Transformers 3 - not as terrible as you've been told! (review with spoilers)
I finally went to see Transformers 3 in the tiniest film theatre ever. Seriously, it was like being in someone's basement - 32 sits!!! - but I will definitely go there more often. The tickets are £5 and it's on my way to and from work, so nuff said.
I was hesitant to see it despite the initial geekout, as I have read some devastating reviews, where the best thing people had to say about it was “it was not as bad as Transformers 2!” which means nothing; colonoscopy is not as bad as Transformers 2, getting hit in a face with a hammer is not as bad as Transformers 2, there are people who live in a ditch and eat garbage that say: “well, at least I'm not forced to watch Transformers 2 once a week”.
My opinion? It's truly not as bad as Transformers 2!!!! \o/ Actually, frankly, to be honest, hand on heart - I really liked it! I wouldn't cry if I had to see it again and I will be getting it on DVD when it comes out.
Things I didn't like:
- they got rid of the racist twins but they still have a bucketload of “comic relieves” that made me want to pull my own teeth out. The small robots were at least the least annoying but the rest... WTF JOHN MALKOVITCH!!!!! No. Seriously. Really. I need to know what made him think “yeah, I totally want to be one of the classic quirky, annoying as fuck Michael Bay comic relieves!” I hope he got enough money for it to make a gold statue of himself. The gay sidekick - Dutch - I really didn't know what to think about him. At first I facepalmed but then he started kicking some serious ass (tho I still don't know who was he). Deep Wang - because nothing is funnier than man on man rape :D
- the beginning was a mess - we had a pointless, annoying Sam scene, then some Transformers action, then the pointless, annoying Sam scene again, then Transformers action... rinse and repeat. It's like whomever wrote the script used The Little Book of Writing and only got to chapter one: “Remember to break the tension”. So they remembered with a zealousness of a suicide bomber. The first 40 minutes are literally Transformers/Sam/Transformers/Sam/Transformers/Sam.
- Speaking of Sam scenes - what was the point. What. Was. The. Point. Why should I give half of a flying fuck about Sam's job hunt in a film about GIANT ROBOTS FIGHTING EACH OTHER.
- Too much idiotic slapstick. AGAIN.
- I felt, especially at the end, that the Autobots weren't really necessary to the plot. I still had no idea who the majority of the Transformers were - they looked identical - why should I care about them in the end if they felt like sidekicks in their own film most of the time? In the end, seeing them taking over didn't feel right, since at times, they felt like Deus ex machina, showing up to save some humans in a nick of time and the disappearing again. Decepticons were on the screen for about 10 minutes overall and I only recognized Megatron and Laserbreak (my favourite Transformer from the comic book!)
- plotholes like whoa. Why there were only 9 Autobots? There were much much more of them in part 2. What happened to Cyberton in the end, did it explode killing EVERYONE? How stupid were the humans believing Decepticons?
Things I like:
- Agent Simms, that I admit is my favourite character of the franchise, finally got some dignity back, after the vicious character rape he experienced in part 2. He was, by far, the most competent person there.
- I was impressed by the entire battle in Chicago, it was the best action scene I've seen this summer. It was gripping and well balanced, it never bored or was too much. There were a couple of moments that didn't deliver (I was suppose to be, what, touched? Sad? Shocked? When they executed the Autobot that had 2 lines in the entire film!). In my opinion they should have renamed this film Battle: Chicago and get rid of the beginning
Ok, so it seems that I liked only two things but like I said, I loved the entire battle, which makes up the majority of the second part of the film.
I was hesitant to see it despite the initial geekout, as I have read some devastating reviews, where the best thing people had to say about it was “it was not as bad as Transformers 2!” which means nothing; colonoscopy is not as bad as Transformers 2, getting hit in a face with a hammer is not as bad as Transformers 2, there are people who live in a ditch and eat garbage that say: “well, at least I'm not forced to watch Transformers 2 once a week”.
My opinion? It's truly not as bad as Transformers 2!!!! \o/ Actually, frankly, to be honest, hand on heart - I really liked it! I wouldn't cry if I had to see it again and I will be getting it on DVD when it comes out.
Things I didn't like:
- they got rid of the racist twins but they still have a bucketload of “comic relieves” that made me want to pull my own teeth out. The small robots were at least the least annoying but the rest... WTF JOHN MALKOVITCH!!!!! No. Seriously. Really. I need to know what made him think “yeah, I totally want to be one of the classic quirky, annoying as fuck Michael Bay comic relieves!” I hope he got enough money for it to make a gold statue of himself. The gay sidekick - Dutch - I really didn't know what to think about him. At first I facepalmed but then he started kicking some serious ass (tho I still don't know who was he). Deep Wang - because nothing is funnier than man on man rape :D
- the beginning was a mess - we had a pointless, annoying Sam scene, then some Transformers action, then the pointless, annoying Sam scene again, then Transformers action... rinse and repeat. It's like whomever wrote the script used The Little Book of Writing and only got to chapter one: “Remember to break the tension”. So they remembered with a zealousness of a suicide bomber. The first 40 minutes are literally Transformers/Sam/Transformers/Sam/Transformers/Sam.
- Speaking of Sam scenes - what was the point. What. Was. The. Point. Why should I give half of a flying fuck about Sam's job hunt in a film about GIANT ROBOTS FIGHTING EACH OTHER.
- Too much idiotic slapstick. AGAIN.
- I felt, especially at the end, that the Autobots weren't really necessary to the plot. I still had no idea who the majority of the Transformers were - they looked identical - why should I care about them in the end if they felt like sidekicks in their own film most of the time? In the end, seeing them taking over didn't feel right, since at times, they felt like Deus ex machina, showing up to save some humans in a nick of time and the disappearing again. Decepticons were on the screen for about 10 minutes overall and I only recognized Megatron and Laserbreak (my favourite Transformer from the comic book!)
- plotholes like whoa. Why there were only 9 Autobots? There were much much more of them in part 2. What happened to Cyberton in the end, did it explode killing EVERYONE? How stupid were the humans believing Decepticons?
Things I like:
- Agent Simms, that I admit is my favourite character of the franchise, finally got some dignity back, after the vicious character rape he experienced in part 2. He was, by far, the most competent person there.
- I was impressed by the entire battle in Chicago, it was the best action scene I've seen this summer. It was gripping and well balanced, it never bored or was too much. There were a couple of moments that didn't deliver (I was suppose to be, what, touched? Sad? Shocked? When they executed the Autobot that had 2 lines in the entire film!). In my opinion they should have renamed this film Battle: Chicago and get rid of the beginning
Ok, so it seems that I liked only two things but like I said, I loved the entire battle, which makes up the majority of the second part of the film.