[FIC] Z is for Zombies
Title: Z is for Zombies (part of the Alphabet Series)
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Pairing: none
Wordcount: 954
Warnings: stupidity (on the part of the author and the characters)
Summary: In which the channel is repeatedly changed and nothing really happens.
AN: Please keep in mind when reading these that I was young(er) when I wrote them and didn't know anything about anything. No part of the Alphabet Series has been edited besides for formatting purposes.
AN 2: Most of this fic involves quotes from other things. I apologize for nothing.
"Guys!" Duo burst into the living room with a frantic look on his face, though had the current occupants of the room looked at him when he entered, they might have noticed the trademark sneaky glint in his eyes. As it was, Trowa did not look away from the television and Heero did not look up from his book. So neither of them saw the glint. Duo continued anyway. "Everyone we know has turned into zombies and they're coming this way!"
"Really," Heero said, not caring in the least about Duo's latest outburst.
Duo was slightly annoyed at the lack of shared enthusiasm. "Yeah!"
"What do they want?" Trowa asked, knowing it was better to play along.
Duo grinned. "Oranges."
Trowa, who did the shopping with Quatre, frowned slightly, though Duo wasn't sure if it was at the zombies' supposed desire or the television, where the anime he was watching had taken an interesting turn.
"Would you come live with me? Would you bear my children, Sango? ... Sango?"
"Yes!"
"You'll have my children? Ten babies, or maybe even twenty?"
"Yes! Miroku… does this mean you'll stop womanizing?"
Trowa blinked. Oh right, Duo's nonsense. "We don't have any oranges."
"They want bananas too," Duo replied. He already knew there weren't any oranges; that's why he'd said it.
"We have those," Trowa said vaguely, changing the channel to a different anime.
"You've got such a gloomy personality, why don't you just give up and stop pretending to be human?"
"Hey!"
"What is it? You're too late if you think you're gonna ask for my help."
"Could you keep it down over there?"
"Yeah... Sure, forgive me for interrupting."
Heero glanced at the television in mild interest.
"For dildos," Duo finished, trying to get the attention on himself and not bothering to look at the TV.
There was a pause.
"What for? They're stiff already."
Duo, Trowa, and Heero all stared at Quatre, who was standing in the other doorway that led to the kitchen, sipping a fresh cup of tea. The blond stared at the television.
"Hey! You can't go anywhere with your machine in this shape! We're talkin' miracles here!"
"It'd take a miracle for you, but I can handle it."
"Well, excuse me for being a mere mortal."
"Quatre?" Duo asked.
Quatre took another sip of his tea. "Yes?"
"When did you even come in here?"
By this time Heero had returned to his book, but Trowa kept the television on its current channel. He liked this show. Quatre leaned against the doorframe, watching the television from that position. Duo was still staring at him in complete shock. Wufei came into the living room, brushing past Duo and pausing to notice the self-proclaimed Shinigami's expression.
"Is there a reason Maxwell looks like a fish?"
"He tried the zombie thing again," Heero replied, turning a page. "Quatre beat him down."
Wufei raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
"Really."
Wufei made an impressed sound and went straight to his favorite chair. He rolled his eyes when he noticed what Trowa was watching.
"Okay, this is so unfair," Duo complained.
Trowa became bored suddenly and changed the channel again.
"He locked us out!"
"No, he shut himself in so we'd be safe!"
"There's a crazy person flying the plane! You call that safe? We have to get out of here!"
"Can you transport us to the ground?"
"Yeah, right. Picture this: bumpety, bumpety, bumpety, bumpety, SPLAT!"
A small smile appeared on Quatre's face at this new show, which was in fact a cartoon rather than an anime. Heero lost interest and went back to his book. Duo started pouting. Wufei stole the remote from Trowa and changed the channel again.
"Stay calm if you want to live a little longer."
"We don't stand a chance unless something pretty drastic happens."
"I'm doing everything I can just in case that something drastic does happen."
Duo finally looked at the TV. "I've seen this one." He reached over and took the remote from Wufei, who glared fiercely at Duo before leaping up and chasing the other boy around the living room. Trowa plucked the remote from Duo's hand as he passed. He changed the channel one last time.
"You mangy wolf! You're gonna pay for kidnapping Kagome!"
Duo and Wufei both stopped running around the room. "Hey, isn't this the show you started on?" Duo asked.
"Different episode."
"Kagome... Hey Dog-Breath! Take this chance to run, but keep your hands off MY woman, got it!"
Duo leapt over the back of the couch, landing next to Trowa and staring at the television eagerly. Wufei snorted. "I hate this show."
Duo turned and stared at him. "Are you kidding? Koga is frickin' awesome, man!"
"His woman?"
"What?"
"Is there any truth to what he's saying, Kagome?"
"Nothing's going on! It's wishful thinking! He's making it up!"
"Ah, I knew it! He's livin' in a fantasy! Ya flea bag!"
"It's not a fantasy; I claimed her as mine! I'm in love with you, Kagome!"
"Oh boy..."
Duo turned back around. "So, Tro, who's your favorite character?"
"You're far better off with me and you know it! So ditch the mutt! He's not good enough for you. Forget about him."
"Pretty racked up, isn't he?"
"I like Miroku."
"I wish I had that kind of audacity."
Duo blinked. "What, the perverted monk?"
Trowa didn't look away from the television. "Yeah, him."
Duo sat back, an almost thoughtful expression on his face. "You know what this show's missing?"
No one was willing to respond, but Duo was waiting for someone to do so. Quatre sighed. He figured it was his responsibility to take the bait. "What is it missing, Duo?"
Duo grinned. "Zombies."
Everyone groaned.
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Pairing: none
Wordcount: 954
Warnings: stupidity (on the part of the author and the characters)
Summary: In which the channel is repeatedly changed and nothing really happens.
AN: Please keep in mind when reading these that I was young(er) when I wrote them and didn't know anything about anything. No part of the Alphabet Series has been edited besides for formatting purposes.
AN 2: Most of this fic involves quotes from other things. I apologize for nothing.
"Guys!" Duo burst into the living room with a frantic look on his face, though had the current occupants of the room looked at him when he entered, they might have noticed the trademark sneaky glint in his eyes. As it was, Trowa did not look away from the television and Heero did not look up from his book. So neither of them saw the glint. Duo continued anyway. "Everyone we know has turned into zombies and they're coming this way!"
"Really," Heero said, not caring in the least about Duo's latest outburst.
Duo was slightly annoyed at the lack of shared enthusiasm. "Yeah!"
"What do they want?" Trowa asked, knowing it was better to play along.
Duo grinned. "Oranges."
Trowa, who did the shopping with Quatre, frowned slightly, though Duo wasn't sure if it was at the zombies' supposed desire or the television, where the anime he was watching had taken an interesting turn.
"Would you come live with me? Would you bear my children, Sango? ... Sango?"
"Yes!"
"You'll have my children? Ten babies, or maybe even twenty?"
"Yes! Miroku… does this mean you'll stop womanizing?"
Trowa blinked. Oh right, Duo's nonsense. "We don't have any oranges."
"They want bananas too," Duo replied. He already knew there weren't any oranges; that's why he'd said it.
"We have those," Trowa said vaguely, changing the channel to a different anime.
"You've got such a gloomy personality, why don't you just give up and stop pretending to be human?"
"Hey!"
"What is it? You're too late if you think you're gonna ask for my help."
"Could you keep it down over there?"
"Yeah... Sure, forgive me for interrupting."
Heero glanced at the television in mild interest.
"For dildos," Duo finished, trying to get the attention on himself and not bothering to look at the TV.
There was a pause.
"What for? They're stiff already."
Duo, Trowa, and Heero all stared at Quatre, who was standing in the other doorway that led to the kitchen, sipping a fresh cup of tea. The blond stared at the television.
"Hey! You can't go anywhere with your machine in this shape! We're talkin' miracles here!"
"It'd take a miracle for you, but I can handle it."
"Well, excuse me for being a mere mortal."
"Quatre?" Duo asked.
Quatre took another sip of his tea. "Yes?"
"When did you even come in here?"
By this time Heero had returned to his book, but Trowa kept the television on its current channel. He liked this show. Quatre leaned against the doorframe, watching the television from that position. Duo was still staring at him in complete shock. Wufei came into the living room, brushing past Duo and pausing to notice the self-proclaimed Shinigami's expression.
"Is there a reason Maxwell looks like a fish?"
"He tried the zombie thing again," Heero replied, turning a page. "Quatre beat him down."
Wufei raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
"Really."
Wufei made an impressed sound and went straight to his favorite chair. He rolled his eyes when he noticed what Trowa was watching.
"Okay, this is so unfair," Duo complained.
Trowa became bored suddenly and changed the channel again.
"He locked us out!"
"No, he shut himself in so we'd be safe!"
"There's a crazy person flying the plane! You call that safe? We have to get out of here!"
"Can you transport us to the ground?"
"Yeah, right. Picture this: bumpety, bumpety, bumpety, bumpety, SPLAT!"
A small smile appeared on Quatre's face at this new show, which was in fact a cartoon rather than an anime. Heero lost interest and went back to his book. Duo started pouting. Wufei stole the remote from Trowa and changed the channel again.
"Stay calm if you want to live a little longer."
"We don't stand a chance unless something pretty drastic happens."
"I'm doing everything I can just in case that something drastic does happen."
Duo finally looked at the TV. "I've seen this one." He reached over and took the remote from Wufei, who glared fiercely at Duo before leaping up and chasing the other boy around the living room. Trowa plucked the remote from Duo's hand as he passed. He changed the channel one last time.
"You mangy wolf! You're gonna pay for kidnapping Kagome!"
Duo and Wufei both stopped running around the room. "Hey, isn't this the show you started on?" Duo asked.
"Different episode."
"Kagome... Hey Dog-Breath! Take this chance to run, but keep your hands off MY woman, got it!"
Duo leapt over the back of the couch, landing next to Trowa and staring at the television eagerly. Wufei snorted. "I hate this show."
Duo turned and stared at him. "Are you kidding? Koga is frickin' awesome, man!"
"His woman?"
"What?"
"Is there any truth to what he's saying, Kagome?"
"Nothing's going on! It's wishful thinking! He's making it up!"
"Ah, I knew it! He's livin' in a fantasy! Ya flea bag!"
"It's not a fantasy; I claimed her as mine! I'm in love with you, Kagome!"
"Oh boy..."
Duo turned back around. "So, Tro, who's your favorite character?"
"You're far better off with me and you know it! So ditch the mutt! He's not good enough for you. Forget about him."
"Pretty racked up, isn't he?"
"I like Miroku."
"I wish I had that kind of audacity."
Duo blinked. "What, the perverted monk?"
Trowa didn't look away from the television. "Yeah, him."
Duo sat back, an almost thoughtful expression on his face. "You know what this show's missing?"
No one was willing to respond, but Duo was waiting for someone to do so. Quatre sighed. He figured it was his responsibility to take the bait. "What is it missing, Duo?"
Duo grinned. "Zombies."
Everyone groaned.