(no subject)
believe your dreams of me sinking so far below you cant pull me from here so dont try
-i love armor for sleep.
lately ive been having these outrageous urges to just pick up and run from here. The inconsistantcy of all the ups in my life is really starting to get to me. Its like the longer i stay here the more downs i get from this place...i know its time to get out of here when the bad outweighs the good.
I feel ive taken all i can from here. Its time for bigger things than this place can offer. I want to live in the city i want to experience failure i want to experience success i want to walk down the streets and know that what i have is what ive longed for and that ive created it for myself. My perception of happiness love and every other pathetic teenage emotion has been severly distorted by the lies ive set myself in.
Spontaneous acts of my self wishing for something more have begun to set in. I find myself letting my old habits work their way back into my life...and truth is i like it. I like the feeling of not caring who im going to offend with what decesion i make and who is going to call me a hyprocrite for my actions. yes i have the responsibilty to uphold my morals to myself but they've drastically changed.
I have some of the best friends in the world but it seems as if no matter what or who i have im always searching for and wanting something more. The more im scolded with the moral of the grass is greener on the other side the more i want to lay in that grass. part of it is in spite but for the most i just want to get out there and live. I felt more alive back then...
school is gone to hell. the plan as of now is dbcc to graduate early next year. i know i have to finish high school. i dont want to be uneducated but i dont see the point in it. i dont even know if i want to finish high school in florida. im supposed to go to california around this time next year after i graduate. but i dont know what im searching for out there. i want to travel.
this may go down as the biggest bitching session ever.
the rate that i of tire of things never ceases to amaze me i cant even stay occupied with one idea for more than a day.i dont know how i cant be satisfied with all ive been given. the re-occuring theme of this seems to be that i dont know what i need or where i want to be but im sure as hell its not here. feel free to suggest the obvious heh. actully suggest anything at this point. All im sure of is i want out of here. fuck deltona.
the lack of excitement and life in this town is draining depressing and unbearable. i hate it here. The ones i love here are all ive got to pull me through one more day in such circumstances. I feel ignorant and sheltered. i feel like an unborn child whos never really seen the outside world. im ready to be born into the world we all like to call cruel. i want to make what i can of it with out my mother or my fathers decesions in my way.
when things are going great for me i dont feel as alive as when i have something to work for or fix.its as if i need a certain amount of wrong in my life to make it good. to let me know im still attached to the outside and not just living in a bubble ive created.
i guess ill end this entry now.
listen to armor for sleep. the end.
-i love armor for sleep.
lately ive been having these outrageous urges to just pick up and run from here. The inconsistantcy of all the ups in my life is really starting to get to me. Its like the longer i stay here the more downs i get from this place...i know its time to get out of here when the bad outweighs the good.
I feel ive taken all i can from here. Its time for bigger things than this place can offer. I want to live in the city i want to experience failure i want to experience success i want to walk down the streets and know that what i have is what ive longed for and that ive created it for myself. My perception of happiness love and every other pathetic teenage emotion has been severly distorted by the lies ive set myself in.
Spontaneous acts of my self wishing for something more have begun to set in. I find myself letting my old habits work their way back into my life...and truth is i like it. I like the feeling of not caring who im going to offend with what decesion i make and who is going to call me a hyprocrite for my actions. yes i have the responsibilty to uphold my morals to myself but they've drastically changed.
I have some of the best friends in the world but it seems as if no matter what or who i have im always searching for and wanting something more. The more im scolded with the moral of the grass is greener on the other side the more i want to lay in that grass. part of it is in spite but for the most i just want to get out there and live. I felt more alive back then...
school is gone to hell. the plan as of now is dbcc to graduate early next year. i know i have to finish high school. i dont want to be uneducated but i dont see the point in it. i dont even know if i want to finish high school in florida. im supposed to go to california around this time next year after i graduate. but i dont know what im searching for out there. i want to travel.
this may go down as the biggest bitching session ever.
the rate that i of tire of things never ceases to amaze me i cant even stay occupied with one idea for more than a day.i dont know how i cant be satisfied with all ive been given. the re-occuring theme of this seems to be that i dont know what i need or where i want to be but im sure as hell its not here. feel free to suggest the obvious heh. actully suggest anything at this point. All im sure of is i want out of here. fuck deltona.
the lack of excitement and life in this town is draining depressing and unbearable. i hate it here. The ones i love here are all ive got to pull me through one more day in such circumstances. I feel ignorant and sheltered. i feel like an unborn child whos never really seen the outside world. im ready to be born into the world we all like to call cruel. i want to make what i can of it with out my mother or my fathers decesions in my way.
when things are going great for me i dont feel as alive as when i have something to work for or fix.its as if i need a certain amount of wrong in my life to make it good. to let me know im still attached to the outside and not just living in a bubble ive created.
i guess ill end this entry now.
listen to armor for sleep. the end.