The second note
Title: The notes from Erik
Fandom: X-Men, The Journey's End
Pairing: Erik/Charles, Erik/Raven, others maybe later
Genre: WWI AU
Rating: These are letters and this is war, I don't think there's going to be any sexy times, but like I said this is war so I'd say NC-17 for blood and everything else that happens at the war.
Word Count: 1047 (this note)
Summary: Erik and Charles as soldiers on the front of World War I as described by the play "Journey's End" by R.C.Sherriff.
Disclaimer: This author doesn't own X-Men or The Journey's End and any of the characters portrayed in this story. Erik's not mine, Charles' not mine, Rayleigh's not mine, Dennis' not mine and not anyone else either. I like happy endings so obviously none of them is mine.Author's note: Okay, the_me09. The ball is AGAIN in your court, darling.
When he first noticed the envelope with his name on it on the table, he thought it was a joke. Rather tasteless one, if he had to admit. No one wrote to him anymore. Not since he stopped writing back. But standing over the offending paper and staring at it suspiciously, something inside his brain flashed in a recognition of the handwriting. It wasn't the same, more elegant and neat than the scratches he remembered, but it was unmistakeably Charles'. He'd always recognize the decorative “L”'s. Someone brushed past him hurriedly, but he was in no mood to deal with avoidance right now. He picked the letter and put it in his inside pocket delicately. The existence of it could mean only that his foolish (and drunken) attempt at communication was found and read and he dreads the moment he has to look at his friend's answer. Despite what he has written, he doesn't want Charles to stop thinking of him warmly. He takes his revolver and goes out. The barbed wire needs mending and he'll be damned if he won't be there to help.
He sits at the table long after everyone went to sleep smoking one of his last cigarettes. He didn't drink today, not for this. He has to have a clear mind as to not overreact and possibly wake everyone up. He knows Uncle wouldn't mind horribly, but they all deserve rest. There was a battle today and they're all tired. He's not any less, but there's still this one thing he has to do before he succumbs to sleep. The letter is short and precise. Much more coherent than his own attempt was, but it was to be expected, Charles is from a good, old house, they always put a pressure on being proper till the very end. He sounds older too, a little similar to how the letters from his father sounded like and Erik aches for the time when his best friend matured so much. He'll miss the innocence the boy possessed, it was always a bright spot in his otherwise dark life. It's not completely gone, that much he can tell just by observing the man in the daylight, but he must admit it is diminished. He's not happy with it. It will surely help Charles go through the war with his psyche more or less unscathed, but... It doesn't matter anymore. It's not as if something can be done about it now.
He takes out a sheet of paper and his pen and sits down to compose a reply. After all, it would be considered rude to just ignore the note. He thinks about it for a long time, until Mason has to come and change the candles burning out on the table. The cook gives him a significant look and gestures at the bed, but it's not time yet. He can't rest until he finishes this thing. He puts the pen to the paper and lets the ink carry his message.
Dear Charles,
I must apologize for my behaviour towards you. It is true that I've treated you much worse than anyone else since you came and for that I am sorry. I am acutely aware how much trained you are. You wouldn't be here, in our dug-out if you had no experience to speak of. Let me just have this moment of honesty with you here: I know you've changed, but it doesn't mean I don't ache for the carefree boy I left behind on that train station. It will be better for you to not be him, but you can't blame me for wanting to protect people I care about from the atrocities of war, to prevent them from maturing too much. It seems as if I failed in your case.
I'm not alone here. There are people going around almost constantly. And I have Osborn who has become my best friend and confidante over the years we spent working with each other. I need to admit that maybe the fact, you were the closest person to me before, is one of the reasons why am I so harsh to you. Some part of my mind recognizes that I can show you the truth about what I feel. I'm sorry for that, you're right. I will try to treat you as any other man in my battalion. We are both not the men we were three years ago and I must accept with all of me that the times when you haven't been afraid to know the real me is past gone. As your commander officer, I am officially apologizing for my awful behaviour. Please, do forgive me for it.
On the more pleasant note, how's Raven? Did you leave the whole responsibility of being the head of the house to her? I haven't heard from her for some time now.
To the last man, 2nd Lieutenant Xavier.
Captain Lehnsherr.
He creeps quietly towards the deeper parts of the dug-out when the men sleep and searches for Charles' bed. The man sleeps undisturbed, no question exhausted by the day's happenings. Erik can admit to himself that maybe writing the letter without having any sleep might be even worse than writing it drunk, but there is nothing really he can do. There is too little time between the time spent outside and these two states of mind to think about writing anything in it. He tucks the signed envelope under Charles' curled hand and with a soft smile brushed the lock of chestnut hair from his forehead. He tried to put some distance between himself and the man, but he has a feeling that it would be fruitless endeavour.
He stands up and equally quietly leaves the room. There's no use of going to sleep now, soon there'll be dawn and call for breakfast. So he puts on his combat gear and goes outside. The least he can do is to keep men company on their night look-out. Tomorrow, he has a meeting with Sergeant-Major about the German attack and plans to prevent it. He hopes the General is not thinking about anything as stupid as a raid. The last one was disastrous enough, he doesn't want to think about what could happen this time.