[FIC] B is for Bullet
Title: B is for Bullet (part of the Alphabet Series)
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Pairing: Light 1x2
Wordcount: 1297
Warnings: stupidity (on the part of the author and the characters)
Summary: Duo decides to see if a rubber bullet will bounce when fired at a rubber wall
AN: Please keep in mind when reading these that I was young(er) when I wrote them and didn't know anything about anything. No part of the Alphabet Series has been edited besides for formatting purposes.
“Okay, this is the theory: If you fire a rubber bullet at a rubber wall, it’ll bounce off, right?” Duo leaned on the table as he spoke, anxious to share his new idea and get a second opinion. He had come to Quatre because the blond boy was the least likely to laugh (as Wufei would have) or blow him off completely (as Trowa and Heero would have). Never mind the fact that the other three were currently on missions.
Quatre calmly put down the book he had been reading. “You’ve been watching that show again, haven’t you?”
“That” show happened to be the twentieth century MTV program called Jackass. Duo’s housemates disapproved of the show on the grounds that it was “stupid” (Heero and Wufei’s opinion) and “encouraged stupid actions” (everyone’s opinion). Duo, however, was fascinated by it. He disabled the TV blocks every time Trowa, Quatre, or Heero put them up and had gone so far as to purchase all eight movie versions without his housemates’ knowledge. Until now, however, he had not expressed a desire to imitate the show.
Duo grinned, not quite able to project his feigned innocence. “Would you rather I did something involving the insane and incredibly dangerous- not to mention totally illegal- amount of explosives hidden in this house?”
“No, because most of those are Heero’s and he’d kill you for touching them if you didn’t manage to kill yourself.”
Duo’s grin widened. “Actually, my stash is bigger than his, but whatever. Back to my theory.”
Quatre sighed. “I want no part in this, particularly if you hurt yourself somehow. I’m not going to give you money for the rubber wall.”
Duo pretended to be hurt. “Gosh, Quat, I wasn’t trying to ask you for money. I already got the rubber wall. I just wanted to know if you thought my theory was plausible.”
Quatre reached for his teacup and took a sip, scrunching his face up a bit because the tea had become cold. “Technically, until you’ve tested it your ‘theory’ is only a hypothesis. It has to be tested several times with the same results each time to be considered a theory. Basic scientific method, though I can’t really call what you’re proposing scientific.”
Duo’s enthusiasm was slowly deflating in the face of Quatre’s logical shut-down. “Just tell me whether you think it will work or not, Quatre.”
“Honestly, Duo, I don’t think my opinion of your hypothesis’s plausibility will make the slightest difference in your choice to go ahead with the experiment.”
Duo fell forward onto the table, his previous grin gone and his excitement completely dimmed. “Thanks a lot, Quatre.” He then noticed the blond’s very tiny satisfied smirk and realized what Quatre had been up to all along. He bounced up and stood, stretching his arms. “I’ll be outside if you need me,” Duo said brightly. Quatre watched his housemate leave, knowing nothing good would come of this. He took another sip of his cold tea.
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Duo eyed his setup carefully, blinking in the bright sun. The sky was clear blue and the temperature warm, making it the perfect day for an outdoor experiment. The rubber wall had been erected with two hours worth of difficulty, but at last it was standing somewhat precariously in the middle of their house’s large concrete backyard patio. Duo loaded his favorite gun (stolen from Heero at some point) with the rubber bullets. He took careful aim at the meticulously painted red bulls-eye on the rubber wall. He had considered painting a human shape for the target, but that would have taken too long and made him question his own sadistic tendencies.
He pulled the trigger.
Duo felt a millisecond of elation as the bullet bounced off the wall, and then did not even have time for the word “shiznit” to go through his mind before the bullet hit him square in the forehead. Duo fell down, smacking his head on the concrete. His last conscious thought came in the form of Quatre’s voice saying “I told you so.”
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Duo opened his eyes slowly. His head hurt worse than it had on New Year’s Day after a full night of partying and vodka. He could see a white ceiling above him and white walls around him. There was a steady beeping to his left, and on his right very faint snoring. He turned his head carefully, wincing at the pain his movement amplified. He was mildly amused to see Trowa seated in an uncomfortable-looking chair, fast asleep.
“Hey Tro,” Duo hissed, surprised at how hoarse his voice sounded. The other boy woke instantly. “What’s going on?” Duo asked.
“Wait,” Trowa replied enigmatically, standing up. He left the room, giving Duo time to observe the fact that this room was a hospital room. The beeping came from a heart monitoring machine, and he was also hooked up to an IV. As Duo processed this new information, the door opened and Heero stalked in. He closed the door behind him. Duo couldn’t help but stare at his friend. Heero’s normally messy-looking hair was even more messy-looking, and there were dark shadows under his eyes suggesting a lack of sleep. Despite this, Duo thought with a touch of jealousy, Heero still looked incredibly hot. Duo then wondered where the hell that thought had come from.
“Omae o korosu,” Heero whispered, his voice nearly as hoarse as Duo’s. It was only then that Duo took notice of the combination of pain and relief in Heero’s steely-blue eyes.
“Feels like someone already did,” he replied, trying to lighten the suddenly somber mood. “What happened?”
“Quatre says your rubber bullet apparently bounced off your rubber wall and hit you in the head. It wouldn’t have mattered if your head hadn’t then hit the concrete. Your skull was cracked.”
Duo chuckled. “And here I thought I had a hard head. That ‘splains the headache, though.”
Heero leaned back against the door and crossed his arms. “It took a doctor and three interns two hours just to get all of the dirt and gravel out of your hard head.”
A horrible thought occurred to Duo. “My hair?” he asked weakly. He would have reached up and checked for himself, but he was afraid of what he might find. Heero looked emotionless. “The doctor wanted to cut it off. It was in their way as they cleaned out your cuts.”
Duo literally felt the blood drain out of his face. His beautiful braid, gone? Heero walked over to stand next to the bed, a ghost of a smile on his face. “I wouldn’t allow it.” Duo couldn’t help but grin at the thought of the scene Heero must have made, probably pulling a gun on the poor intern holding the scissors. Heero leaned closer. “But if you ever, ever do anything like this again,” he said softly, “I will kill you.”
Duo smiled. “The beauty of that, Heero, is my next experiment will probably involve explosives. It’s pretty likely that I’ll accidentally kill myself before you can even get to me.”
Heero smiled back, a nasty gleam in his eye. “Then I’ll come into the afterlife and kill you. Or, if you use my explosives, it will be like me killing you.”
Duo laughed. “What do I need your explosives for? My stash is bigger.”
“It is not.”
“Is so. It’s not the only thing of mine that’s bigger.”
“That’s just wrong.”
“I know, but it proves I’m okay, doesn’t it?”
“Physically, maybe. Your mental health remains questionable.”
“Hey!”
“Quatre says you aren’t allowed to watch TV for a month.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“And I’ve already confiscated your copies of Jackass One through Eight.”
“What?!”
“I blew them up with explosives from your stash.”
“Heero!!!!!”