A surprise blood test and book rejection in the space of an hour...
...shaping up to be a real shit of a day.
Went to doctor. Ultrasound showed a cyst on my kidney which is benign and nothing to worry about. Liver shows no problems. So....
....so now I am looking into interventions for depression.
Ironically enough, this is making me feel even more depressed. I feel I have failed to intervene in my own struggles and now I have to admit to other people that I don't know that I need their help. But I can't carry on feeling like this. I can't live every day beating myself with a stick so I work to earn money.
The doctor had another blood test done on the spot to check liver function, saying that if it still seems unhappy in this annoying nebulous elevated enzyme way, she's reluctant to put me on anti-depressants as they would be metabolised through the liver. That shows how desperate I am - normally I do anything to stay away from drug interventions, now I am hoping I can take them just to feel better.
I have tried to fix myself - more exercise, better diet (have lost 6 pounds a sa result and gone down a dress size) and I still feel like shit.
Worse of all though, I felt fine talking to my boss about a dicky liver. I feel that I absolutely cannot talk about the depression thing. I know all that "It's just like having a broken leg you just can't see it" stuff. I just don't feel it applies to me. This does not seem a legitimate reason for me to be crap at work, so now I have to hide it and it makes me feel upset to do so.
I phoned the counsellor the doc recommended, as I don't feel I can hang on for the six weeks it would take to get an NHS one, but she is on sabbattical (sp?). I phoned another, she can't see me till the end of August. Is the universe telling me this is the wrong way to go? I can't afford it anyway. That's a lie... it means that our tax bill will take longer to pay off, but we don't exactly have any slack in our budget. I am planning a trip to Cornwall only made possible because of impending birthday.
I'm rambling. I feel like crap. Sorry. I'll get my coat. SOMEONE LET ME OUT!
Went to doctor. Ultrasound showed a cyst on my kidney which is benign and nothing to worry about. Liver shows no problems. So....
....so now I am looking into interventions for depression.
Ironically enough, this is making me feel even more depressed. I feel I have failed to intervene in my own struggles and now I have to admit to other people that I don't know that I need their help. But I can't carry on feeling like this. I can't live every day beating myself with a stick so I work to earn money.
The doctor had another blood test done on the spot to check liver function, saying that if it still seems unhappy in this annoying nebulous elevated enzyme way, she's reluctant to put me on anti-depressants as they would be metabolised through the liver. That shows how desperate I am - normally I do anything to stay away from drug interventions, now I am hoping I can take them just to feel better.
I have tried to fix myself - more exercise, better diet (have lost 6 pounds a sa result and gone down a dress size) and I still feel like shit.
Worse of all though, I felt fine talking to my boss about a dicky liver. I feel that I absolutely cannot talk about the depression thing. I know all that "It's just like having a broken leg you just can't see it" stuff. I just don't feel it applies to me. This does not seem a legitimate reason for me to be crap at work, so now I have to hide it and it makes me feel upset to do so.
I phoned the counsellor the doc recommended, as I don't feel I can hang on for the six weeks it would take to get an NHS one, but she is on sabbattical (sp?). I phoned another, she can't see me till the end of August. Is the universe telling me this is the wrong way to go? I can't afford it anyway. That's a lie... it means that our tax bill will take longer to pay off, but we don't exactly have any slack in our budget. I am planning a trip to Cornwall only made possible because of impending birthday.
I'm rambling. I feel like crap. Sorry. I'll get my coat. SOMEONE LET ME OUT!