Waiting for a flash of enlightenment in all this blood and thunder.
Ahhh... Watchmen.
Here be spoilers.
I've seen it twice already--once with Allie (who is super!preggers) and Ben, and once with Jeremy/Anna/Tim/Tim's girlfriend/Bryan. Read the whole thing over two nights last week, which is impressive considering the amount of text and the fact that I seem to fall asleep whenever I read anything these days. Anyway, I am chock full of Watchmen banging around in my head.
It was... Ehh. I'd give it a B. Was better the second time, maybe because I knew what to expect. But it was really, really obvious that Zack Snyder has a serious hard-on for slow motion, and that--whether he himself is aware of it or not--his life's ambition seems to be to make a 3-hour-long music video.
Seriously. Cut it out with all the songs already. I actually loved the bit with Dylan and enjoyed Simon and Garfunkel--not as effective as the Dylan montage, but it worked well enough, and didn't feel awkward or out of place or unnecessary. Unlike, oh, "99 Luftballons" or "Hallelujah" (and OK, Leonard Cohen is a great songwriter and has every right to record a version of his own song, but of all the versions to include--if you feel you really have to--you pick THAT one?) or "All Along the Watchtower." Not bad songs. Just not needed.
Which is sort of how I'm starting to feel about a lot of background music, too. When it works, you don't notice it. Lost is usually a good example of this (at least it's the first that came to mind). Watchmen, in terms of bg music, anyway, seemed like it really wanted to be Blade Runner (c'mon, it was set in the 80s, not made in the 80s). Or they'd throw some done-to-death string orchestra in the background, which, rather than upping the drama, just made the whole scene feel maudlin and schmaltzy. Or, during the prison break scene, they decided to just go for a straight-up superhero movie feel with some FUCK YEAH WE ARE SUPERHEROES AND WE'RE BEATING SHIT UP YEAH rock music. Which would have been well and good in any other movie but--I don't know, I wanted to feel something different with this one. I don't want to hear more of the same shit I've been hearing in every action movie for the past two decades.
I know I'm making a bigger deal out of fucking background music than probably anyone else out there, but as someone who had to watch and critique a lot of films in college (three semesters of History of Film/Animation), this kind of shit bothers me.
Anyway, moving on.
I'm okay--really and truly ok--with like 90% of it. But that other 10% is pretty huge. I'm not saying the book isn't violent or sexual--I read it, I know what's in it. But the movie was out and out gratuitous.
The extended fight scene at the beginning--why? So we can see an old man being brutalized? As if the knowledge that he fell 40-whatever stories isn't bad enough? Or are we just so used to seeing that in movies and on TV that the actual terror of such a thing escapes us?
Dan and Laurie fighting the topknots in the alley; Dan almost ripping Dude's arm in half, Laurie stabbing Other Dude in the neck with his own knife. Does it make them more bad-ass? Why should I be shocked at the Comedian's brutality (or contrast them with Rorschach's methods) when they are just as vicious?
Big Figure's dude (Larry? Don't have the book in front of me) getting his arms sliced off, Hostel-style, whereas in the comic, his throat was slit, off-panel.
Rorschach Begins: meat cleaver vs. hacksaw. The meat cleaver brought nothing to the table except to make a few people in the audience gasp and go "Ewwww/Oooohh." Anna disagreed with me; her feelings were that the meat cleaver version of events was to make you pissed off at Rorschach--but then she hasn't read the book and honestly, she is easily awed by CG effects, so she'd have loved the movie regardless of what was in it. (This bothers me a little, actually, and it bothers me that it bothers me, because it means I am kind of an elitist, I guess? But she loves LOVES loves superhero movies while remaining (and, at least until Watchmen, choosing to remain) ignorant of the source comics. It's just, you know--give the comics a shot, okay? Don't act like you're above them.)
Ozymandias' Batnipples; Silk Spectre's molded latex nipples. (a) I thought we all hated the Batnipple look? and (b) How fucking weird is it to have NIPPLES molded into your latex costume?
Last but not least: Dan + Laurie doin' it in the Bug Archie. Do I really have to sit there through two verses of "Hallelujah," watching Patrick Wilson's ass rocking back and forth? How is this scene supposed to make me feel? What emotion should it evoke in me? Should I be aroused? Because then it's porn-y. No? Then WHY IS IT TWO WHOLE VERSES LONG?
All of these issues (OK, maybe not the Ozynipples) could have been fixed if Snyder had followed one simple rule: Leave something to the imagination. He doesn't do that, won't allow for it. Can't just imply that Dan and Laurie have sex--no, we have to watch the whole thing, up to and including her orgasm-by-flamethrower. Can't let the audience imagine Child-Kidnapper-Dude faced with the choice of Cut Off Own Arm VS Burn to Death--Rorschach has to brain him with a meat cleaver. It's a death we don't have to even think about. What's wrong with thinking? What's wrong with not showing me every little fucking thing? Why can't a film be dark and intense and, yes, violent, without having to show me slow-mo snapping bones and blood and sinew flying and secretary's calves exploding with bullets? I shouldn't feel stupider for having experienced Watchmen, but watching these scenes, I did.
All of this is not to say that I hated it. You might think so, for all my criticisms; Anna did, I think, but this is just what I get for having high hopes. Overall, even with the change to the ending, I would give it a verdict of pretty good. And as I mentioned above, I LOVED the bit at the beginning--the montage that played under Dylan's "The Times They Are a-Changin'." I could watch that over and over. I still get a little misty thinking about Dollar Bill with his cape stuck in the revolving door. I just wish that the rest of the movie had made the same kind (or at least the same caliber) of impact.
And I won't lie, I got goosebumps watching the Half-Blood Prince trailer. What will I do when there are no movies left?? :(
Here be spoilers.
I've seen it twice already--once with Allie (who is super!preggers) and Ben, and once with Jeremy/Anna/Tim/Tim's girlfriend/Bryan. Read the whole thing over two nights last week, which is impressive considering the amount of text and the fact that I seem to fall asleep whenever I read anything these days. Anyway, I am chock full of Watchmen banging around in my head.
It was... Ehh. I'd give it a B. Was better the second time, maybe because I knew what to expect. But it was really, really obvious that Zack Snyder has a serious hard-on for slow motion, and that--whether he himself is aware of it or not--his life's ambition seems to be to make a 3-hour-long music video.
Seriously. Cut it out with all the songs already. I actually loved the bit with Dylan and enjoyed Simon and Garfunkel--not as effective as the Dylan montage, but it worked well enough, and didn't feel awkward or out of place or unnecessary. Unlike, oh, "99 Luftballons" or "Hallelujah" (and OK, Leonard Cohen is a great songwriter and has every right to record a version of his own song, but of all the versions to include--if you feel you really have to--you pick THAT one?) or "All Along the Watchtower." Not bad songs. Just not needed.
Which is sort of how I'm starting to feel about a lot of background music, too. When it works, you don't notice it. Lost is usually a good example of this (at least it's the first that came to mind). Watchmen, in terms of bg music, anyway, seemed like it really wanted to be Blade Runner (c'mon, it was set in the 80s, not made in the 80s). Or they'd throw some done-to-death string orchestra in the background, which, rather than upping the drama, just made the whole scene feel maudlin and schmaltzy. Or, during the prison break scene, they decided to just go for a straight-up superhero movie feel with some FUCK YEAH WE ARE SUPERHEROES AND WE'RE BEATING SHIT UP YEAH rock music. Which would have been well and good in any other movie but--I don't know, I wanted to feel something different with this one. I don't want to hear more of the same shit I've been hearing in every action movie for the past two decades.
I know I'm making a bigger deal out of fucking background music than probably anyone else out there, but as someone who had to watch and critique a lot of films in college (three semesters of History of Film/Animation), this kind of shit bothers me.
Anyway, moving on.
I'm okay--really and truly ok--with like 90% of it. But that other 10% is pretty huge. I'm not saying the book isn't violent or sexual--I read it, I know what's in it. But the movie was out and out gratuitous.
The extended fight scene at the beginning--why? So we can see an old man being brutalized? As if the knowledge that he fell 40-whatever stories isn't bad enough? Or are we just so used to seeing that in movies and on TV that the actual terror of such a thing escapes us?
Dan and Laurie fighting the topknots in the alley; Dan almost ripping Dude's arm in half, Laurie stabbing Other Dude in the neck with his own knife. Does it make them more bad-ass? Why should I be shocked at the Comedian's brutality (or contrast them with Rorschach's methods) when they are just as vicious?
Big Figure's dude (Larry? Don't have the book in front of me) getting his arms sliced off, Hostel-style, whereas in the comic, his throat was slit, off-panel.
Rorschach Begins: meat cleaver vs. hacksaw. The meat cleaver brought nothing to the table except to make a few people in the audience gasp and go "Ewwww/Oooohh." Anna disagreed with me; her feelings were that the meat cleaver version of events was to make you pissed off at Rorschach--but then she hasn't read the book and honestly, she is easily awed by CG effects, so she'd have loved the movie regardless of what was in it. (This bothers me a little, actually, and it bothers me that it bothers me, because it means I am kind of an elitist, I guess? But she loves LOVES loves superhero movies while remaining (and, at least until Watchmen, choosing to remain) ignorant of the source comics. It's just, you know--give the comics a shot, okay? Don't act like you're above them.)
Ozymandias' Batnipples; Silk Spectre's molded latex nipples. (a) I thought we all hated the Batnipple look? and (b) How fucking weird is it to have NIPPLES molded into your latex costume?
Last but not least: Dan + Laurie doin' it in the Bug Archie. Do I really have to sit there through two verses of "Hallelujah," watching Patrick Wilson's ass rocking back and forth? How is this scene supposed to make me feel? What emotion should it evoke in me? Should I be aroused? Because then it's porn-y. No? Then WHY IS IT TWO WHOLE VERSES LONG?
All of these issues (OK, maybe not the Ozynipples) could have been fixed if Snyder had followed one simple rule: Leave something to the imagination. He doesn't do that, won't allow for it. Can't just imply that Dan and Laurie have sex--no, we have to watch the whole thing, up to and including her orgasm-by-flamethrower. Can't let the audience imagine Child-Kidnapper-Dude faced with the choice of Cut Off Own Arm VS Burn to Death--Rorschach has to brain him with a meat cleaver. It's a death we don't have to even think about. What's wrong with thinking? What's wrong with not showing me every little fucking thing? Why can't a film be dark and intense and, yes, violent, without having to show me slow-mo snapping bones and blood and sinew flying and secretary's calves exploding with bullets? I shouldn't feel stupider for having experienced Watchmen, but watching these scenes, I did.
All of this is not to say that I hated it. You might think so, for all my criticisms; Anna did, I think, but this is just what I get for having high hopes. Overall, even with the change to the ending, I would give it a verdict of pretty good. And as I mentioned above, I LOVED the bit at the beginning--the montage that played under Dylan's "The Times They Are a-Changin'." I could watch that over and over. I still get a little misty thinking about Dollar Bill with his cape stuck in the revolving door. I just wish that the rest of the movie had made the same kind (or at least the same caliber) of impact.
And I won't lie, I got goosebumps watching the Half-Blood Prince trailer. What will I do when there are no movies left?? :(