Everything is not all right.
It's nearly 3:30 in the morning and I'm awake. I'm not tired, though I should be. I just don't want to go to bed, even though I know I need to.
Since I got home from Fresno for the second time this year, I've been kind of pulling in on myself again. I need company, I know I do, but I feel so disconnected down here. I don't know. The ground's still gone and I'm still numb most of the time. Not right now, though. Right now, the empty place aches and the skin around my eyes stings from too much salt water. Right now, my mind is stuck on repeat: give him back, give him back, give him back give him back givehimbackgivehimbackgivehimback! I've almost always cried silently; tonight is no exception.
Fuck.
What the hell am I supposed to do now?
It's 4:00 in the morning. In a little over eight hours, it will have been exactly a month. I need to not be alone today. I need to scream and cry and have someone there to hold me when I'm done, someone who won't tell me that it's all right because it's not.
Since I got home from Fresno for the second time this year, I've been kind of pulling in on myself again. I need company, I know I do, but I feel so disconnected down here. I don't know. The ground's still gone and I'm still numb most of the time. Not right now, though. Right now, the empty place aches and the skin around my eyes stings from too much salt water. Right now, my mind is stuck on repeat: give him back, give him back, give him back give him back givehimbackgivehimbackgivehimback! I've almost always cried silently; tonight is no exception.
Fuck.
What the hell am I supposed to do now?
It's 4:00 in the morning. In a little over eight hours, it will have been exactly a month. I need to not be alone today. I need to scream and cry and have someone there to hold me when I'm done, someone who won't tell me that it's all right because it's not.