(no subject)
I haven't had a deep journal entry in a while, so here we go. First off I still dont know how to change my lj appearance, so looks like Diducs layout she made for me is going to be here forever. Also i love my true friends. Honestly i do. I love Solera too, but shes bummin that I'm not going to prom because she told me she was only chaperoning because she could hang out with me, but now that I'm not going shes pissed. Anyway, yeah I'm not going. But I'm so happy im not. I didn't want to deal with it. The drama, not having a table to sit at because clearly there isn't enough room for me anywhere. And I hate when people say "aww you're not going" I hate getting pity. I don't want people to act like I'm not going because I'm a social outcast (which I may be?) but I'm not going because I simply don't want to. I would have a much better time with the girls that aren't going. I'm not in an inner circle, but im okay with that. There is only one year after this left of high school. Why focus on trying to be someone's friend who doesn't want to be friends with you? Might as well make high school worth my time. Next year will be better anyway (knock on wood). I've found good friends and I'm going to stick with them. I have a problem of befriending people and then we drift apart after a couple of months. I talk to katie everyday in physics, and it really makes me realize that I don't need friends who dont need me. Life hasn't even started yet, so why fret? There's so much going on that no one knows, and I won't tell anyone because pity is that last thing I deserve. People have it so much worse. But honestly with everything going on, I didn't want to stress over prom. It was only going to make me feel like shit. I didn't have a table or anything figured out and my best friends weren't going. I knew it was going to suck. I'm just bumming because all through high school I couldn't wait for my junior prom, I thought that MY prom was going to be great. But obviously I found out otherwise. All I'm saying is it's a letdown. I'm not sure when were going to Arizona it should be before April vacation, my mom just needs to find out when she has a week off from treatment. Arizona is supposed to be a trip for my mom and us, she wants to show me and my siblings where she grew up. But I'm more excited to get out of milford for a week, I really need it. I need a break from everything.