03.22.09
[listening to] garbage - "push it"
[mood] tired & lonely
as you can see, i finally broke down and added a user pic. yes, that really is me, but i may come to my senses tomorrow and replace it with a picture of my cat. after all, what is the whole point of attempting to maintain annonymity if i post a picture of myself and tell you what my real name is :P
....
......wait. have i done that? .... O_o
::note to self: scan old archives for use of actual name and edit accordingly. end note::
ahem. back on track now :D
as one of my first visits to the lj community in awhile i've taken the time to update a few things, such as add my website url to the profile page. speaking of the website... it has, rather unfortunately, not been updated in quite some time and probably won't be until i can get my computer reformatted and the appropriate programs re-installed. which reminds me... people... the site is a fucking joke. don't take it literally. yes i'm looking for people to join my harem and YES i will be building it as much as i can, but no i am not doing it to meet guys and NO intentions to ever have a relationship with them beyond simple friendship. i seriously need to do a bit of a rant on this at some point... but not tonight. tonight i'm tired, a tad depressed and, if i'm being brutally honest, more than a little lonely.
i turned down an offer to join one of my friends this weekend for some video games and movies - an event that, more often than not, ends with sex -_-. honestly, i pondered the last encounter with him, the lack of calling or texting for the entire week after, and took several other things into account then finally realized... i don't care. i don't care that he didn't call or text. i didn't even really care about the sex part. i had already decided i was going to get over the idea of us ever being an item due to, well, quite a lot of things, but in that moment i realized that i don't need to get over anything at all. he is a friend and that's all he is.
i also recognized that what i've been craving isn't intercourse, it's just contact with an another human being. the casual touches that i desire but am afraid to enact outside of a relationship or, more rarely, with friends who won't take it as something sexual. i like to hug. alot. i like to just stand there with my arms wrapped around a guy's waist and rest my chin on his shoulder, or if he's taller than me (extremely rare for some reason) to rest my head on his chest. i love being able to curl up to watch a movie with someone; to feel warm, safe, and cared for as i'm lulled into a peaceful state of just being as i listen to the rhythmic thumping of their heart. when i'm with friends that i feel comfortable with, the ones that won't take it as something it's not, i feel free to touch. but i haven't had anyone like that for quite awhile now.
shite... here i meant to just put up a short post an' i've been thinking and typing (though more of the former than the latter) for over an hour now. it's officially past my bedtime so i'll try to continue this train of thoguht tomorrow. if i remember -_-
kisses to the kissable & hugs to the rest of ya'
~kit
[mood] tired & lonely
as you can see, i finally broke down and added a user pic. yes, that really is me, but i may come to my senses tomorrow and replace it with a picture of my cat. after all, what is the whole point of attempting to maintain annonymity if i post a picture of myself and tell you what my real name is :P
....
......wait. have i done that? .... O_o
::note to self: scan old archives for use of actual name and edit accordingly. end note::
ahem. back on track now :D
as one of my first visits to the lj community in awhile i've taken the time to update a few things, such as add my website url to the profile page. speaking of the website... it has, rather unfortunately, not been updated in quite some time and probably won't be until i can get my computer reformatted and the appropriate programs re-installed. which reminds me... people... the site is a fucking joke. don't take it literally. yes i'm looking for people to join my harem and YES i will be building it as much as i can, but no i am not doing it to meet guys and NO intentions to ever have a relationship with them beyond simple friendship. i seriously need to do a bit of a rant on this at some point... but not tonight. tonight i'm tired, a tad depressed and, if i'm being brutally honest, more than a little lonely.
i turned down an offer to join one of my friends this weekend for some video games and movies - an event that, more often than not, ends with sex -_-. honestly, i pondered the last encounter with him, the lack of calling or texting for the entire week after, and took several other things into account then finally realized... i don't care. i don't care that he didn't call or text. i didn't even really care about the sex part. i had already decided i was going to get over the idea of us ever being an item due to, well, quite a lot of things, but in that moment i realized that i don't need to get over anything at all. he is a friend and that's all he is.
i also recognized that what i've been craving isn't intercourse, it's just contact with an another human being. the casual touches that i desire but am afraid to enact outside of a relationship or, more rarely, with friends who won't take it as something sexual. i like to hug. alot. i like to just stand there with my arms wrapped around a guy's waist and rest my chin on his shoulder, or if he's taller than me (extremely rare for some reason) to rest my head on his chest. i love being able to curl up to watch a movie with someone; to feel warm, safe, and cared for as i'm lulled into a peaceful state of just being as i listen to the rhythmic thumping of their heart. when i'm with friends that i feel comfortable with, the ones that won't take it as something it's not, i feel free to touch. but i haven't had anyone like that for quite awhile now.
shite... here i meant to just put up a short post an' i've been thinking and typing (though more of the former than the latter) for over an hour now. it's officially past my bedtime so i'll try to continue this train of thoguht tomorrow. if i remember -_-
kisses to the kissable & hugs to the rest of ya'
~kit