[NVC Day 15] -- [And Then? Things Got Weird] -- [Kirk/Bones/Sam]
When they woke up in the morning, Jim was alone in bed. Jim only briefly thought of it, of the lovely lady that they had ravaged (and ravaged right back, wondered if he could convince Bones to do this again) and wondering where Bones was. Otherwise, he felt damn good. Hungry, thirsty, but good. He took a slow deep breath on the salty air that came
( Read more... )
The body in his arms began to stir and Bones found himself looking at Sam, and everything that happened in the past day hit him like a ton of bricks. Finding Jim and Sam kissing, pulling off clothes. Being brought into it. Fucking Sam, being fucked by Jim. The three of them tangled together like a knot of arms and legs and tongues and skin.
But right now, Jim was gone. Wasn't hard to guess where he might be, but Bones had no idea what sort of mental shape he'd be in. This was going to be weird, he knew. Jim had some pretty flexible ideas about his sexuality, and had even fucked his own counterpart on occasion. But Sam... there was something different about that. They weren't on good terms, Bones knew it was his fault. This- this was either going to make things better for them all, or drive the existing wedge even further into their relationship.
Sam was a hard sleeper, Bones smiled to himself, running a hand over the blond hair and dropping a kiss on his warm forehead. Fuck. The knot in his stomach was tightening, wondering what Jim was doing right now, what he was thinking.
He pulled on a pair of shorts and headed outside, looking for Jim.
Reply
It was sweeping mixtures of disgust, anger, and guilt that him made feel sick to his stomach as the waves rolled around him.
Reply
He sat down in the water next to Jim, laying a hand on his shoulder.
Reply
His stomach clenched again and he fought it down.
Reply
The touching thing, that always seemed to work with them. Sliding over an inch closer, Bones leaned in and wrapped his arm around Jim's shoulder, ignoring the tensing up he felt beneath him. Jim needed to know they were in this together, no matter what crazy thoughts he was thinking.
What had happened... fuck. Couldn't think about it right now. Just needed to make sure Jim was okay.
Reply
He couldn't get those images out of his head. He wasn't even sure what was worse - those or the ones of Sam touching him, their mouths together...
Reply
Reply
Reply
Like it was his fault. Like he was mad at him.
Bones fucking hated that look.
Reply
Reply
The idea that Jim might be right was pushed into the back of his head and ignored for now. Couldn't think on that. Couldn't be true.
After a few deep breaths he turned around, and stared at Jim, his hazel eyes dark and scared and angry. "What do you wanna do, Jim?" he finally said.
Reply
Reply
He let go with a ragged breath, his heart hurting, everything inside hurting. He didn't know what to do about Jim's words. Things came to mind to say, about the others but it all felt petty now. He didn't want to argue, so he turned and headed deeper into the warm water, his eyes focused tight on the horizon.
He just wanted to make Jim better, and barring that - he wanted to stop feeling like this.
Reply
How desperately he wanted to believe those words. It almost scared him to realize how much he wanted to believe them, how unsettled and unfocused the word forever had become over the last two weeks. This was everything he had ever wanted to avoid a relationship for, how much his chest hurt, and fucking scared he felt like a child after a nightmare.
It didn't answer his question, the accusation he had thrown at Bones. Bones buried his head in the sand when it came to things like this, even more than him sometimes. "Then stop this with him," Jim whispered. "I stopped for you." It wasn't entirely true, in a technical view. He had clung to Prime in his pain-fear, touched him and kissed him and curled up to sleep beside him and in his mind.
This thing with Sam... was Sam determined to ruin their relationship by forcing himself with Bones? He just didn't understand it anymore, didn't... after this thing with Spock... too soon. Like pouring salt in an open wound.
But he tried, even when the words hurt. "Maybe someday, I can handle it." He tried. He wanted Bones to be happy. He didn't want to hate his brother. Sam never asked him, just took and got everything his way by guilt. Sam didn't understand a god damn thing except his own selfishness. Maybe when Sam proved otherwise, he could deal with the idea of it.
He wanted to stop feeling guilty for something that made him feel like a hypocrite. I didn't sleep with Prime. I didn't. I've stopped... I've stopped. Isn't that what I was supposed to do? Fuck he hated feeling like this. Raw and insecure and scared and dragged face down across the sand.
But nothing, not even what had happened last night, or the nights before with Spock, or anything else could or would stop him from loving Bones. That was what scared him, and saved him, more than absolutely anything else.
Reply
He'd do it, whatever Jim needed right now. If this is what it took, giving up his- then okay. But he felt hollow right now. Maybe it would be better later, but right now, it wasn't good.
Bones walked over and kissed the side of his head. "I'll be back later," he said, catching Jim's eyes for a moment, then turning and heading away from the house.
He had a lot to think about.
Reply
Leave a comment