writer's blues;;
Guuuuhh.... well, durn it all.
I went through some old fanfiction today and laughed myself silly. Anyone remember Smile? I used to ramble about it in this lj and make banners in Paint during my 10th grade Web Design class. I like to think I've improved as a writer since then, but I honestly don't know. At least I recognize how incredibly bad that story was - not the plot, not too much, but geez, the generall OOCness, the sweet, sugar-coated dialogue, the needless melodrama, the HORROR, the HORROR!
As a matter of fact, I think I've improved a lot as far as nonfiction writing goes. Generally I like the papers I turn in. I think I just like to feel smart or something, because if I know a bit about a topic, I can make myself sound pretty smart about it. This isn't a new revelation or anything - I've felt I was a little more comfortable in nonfiction, particularly lyric essays or memoirs, for a long time. But I certainly haven't given up on fiction. It's just going to take time to find my niche.
Sometimes I feel like I have this block in my mind that prevents me from fully latching on to topics, concepts... fleshing out plots or what-have-you. I'll come up with something and it will sound great, but it'll remain in some half-finished state and I'll never find the gall to write it because I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing. What I have to do to rectify that, I think, is just write it. I won't post it on the Internet. (Except maybe here for stylistic criticism.) I'll just write it. That way I don't need to worry about pleasing people chapter by chapter - I have plenty of time to rewrite, revise, edit.
I also often have trouble settling on a theme. Let's take my current project. Originally it was meant to be very sci-fi, even Star Trek-like. Then, as is often the case with me, it suddenly curved into the realm of the fantastical. I tried to bring it back to earth, and got something rather melodramatic. I'm going to try to shoot for something grounded in reality, but with distinct surreal qualities. And also roots in ancient mythology. If my Anthro class (which, to all intents and purposes, is really an Archaeology class) has been good for anything, it's deepening my knowledge of (prehistorical!) mythology. We haven't done much post-2500 years ago. But I'm so enthralled by the Mayan culture, Egyptian (of course), Native American, and soon we're moving on to the Indus valley, which is a major yay! Archaeology is thrilling - if I had the patience and the energy, I might have pursued it myself. ;)
Speaking of Anthro, I wrote a paper on the Temple of Inscriptions. I whined about it in Nightscrawler chat and got some advice from the cool-beyond-cool chat peeps there. I swear, Nightscrawlers is like one big fam.
Also, I got to be part of a live videoconference with Gerda Weissman Kleine, a survivor of the Holocaust. I'm going to write about it probably tomorrow, but it was truly emotional and touching and probably the best thing that's happened to me so far this year.
Any way I look at it, the only thing I'm unhappy about is my lack of a social life. Things are pretty good here otherwise. I just can't seem to make friends. I would feel better if I used the time I would be spending hanging out with people actually doing something productive, like writing, but most of the time I'm too miserable. I'm still considering transferring, but it's still too early to decide. It's hard to transfer for sophomore year because, although transfer student application deadlines are later than for incoming freshman, they're still within the first school year, so new things could always happen. Plus, so many people have told me they were miserable as freshmen but then met a great group of friends and social crowd in sophomore year. I'm sort of hoping that because my second semester classes are important to me, others taking the classes will care about them too, and maybe I'll meet people with similar interests there.
Sadly, I can't go to anime club tomorrow because of some stupid floor meeting. >.< I can, howeve, go to the presentation on Medieval Indian Hampi art. That should be all sorts of cool.
Kathryn invited me to go home with her for Thanksgiving, since she has to come through Philly to get home, but unfortunately, Temple is stupid and is only giving us next Thursday and Friday off, whereas Kathryn has the whole week. I'm actually leaving on Tuesday afternoon since it takes me, oh, a whole day to get home. (All right, that's an exaggeration, but it is taxing - plus, when the traffic is bad, like that horrible mess last time, it can take up to eight hours.) Which means I'm missing Wednesday classes. That won't matter for Anthro since it's canceled and I don't think my professor takes attendance anyway, or for Religion because I can just take the quiz ahead of time and I've got plenty of freebie absences left. However, I've missed Japanese at least twice, I believe, and above all I need a good grade in that class, so that's my only concern. But I've already bought the ticket, I'll just hand in my homework early, or ask Jameelah or Kelly to hand it in for me maybe, because Tuesday at 1:30 I am OUT OF HERE.
I went through some old fanfiction today and laughed myself silly. Anyone remember Smile? I used to ramble about it in this lj and make banners in Paint during my 10th grade Web Design class. I like to think I've improved as a writer since then, but I honestly don't know. At least I recognize how incredibly bad that story was - not the plot, not too much, but geez, the generall OOCness, the sweet, sugar-coated dialogue, the needless melodrama, the HORROR, the HORROR!
As a matter of fact, I think I've improved a lot as far as nonfiction writing goes. Generally I like the papers I turn in. I think I just like to feel smart or something, because if I know a bit about a topic, I can make myself sound pretty smart about it. This isn't a new revelation or anything - I've felt I was a little more comfortable in nonfiction, particularly lyric essays or memoirs, for a long time. But I certainly haven't given up on fiction. It's just going to take time to find my niche.
Sometimes I feel like I have this block in my mind that prevents me from fully latching on to topics, concepts... fleshing out plots or what-have-you. I'll come up with something and it will sound great, but it'll remain in some half-finished state and I'll never find the gall to write it because I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing. What I have to do to rectify that, I think, is just write it. I won't post it on the Internet. (Except maybe here for stylistic criticism.) I'll just write it. That way I don't need to worry about pleasing people chapter by chapter - I have plenty of time to rewrite, revise, edit.
I also often have trouble settling on a theme. Let's take my current project. Originally it was meant to be very sci-fi, even Star Trek-like. Then, as is often the case with me, it suddenly curved into the realm of the fantastical. I tried to bring it back to earth, and got something rather melodramatic. I'm going to try to shoot for something grounded in reality, but with distinct surreal qualities. And also roots in ancient mythology. If my Anthro class (which, to all intents and purposes, is really an Archaeology class) has been good for anything, it's deepening my knowledge of (prehistorical!) mythology. We haven't done much post-2500 years ago. But I'm so enthralled by the Mayan culture, Egyptian (of course), Native American, and soon we're moving on to the Indus valley, which is a major yay! Archaeology is thrilling - if I had the patience and the energy, I might have pursued it myself. ;)
Speaking of Anthro, I wrote a paper on the Temple of Inscriptions. I whined about it in Nightscrawler chat and got some advice from the cool-beyond-cool chat peeps there. I swear, Nightscrawlers is like one big fam.
Also, I got to be part of a live videoconference with Gerda Weissman Kleine, a survivor of the Holocaust. I'm going to write about it probably tomorrow, but it was truly emotional and touching and probably the best thing that's happened to me so far this year.
Any way I look at it, the only thing I'm unhappy about is my lack of a social life. Things are pretty good here otherwise. I just can't seem to make friends. I would feel better if I used the time I would be spending hanging out with people actually doing something productive, like writing, but most of the time I'm too miserable. I'm still considering transferring, but it's still too early to decide. It's hard to transfer for sophomore year because, although transfer student application deadlines are later than for incoming freshman, they're still within the first school year, so new things could always happen. Plus, so many people have told me they were miserable as freshmen but then met a great group of friends and social crowd in sophomore year. I'm sort of hoping that because my second semester classes are important to me, others taking the classes will care about them too, and maybe I'll meet people with similar interests there.
Sadly, I can't go to anime club tomorrow because of some stupid floor meeting. >.< I can, howeve, go to the presentation on Medieval Indian Hampi art. That should be all sorts of cool.
Kathryn invited me to go home with her for Thanksgiving, since she has to come through Philly to get home, but unfortunately, Temple is stupid and is only giving us next Thursday and Friday off, whereas Kathryn has the whole week. I'm actually leaving on Tuesday afternoon since it takes me, oh, a whole day to get home. (All right, that's an exaggeration, but it is taxing - plus, when the traffic is bad, like that horrible mess last time, it can take up to eight hours.) Which means I'm missing Wednesday classes. That won't matter for Anthro since it's canceled and I don't think my professor takes attendance anyway, or for Religion because I can just take the quiz ahead of time and I've got plenty of freebie absences left. However, I've missed Japanese at least twice, I believe, and above all I need a good grade in that class, so that's my only concern. But I've already bought the ticket, I'll just hand in my homework early, or ask Jameelah or Kelly to hand it in for me maybe, because Tuesday at 1:30 I am OUT OF HERE.