Sky Diving and the Like.

[kirin_ja]

So! I've made a few friends lately who have expressed an interest (or at least, resigned curiosity) about going sky diving or cliff diving in the future! Now, I realize we just went cliff diving when we were visiting the Cherry Blossom Island, but if the next place we stop at has a suitable area

Comments

[doubleppk]

Well me of course~ As long as I'm allowed~ <3

[kirin_ja]

You're allowed, of course, but I would suggest steering clear of Lucci. I'm sure we can keep it silent and civil between the two of you?

I would never deny you such a thrill, Fujiko, as sky diving.

[doubleppk]

Still mad is he?

Thank-you Kaku.

[kirin_ja]

Not mad, but he is unwilling to forgive you.

But of course!

[doubleppk]

I don't want him to. Still.

I just hate being cut off. Through my own fault or not.

[kirin_ja]

Well, I am still your friend.

1/2

[doubleppk]

Thank-you Kaku. I appreciate it.

Private

[doubleppk]

It's funny you know. The list of people I love is very small.

Re: Private

[kirin_ja]

Quality, not quantity.

Re: Private

[doubleppk]

Always. Don't get me wrong. I prefer it to be very few. I'm mildly shocked to have any at all.

I just...

Once I told Jyabura I have a tendency to possibly push people away. If I wanted them to get close I didn't have to do all the things I did to keep them at arm's length. Thing is, I didn't want them to get that close. The idea is terrifying. He said he was pretty sure I didn't push too many people away but now... Perhaps I'm just not the kind of person who should have friends. Much less people I love.

Re: Private

[kirin_ja]

I used to think along similar lines; I didn't need friends or loved ones; which is what got me through most of my adolescence and ensured my spot among the top ranks of Cipher Pol.

But it's a lonely life, and I didn't realize that until many years later. Keep the few you have, Fujiko. People aren't meant to be alone forever.

Re: Private

[doubleppk]

I don't intend to push you or Jyabura away and even when I meant to with Lucci it was half-assed. I mostly just lost control and lashed out thinking it wouldn't matter because he wouldn't CARE. I don't wish to... lose friends. Or gain them. But even knowing good reasons why I never had friends before and that people here are different... Maybe it isn't as much them as me. Maybe I'm just... not capable of not fucking up.

Damn it I've been here too long. I should have run.

Re: Private

[kirin_ja]

And yet, here you are, still among us.

I'm glad you decided to stay.

Re: Private

[doubleppk]

I don't know... I'm so... I'm so stupid Kaku. When I love someone I usually DO stay way past the point I should have run. Just to see it out. Just on the chance, the curiosity... the hope. Not just Jyabura... you and Lucci...

I love it here and it hasn't all crumbled yet. So I stay. But... the longer I wait the stronger the fear gets and starts to cover the hope in darkness.

I don't know how to fight it off.

Re: Private

[kirin_ja]

I believe that's a symptom of anxiety disorder, or something similar.

In any case...you have to look past the worst case scenario. If all you ever do is focus on what might happen, and what could happen, and let all the what ifs and maybes bring you down, then you will miss out on all the good things that you have. You have Jyabura, you have friends here, people who do care and won't stab you in the back.

If you love it here, then stay.

Re: Private

[doubleppk]

Maybe.

I am staying and I'm not worried you and Jyabura will stab me in the back I'm worried... I'm worried... I'll hurt you. Someday I'll snap or do something stupid or take a bad step and get you in trouble and then... Look don't laugh okay?