Growing together (Chapter 51)
Kazu groaned as he let his head fall on top of his books on the desk. He moved his head to the side, looking outside and frowning. Today was the first day without rain in two weeks or so. He wanted to go out, play with his friends and here he was, studying for his last exams and his head felt ready to explode.
He sighed and pulled out his phone to check the time. It was only eleven am and he had woken up early to see Satoshi off for work and get an early start on his studies. He had started to enjoy those early morning kisses he was allowed to share with Satoshi.
They were slow, warm and made him feel good. On some days he would go back to bed after Satoshi had left, on others, he started to prepare breakfast for their parents and then watched the sun go up as he thought about what he wanted to do in future.
He was not sure yet. He only had decided to get the best marks he could. He would love to pursue music more. But he also wanted to do something with a secure future. Satoshi had decided to become a baker so easily it had seemed. One day he just told their parents that he had decided to do this and that was it.
How did you decide on what to do for the rest of your future? Kazu had no idea honestly. The school didn’t help a lot, neither did his friends. Jun and Masaki had applied for college already, knowing what they wanted to do, and free to move away as they wanted to.
Kazu had applied to different places, as he knew he needed to do so to be on time, but without a special destination in mind. He didn’t know what Satoshi’s plans were and he was scared to ask. He couldn’t even say why. Satoshi always told him to think only about what he wanted to do in future, but that was hard. Not only, did he have little ideas, as he liked a lot of things, but also… There was his family and especially Satoshi.
He sighed and kicked the desk slightly as he pushed himself away from it, messaging Aiba if he was okay with meeting up at the hitting centre for a bit. He couldn’t concentrate on his studies and it didn’t make sense to get angry over stuff he couldn’t change right now.
-
“Aaaah!” Kazu sighed as he fell to the bench after a few shots. His muscles burned slightly from the exertion but his mind felt a bit clearer. It was Aiba’s turn so he watched him in silence for a while sipping on the soda he had bought when they entered.
He played with the rim of the can and listened to the sounds of balls hitting metal either the cages or the bats. It was something he liked a lot.
“Aiba-chan?”
“What is it?”
“How did you decide what you want to do after school?”
“I talked with my parents. And it is easy. I like animals, so caring for them is fun.”
“And how did you decide on the place you want to go?”
Aiba hummed as he hit the next ball and then hit the button to make the machine stop and sit down in front of Kazu with a smirk on his face. Kazu frowned and kicked him slightly.
“What?!”
“Are you worried about your future and you decide to ask me for help?”
Kazu kicked him again for good measure and glared at him slightly. “Just because I know that J is studying today and wouldn’t have answered.”
Aiba chuckled and then put his hands behind him to lean back and stare up into his eyes. “Why are you worried?” he asked and was serious very suddenly.
Kazu sighed and leaned back against the wired cage as he hit the back of his head slightly. “I always thought I can do something with music. I wanted to study it more, learn more… But I also would love to help Satoshi. It is interesting what he does,” he said with a small grimace.
Aiba giggled and shook his head. He could not imagine Kazu spending his days baking bread, kneading dough and all that stuff. That was Satoshi’s thing. He giggled at the image of a disgruntled Kazu with flour on his cheek.
“Nah, you would make a good music teacher,” Aiba said. “You taught me playing the guitar.”
“I tried at least. Not sure you can play a whole song.”
Aiba stuck out his tongue and watched Kazu furrow his brows as he considered his words silently.
“Also why not as a star? A teacher is boring.”
“You make a cute teacher. All girls and boys will fall for you.”
“Why would I want that? Stupid!”
“And you will get lonely on tours and annoyed by questions or fans shrieking. I can’t see you as a pop star or idol,” Aiba added as if he hadn’t heard him before.
“Stupid.”
“And you always talked about how much you loved music. I remember the happiness when your parents agreed to let you go to every music school you wanted. You did a bit less in the last weeks.”
Kazu deflated slightly and stared at the ceiling. That was true. He missed his guitar and keyboard, but he thought he should concentrate more on the exams and then there was Satoshi. If he also added time for music it would be too much.
“Learning more about music will mean that I need to go to school longer. And it is expensive…”
“Mhm… You can work part-time.”
Kazu nodded, he knew that and it was his plan all along to work when he finished high school. To save up more money, to help provide, but…
“But I can’t pay for the things I need and a place to live,” he said in the end. “I don’t even know if… Aiba-chan?”
“Mhm?”
Kazu looked down and bit his lower lip as he realised how soft Aiba’s eyes were right now.
“I want to move somewhere else,” he whispered. “But I also don’t. I will miss my parents so so much. But…”
“… but you would like to live somewhere else with Satoshi-kun?”
Kazu nodded and hid his face slightly as he realised he was blushing. “But Satoshi has a job that he likes. He likes living here, we never talked about it. And most colleges I send applications to are so close that I can commute from here…”
Aiba nodded and patted his knee. “You also applied to that music school that is not that close. And I am sure you can get in if you set your mind to it. I also think that Satoshi-kun would prefer to not be reminded that you are his little brother by about everybody around you two.”
Kazu grimaced and nodded. He would like that a lot as well. It was already strange knowing they were brothers, even if adopted, and there were times he forgot just to be reminded and that feeling of being reminded was the worst if he was honest.
“As I see it and I mean it in the best way possible: You should do what you want, and I guess you already know what you want, but are too scared to go there. It is always scary to change things up. I can promise you that your parents will be proud of whatever decision you do. You won’t lose them, just because you move away.”
“I don’t want to be away from Satoshi,” Kazu said with a pout, still hiding his face.
“And while that is super cute, did you talk about it with Satoshi-kun?”
“He says, I should decide on my own.” The pout got bigger and he hit his head against the back again. It was unfair. He would not be happy if Satoshi did not take him into consideration when he made plans for the future. “Am I so much in the wrong here? I mean… I want to be with Satoshi, that much I know. I want us to get to know better. I mean… okay, I know him pretty well, but as my big brother. At home, it is so much family and… It is different, I… I can’t explain…”
“You don’t want to decide all alone.”
Kazu fell silent as he nodded mutely. But he worried that it was wrong of him. Was he too dependent? But why was that wrong if he wanted to take the wishes and thoughts of others into consideration? He just didn’t get it.
“I would say… Talk to Satoshi-kun and tell him clearly what you want and expect from him.”
Kazu nibbled on his lower lip and then nodded with a sigh. That was probably the only solution right now.
“I should do that…”
Aiba nodded again and got to his feet. He patted the back of his jeans and grinned down at Kazu. “A few more rounds?”
Kazu stuck out his tongue and checked his watch, before picking up his bag. He righted his hat and shook his head. “Nope, I feel like a pastry. Satoshi is off in an hour.”
“Your treat?”
“You wish!”
“Come on, I gave you good advice.”
“You babbled. I should have called J.”
“I gave advice. You know now what to do.”
“As you had pointed out I already knew what I wanted. I didn’t need your help.”
“You so did!”
“Did not.”
Aiba giggled as they bickered back and forth until they arrived at the bakery. Kazu hesitated just a second before pushing the door open, hitting Aiba when the other laughed at him.
“Welcome!” Satoshi greeted and Kazu swore he did not blush even if Aiba said otherwise. “Kazu, Masaki-kun, surprised to see you here.”
“We met at the batting centre,” Aiba explained and Satoshi lifted his eyebrow questioningly.
“I decided a break from studying would be good. Mama agreed,” Kazu said and Satoshi nodded in understanding.
“How about you two chose what you want and I will bring it over to a table.”
“Kazu said he’ll treat me,” Aiba announced and Kazu kicked him with a pout.
“I did not. He is a lying liar.”
“Am not!”
“No fighting in here,” Satoshi reminded him with an amused but stern look on his face and Kazu blushed more as he dragged Aiba away to a table at the side of the bakery. They were a bit out of sight, but Kazu knew that if he sat there he could watch Satoshi working behind the counter and serving the customers. He liked that.
He sighed and pulled out his phone to check the time. It was only eleven am and he had woken up early to see Satoshi off for work and get an early start on his studies. He had started to enjoy those early morning kisses he was allowed to share with Satoshi.
They were slow, warm and made him feel good. On some days he would go back to bed after Satoshi had left, on others, he started to prepare breakfast for their parents and then watched the sun go up as he thought about what he wanted to do in future.
He was not sure yet. He only had decided to get the best marks he could. He would love to pursue music more. But he also wanted to do something with a secure future. Satoshi had decided to become a baker so easily it had seemed. One day he just told their parents that he had decided to do this and that was it.
How did you decide on what to do for the rest of your future? Kazu had no idea honestly. The school didn’t help a lot, neither did his friends. Jun and Masaki had applied for college already, knowing what they wanted to do, and free to move away as they wanted to.
Kazu had applied to different places, as he knew he needed to do so to be on time, but without a special destination in mind. He didn’t know what Satoshi’s plans were and he was scared to ask. He couldn’t even say why. Satoshi always told him to think only about what he wanted to do in future, but that was hard. Not only, did he have little ideas, as he liked a lot of things, but also… There was his family and especially Satoshi.
He sighed and kicked the desk slightly as he pushed himself away from it, messaging Aiba if he was okay with meeting up at the hitting centre for a bit. He couldn’t concentrate on his studies and it didn’t make sense to get angry over stuff he couldn’t change right now.
-
“Aaaah!” Kazu sighed as he fell to the bench after a few shots. His muscles burned slightly from the exertion but his mind felt a bit clearer. It was Aiba’s turn so he watched him in silence for a while sipping on the soda he had bought when they entered.
He played with the rim of the can and listened to the sounds of balls hitting metal either the cages or the bats. It was something he liked a lot.
“Aiba-chan?”
“What is it?”
“How did you decide what you want to do after school?”
“I talked with my parents. And it is easy. I like animals, so caring for them is fun.”
“And how did you decide on the place you want to go?”
Aiba hummed as he hit the next ball and then hit the button to make the machine stop and sit down in front of Kazu with a smirk on his face. Kazu frowned and kicked him slightly.
“What?!”
“Are you worried about your future and you decide to ask me for help?”
Kazu kicked him again for good measure and glared at him slightly. “Just because I know that J is studying today and wouldn’t have answered.”
Aiba chuckled and then put his hands behind him to lean back and stare up into his eyes. “Why are you worried?” he asked and was serious very suddenly.
Kazu sighed and leaned back against the wired cage as he hit the back of his head slightly. “I always thought I can do something with music. I wanted to study it more, learn more… But I also would love to help Satoshi. It is interesting what he does,” he said with a small grimace.
Aiba giggled and shook his head. He could not imagine Kazu spending his days baking bread, kneading dough and all that stuff. That was Satoshi’s thing. He giggled at the image of a disgruntled Kazu with flour on his cheek.
“Nah, you would make a good music teacher,” Aiba said. “You taught me playing the guitar.”
“I tried at least. Not sure you can play a whole song.”
Aiba stuck out his tongue and watched Kazu furrow his brows as he considered his words silently.
“Also why not as a star? A teacher is boring.”
“You make a cute teacher. All girls and boys will fall for you.”
“Why would I want that? Stupid!”
“And you will get lonely on tours and annoyed by questions or fans shrieking. I can’t see you as a pop star or idol,” Aiba added as if he hadn’t heard him before.
“Stupid.”
“And you always talked about how much you loved music. I remember the happiness when your parents agreed to let you go to every music school you wanted. You did a bit less in the last weeks.”
Kazu deflated slightly and stared at the ceiling. That was true. He missed his guitar and keyboard, but he thought he should concentrate more on the exams and then there was Satoshi. If he also added time for music it would be too much.
“Learning more about music will mean that I need to go to school longer. And it is expensive…”
“Mhm… You can work part-time.”
Kazu nodded, he knew that and it was his plan all along to work when he finished high school. To save up more money, to help provide, but…
“But I can’t pay for the things I need and a place to live,” he said in the end. “I don’t even know if… Aiba-chan?”
“Mhm?”
Kazu looked down and bit his lower lip as he realised how soft Aiba’s eyes were right now.
“I want to move somewhere else,” he whispered. “But I also don’t. I will miss my parents so so much. But…”
“… but you would like to live somewhere else with Satoshi-kun?”
Kazu nodded and hid his face slightly as he realised he was blushing. “But Satoshi has a job that he likes. He likes living here, we never talked about it. And most colleges I send applications to are so close that I can commute from here…”
Aiba nodded and patted his knee. “You also applied to that music school that is not that close. And I am sure you can get in if you set your mind to it. I also think that Satoshi-kun would prefer to not be reminded that you are his little brother by about everybody around you two.”
Kazu grimaced and nodded. He would like that a lot as well. It was already strange knowing they were brothers, even if adopted, and there were times he forgot just to be reminded and that feeling of being reminded was the worst if he was honest.
“As I see it and I mean it in the best way possible: You should do what you want, and I guess you already know what you want, but are too scared to go there. It is always scary to change things up. I can promise you that your parents will be proud of whatever decision you do. You won’t lose them, just because you move away.”
“I don’t want to be away from Satoshi,” Kazu said with a pout, still hiding his face.
“And while that is super cute, did you talk about it with Satoshi-kun?”
“He says, I should decide on my own.” The pout got bigger and he hit his head against the back again. It was unfair. He would not be happy if Satoshi did not take him into consideration when he made plans for the future. “Am I so much in the wrong here? I mean… I want to be with Satoshi, that much I know. I want us to get to know better. I mean… okay, I know him pretty well, but as my big brother. At home, it is so much family and… It is different, I… I can’t explain…”
“You don’t want to decide all alone.”
Kazu fell silent as he nodded mutely. But he worried that it was wrong of him. Was he too dependent? But why was that wrong if he wanted to take the wishes and thoughts of others into consideration? He just didn’t get it.
“I would say… Talk to Satoshi-kun and tell him clearly what you want and expect from him.”
Kazu nibbled on his lower lip and then nodded with a sigh. That was probably the only solution right now.
“I should do that…”
Aiba nodded again and got to his feet. He patted the back of his jeans and grinned down at Kazu. “A few more rounds?”
Kazu stuck out his tongue and checked his watch, before picking up his bag. He righted his hat and shook his head. “Nope, I feel like a pastry. Satoshi is off in an hour.”
“Your treat?”
“You wish!”
“Come on, I gave you good advice.”
“You babbled. I should have called J.”
“I gave advice. You know now what to do.”
“As you had pointed out I already knew what I wanted. I didn’t need your help.”
“You so did!”
“Did not.”
Aiba giggled as they bickered back and forth until they arrived at the bakery. Kazu hesitated just a second before pushing the door open, hitting Aiba when the other laughed at him.
“Welcome!” Satoshi greeted and Kazu swore he did not blush even if Aiba said otherwise. “Kazu, Masaki-kun, surprised to see you here.”
“We met at the batting centre,” Aiba explained and Satoshi lifted his eyebrow questioningly.
“I decided a break from studying would be good. Mama agreed,” Kazu said and Satoshi nodded in understanding.
“How about you two chose what you want and I will bring it over to a table.”
“Kazu said he’ll treat me,” Aiba announced and Kazu kicked him with a pout.
“I did not. He is a lying liar.”
“Am not!”
“No fighting in here,” Satoshi reminded him with an amused but stern look on his face and Kazu blushed more as he dragged Aiba away to a table at the side of the bakery. They were a bit out of sight, but Kazu knew that if he sat there he could watch Satoshi working behind the counter and serving the customers. He liked that.