I'M GOING TO BE OK!
WELL HERE I SIT IN MY SPONGEBOB SHIRT AND BOYSHIRTS, THINKING ABOUT THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS. IT'S BEEN CRAZY. I DON'T KNOW MY AURA WAS OFF BUT I ALL I KNOW IS THAT I REALLY WANTED TO GET SOME THING WEEKEND. BUT I DIDN'T. ALL I WANTED WAS BEKKA, ALL I WANTED WAS TO BE NEAR HER, ALL I WANTED WAS TO TOUCH HER FACE AND LOOK INTO HER EYES ONE MORE TIME.
BUT THEN I REALIZED THE MANY STUPID TIMES A DAY THAT I USE THE WORD "I". WHAT ABOUT WHAT BEKKA FEELS, WHAT ABOUT HOW BEKKA WANTS TO BE AROUND.
TODAY I GOT REALLY UPSET THAT I STARTED CRYING. I HEARD BEKKA SAY HOW SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY JENN WILL MESS WITH JEANNA BUT NOW HER, "WHAT DOES SHE HAVE THAT I DON'T HAVE". AND THAT IS BASICALLY THE SAME THING I HAVE BEEN WONDERING. WHAT DOES JENN HAVE THAT I DON'T HAVE. WELL ME AND BEKKA TALKED AND WE GOT THINGS STRAIGHT. SHE TOLD ME THAT HER LOVE FOR JENN IS STRONGER THAN HER LOVE FOR ME.
THIS ENTIRE TIME I'VE BEEN GETTING UP SET BECAUSE BEKKA DOESNT WANT TO BE WITH ME. BUT THEN I REALIZED THERE ARE OTHER WOMEN OUT THERE THAT WILL BE THERE FOR ME. BEKKA IS NOT GOING TO BE MY LAST GIRLFRIEND. SHE WAS MY FIRST AND SHE SHOWED ME THE ROPES NOW IT'S MY TURN TO TAKE THOSE SKILLS AND PUT THEM TO GOOD USE. I HAVE SARA NOW, OR AMANDA, OR NIECEY. I HAVE SOMEONE. SHE IS NOT THE ONLY ONE. RIGHT NOW WHILE I'M HERE ON THE SHORE. I CAN DEAL WITH ME AND BEKKA BEING FRIENDS AND THE OCCASIONNAL (hopefully frequent) SLEEPING TOGETHER. I GET DEAL WITH JUST GETTING LAID AND BEING INTIMATE WHEN THERE IS ALCOHOL INVOLVED. I FEEL SO STUPID RIGHT NOW.
I REALLY THINK I'M GOING TO BE OK. I LIKE BEING JUST FRIENDS. SO TO ALL MY FRIENDS THAT HAVE BEEN BY MY SIDE WHEN I COMPLAINED. TO ALL MY FRIENDS THAT SAT AND EVEN LISTENED TO WHAT I HAD TO SAY ABOUT BEKKA EVEN THOUGH YOU PROBABLY DIDNT WANT TO BE HEAR IT. THANK YOU FOR JUST BEING A FRIEND. I LOVE YOU ALL.
BUT THEN I REALIZED THE MANY STUPID TIMES A DAY THAT I USE THE WORD "I". WHAT ABOUT WHAT BEKKA FEELS, WHAT ABOUT HOW BEKKA WANTS TO BE AROUND.
TODAY I GOT REALLY UPSET THAT I STARTED CRYING. I HEARD BEKKA SAY HOW SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY JENN WILL MESS WITH JEANNA BUT NOW HER, "WHAT DOES SHE HAVE THAT I DON'T HAVE". AND THAT IS BASICALLY THE SAME THING I HAVE BEEN WONDERING. WHAT DOES JENN HAVE THAT I DON'T HAVE. WELL ME AND BEKKA TALKED AND WE GOT THINGS STRAIGHT. SHE TOLD ME THAT HER LOVE FOR JENN IS STRONGER THAN HER LOVE FOR ME.
THIS ENTIRE TIME I'VE BEEN GETTING UP SET BECAUSE BEKKA DOESNT WANT TO BE WITH ME. BUT THEN I REALIZED THERE ARE OTHER WOMEN OUT THERE THAT WILL BE THERE FOR ME. BEKKA IS NOT GOING TO BE MY LAST GIRLFRIEND. SHE WAS MY FIRST AND SHE SHOWED ME THE ROPES NOW IT'S MY TURN TO TAKE THOSE SKILLS AND PUT THEM TO GOOD USE. I HAVE SARA NOW, OR AMANDA, OR NIECEY. I HAVE SOMEONE. SHE IS NOT THE ONLY ONE. RIGHT NOW WHILE I'M HERE ON THE SHORE. I CAN DEAL WITH ME AND BEKKA BEING FRIENDS AND THE OCCASIONNAL (hopefully frequent) SLEEPING TOGETHER. I GET DEAL WITH JUST GETTING LAID AND BEING INTIMATE WHEN THERE IS ALCOHOL INVOLVED. I FEEL SO STUPID RIGHT NOW.
I REALLY THINK I'M GOING TO BE OK. I LIKE BEING JUST FRIENDS. SO TO ALL MY FRIENDS THAT HAVE BEEN BY MY SIDE WHEN I COMPLAINED. TO ALL MY FRIENDS THAT SAT AND EVEN LISTENED TO WHAT I HAD TO SAY ABOUT BEKKA EVEN THOUGH YOU PROBABLY DIDNT WANT TO BE HEAR IT. THANK YOU FOR JUST BEING A FRIEND. I LOVE YOU ALL.