Do you know.. blegh?
Do you know this feeling of "Blegh."? This feeling of something hover just beyond your awareness and you can't reach it because everything is in a thick fog? Was für eine Scheiße.
First unemployed, now dumb. I'm telling you, my brain is rotting away as I type. I haven't slept well in a couple of days. Nightmares, everynight. One night I'm a living guinea pig in a secret Nazi labratory under the local indoor pool & the supermarket next door (and perfectly alright with that, might I add), then a giant spider follows me, and the last nightmare (I can remember) my friends and I are trying to kidnap a nun in red robes and torture her. I don't even remember WHY we had to kidnap her, but I couldn't knock her unconscious with my mobile phone and so a friend of mine started cutting off her fingers with a scissor (it worked just fine, which upset me a lot because hello? BONES?!) to show her we were serious or something I don't remember at all but I felt so sick each and everytime I woke from one of those nightmares. Now I'm scared to go to sleep, but still turn in early because I am so damn tired.
Can't write anymore, either. Muse is sapped dry. I have the ideas, but none of them is appealing, none of them can be written down in a form that makes sense. Usually when I write there's this sense of freedom or of giddy anticipation. Nothing. Blank.
Blegh.
Now what? Chocolate doesn't help. Cherry & chilli tea (secret weapon #2) doesn't help, either and I am loathe to turn to alcohol because it'll only make me more gloomy. I don't need more "Doom & Gloom". I've got enough of that to last 10 lifetimes. I mean hello? Mom with cancer, 5 friends who have been raped/sexually assaulted (not counting myself because that guy only tried to force me to jerk him off and ended up with my coke in his lap and that's not counting), 5 nervous breakdowns, 4 years of on-going mobbing and severe depression caused by overweight. I mean isn't that enough "Doom & Gloom" for at least 6 soap-opears?
Blegh.
And I don't want no comments. So don't bother.
First unemployed, now dumb. I'm telling you, my brain is rotting away as I type. I haven't slept well in a couple of days. Nightmares, everynight. One night I'm a living guinea pig in a secret Nazi labratory under the local indoor pool & the supermarket next door (and perfectly alright with that, might I add), then a giant spider follows me, and the last nightmare (I can remember) my friends and I are trying to kidnap a nun in red robes and torture her. I don't even remember WHY we had to kidnap her, but I couldn't knock her unconscious with my mobile phone and so a friend of mine started cutting off her fingers with a scissor (it worked just fine, which upset me a lot because hello? BONES?!) to show her we were serious or something I don't remember at all but I felt so sick each and everytime I woke from one of those nightmares. Now I'm scared to go to sleep, but still turn in early because I am so damn tired.
Can't write anymore, either. Muse is sapped dry. I have the ideas, but none of them is appealing, none of them can be written down in a form that makes sense. Usually when I write there's this sense of freedom or of giddy anticipation. Nothing. Blank.
Blegh.
Now what? Chocolate doesn't help. Cherry & chilli tea (secret weapon #2) doesn't help, either and I am loathe to turn to alcohol because it'll only make me more gloomy. I don't need more "Doom & Gloom". I've got enough of that to last 10 lifetimes. I mean hello? Mom with cancer, 5 friends who have been raped/sexually assaulted (not counting myself because that guy only tried to force me to jerk him off and ended up with my coke in his lap and that's not counting), 5 nervous breakdowns, 4 years of on-going mobbing and severe depression caused by overweight. I mean isn't that enough "Doom & Gloom" for at least 6 soap-opears?
Blegh.
And I don't want no comments. So don't bother.