[fanfiction] #ryanmustgo (part 2)
flyingthesky Ryan Evans makes terrible life choices. #ryanmustgo
less than twenty seconds ago via twidroid
8isforever Isn't everyone tired of #ryanmustgo yet?
less than twenty seconds ago via twidroid
Mondegreened How can one person steal every hot boy there is? #ryanmustgo
less than twenty seconds ago via web
adamlambert If everyone could stop with the #ryanmustgo tweets, it would be much appreciated.
less than twenty seconds ago via Echofon
Slotheye Words cannot express how much #ryanmustgo
less than twenty seconds ago via Twitterrific
thisisryanross is it #ryanmustgo now? last time it was #ryanhasbadtaste i think.
less than twenty seconds ago via web
ryamba it's good to know that the general opinion is that #ryanmustgo
less than twenty seconds ago via Echofon
The first interview is uncomfortable. Ryan seems mostly unconcerned and Adam envies him right then, but then he realizes that it's not that Ryan's unconcerned, just that he's done this before and he's just regurgitating preconstructed lines from something written up for him. In fact, after a couple moments longer, Adam realizes that Ryan's actually ridiculously stiff and carefully put together. He doesn't have a whole lot of time to think about it before the interviewer is asking him a question.
“How do you feel about it, Adam? Have you seen it?”
Adam barely manages to not respond with a snappy “I don't need to,” which would have made his publicist pull her hair out. Instead he slowly releases a breath and thinks for a safe answer.
“I haven't seen it and I don't really care about it either way,” he shrugs, “I just wish people would stop making such a big deal out of it. Everyone does stupid things-I do stupid things and I wouldn't expect anyone I date to be exempt from that.”
He knows he's said the right thing when Ryan smiles-really smiles, instead of the plastic-y fake smiles he's been giving out. He still kind of wants to grab the interviewer and shake him while repeating that it's not a big deal and everyone should shut up about it. Dealing with press is really not his favorite thing ever and he knows that Ryan really hates it, wishes that Chad were in his place-even though they both know the media would eat Chad alive. Chad is the kind of person who wouldn't exactly think too hard about punching someone if they were bothering him. Unfortunately, Chad's definition of “bothering him” also included “bothering people important to him” on most occasions.
“I see. Evans, what exactly is your relationship with Ryan Ross?”
The exact second Ryan freezes up, Adam makes a note to ask Chad or Ryan a little more about the whole mess. Ryan is quite for about half a minute before he gives an answer.
“I don't know where you've been for the past few years, but it's pretty common knowledge that I'm Ross' ex-boyfriend and I'm pretty much Panic! At the Disco and The Young Veins number one fan. I've sung back-up for them, choreographed dances for them, played piano for them, and they're kind of like a surrogate family to me. They introduced me to some of my best friends and they're pretty much the only reason graduating from Juilliard didn't kick my ass. If you're fishing for a sorrid past, you've already got it. I was eighteen, stupid, and in need of rent money. That's it.”
Ryan's lips curve into the smirk that Adam has learned means that he's not going to take any shit and Adam's publicist is probably going to be hilariously mad about Ryan's answers but the stunned look on the interviewer's face is pretty much worth it. Adam has learned that a lifetime of going to parties full of rich people taught Ryan how to make words cut and where, exactly, to twist to get what he wants and at the moment he wants to get this interviewer out of his face. Adam glances over at him and Ryan just raises an eyebrow.
“So,” Adam turns back to the interviewer and smiles, “any more questions?”
----
8isforever @socomposed Are you coming to see us? Ryan's worried you're busy.
about three hours ago via twidroid
socomposed @8isforever I would not miss it, I miss having you guys around.
less than twenty seconds ago via Echofon
Ryan is excited, even with everything shitty that's been going on in the past couple of days. Okay, well. First of all he loves New York and that's never ever going to change but secondly! Secondly, Kelsi is coming to the show and Ryan is never not excited when Kelsi's around. She's his best friend-Chad doesn't count because Chad thinks that Phantom of the Opera is not a work of art which probably has to do with the picture of Michael Crawford in the fridge but still. Ryan's not entirely sure how Chad just fails to get it when Ryan has been coaching him on musical theatre for a while now. Whatever, the point is that Kelsi will be at the show and he hasn't seen her in forever because he's been busy traveling all across the United States.
Chad just shakes his head and holds out Ryan's coffee. Ryan grins and takes a sip before going to find Adam-who's talking to Kris, like usual, and drinking his own coffee. Ryan's about to go over and ask Adam something when his phone rings. Taking another sip of coffee, Ryan leans on the door frame and answers it without checking to see who it is, because he's waiting on a couple of calls so there's not a whole lot of point.
“Hello, this is Ryan.”
“Baby Evans, think you've got some time to meet up with me while you're in town? I promise it won't be long.”
“No,” Ryan smiles, “I never ever have time to hang out with my friends now that I have been involved in major scandals and am actually garnering unwanted attention, Pete.”
“Great. I'm counting on you to smuggle me inside.”
“Hey Adam,” Ryan yells, “can I smuggle Pete and Kelsi backstage?”
Adam looks up at him and smiles, “You say that as if anyone pays attention to who you bring back here.”
“True,” Ryan muses, “okay. I'll see you later then, Pete.”
“Cool,” the voice on the other end says, “I may be bringing Gabe with me.”
Ryan snickers, “Tell him he owes me twenty bucks and a box of pop-tarts!”
“Will do, baby Evans.”
His phone goes dead and Ryan laughs before putting the phone back into his pocket and grinning hopelessly. Even with all the talk about his porn tape, Ryan can't help but be excited because there isn't anything not to be excited about as far as he's concerned. The only thing that would make his entire night more perfect would be Ross and Brendon and Spencer and Jon's stupid selves being there. They were busy, though, and he never begrudged them that-even if he wished they would come and see him. He missed them, missed his goddamn band (even though they weren't one band anymore) and maybe that's how he ended up where he is. Maybe that's how he ended up on tour with Adam, because he misses having a band and even though there wasn't a band with Adam, it was the same sort of thing. Chad (Ross) becoming quiet and withdrawn when he felt useless. Adam (Brendon) freaking out about how they'd sound, how the show would be. It's familiar, which is something Ryan appreciates.
The show is going to be awesome. His dancers (okay, that makes it sound like a bigger production than it is when there's only five of them) are pumped, Allison is giddy and excited, Adam is happy, and everything will fall into place. Ryan has learned to tell when a performance will go perfectly and this will be one of those rare, perfect performances. It makes Ryan thrum with energy that's just waiting to be sent off into an audience. There's a tap on his shoulder and Ryan turns.
It's Chad, who has apparently finished handing out coffee.
“Hey,” Chad says quietly, “you're in a good mood.”
Ryan grins, “I am. You know how I told you I can tell how a performance is going to go? This one is going to be perfect, Chad. Besides, my friends will be here, and what's better than that?”
“Kelsi says she'll be here. Is someone else coming?”
“Pete,” Ryan shrugs, “he said he might bring Gabe too.”
Chad pales, just a little, “Pete? Is he the one that tried to make out with me when I was drunk?”
“No,” Ryan replies absently, “that was Billvy, I think. Probably Gabe too. Pete is the one that owns Angels and Kings and shows you pictures of his dog, Hemmingway.”
There's a frown on Chad's face that Ryan knows as the one he makes when he's trying to sort out information he's just been given. It's times like this that remind Ryan that while Chad knows of his Decaydance family, he's only met most of them once at parties or when Ryan had dragged him to Angels and Kings. Quietly, Ryan presses a kiss to Chad's cheek and smiles.
“Don't worry about it, baby. I'll introduce you again.”
“Okay,” Chad presses a matching kiss to Ryan's cheek, “I have to go make sure Neil isn't terrorizing anyone without due cause and that he's not lamenting about the chai latte I got him to some poor, unsuspecting sound guy again.”
“You should really just take his order one of these days,” Ryan laughs.
“Never. It's not my fault he's more fickle than Troy is, he has to deal with the consequences of his actions.”
With a ridiculous grin that Ryan loves more than he should, Chad runs off to go save sound guys from the terror of Neil Lambert-who never wants the same order from Starbucks twice and is predictably upset when Chad just orders whatever he feels like for Neil because he never asks Neil beforehand. It's a hilarious thing to watch, but Adam calls Ryan's name and Ryan walks over to him.
“What's up?”
“Hey, sugar. I was just wondering if maybe you'd like to sing with me tonight?”
Ryan hesitates for a moment, fairly sure that this will in no way endear him to the fans. It's been a week, but #ryanmustgo has pretty much been trending that entire time and every show they play just feels heavier and heavier. They've toned down their onstage antics, Ryan still doing exactly what he's supposed to be but without all the surprise kisses and touching between him and Adam. Ryan misses it and really just wants the whole affair to be over so he can go back to his relative obscurity and dance. He doesn't like being the subject of everyone's lunchtime gossip, but Adam is asking him to do something and sure, Adam's not as used to dealing with this sort of thing as Ryan is but what Adam's good at is not hiding.
And really? Ryan is really fucking tired of hiding.
“Okay,” Ryan grins, “what are we going to sing?”
“I thought you've never ask,” Adam laughs.
----
negativeneil i'm pretty sure all the haterade should go to @8isforever and not @ryamba. Seriously, dude! Get my coffee order right.
about an hour ago via web
8isforever @negativeneil Then get your order in before I have to make it, you ass!
half a minute ago via twidroid
Some days, Chad's not entirely sure if Neil makes his life difficult because he's just that much of a jackass or because Neil doesn't think he's good enough for his brother. His theory on the situation varies from day to day, but at the moment Chad's pretty decided that Neil is just that much of an ass.
“If you're going to have a fake job,” Neil drawls, “you should do it well. Likke me.”
“I do my job just fine,” Chad snaps, “you're the one that never gets your coffee order in on time.”
“9PM is not the time to be thinking about what I want to drink the next morning.”
“And you don't have to drag your ass out of bed at 7AM to drive to Starbucks and buy hideously overpriced coffee I could just make myself.”
“Ha! As if,” Neil snorts, “there is no match for Starbucks.”
Chad rolls his eyes, “I worked at Starbucks for almost two years, I'm pretty sure I know how they make their fucking coffee.”
“Ah. So you're a defector.”
Chad's just about to punch Neil when Ryan walks up and looks between them before draping himself on Chad's shoulders and smiling at Neil. Some days, Chad's pretty sure that Neil makes his life difficult because it's pretty damn hard to make Ryan's life difficult without actually sabotaging him or physically harming him. He's not particularly easy to rile up and he tends to give as good as he gets. Chad's pretty sure that Neil's been wanting to rain on Ryan's parade since Adam hired Ryan, but he hasn't been able to yet.
“Hi Neil,” Ryan says, “enjoying your coffee?”
“No. No, I'm not because your friend here is an awful latte boy who never gets my order right.”
“That's funny,” Ryan replies, “he always gets everyone else's right. Maybe you're not being clear enough? Anyway, I hate to break up this conversation but I need to borrow Chad.”
“What could you possibly need him for? His only jobs are to look pretty and serve coffee!”
“Nah, you forget that he has an actual job running a clothing line. Which is something that he and I need to talk about right now-I'll see you later, Neil.”
With a mostly mocking wave to Neil, Ryan drags Chad off to Adam's dressing room. They're all tactile people to begin with (Chad knows that Ryan has kissed half the crew, at least) so no one really thinks too hard when Adam kisses Chad's cheek and Chad kisses Adam's. He's pretty sure that most of the crew knows that the three of them are involved-and while they generally don't approve, they at least don't say anything about it. Chad's grateful for that, because he's pretty sure that he'd be burning bridges left and right without much thought to it because he's extremely fond (and protective) of Adam and Ryan. Ryan breaks his train of thought by walking over to the mirror and talking.
“I did actually need to talk to you, Chad. Actually, I'm pretty sure I brought this up before,” Ryan's doing some sort of complicated makeup in the mirror, “but Pete owns a clothing line and he's been asking about the shirts I keep wearing because they're really not my usual style and I told him that they're mostly 8isforever stuff and he asked if I'd introduce him to you so he could persuade you into working for him. I said sure, but you're sort of a stubborn ass about your branding and stuff so. Yeah.”
There's a soft curse from Ryan then that Chad takes to mean he's fucked up his makeup, which just has Adam batting Ryan's hands away and doing it himself. Some days, Chad is surprised at how much information Ryan can dump on a person at once while acting like nothing is going on. He's trying to process the fact that he's had about four conversations with Ryan already and this hasn't come up, which probably has a little bit to do with the fact that two of those conversations had happened before Ryan had gotten called by Pete and one had happened immediately afterward. Huh, someone wants to talk to him about his clothing line. That's kind of really flattering and also really surprising at the same time and Chad honestly doesn't know what to think about that so he watches Adam carefully smudging dark kohl under Ryan's eyes instead.
“That's cool,” Chad says finally, “I'll think about it, see if he impresses me.”
There's no response for a few moments because Adam's just finishing up Ryan's make-up and Ryan is always absolutely still when Adam does his make-up. They're supposed to let the make-up artist do it, but more often than not Adam does Ryan's because Ryan's a little wary of the make-up girl. It's not that he distrusts them or anything, just that he's used to doing it himself or having someone he knows pretty damn well doing it for him and since Sharpay isn't around, Adam is the next best thing.
“Okay,” Ryan says when Adam's finished, “I'm bringing him backstage after the show, so you can talk to him then. Come here, Chad.”
Without a whole lot of thought, Chad walks over to where Ryan is and sits on his lap.
“You going to be okay, Evans?”
“I'm better than okay, baby. I just want you to know that Adam and I are doing “Whataya Want from Me?” and “Aftermath” together tonight, which is probably unlikely to make anyone love me more.”
Chad touches their foreheads together, “It'll all end up okay. It always does and you know it-no matter what you say, you don't fuck up everything.”
“I know,” Ryan mumbles, “but sometimes it feels like I do.”
There's nothing to say to that, really, so Chad just presses a kiss to Ryan's forehead and lets him go get into place for the night's performance. Even though he's absolutely certain that everything will turn out okay, he's not sure how long it'll take for things to get there. Even so, Ryan's surrounded by people that love him and that's got to help somehow. Kelsi is coming and some of Ryan's friends are coming, so even if the crowd hates their performance, Ryan will have people to fall on.
----
petewentz @ryamba and @adamlambert totally rocked tonight, I'm pretty sure #ryanmuststay
about two hours ago via UberTwitter
socomposed I'm so proud of @ryamba! His performance tonight was amazing. <3
about two hours ago via Echofon
GabrielSaporta just got out of a @adamlambert show, but @ryamba kind of stole the show.
about two hours ago via txt
Allison comes off stage totally hyper, her eyes glittering and excited. Orianthi is much the same way, and while everyone rushes around trying to get into place during intermission, Adam presses a kiss to Ryan's forehead and squeezes his hand. Then, they're going onstage and there's not much time for thinking about anything but performing. It's something that Adam is really no stranger to, and he falls into it easily-just like any other night. Hell, he even steals a kiss from Ryan during “Strut” because he can and because he misses the easy trade of touches they had before all hell broke loose.
Ryan must too, because he pulls away a little later than strictly necessary and smiles. And then there's just Adam, singing to a crowd. He breezes through the couple of songs that are before their crazy, crazy stunt and then he's smiling to the crowd and sitting on the stairs in the middle of the stage as Ryan comes out, acoustic guitar in his hands, and walks over to the mike they have set up.
“Hey, New York! How are you doing tonight?” The crowd cheers and Adam grins at Ryan, “Good. You know sometimes, secrets can tear apart a relationship but sometimes . . . Sometimes you need to trust the person and work everything out. You ready, Ryan?”
“I hope so,” Ryan laughs and smiles apologetically at the audience, “you'll have to forgive me if I screw these songs up, we didn't actually rehearse this.”
And then, just like that, Ryan is playing the opening chords and Adam wants to stop and tell the audience that seriously? Ryan had learned these songs by ear just because and how could you not love him? Instead he sang and, possibly for the first time, meant every single word. There was something magical about the moment, if he was being honest (or maybe poetic), and he loved that. Almost as much as he loved the way Ryan came in on the chorus and somehow, even without much practice, they sounded good together.
Then it was just Adam, singing to Ryan, “Yeah, it’s plain to see that baby you’re beautiful, and there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s me, I’m a freak-but thanks for lovin’ me, 'cause you’re doing it perfectly.”
Ryan sings back, looking straight at Adam, “There might have been a time when I would let you step away-I wouldn’t even try, but I think you could save my life . . .”
It's then that he knows that this part of the show is as much for them as it is for the audience because they're still a little bit broken, knowing that there's still things they haven't told each other because it hasn't occurred to them. They'll be okay-and this is something that Adam knows in the way he knows that he was meant to make music forever-but it's going to take a little while to get there. This is the first step in the right direction, in Adam's opinion, and before he knows it the song is over and there's a quiet for a couple of seconds before a loud round of applause. It's funny, because Ryan startles-eyes wide and unbelieving, fingers a little too tight on the guitar-at the applause. It's a little bit because he had lost himself in the music, but a lot because he hadn't been expecting that at all. They hadn't been expecting that, maybe.
Because Adam knows that maybe Ryan isn't used to this, he catches his eye and smiles. Ryan gives him a shy smile back and Adam knows that they're okay to move on.
“So sometimes, people make mistakes in love and life. I've been there, and I think everyone else has too. The important thing, though, is that we look inside ourselves for love.”
Adam gave a small nod and Ryan started playing, only fumbling a little. The original plan had just been for them to sing together but then Ryan had offhandedly mentioned that he actually knew how to play both those songs on the guitar-he would usually offer to do piano, but it had been a while since he played and that wouldn't go very well. It didn't matter to Adam, he was just amazed that Ryan had learned the songs period (he said that he was hanging around Monte and had asked about them) and asked if he'd play. Ryan had hesitated, but then agreed, so here they were, playing in front of an audience and rocking out.
It's pretty awesome, if Adam is being honest with himself.
Ryan's voice cuts through Adam's thoughts, “You feel the weight of lies and contradictions that you live with every day. It's not too late, think of what could be if you rewrite the role you play . . .”
In response, Adam reassures him, “Take a step before you leap into the colors that you seek, you give back what you give away-so don't look back on yesterday!”
Then they come together in (almost) perfect harmony, “Wanna scream out, no more hiding. Don't be afraid of what's inside, gonna tell ya you'll be alright-in the Aftermath. Anytime anybody pulls you down, anytime anybody says you're not allowed-just remember you are not alone! In the Aftermath, in the Aftermath.”
When they're done, the last notes still ringing in their ears, the audience bursts into thunderous applause and Ryan walks over, careful of the borrow guitar he's wearing, and bends down to kiss Adam. In that moment, Adam can't care any less about the applause because Ryan is the same “fuck the world, I'm motherfucking Ryan Evans” that Adam has been missing and that's all Adam could ever ask for.
----
8isforever Actual clothing related news! New 8isforever line and other exciting news in the near future.
about 1 hour ago via twidroid
petewentz Just talked with @8isforever to hash out the details for a new project - dude is super cool.
about two hours ago via UberTwitter
Chad slips backstage without much trouble after the show-although he actually has to flash his pass, unlike usual, because Kelsi is with him and he actually gets to say “she's with me” which sounds both tacky and awesome at once. He thinks that maybe he could get used to that, but that's not his main concern. It's not too much of a problem to find Ryan and Adam, though, because Chad knows them and he knows that Adam will be trying to shower off the sweat and some of the glitter while Ryan, who has spent way too many years doing way too much dancing will mostly just wipe himself off with baby wipes and change into regular clothes. It's not that Ryan doesn't like being clean, but more that he barely sweats enough to warrant a shower before they get to the hotel-even though they won't get to the hotel until way later.
Ryan is sort of collapsed onto a couch in the dressing room and Chad knocks on the doorframe, quietly. Like usual, Ryan looks up and smiles brilliant as the sun-even brighter when he sees Kelsi.
“Kelsi! You made it.”
“I did! You didn't tell me that you were going to sing tonight, Ryan.”
“I didn't know until a little while before the show. Besides, it was meant as a surprise.”
One of the security guys comes over just then and says: “Ryan? There's a couple guys saying they're here for you and Adam told us that you'd be expecting people, but I just want to make sure.”
“Of course,” Ryan replies, gracefully getting up, “I'll be right back, you guys.”
As Ryan is exiting, Adam is coming by and he kisses Ryan on the cheek before whispering something to him that Chad doesn't catch. He turns back to Kelsi and smiles.
“You know, right?”
Kelsi shrugs, “I know that you and Ryan have been dating for, like, two years without realizing it.”
“They're really kind of oblivious,” Adam says with a laugh, “aren't they, Miss Nielsen?”
Kelsi turns and Chad remembers just how pretty she is when she's not hiding under layers of clothing and actually paying attention to what she's putting on. He's reminded of their senior musical (which seems like a lifetime ago) and the way that he had genuinely been surprised when she appeared on stage in a dress of sheer, floating material. It was almost like she had been floating on air-which Chad is pretty sure had at least a little bit to do with Ryan being at her side. At the moment she's wearing a cute little green sundress that Ryan had probably made her buy (or bought for her) and a white shrug . . . jacket thing that was covering her shoulders. If Chad wasn't a little bit annoyed at her, he'd totally be kissing her hand an complimenting her-but it was okay that he wasn't, because Adam is doing it for him.
Kelsi smiles, “You know my name, Mr. Lambert.”
“Of course,” Adam replies, “Ryan talks about you too much for me to forget. Besides, you always look so gorgeous in the pictures he's shown me that I'd have to be blind to not recognize you.”
“You're a big flirt, Adam,” Ryan says suddenly, “are we going somewhere or do we have to be somewhere early tomorrow morning?”
Adam turns to face Ryan without thinking, the same way that Chad automatically turns toward Ryan's voice like flowers turn toward the sun. Ryan is standing a few feet away, flanked by a guy that Chad vaguely remembers from the times they've been to Angels and Kings-he assumes it's Pete-and Gabe Saporta. At least, Chad thinks that's his name. He's ridiculously bad at keeping Ryan's friends straight, but he remembers the neon. It's sort of hard to forget that kind of thing.
Adam smiles, “We can go after everyone's introduced.”
Everyone is introduced quickly and then they're piling into a car to go to Angels and Kings, which Chad assumes is because Pete owns it? Or so Ryan says, anyway, and he has no reason to lie about it because Ryan just doesn't lie about things like that. He doesn't know how to.
It doesn't matter, either way, because they're all just sort of sitting around and hanging out in one of the private rooms. Chad and Pete start talking and suddenly, the world is a whole lot brighter than it was that morning. It might be because Adam and Ryan are back to being themselves and they basically just gave a giant “fuck you” to everyone (it's the sort of thing you do when you're in love), he's just hashed out a deal with Pete to keep his branding but be part of the Clandestine family, Kelsi isn't teasing him and Ryan as much as she could, Ryan seems happier than he has in a week, and he doesn't have to memorize anyone's drink orders at the moment . . . But it could also be because his boyfriends played the best show they've ever played and Chad's pretty sure that #ryanmustgo won't be trending in the morning.
Even if it is, Chad sure he can deal with it because if Adam and Ryan aren't worried then neither is he.
----
8isforever I think I like #ryanmuststay is infinitely better than #ryanmustgo.
about 1 hour ago via twidroid
ryamba #ryanmuststay? i'm pretty sure that everyone will be happy to know that #ryanwillstay.
about 1 hour ago via Echofon
----
Postit-Notes: I love this story so much more than I should, I think. Or maybe I just like twitter a lot and tweets are a lot of fun to put into a story? Either way, this story has a special place in my heart.
Want more? Go for the fanmix. Or the coda. Or the other coda. Or hell, anything else in this 'verse.