(no subject)
There’s a part in the Shakira song She-Wolf where she discusses how she’s going to turn into a she-wolf because she’s being mistreated by her man. Specifically that she’s going insane because she’s being treated the way an office treats its coffee maker, which I suppose is bad? After having worked in an office for a few years I can’t say that the coffee pot is any more or less ignored than anything else, but it is definitely more loved than most printers or copiers. But I digress. The point is that Shakira needs her attention and without it she turns into a roving flesh-rending sex beast, which is probably a step better than your generic flesh-rending beast, because those are pretty unloved and Shakira is by most measures pretty popular.
Anyway, I was thinking today of how awesome it would be if that worked in reverse. I mean, I’ve got a “mistreated” office coffee pot at my disposal. Why can’t I turn that into a she-wolf? Sadly, I have to say that having had a basic logic course in college I must cop to understanding the logical flaw inherent in my argument. If I remember correctly, the flaw is that I’m affirming the consequent. But the terminology doesn’t matter. That coffee pot, no matter how much I pretend that I don’t want it around, is never going to turn into a Columbian Sex Pot prone to bizarre yelps and pouting, because that is clearly not how the universe works.
Also: I’m pretty sure that just drinking a lot of coffee and being very grateful about it will not calm down an unstable demanding (and possibly hairy) woman. But I suppose it’s worth a try? Both of those things seem like solid achievable goals. (Although I am a little short of unstable women to calm down at the moment. But maybe that’s because I’ve already been doing a good job with the coffee? Hard to say. All I know is that my magic rock is doing a great job of keeping Portland’s wild tigers away from my house.)