(no subject)
I feel like a worthless, utter piece of shit today. I'm not really sure why, I just wake up feeling this way sometimes, and I can't shake it. I get trapped in my own headspace, wondering how I'm ever going to amount to anything, wondering how long people will mourn for me after I pass away. I'm not ESSENTIAL to anyone. People who have needed me, who have depended on me have all grown out of needing me. Nobody needs me anymore.
Jason, Tommy and I all went to Midland today. I was already feeling kind of crappy for the above reasons. The boys could tell, since they asked me numerous times what was wrong. I wasn't going to share, to take their pity and whatever. Sometimes I stew in my own self-loathing. That's perfectly normal. So it was going relatively well until the moment when Jason leaned down to give me a peck on the cheek. I moved a little, and apparently jabbed my the edge of my glasses straight into the spot on his lip where he'd bitten and created a sore.
He started bleeding. I felt like crying. I felt, and still feel, so incredibly bad about it. I mean, I didn't do it on purpose, but I felt like a terrible human being who can't do anything right. Still kinda do.
We went to see Captain America in 3D afterwards, which was good. Now I'm home, nursing a headache (hey aspirin, why don't you kick in sometime, ok?), and still wallowing in self-loathing, pity, hate, and general other feelings of being a worthless piece of crap.
I probably need to go to sleep.
...No, I definitely do.
But I can only hope tomorrow I wake up and don't feel like this.
Jason, Tommy and I all went to Midland today. I was already feeling kind of crappy for the above reasons. The boys could tell, since they asked me numerous times what was wrong. I wasn't going to share, to take their pity and whatever. Sometimes I stew in my own self-loathing. That's perfectly normal. So it was going relatively well until the moment when Jason leaned down to give me a peck on the cheek. I moved a little, and apparently jabbed my the edge of my glasses straight into the spot on his lip where he'd bitten and created a sore.
He started bleeding. I felt like crying. I felt, and still feel, so incredibly bad about it. I mean, I didn't do it on purpose, but I felt like a terrible human being who can't do anything right. Still kinda do.
We went to see Captain America in 3D afterwards, which was good. Now I'm home, nursing a headache (hey aspirin, why don't you kick in sometime, ok?), and still wallowing in self-loathing, pity, hate, and general other feelings of being a worthless piece of crap.
I probably need to go to sleep.
...No, I definitely do.
But I can only hope tomorrow I wake up and don't feel like this.