(no subject)
well i havn't written in a long time. there has been a great deal of events in my life which i can't really recall right now. and thoes that i can recall i don't want to share with the public eye.only one fraise comes to sum up the last couple of weeks of my life > " when it rains, it pours". i can only think of one or two semi- posetive occurances. one i got a job at bronx house. it doesn't pay that good and it's really pathetic that this is my first job and i'm already 17. it's pathetic that i don't have a driver's lisence. . o.k. i found something that i can share. the nutories KLAN. no not the ku klux klan. it's just the KLAN. they rule my school. they are the one every girl hates. the one every guy wants to get some ass from. they are the ones you don't want to mess with. they are the ones that make your life hell if you don't obey by their rules or share their oppinions. there are the ones that are my best friends. i feel like the school is litterally scared of me.it's not a big school only 250 ppl.but the KLAN rules them. and i supose that i have some degree of power that i am not aware off. i may be the reason ppl are scared of us. i'm the one that has the hit list. don't worry only 12 ppl are on it. and i just annoy and maybe manefest their lives because they have somehow aggrivated me. but lately i feel like i'm the KLAN tool. it's not a clique anymore it's an excommunication from the mondane world which i have somehow come to treasure in some sick way. i like these poeple i have been friends with the majority of them since 7th grade , and i don't want to lose our friendship or our bond. but in a way, they are not the ppl i'd chose to call my friends if i had a choice now. these are diffrent ppl which somehow have assumed the identity of the ppl that i would share my most intemate secrets with. they are insensetive, cruel, selfish ppl. and i love them all in their own way.
another not so trivial issue. you might find this boring so you might wanna skip this paragraph. if you read on don't say i didn't warn you. my cat got sick. he was in a hospital for 3 days. thoes of u who are not sentemental wouldn't understand. but it feels like a limb has been torn off. he came back a couple of days ago. they had to castrate him, for health reasons. now he will never me the same. and in a way i always knew that someday, somehow, he would stop being an influince on my life. now i'm just scared of that day coming faster than i planed.
i'm sitting here in mike's house. he's the only person i could crash. thanks alote andrew. but acually thanks for earlier. my door lock broke. i'm locked out. waiting for adult guidance on my childish attitude toward my front door. sometimesi think of what would happen if i would burn the hardware store down. would there be a big melted pile of steel. or would it just turn a diffrent color, and not melt. i think this is why ppl give me thoes sented candles for my birthday, they are affraid that i might burn something important. i wouldn't say fire is a fetish. it's an intrest like photography or reading books that will never come true. and the point of reading is to pretend that you are there and not in this parodox called life.
i found a way to relinquish myself from my crush. that annoying guy i like in schoool. yea i still like him .the fact that he's from the KLAN does not help. i found out that thre are 18 girls in our school that like him. but i liked him before he was a jock. b4 he got into the KLAN and b4 he got to be our school president.( i kinda thought of running but when i found out that he's running i kinda gave up b/c i knew that he'd win)anyways me and him we wouldn't go ggod together.for one thing we are to much alike. except everything that i wanted to be. it's like everything he touches turns to gold. and everything i touch turns to ash ( b4 i burn it). me and danny are so alike that we say stuff simetaniosly in class. the sassy remarks that i think to say he'd say it b4 me. and the jokersitic attutude that he wears on his sleaves, i let out once in a while if i'm in really good company of ppl i can be at ease with on ordinary life. i don't think that i'm ready for a relationship right now, even if he did like me. and the 3 guys that like me in the school well ummmm. the're not that bad looking it's just that i'm not attracted to them.you always want what you can't have. and you alwys miss it once it's gone.
this has only been a scratch on the serface of things that plague my everyday thought. hope you enjoyed this little exposae. be in tune next week when we discusse: anna, my i think i need to seek help and many other intresting topics. do write a comment. and see you next week same channel same day same time.
p.s. kira can't spell, but i bet you already knew that
another not so trivial issue. you might find this boring so you might wanna skip this paragraph. if you read on don't say i didn't warn you. my cat got sick. he was in a hospital for 3 days. thoes of u who are not sentemental wouldn't understand. but it feels like a limb has been torn off. he came back a couple of days ago. they had to castrate him, for health reasons. now he will never me the same. and in a way i always knew that someday, somehow, he would stop being an influince on my life. now i'm just scared of that day coming faster than i planed.
i'm sitting here in mike's house. he's the only person i could crash. thanks alote andrew. but acually thanks for earlier. my door lock broke. i'm locked out. waiting for adult guidance on my childish attitude toward my front door. sometimesi think of what would happen if i would burn the hardware store down. would there be a big melted pile of steel. or would it just turn a diffrent color, and not melt. i think this is why ppl give me thoes sented candles for my birthday, they are affraid that i might burn something important. i wouldn't say fire is a fetish. it's an intrest like photography or reading books that will never come true. and the point of reading is to pretend that you are there and not in this parodox called life.
i found a way to relinquish myself from my crush. that annoying guy i like in schoool. yea i still like him .the fact that he's from the KLAN does not help. i found out that thre are 18 girls in our school that like him. but i liked him before he was a jock. b4 he got into the KLAN and b4 he got to be our school president.( i kinda thought of running but when i found out that he's running i kinda gave up b/c i knew that he'd win)anyways me and him we wouldn't go ggod together.for one thing we are to much alike. except everything that i wanted to be. it's like everything he touches turns to gold. and everything i touch turns to ash ( b4 i burn it). me and danny are so alike that we say stuff simetaniosly in class. the sassy remarks that i think to say he'd say it b4 me. and the jokersitic attutude that he wears on his sleaves, i let out once in a while if i'm in really good company of ppl i can be at ease with on ordinary life. i don't think that i'm ready for a relationship right now, even if he did like me. and the 3 guys that like me in the school well ummmm. the're not that bad looking it's just that i'm not attracted to them.you always want what you can't have. and you alwys miss it once it's gone.
this has only been a scratch on the serface of things that plague my everyday thought. hope you enjoyed this little exposae. be in tune next week when we discusse: anna, my i think i need to seek help and many other intresting topics. do write a comment. and see you next week same channel same day same time.
p.s. kira can't spell, but i bet you already knew that