My List: Top 7 Glee Moments When A Character Deserved a Smack (but none came)
Oh, Glee... a show where the only people who don't fail are those who have no speaking lines and even that is not often true. If you point at an episode, I can point out 5 different ways someone was selfish, a douche, too pushy, manipulative, rude or simply EVIL.
And yet, there are scenes where the show asks you to sympathize with the character who had just done something that makes you want to reach out and punch that character in the face. Oh, and I'm not talking about “they did something really bad because they are small and insecure” scenes, because then this list would have to be called Top 700 Glee Moments; no, I'm talking about “what you've just seen was not awful at all and this person was right. Buy our CDs” attitude. This attitude makes me rage because it means that the writers themselves failed to notice they've created a situation that can be only resolved by repeatedly kicking every person involved in creating the scenario.
I'm talking about... scenes that annoyed me! A LOT!
Top 7 Glee Moments When A Character Deserved a Smack (but none came)
7) Rachel's “accessible” comment in Wheels
This comment completely escaped me the first time I've watched the episode. Heck, it actually escaped me the second and third time as well. Only when I was watching it for the uptenth time, I realized there's something odd about it. Like, it's not quite right. “Female version of Defying Gravity is more accessible”, she said. And I wonder, why? It's a female power ballad, true but Kurt certainly has a range to pull it off. So what did she mean by that. Hm.... weird but never mind.
But then I understood.
You know what “accessible” really mean in this sentence? Normal. Standard. NOT GAY. Yes, a daughter of two gay men, a girl who wanted to start a gay-straight alliance have just made a purely heteronormative - if not homophobic - comment in a such a matter-of-fact way, it's never acknowledged before or after. It just flies above your head and you never really see the the implications. And I will repeat - she is a daughter of two gay men, one of them Jewish, one of them black, her family is as far away from “accessible” as they come, she often threatens people with ACLU... and she says something like that.
Pointless, heartless, painful to watch, hard not to hate on her once you realize the implications.
6) Kurt's final speech to Mercedes in Special Education
I love Kurt. I love his faily plans that always backfire, I love his teary eyes, I love his voice - low and high register - his outfits and one-liners. He stole my heart and refuses to let go (though if the Dalton arc keeps going, I may just don't care about it anymore. Who is that guy in that uniform and what did he do with mah Kurt? S1!Kurt judges him hard). He had his ups and downs, his big moments, bad moments, his selfish moments and his moments of utter brilliance. I can't hate on him, ever, no matter what he says or does and to whom... ...or can I.
That leads us to a very special episode called Special Education aka That One With Gwyneth Paltrow. Kurt has just met Blaine and is all over him (in a completely platonic way), which leads to Mercedes feeling left out, and that leads to her binge eating on totts. The episode ends with Kurt
telling her she needs to stop substituting him for a boyfriend and, basically get a life. Sounds ok? NOT IF YOU ACTUALLY SEE IT! I don't even know where to begin! Mercedes is obviously happy that Kurt has found someone like him, she even encourages him to come out to the rest of the club. What does HE do? Well, mostly goes on and on and on how amazing Blaine is, how they are totally going out to this great show and... oh, what is it? We had plans, Mercedes? Sorry, gotta cancel, I need to do that one awesome thing with BLAINE. How about we will do something else some other time? Wait a minute, forgot to mention, actually we can't because I'm doing this OTHER GREAT THING WITH BLAINE. Oh and I got you a date with some (hot!) guy and since you don't want to go on it, it clearly means you are substituting me for a boyfriend, and you feeling left out isn't a legitimate feeling of someone who gets constantly ignored and ditched but someone who is jealous. Does Mercedes tell him his an a-hole and can go blow himself because she's too fabulous to listen to that crap? No, she agrees with him and walks away, slowly, while he stares at her in a patronising manner he could have only picked up from the master himself (that would be Blaine). You know what I think about this entire scene?
BULLSHIT! No! NO! NONONNONONO!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
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Kurt is selfish and self-centered but he also knows how to sacrifice his own needs and wants for his loved ones, if it's necessary. Not here; no other scene on Glee with him ever screamed “selfish, spoiled brat in a dire need of spanking” more than this one and that says a lot since he had a lot of “selfish brat” scenes.
If that was not a smack-deserving moment, I don't know what is. Oh wait, I do know; hence the list.
5) Finn's careless homophobia in Duets
I like Finn. I'm not in love with him but he has his good moments I enjoy. But he also has his bad moments. Like, really bad. Like I mentioned, everyone in Glee fails from time to time, only that when others fail, they just get to fail; Finn fails like a true champion, with roaring crowds, cheerleaders and crying men hugging each other, saying “that's our boy!” I think there are plenty of moments where he needs to get smacked but the show does it for us. Except for that one time it didn't, no matter how long I waited and no matter how many times I thought “no way they are going to just leave it like that”. I should have known better.
In Duets Finn sees that Kurt is all over Sam (by seeing Kurt walking up to Sam and wanting to sing with him) and goes to warn Sam. How does he do it? By pointing out that the mere associating with Kurt will put Sam on the very bottom of the social ladder. He tells Sam that he should not sing with Kurt, because, basically, Kurt has The Gay and other people might think Sam has The Gay as well. Kurt: who is nearly his brother; Kurt: who he wore a fucking GaGa dress for. He tells a one straight boy EVER who doesn't feel threatened by Kurt's gayness, that he SHOULD feel threatened. Why? Because (and this is what made my face :/) “we live in their world”. Their world. The world of straight dudes who don't think about blowing other straight dudes. No, it's not the world that has something wrong with it, it's Kurt and his gayness that's the problem.
This is of course the moment that every “Kurt is a stalker!” person starts to post their arguments how Finn had every right to feel traumatized, how he just tried to protect Sam etc. Forget it! This is not the case, this is not about if and how Finn reacted or should have reacted, this is about Finn ONCE AGAIN (Jesus, Glee, how many times he needs to learn the same lesson?) putting his own needs over his friends and doing this in a manner that still makes me see red. Finn accepts the way the world is working, and it's the gay kid that needs to keep the distance to the straight folks. Can you imagine being a social leper so big that singing a duet with someone will make the other person prosecuted and bullied (the person, that, by all admission, already is bullied for being in the club) and that your own NEAR BROTHER feel the need to protect that other person from you?
Barf.
Btw, Finn, that sweater you were wearing in that scene? Totally gay.
4) EVERY person who participated in the prayer circle in Grilled Cheesus
I love Carole and Mercedes and Quinn, and I realize that both Finn and Rachel already had their Stupid Moment slap but come on, just for the hell of it, here's the second smack. What, you say it was uncalled for? Well, it made me feel better and as we found out from this little scene, making yourself feel better is the RIGHT thing to do, no matter who you upset. Because that's what friends do. Aw.
I do not understand how could any of these people could think this was a good idea, I don't understand how some people may think Kurt was the bad guy. Was he the one that started the entire Cheesus thing? Was he not clear when he (repeatedly) stated that he doesn't believe in God and doesn't want prayers? Was he the one making such a huge deal of his own atheism? For the viewers at home, the answer is “no”, “no” and “hell to the no!”
But let's start at the start: Finn sees the face of Jesus in a grilled sandwich, wants the Glee club to dedicate songs to him. Some people agree, some people don't - as is their right. Kurt announces he's an atheist, doesn't believe in god. Kurt's dad gets a heart attack and ends up in the hospital, in coma. If Burt dies, Kurt is an orphan at 16. Mercedes sings a religious song to pick him up, Kurt thanks but once again adds he's an atheist, doesn't want or need prayers.
So what do his friends do?
a) Respect the wish of a boy who may lose his father and who is obviously in a bad metal state and pray, as is their right, somewhere NOT THERE, since God hears the prayers no matter where they are made (trufax!)
b) Say “oh the hell with Kurt, who is he anyway? Burt's son?! Well, we are his girlfriend, his girlfriend's son, his girlfriend's son's girlfriend, Kurt's friend and Kurt's friend's friend... Surely, if we add this all up, it's our feelings that count the most! Math doesn't lie! Let's go to Burt's room and pray for him right there. And you know what else? Let's sing! Hey, Rachel, can you also completely inappropriately touch Burt when he's in coma? Oh and that stupid idiot Puck went to pray for Burt in a synagogue. Silly Jew, doesn't he know that God only listens if you pray for someone next to the person you pray for?”
If you picked b you've just won a toaster, if you picked a you are clearly missing the point of this list.
There wasn't a single reason to do it Burt's hospital room. Not a SINGLE one other than making them feel better. One fault in that plan; making them feel better = going clearly against Kurt's wishes and upsetting him even more than he already was. I'm a Christian but this was the prime example of the saying that prayer is something that makes you feel better without actually doing anything and another reason why some people think that all Christians are nutcases.
It's a terrible thing when you realize that next to you Noah Puck Puckarman is the sole voice of reason, Sue is the good guy and Will cares for someone who is Not Finn.
3) Puck's doucheassery in Never Been Kissed
Noah “Puck” Puckerman. Aka Douchezilla. Aka Douchemaister. Aka The Douchenator. If you check the word “douche” in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of him taking a shower (there's a double joke here, google it up). Yeah, Puck is, by all standards and definitions, a douche, so what is he doing amongst the people who only act like asswipes when the writers are too lazy to come up with anything better and too blind to see the unfortunate implications?
One word for you: Bullying. Constant, relentless, lollific bullying of Kids That Are Not In Glee. But hey, “it's Glee” is everyone's favorite excuse when it comes to this stuff: it can be funny, it can be amusing, it shows that hell, Puck may have changed a bit but deep down inside he's still that unapologetic, misogynist asshole that we all love so much. But then Never Been Kissed came along and abandon hope all ye who want to see consistency on Glee. This episodes focuses on Kurt being bullied by Karofsky; we see him broken, pushed around, called names, KISSED (le gasp!), we see him nearly breaking down admitting how no one notices this. This is Glee steering straight into the Serious Business territory with no breaks... and here we have Puck - Puck who Artie asks to push him from a different stairs today (lol!), Puck happily bullying Jewfro and his friends, until they give him their lunch money (lololololol), Puck just being so Puck and us loving it. And this is all played for laughs. One scene our hearts are breaking for Kurt being bullied (bullying is BAD! ;_;), another, Puck is bullying some nerds and we are expected to laugh (that shit is so funny, bro!). How one can not rage? How one can not see a hideous double standard, especially that several episodes before, Jewfro tells Puck that some of the kids transferred out of fear of him and it's played for nothing but laughs but when Kurt transfers out of fear of Karofsky, that's shocking, groundbreaking and totally, totally rageinducing.
//sarcasm mode on// Well, I guess the other kids aren't the special Glee kids, so it's ok //sarcasm mode off//
2) Blaine - always but especially in Never Been Kissed
Oh Mr Anderson... You comes in, with your stupid eyebrows and stupid uniform, start to give away advices that fail on so many levels it's not funny even on Glee, but most importantly, you got Kurt's balls, put them on a table and chop them away, while singing about it in slowmo. If anyone's looking for them, they are currently in Dave's locker, next to the Wedding Topper and a book called You Don't Have To Be An Asshole (But It Helps If You're A Closetcase)
Blaine is one of those characters I hate by default - Mary Sue with no visible faults and yet, at the same time, so very faulty on every level. A character who already established character immediately feels drawn to, waxes lyrics how absolutely fantastic this character is and then changes their own already established, beloved by fans and critics personality to accommodate them. And yet, even despite the fact that Blaine is such a personal insult to me on nearly every level, and manages to annoy me just by EXISTING, he still somehow manages to insult me even more than usual in one particular scene - a scene that I like to call “dude, you are joking right, come on, tell me you are joking, come on, not funny dude. OH MY GOD NO WAY GLEE YOU ARE BEING SERIOUS WTF?!?!?!?!? O_o”
Kurt is bullied and no1currs. Well, no one seems to notice the bullying in the first place. Karofsky turned making Kurt's life a living hell into his personal mission and no one knows why (SPOILER!!!!!! he's kinda gay for Kurt ENDSPOILER!!!!), other guys in Glee tease Kurt as well. Kurt meets this fabulous gay kid Blaine in All Gay Slow-mo Hogwards (eh...) and Blaine says “hey kid, I've known you for, like, 5 seconds but let me give you this advice because I know absolutely everything about you and your circumstances due to both of us being gay. Do what I didn't but don't think for a second I'm trying to fix my mistakes by living through you >_> NOW GO FACE YOU BULLY LIKE I DIDN'T AND HAVE COURAGE I DON'T HAVE! *crowds cheer*” So Kurt goes, stands up to Karofsky, gets his face smashed in... oh wait, no, that's what would have happened if Karofsky wasn't a closet case that's totally in lesbians with Kurt, which means Karofsky only kisses him. And then continues to push him around. Then threatens his life. Then goes all rapeeyes on him... … … ...yeah, both thumbs up for you there, Mr Perfect Advice is Perfect. Your very existence is an insult to me and every person who likes Kurt as a fabulous, magnificent bitch, instead this... whatever Kurt is now. I believe they call them “geldings”. Fit in my fist in your face.
And hey, I know I'm repeating myself but it's so important that just saying this once is not enough: This shit is only ok if you have superpowers.
Oh, that's not fair! - you may say - he's number two on your list and he only had a couple of episodes and even if he is RUINING KURT 4EVA at this point, he's still trying to be a friend! Why is he number two?
Because, kids, I see his future. I look at him now and I can see what he'll become in 10-15 years; a guy who made mistakes and tries to fix them by “guiding” others, and failing spectacularly, while everyone around him tell him how awesome and perfect he is. A guy who is on his way to becoming the biggest evil that has ever walked the halls of McKinley, the terror of Lima, the King and Queen of the Hypocriteville.
Yes, he is indeed just a couple of steps away from being the very next...
1) Will Schuester - HATED FOR BEING ALIVE
Willl bloody Schuester. I HATE WILL. Hate. Hatehatehate. I'm thinking about inventing a new word for the particular brand of hate I feel towards him, because hate doesn't quite describe the feeling of the complete and utter HATE (sic?) I feel for his man.
This utter, giant, walking Moment of Fail.
This joke of a “mentor” who Glee fawns over, and the audience is constantly told how awesome he is, what a great teacher he is, what a great friend he is...
When Glee acknowledges his unintentional fails, it's always hilarious - Pedo!Will is my favorite, and rapping!Will was my favorite Will since Gold Digga'. We even got a LOLFAIL twinpack with Bust A Move - and those are the moments that Will makes me smile. In those precious, rare moments, I forget I HATE him. But it's ok, because each and every time, he manages to remind me about this fact, in a way that makes me explode in RAEG (speaking of which - has anyone seen my lower intestine?). I don't know where to start. No, I don't mind him doing things “because Glee!”, like blackmailing Finn into joining the club, ignoring the jocks throwing Kurt in the garbage bin in the first episode or trying to get Emma back by staging the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I mind every other time he's clearly an ass and yet, we are suppose to... no, we are EXPECTED to sympathize with him.
He clearly has his favourite (Finn) and is not even attempting to hide it.
He finds out that the kids are being bullied and does absolutely nothing to stop or prevent it, even in his own classroom, going as far as acknowledging that they are “the losers” of the school who will just be bullied. C'est la vie.
He tells Kurt how unique he is, how amazing his voice is - and not ever, not once before or after that, he gives Kurt a single line of solo to headlight this “amazing, unique” voice of his. Don't let me start on the Diva Off.
No matter how many times he learns to give away solos more equally, no matter how many times the kids tell him, straight into his face that he's unfair, in the very next episode he's back to square one.
His selfish, performance-hijacking behaviour during “Britney/Brittany”, was not only awful to watch but it was even worse when the conclusion seemed to be “it's not me, therefore, it's not you, it's not us, because I AM LEGION THE GLEE CLUB”. Oh and this, btw? Actual quote, he's being told he's the glee club by the kids, despite the fact that he did abandon them in the past and they managed just fine. To Sir With Kick I The Nads If I had it my way!
Even when he learns his lessons (after having them drilled through his skull with an adamantium drill 12 times) he still FAILS. When he finally (finally!) realizes that what he does is unfair, he shouts at Rachel when she acts like Diva. Despite the fact he was the one enabling and allowing this sort of behaviour for a year. It's like he was trying to overcompensate for his previous, over a year long favouritism by deflecting the guilt from himself to Rachel.
Also, when nobody's looking, he kicks puppies.
I wish I was making this up!
If we ever played a word association game, if you said “Schuester”, I'd straight away answered with “hypocrite”.
And yet, there are scenes where the show asks you to sympathize with the character who had just done something that makes you want to reach out and punch that character in the face. Oh, and I'm not talking about “they did something really bad because they are small and insecure” scenes, because then this list would have to be called Top 700 Glee Moments; no, I'm talking about “what you've just seen was not awful at all and this person was right. Buy our CDs” attitude. This attitude makes me rage because it means that the writers themselves failed to notice they've created a situation that can be only resolved by repeatedly kicking every person involved in creating the scenario.
I'm talking about... scenes that annoyed me! A LOT!
Top 7 Glee Moments When A Character Deserved a Smack (but none came)
7) Rachel's “accessible” comment in Wheels
This comment completely escaped me the first time I've watched the episode. Heck, it actually escaped me the second and third time as well. Only when I was watching it for the uptenth time, I realized there's something odd about it. Like, it's not quite right. “Female version of Defying Gravity is more accessible”, she said. And I wonder, why? It's a female power ballad, true but Kurt certainly has a range to pull it off. So what did she mean by that. Hm.... weird but never mind.
But then I understood.
You know what “accessible” really mean in this sentence? Normal. Standard. NOT GAY. Yes, a daughter of two gay men, a girl who wanted to start a gay-straight alliance have just made a purely heteronormative - if not homophobic - comment in a such a matter-of-fact way, it's never acknowledged before or after. It just flies above your head and you never really see the the implications. And I will repeat - she is a daughter of two gay men, one of them Jewish, one of them black, her family is as far away from “accessible” as they come, she often threatens people with ACLU... and she says something like that.
Pointless, heartless, painful to watch, hard not to hate on her once you realize the implications.
6) Kurt's final speech to Mercedes in Special Education
I love Kurt. I love his faily plans that always backfire, I love his teary eyes, I love his voice - low and high register - his outfits and one-liners. He stole my heart and refuses to let go (though if the Dalton arc keeps going, I may just don't care about it anymore. Who is that guy in that uniform and what did he do with mah Kurt? S1!Kurt judges him hard). He had his ups and downs, his big moments, bad moments, his selfish moments and his moments of utter brilliance. I can't hate on him, ever, no matter what he says or does and to whom... ...or can I.
That leads us to a very special episode called Special Education aka That One With Gwyneth Paltrow. Kurt has just met Blaine and is all over him (in a completely platonic way), which leads to Mercedes feeling left out, and that leads to her binge eating on totts. The episode ends with Kurt
telling her she needs to stop substituting him for a boyfriend and, basically get a life. Sounds ok? NOT IF YOU ACTUALLY SEE IT! I don't even know where to begin! Mercedes is obviously happy that Kurt has found someone like him, she even encourages him to come out to the rest of the club. What does HE do? Well, mostly goes on and on and on how amazing Blaine is, how they are totally going out to this great show and... oh, what is it? We had plans, Mercedes? Sorry, gotta cancel, I need to do that one awesome thing with BLAINE. How about we will do something else some other time? Wait a minute, forgot to mention, actually we can't because I'm doing this OTHER GREAT THING WITH BLAINE. Oh and I got you a date with some (hot!) guy and since you don't want to go on it, it clearly means you are substituting me for a boyfriend, and you feeling left out isn't a legitimate feeling of someone who gets constantly ignored and ditched but someone who is jealous. Does Mercedes tell him his an a-hole and can go blow himself because she's too fabulous to listen to that crap? No, she agrees with him and walks away, slowly, while he stares at her in a patronising manner he could have only picked up from the master himself (that would be Blaine). You know what I think about this entire scene?
BULLSHIT! No! NO! NONONNONONO!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
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Kurt is selfish and self-centered but he also knows how to sacrifice his own needs and wants for his loved ones, if it's necessary. Not here; no other scene on Glee with him ever screamed “selfish, spoiled brat in a dire need of spanking” more than this one and that says a lot since he had a lot of “selfish brat” scenes.
If that was not a smack-deserving moment, I don't know what is. Oh wait, I do know; hence the list.
5) Finn's careless homophobia in Duets
I like Finn. I'm not in love with him but he has his good moments I enjoy. But he also has his bad moments. Like, really bad. Like I mentioned, everyone in Glee fails from time to time, only that when others fail, they just get to fail; Finn fails like a true champion, with roaring crowds, cheerleaders and crying men hugging each other, saying “that's our boy!” I think there are plenty of moments where he needs to get smacked but the show does it for us. Except for that one time it didn't, no matter how long I waited and no matter how many times I thought “no way they are going to just leave it like that”. I should have known better.
In Duets Finn sees that Kurt is all over Sam (by seeing Kurt walking up to Sam and wanting to sing with him) and goes to warn Sam. How does he do it? By pointing out that the mere associating with Kurt will put Sam on the very bottom of the social ladder. He tells Sam that he should not sing with Kurt, because, basically, Kurt has The Gay and other people might think Sam has The Gay as well. Kurt: who is nearly his brother; Kurt: who he wore a fucking GaGa dress for. He tells a one straight boy EVER who doesn't feel threatened by Kurt's gayness, that he SHOULD feel threatened. Why? Because (and this is what made my face :/) “we live in their world”. Their world. The world of straight dudes who don't think about blowing other straight dudes. No, it's not the world that has something wrong with it, it's Kurt and his gayness that's the problem.
This is of course the moment that every “Kurt is a stalker!” person starts to post their arguments how Finn had every right to feel traumatized, how he just tried to protect Sam etc. Forget it! This is not the case, this is not about if and how Finn reacted or should have reacted, this is about Finn ONCE AGAIN (Jesus, Glee, how many times he needs to learn the same lesson?) putting his own needs over his friends and doing this in a manner that still makes me see red. Finn accepts the way the world is working, and it's the gay kid that needs to keep the distance to the straight folks. Can you imagine being a social leper so big that singing a duet with someone will make the other person prosecuted and bullied (the person, that, by all admission, already is bullied for being in the club) and that your own NEAR BROTHER feel the need to protect that other person from you?
Barf.
Btw, Finn, that sweater you were wearing in that scene? Totally gay.
4) EVERY person who participated in the prayer circle in Grilled Cheesus
I love Carole and Mercedes and Quinn, and I realize that both Finn and Rachel already had their Stupid Moment slap but come on, just for the hell of it, here's the second smack. What, you say it was uncalled for? Well, it made me feel better and as we found out from this little scene, making yourself feel better is the RIGHT thing to do, no matter who you upset. Because that's what friends do. Aw.
I do not understand how could any of these people could think this was a good idea, I don't understand how some people may think Kurt was the bad guy. Was he the one that started the entire Cheesus thing? Was he not clear when he (repeatedly) stated that he doesn't believe in God and doesn't want prayers? Was he the one making such a huge deal of his own atheism? For the viewers at home, the answer is “no”, “no” and “hell to the no!”
But let's start at the start: Finn sees the face of Jesus in a grilled sandwich, wants the Glee club to dedicate songs to him. Some people agree, some people don't - as is their right. Kurt announces he's an atheist, doesn't believe in god. Kurt's dad gets a heart attack and ends up in the hospital, in coma. If Burt dies, Kurt is an orphan at 16. Mercedes sings a religious song to pick him up, Kurt thanks but once again adds he's an atheist, doesn't want or need prayers.
So what do his friends do?
a) Respect the wish of a boy who may lose his father and who is obviously in a bad metal state and pray, as is their right, somewhere NOT THERE, since God hears the prayers no matter where they are made (trufax!)
b) Say “oh the hell with Kurt, who is he anyway? Burt's son?! Well, we are his girlfriend, his girlfriend's son, his girlfriend's son's girlfriend, Kurt's friend and Kurt's friend's friend... Surely, if we add this all up, it's our feelings that count the most! Math doesn't lie! Let's go to Burt's room and pray for him right there. And you know what else? Let's sing! Hey, Rachel, can you also completely inappropriately touch Burt when he's in coma? Oh and that stupid idiot Puck went to pray for Burt in a synagogue. Silly Jew, doesn't he know that God only listens if you pray for someone next to the person you pray for?”
If you picked b you've just won a toaster, if you picked a you are clearly missing the point of this list.
There wasn't a single reason to do it Burt's hospital room. Not a SINGLE one other than making them feel better. One fault in that plan; making them feel better = going clearly against Kurt's wishes and upsetting him even more than he already was. I'm a Christian but this was the prime example of the saying that prayer is something that makes you feel better without actually doing anything and another reason why some people think that all Christians are nutcases.
It's a terrible thing when you realize that next to you Noah Puck Puckarman is the sole voice of reason, Sue is the good guy and Will cares for someone who is Not Finn.
3) Puck's doucheassery in Never Been Kissed
Noah “Puck” Puckerman. Aka Douchezilla. Aka Douchemaister. Aka The Douchenator. If you check the word “douche” in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of him taking a shower (there's a double joke here, google it up). Yeah, Puck is, by all standards and definitions, a douche, so what is he doing amongst the people who only act like asswipes when the writers are too lazy to come up with anything better and too blind to see the unfortunate implications?
One word for you: Bullying. Constant, relentless, lollific bullying of Kids That Are Not In Glee. But hey, “it's Glee” is everyone's favorite excuse when it comes to this stuff: it can be funny, it can be amusing, it shows that hell, Puck may have changed a bit but deep down inside he's still that unapologetic, misogynist asshole that we all love so much. But then Never Been Kissed came along and abandon hope all ye who want to see consistency on Glee. This episodes focuses on Kurt being bullied by Karofsky; we see him broken, pushed around, called names, KISSED (le gasp!), we see him nearly breaking down admitting how no one notices this. This is Glee steering straight into the Serious Business territory with no breaks... and here we have Puck - Puck who Artie asks to push him from a different stairs today (lol!), Puck happily bullying Jewfro and his friends, until they give him their lunch money (lololololol), Puck just being so Puck and us loving it. And this is all played for laughs. One scene our hearts are breaking for Kurt being bullied (bullying is BAD! ;_;), another, Puck is bullying some nerds and we are expected to laugh (that shit is so funny, bro!). How one can not rage? How one can not see a hideous double standard, especially that several episodes before, Jewfro tells Puck that some of the kids transferred out of fear of him and it's played for nothing but laughs but when Kurt transfers out of fear of Karofsky, that's shocking, groundbreaking and totally, totally rageinducing.
//sarcasm mode on// Well, I guess the other kids aren't the special Glee kids, so it's ok //sarcasm mode off//
2) Blaine - always but especially in Never Been Kissed
Oh Mr Anderson... You comes in, with your stupid eyebrows and stupid uniform, start to give away advices that fail on so many levels it's not funny even on Glee, but most importantly, you got Kurt's balls, put them on a table and chop them away, while singing about it in slowmo. If anyone's looking for them, they are currently in Dave's locker, next to the Wedding Topper and a book called You Don't Have To Be An Asshole (But It Helps If You're A Closetcase)
Blaine is one of those characters I hate by default - Mary Sue with no visible faults and yet, at the same time, so very faulty on every level. A character who already established character immediately feels drawn to, waxes lyrics how absolutely fantastic this character is and then changes their own already established, beloved by fans and critics personality to accommodate them. And yet, even despite the fact that Blaine is such a personal insult to me on nearly every level, and manages to annoy me just by EXISTING, he still somehow manages to insult me even more than usual in one particular scene - a scene that I like to call “dude, you are joking right, come on, tell me you are joking, come on, not funny dude. OH MY GOD NO WAY GLEE YOU ARE BEING SERIOUS WTF?!?!?!?!? O_o”
Kurt is bullied and no1currs. Well, no one seems to notice the bullying in the first place. Karofsky turned making Kurt's life a living hell into his personal mission and no one knows why (SPOILER!!!!!! he's kinda gay for Kurt ENDSPOILER!!!!), other guys in Glee tease Kurt as well. Kurt meets this fabulous gay kid Blaine in All Gay Slow-mo Hogwards (eh...) and Blaine says “hey kid, I've known you for, like, 5 seconds but let me give you this advice because I know absolutely everything about you and your circumstances due to both of us being gay. Do what I didn't but don't think for a second I'm trying to fix my mistakes by living through you >_> NOW GO FACE YOU BULLY LIKE I DIDN'T AND HAVE COURAGE I DON'T HAVE! *crowds cheer*” So Kurt goes, stands up to Karofsky, gets his face smashed in... oh wait, no, that's what would have happened if Karofsky wasn't a closet case that's totally in lesbians with Kurt, which means Karofsky only kisses him. And then continues to push him around. Then threatens his life. Then goes all rapeeyes on him... … … ...yeah, both thumbs up for you there, Mr Perfect Advice is Perfect. Your very existence is an insult to me and every person who likes Kurt as a fabulous, magnificent bitch, instead this... whatever Kurt is now. I believe they call them “geldings”. Fit in my fist in your face.
And hey, I know I'm repeating myself but it's so important that just saying this once is not enough: This shit is only ok if you have superpowers.
Oh, that's not fair! - you may say - he's number two on your list and he only had a couple of episodes and even if he is RUINING KURT 4EVA at this point, he's still trying to be a friend! Why is he number two?
Because, kids, I see his future. I look at him now and I can see what he'll become in 10-15 years; a guy who made mistakes and tries to fix them by “guiding” others, and failing spectacularly, while everyone around him tell him how awesome and perfect he is. A guy who is on his way to becoming the biggest evil that has ever walked the halls of McKinley, the terror of Lima, the King and Queen of the Hypocriteville.
Yes, he is indeed just a couple of steps away from being the very next...
1) Will Schuester - HATED FOR BEING ALIVE
Willl bloody Schuester. I HATE WILL. Hate. Hatehatehate. I'm thinking about inventing a new word for the particular brand of hate I feel towards him, because hate doesn't quite describe the feeling of the complete and utter HATE (sic?) I feel for his man.
This utter, giant, walking Moment of Fail.
This joke of a “mentor” who Glee fawns over, and the audience is constantly told how awesome he is, what a great teacher he is, what a great friend he is...
When Glee acknowledges his unintentional fails, it's always hilarious - Pedo!Will is my favorite, and rapping!Will was my favorite Will since Gold Digga'. We even got a LOLFAIL twinpack with Bust A Move - and those are the moments that Will makes me smile. In those precious, rare moments, I forget I HATE him. But it's ok, because each and every time, he manages to remind me about this fact, in a way that makes me explode in RAEG (speaking of which - has anyone seen my lower intestine?). I don't know where to start. No, I don't mind him doing things “because Glee!”, like blackmailing Finn into joining the club, ignoring the jocks throwing Kurt in the garbage bin in the first episode or trying to get Emma back by staging the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I mind every other time he's clearly an ass and yet, we are suppose to... no, we are EXPECTED to sympathize with him.
He clearly has his favourite (Finn) and is not even attempting to hide it.
He finds out that the kids are being bullied and does absolutely nothing to stop or prevent it, even in his own classroom, going as far as acknowledging that they are “the losers” of the school who will just be bullied. C'est la vie.
He tells Kurt how unique he is, how amazing his voice is - and not ever, not once before or after that, he gives Kurt a single line of solo to headlight this “amazing, unique” voice of his. Don't let me start on the Diva Off.
No matter how many times he learns to give away solos more equally, no matter how many times the kids tell him, straight into his face that he's unfair, in the very next episode he's back to square one.
His selfish, performance-hijacking behaviour during “Britney/Brittany”, was not only awful to watch but it was even worse when the conclusion seemed to be “it's not me, therefore, it's not you, it's not us, because I AM LEGION THE GLEE CLUB”. Oh and this, btw? Actual quote, he's being told he's the glee club by the kids, despite the fact that he did abandon them in the past and they managed just fine. To Sir With Kick I The Nads If I had it my way!
Even when he learns his lessons (after having them drilled through his skull with an adamantium drill 12 times) he still FAILS. When he finally (finally!) realizes that what he does is unfair, he shouts at Rachel when she acts like Diva. Despite the fact he was the one enabling and allowing this sort of behaviour for a year. It's like he was trying to overcompensate for his previous, over a year long favouritism by deflecting the guilt from himself to Rachel.
Also, when nobody's looking, he kicks puppies.
I wish I was making this up!
If we ever played a word association game, if you said “Schuester”, I'd straight away answered with “hypocrite”.