him that makes William's breath catch. It's not unexpected, exactly, it's just . . . wrong? Weird? Really fucking good? All of the above? All of the above.

"Hey," William croaks, "you okay?"
"I want to," Santi says quietly, "let me."
"I don't-"
"Let me."

Twisting and shoving at William until he moves where Santi wants, Santi settles so he's hovering above William. The position is not entirely new, because Santi occasionally crawls onto William when he's kissing him, but they stare at each other for a moment before William arches upward and Santi rocks downward. They meet in the middle, the moans ripped from their mouths identical. William rests his hands on Santi's hips and Santi shifts slightly, sucking on William's collarbone. Then he's moving lower, lower, and deftly opening William's pants. William bites his lip.

"You don't have to-"
"I want to. Please."

It sounds so desperate that William can only groan and let his jeans be undone, kick them away when Santi pulls them down with his underwear. He wonders if this counts as masturbation, wonders how many shades of weird this is and if this actually might beat out Gabe being a dead-snake whisperer in weirdness, but then Santi is taking him in and inching down down down until William is hitting the back of his throat and oh god oh god apparently reflections don't have gag reflexes. That's the kind of information William never knew he wanted to know, but now that he does know he's extremely appreciative of the fact. Santi looks up at him, meeting William's eyes, and swallows. William can't breathe, shouldn't find any of this the hottest thing he's ever seen, because Santi is his reflection and they look identical, but he does. It's hot in the messy, wrong way that tells William it'll be a problem in the morning but is beautiful in the now.

Santi doesn't seem to mind that William is having a moral crisis (or doesn't notice) and continues. The problem is that as much as William has come to terms with that fact that he's in love with someone that looks just like him, there's a difference between kissing someone that looks like you and looking down to see your lips wrapped around your cock and your face looking up at you.

In the morning William will probably have another crisis and call Gabe to ask for his advice about the situation, but in the now, William tangles his fingers in Santi's hair and revels in the way that Santi moans. There's nothing William can do to last when Santi responds so prettily, and he comes. Santi swallows without complaint, and William reaches for him when Santi grins, kissing him and tasting himself.

They had a long conversation once about clothes and how Santi just wore whatever William wore but he could technically put on other things, which resulted in Santi's jeans today not matching William's and being closed by a million buttons that are absolutely horrible. Fumbling, William manages to get Santi's jeans open after a minute or two and then his hands meet warm skin. As it turns out, the fact that reflections don't wear underwear usually is also a fact that William never knew he wanted to know but is extremely glad for. Wrestling Santi down, William manages to reverse their positions until he's in a better position to wrap his hands around Santi's cock and jerk him off.

It's probably cheating, since William knows every little trick that will make Santi fall to pieces and he pulls them all. They may not be identical in personality, but William knows that they're identical physically and he's masturbated enough that making Santi whine and arch off the bed isn't hard at all. He falls apart so easily, making noises that aren't anything like the ones William knows he makes.

Settling on the bed next to Santi, William knows that he should probably make an attempt to clean up or put clothes back on or something, but he can't make his muscles work. That's fine, though, considering that Santi doesn't seem particularly inclined to move either. There's a lot to worry about when he wakes up, but William shoves it all aside and lets Santi fall asleep half on him and all tangled up with him. Everything he could be worried about can wait until the morning, because William doesn't want to think about it just yet.

He doesn't want to think about how he should probably be a little concerned that he essentially kind of, sort of, had sex with himself. He doesn't want to think about how they said Narcissus died from being so in love with his reflection that he thought he didn't need anything else. He doesn't want to think about what the hell he's going to get Carden for Christmas. He doesn't want to think about what happens if he ever falls in love with someone who isn't his reflection, someone who doesn't know about mirror souls and how freaky the world actually is. He doesn't want to think about what happens if/when Santi doesn't want to be kept secret from the world at large. He doesn't want to think about what happens if someone finds out about Santi. He doesn't want to think about the future or consequences or anything like that.

He just wants to hold Santi close and never let go.

(In the morning, William will think about all those things while Santi whines in his sleep and tries to move closer to William. He'll think about them and freak out and call Gabe, mostly so Gabe can convince him the world isn't going to end if he continues to be the person he is currently. That's what seems to happen every time William tries not to think about the future: he pays for it in the morning. Lately, though, he hasn't been waking up every morning seized with panic and William counts that as an improvement, even if most people wouldn't, because it is an actual improvement for him.

Santi is either oblivious or choosing not to acknowledge the fact that William spends a lot of his mornings silently freaking out. William thinks that maybe Santi is the reason that he doesn't freak out as much. He wonders if a person-sized object can be your good luck charm, because Santi is magical and definitely useful in warding away thoughts that William doesn't want to be having. He doesn't think he'll ever stop having them entirely, but at least being around Santi helps calm him down and his favorite place to be is still sitting on a bathroom counter while Santi talks to him.

Mostly people think the amount of time he spends in the bathroom is him primping or something, and William doesn't do much to dissuade them of that notion. It's a good cover, if nothing else, and William never really knows what other situations might make being known as a huge diva come in handy. Besides, even if he's not a diva, he's definitely a drama queen and he needs to spend time in the bathroom with Santi so he doesn't freak out about everything. He's very good at freaking out about everything.

When just being around Santi isn't good enough, William knows that Santi is more than willing to kiss William until he doesn't remember his own name-let alone what he was worrying about. Occasionally William worries that letting Santi making him stop worrying so much is a bad idea, but Gabe seems to think that William is better when he's mellowed out so William will take his chances.

He thinks he's happier since Santi fell out of the mirror. He certainly feels happier, even if his list of things to worry about has increased by at least 100%, and William is pretty sure that happiness is worth an equal amount of worry. William will take the good with the bad, because the bad makes the good that much better.

Besides, he wouldn't trade Santi for the world.)

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