Mr. Barlow
well i know all my entries are going to be about ian but thats cos i limit how much i talk about him cos that would drive ppl mad! Ian where to start...
on sunday i went around his and it was perfect, we just talked and fooled around and hugged and it felt like heaven. It was one of these moments that you just wish would last forever and u just dont' want to move and disrupt this little bit of heaven that you have found. And ian is this heaven. After that wonderful sunday every other moment seems slightly more dull because its not as good as if he were there. He makes it so easy for me to love him. And its not tha i want to fall for him as such, i'm looking to! in fact i'm scared of geting hurt again. Not that i loved Jaspar. But ian makes it so comfortable and makes it feel so right to just love him and let him love me and that he'd do anyting rather than hurt me, I think its always going to be a paranoia for me.
The most amazing thing about ian is he says what he thinks and i can as well. i mean everything last night we spoke about wishing for an island for just the two of us and you may think this at two weeks of dating but actually saying it is another matter.
The only downfall is my mother!
Ian came around here to wednesday and we didn't spend much time with my rents after al we've been dating less than two weeks! and it was perfect just like sunday! and then my mother has to ruin it by when he leaves having ago at me because she believe i think shes embarasing! she doesn't understand that i wasn't ready for ian to meet properly. and its not like she made him comfortable by playing on the computer when he did try to talk to her! she apologized but i was hurt because it seemed like an attack on ian because he didnt' speak to her. then the next morning she says sorry again but shes realised that she doesn't feel that way she was just tense about becky and aaron not doing anything for her for mothers day and was taking it out on me! now i'm really pissed of.
AND it gets worse.
we went to the cast meal last night which was great and after we went for th emal we wnet back to O'Neils and at about 9:15 me and ian left to go back to mine. So we booked ian a taxi to leave mine at 12:30. and have another blissful evening. until 11;30 when i get a text from mum saying what time is ian leaving. so i say and she says she wants to talk now. so i get dressed and go downstairs and she has ago at me because i'm supposed to know ian had to leave by 11, apparently i have a kurfew for those whos are around my house even though shes only ever set a kurfew for groups of mates. Well we get into this arguement with ian upstairs. we argue going nowhere for half an hour! she says she can't go to bed cos she doesn't want to thnk we are doing stuff. well i said but wha about becky and neil when they used to stay here. she said they didn't so anything but yeah right! and what about aaron and maddy who we hear having sex but that ok its only if me and ian are doing someting. she also said she could hear the bed squeaking but we weren't doing anything to actually make the bed squeak! Well i stopped the arguement after half an hour cos ian was upstairs. but when i left the room i had tears in my eyes and i actually cried a little in front of ian. he was amazingly supportive. gave me a hug and a kiss which is exactly what i needed and when i calmed down i told him what it was about. this is when we started talking about having and island of our own and for this moment to last forever though its not the first time we have said the latter. and after he left mum had more of ago and ended up not going to bed till 2 and i didn't sleep till 3. so i've had 4 hours sleep max.and it didn't help that we did an exam today and i hadnt' done my maths homework and i had english coursework lesson with the teacher that hates me JUDE GREGORY. so its not been a great day but its not as bad as it could have been. about th eonly thing going for me is my mates and ian. work is boring college is swamping me i'm ill and my rents are being just so irritating i want to tell them to shut up and fuck off.
ian sent me a text after he got home last night saying -'i'm really sorry for getting u in trouble. as i was lookin into ur eyes 2niote, i saw a twinkle and realised that i luv u so much. i wish we could be together all the time, ur really special'
That was the only thing that helped me sleep last night. just knowing i'd be seing him in the morning. Its so amazing how after such a small time i can miss him so much and luv him so much and want to be with him all the time. i was talking to Lucy and Megan from my english class about relationships (in fact that all we talk about) and lucy feels the same and agrees that everything else seems dull compared to being with them. maybe its a sort of numbness or lower feeling of living not being with them makes.
so there we go that all that i can say cos ian is all i think about.
although one other thing,,, becky is ur reading this babe i'mo so sorry about having to cancel ur flight and would give anything for u to go and see ur cousin cos i know what its like to not get to spend time with people who are ill. i'm just so sorry.
on sunday i went around his and it was perfect, we just talked and fooled around and hugged and it felt like heaven. It was one of these moments that you just wish would last forever and u just dont' want to move and disrupt this little bit of heaven that you have found. And ian is this heaven. After that wonderful sunday every other moment seems slightly more dull because its not as good as if he were there. He makes it so easy for me to love him. And its not tha i want to fall for him as such, i'm looking to! in fact i'm scared of geting hurt again. Not that i loved Jaspar. But ian makes it so comfortable and makes it feel so right to just love him and let him love me and that he'd do anyting rather than hurt me, I think its always going to be a paranoia for me.
The most amazing thing about ian is he says what he thinks and i can as well. i mean everything last night we spoke about wishing for an island for just the two of us and you may think this at two weeks of dating but actually saying it is another matter.
The only downfall is my mother!
Ian came around here to wednesday and we didn't spend much time with my rents after al we've been dating less than two weeks! and it was perfect just like sunday! and then my mother has to ruin it by when he leaves having ago at me because she believe i think shes embarasing! she doesn't understand that i wasn't ready for ian to meet properly. and its not like she made him comfortable by playing on the computer when he did try to talk to her! she apologized but i was hurt because it seemed like an attack on ian because he didnt' speak to her. then the next morning she says sorry again but shes realised that she doesn't feel that way she was just tense about becky and aaron not doing anything for her for mothers day and was taking it out on me! now i'm really pissed of.
AND it gets worse.
we went to the cast meal last night which was great and after we went for th emal we wnet back to O'Neils and at about 9:15 me and ian left to go back to mine. So we booked ian a taxi to leave mine at 12:30. and have another blissful evening. until 11;30 when i get a text from mum saying what time is ian leaving. so i say and she says she wants to talk now. so i get dressed and go downstairs and she has ago at me because i'm supposed to know ian had to leave by 11, apparently i have a kurfew for those whos are around my house even though shes only ever set a kurfew for groups of mates. Well we get into this arguement with ian upstairs. we argue going nowhere for half an hour! she says she can't go to bed cos she doesn't want to thnk we are doing stuff. well i said but wha about becky and neil when they used to stay here. she said they didn't so anything but yeah right! and what about aaron and maddy who we hear having sex but that ok its only if me and ian are doing someting. she also said she could hear the bed squeaking but we weren't doing anything to actually make the bed squeak! Well i stopped the arguement after half an hour cos ian was upstairs. but when i left the room i had tears in my eyes and i actually cried a little in front of ian. he was amazingly supportive. gave me a hug and a kiss which is exactly what i needed and when i calmed down i told him what it was about. this is when we started talking about having and island of our own and for this moment to last forever though its not the first time we have said the latter. and after he left mum had more of ago and ended up not going to bed till 2 and i didn't sleep till 3. so i've had 4 hours sleep max.and it didn't help that we did an exam today and i hadnt' done my maths homework and i had english coursework lesson with the teacher that hates me JUDE GREGORY. so its not been a great day but its not as bad as it could have been. about th eonly thing going for me is my mates and ian. work is boring college is swamping me i'm ill and my rents are being just so irritating i want to tell them to shut up and fuck off.
ian sent me a text after he got home last night saying -'i'm really sorry for getting u in trouble. as i was lookin into ur eyes 2niote, i saw a twinkle and realised that i luv u so much. i wish we could be together all the time, ur really special'
That was the only thing that helped me sleep last night. just knowing i'd be seing him in the morning. Its so amazing how after such a small time i can miss him so much and luv him so much and want to be with him all the time. i was talking to Lucy and Megan from my english class about relationships (in fact that all we talk about) and lucy feels the same and agrees that everything else seems dull compared to being with them. maybe its a sort of numbness or lower feeling of living not being with them makes.
so there we go that all that i can say cos ian is all i think about.
although one other thing,,, becky is ur reading this babe i'mo so sorry about having to cancel ur flight and would give anything for u to go and see ur cousin cos i know what its like to not get to spend time with people who are ill. i'm just so sorry.