Stepping towards the future
Ohno gives Nino a special handmade gift.
“Can the next year be better?” Nino asked and looked at Ohno who was beside him. Ohno had stayed with Mimi after Nino had behaved so strangely during Christmas and they had talked a lot, about their relationship, their feelings and their expectations.
Ohno looked at Nino who was playing with Haru’s ears and smiled. The both of them had been close to each other a lot. It seemed as if they stuck together for the whole week between the holiday. And that was surprising for Ohno. He knew that people were close to their daemons. He loved Mimi and she was often around him, but they didn’t feel the need to touch all the time as Nino and Haru had.
It was also strange because when they were together as Arashi for work, it were often the both of them that stayed apart when it was needed, so Ohno had thought it was easy for the both of them. He remembered the first days of separation training and it had been strange, but not too bad.
“It will be,” Ohno said, when he felt the eyes of Nino on him. Nino frowned but shyly moved his hand, so that it would touch the fingers of Ohno, who chuckled and interlaced their fingers.
“Why are you so sure?”
“Because I love you, and you love me. That is already a promise for a good new year.”
Nino giggled but then nodded. The thought of being with Ohno, being loved by the other was nice. He was still very shy, but at the same time he was also enjoying the hugs, and when Ohno kissed him, he felt warm all over. Ohno had promised him to show him even more in the weeks to come.
“It is scary.”
“What is?”
Nino stared at Haru and sighed. “How much it hurts, how I have nightmares or can’t sleep at all, how I am so scared some days so suddenly. How I sometimes can’t stand still if Haru is not there, how hard it is to let him go sometimes. How I lie awake and tears just come. I never told anyone. Not even mum, and I tell her everything.”
Ohno hummed and Nino unconsciously leant against him as his fingers gripped the fur a bit tighter. Haru moved to lick Kazu’s hands until he relayed again and breathed in deeply.
“But I know mum would be hurt. I don’t want to hurt her.”
“I know,” Ohno said and caressed his hair warmly. “But it will get better, I promises. You don’t have to suffer alone.”
“I thought it was just how I am. And that it is normal to hurt.”
“It does, a bit sometimes at the start,” Ohno said and Nino looked up to watch him curiously. “And it means you need to be slower, not faster and harsher.”
“My fault,” Nino said and bit his slower lip, feeling exhausted and sad again. He had just wanted to make it right. To earn money and support his family and it had been fun. In a way. He didn’t regret with how he ended up, far from it. Arashi was fun, Arashi was tears and laughter but also friendship in a way Nino would never experience in any other way. And Arashi had brought him Ohno.
“Not your fault. It should be explained better, but I think they thought that you would go to them for tips and help if you felt like that. But how could you if nobody tells us how it is supposed to be.”
“Thank you,” Nino whispered and Ohno smiled as he pressed his lips against his temple.
“You’re not alone with it anymore and I promise there are people that can help.”
“Not you?”
Ohno smiled sadly and cupped his cheek as he caressed his soft skin. “I am not sure it will be enough, especially when work picks up even more.”
“You think it will?”
“I am sure it will, our anniversary will be advertised, we will have a concert tour, movies, albums, dramas… It’s a lot.”
“Aiba-chan wants to make Arashi big,” Nino said with a small smile. He wished it would come true. He didn’t need it but it would make the others happy. And Aiba already felt so bad that he had stopped their growth when he had fallen ill.
“Wouldn’t that be strange? Everybody knowing us.”
Nino bit his lips but nodded. “A scary thought,” he sighed and Ohno laughed.
“But… Uhm…” Nino began and stopped. Haru sat up and peered into his face. His demeanour as nervous as Nino sounded. Ohno was silent as he watched Nino and Haru communicate in silence, clearly trying to be brave and telling each other it was going to be okay. Mimi came closer and her ears were twitching slightly as her tail moved swiftly, the small movement a sign of Ohno’s own unease. He wanted to be there for his younger boyfriend and make sure that Nino would get better.
All the things that Nino had told him in the dark, far away from Ohno because he couldn’t look at him or be too close, had been worrisome for Ohno if he was honest. Not because she was scared of Nino but because he feared for his health as more things around them happened. He was sure that ignoring everything he felt was not the right way.
Finally Haru jumped off Nino’s lap to hide under his blanket, a clear sign that that was where Nino wished to be but tried to stay where he was. Ohno tried hard no to grimace when Nino’s fingers gripped his hand hard now that he couldn’t distract himself with Haru and Mimi carefully made her way over to the bed. She peered under the blanket and made purring, calming sounds to the shivering fox daemon. Ohno glanced at them for a second but then decided to try his best to ignore them and concentrate on his shivering boyfriend beside him.
“But?” he prodded gently, his free hand drawing small circles on Nino’s leg since it was the only part he could reach without removing himself from Nino’s death grip first.
“If I try, really try, to work through it. With someone professional. What if it won’t change? What if I am still so broken as I am now?”
Ohno looked at him and wished to hold him way closer right now. Something in Nino’s voice told him that he had thought about it before but had been too scared of the outcome and perception of people around him.
“You’re not broken, and if you feel like you are I will help you to fin all the pieces. If things don’t work out right away it’s okay. It will need time, and I am here with you and Haru.”
“Promise?”
Ohno nodded. He carefully moved Nino to be able to hug him and pressed his lips against his forehead. “Always. I will be there. And Mimi as well.”
Nino gasped slightly, his eyes wide in wonder as he looked at the bed where Mimi had made her way towards Haru, still slowly and careful. Haru watched the other daemon silently and when the cat was almost there she lied down, both their snouts very close until Haru very very slowly inched forward and his nose touched Mimi’s who purred loudly and then moved to lick the fox. Haru almost whined at the loving touch he was not used in that way and rolled up, but this time Mimi moved forward to curl up around the fox who looked so much smaller than he was right now. Ohno chuckled as Nino’s face had gone rosy as he hugged him tight, rocking him for a while until the last small shivers went away and Haru sighed softly, burying his face in Mimi’s fur, exhausted by all the mental turmoil. Ohno could feel Nino getting tired but still too much in turmoil to actually rest.
Ohno picked him up and put him onto the bed, kissing his forehead again, when Nino complained weakly about him leaving. “Shh. Just a second. I want to give you something.”
“Huh?”
Nino pulled the blanket over himself, suddenly feeling cold without Ohno’s arms around him. Ohno rummages through his bag that he had brought when he came all those days before. Nino watched him carefully, but with already half closed eyes, making Ohno hurry up a bit more as he finally came back with a small box in his hands.
“What is that?” Nino asked and Ohno had the grace to blush.
“The reason I was so busy outside of work. It was supposed to be a Christmas present, but with all that happened…” he stopped and hugged him when Nino wriggled uncomfortable at the reminder, they had not been in the mood for Christmas and had ended up on the sofa, watching movies and eating the food that Ohno’s mother had made. “Open it. I think it will fit my promise to be with you.”
Nino furrowed his brows but carefully opened it. He gasped as he saw the pretty necklace with feathers and a couple of small pendants put carefully in the box to accompany them. Right now there was a golden and blue star pendant on it, but Nino could change it to a bat, a gaming console, or Haru.
“Wow,” he whispered. “You made it?”
“Yeah, the pendants were a bit hard,” Ohno explained. “But I wanted to make them myself. “Do you like it?”
“Very much,” Nino said and handed it to Ohno to be able to put it on right away. He smiled when the feathers tickled his skin but it felt surprisingly nice.
“I might not be able to be always with you, but part of me will be.”
“I like that,” Nino agreed. He liked it very much.
“Can the next year be better?” Nino asked and looked at Ohno who was beside him. Ohno had stayed with Mimi after Nino had behaved so strangely during Christmas and they had talked a lot, about their relationship, their feelings and their expectations.
Ohno looked at Nino who was playing with Haru’s ears and smiled. The both of them had been close to each other a lot. It seemed as if they stuck together for the whole week between the holiday. And that was surprising for Ohno. He knew that people were close to their daemons. He loved Mimi and she was often around him, but they didn’t feel the need to touch all the time as Nino and Haru had.
It was also strange because when they were together as Arashi for work, it were often the both of them that stayed apart when it was needed, so Ohno had thought it was easy for the both of them. He remembered the first days of separation training and it had been strange, but not too bad.
“It will be,” Ohno said, when he felt the eyes of Nino on him. Nino frowned but shyly moved his hand, so that it would touch the fingers of Ohno, who chuckled and interlaced their fingers.
“Why are you so sure?”
“Because I love you, and you love me. That is already a promise for a good new year.”
Nino giggled but then nodded. The thought of being with Ohno, being loved by the other was nice. He was still very shy, but at the same time he was also enjoying the hugs, and when Ohno kissed him, he felt warm all over. Ohno had promised him to show him even more in the weeks to come.
“It is scary.”
“What is?”
Nino stared at Haru and sighed. “How much it hurts, how I have nightmares or can’t sleep at all, how I am so scared some days so suddenly. How I sometimes can’t stand still if Haru is not there, how hard it is to let him go sometimes. How I lie awake and tears just come. I never told anyone. Not even mum, and I tell her everything.”
Ohno hummed and Nino unconsciously leant against him as his fingers gripped the fur a bit tighter. Haru moved to lick Kazu’s hands until he relayed again and breathed in deeply.
“But I know mum would be hurt. I don’t want to hurt her.”
“I know,” Ohno said and caressed his hair warmly. “But it will get better, I promises. You don’t have to suffer alone.”
“I thought it was just how I am. And that it is normal to hurt.”
“It does, a bit sometimes at the start,” Ohno said and Nino looked up to watch him curiously. “And it means you need to be slower, not faster and harsher.”
“My fault,” Nino said and bit his slower lip, feeling exhausted and sad again. He had just wanted to make it right. To earn money and support his family and it had been fun. In a way. He didn’t regret with how he ended up, far from it. Arashi was fun, Arashi was tears and laughter but also friendship in a way Nino would never experience in any other way. And Arashi had brought him Ohno.
“Not your fault. It should be explained better, but I think they thought that you would go to them for tips and help if you felt like that. But how could you if nobody tells us how it is supposed to be.”
“Thank you,” Nino whispered and Ohno smiled as he pressed his lips against his temple.
“You’re not alone with it anymore and I promise there are people that can help.”
“Not you?”
Ohno smiled sadly and cupped his cheek as he caressed his soft skin. “I am not sure it will be enough, especially when work picks up even more.”
“You think it will?”
“I am sure it will, our anniversary will be advertised, we will have a concert tour, movies, albums, dramas… It’s a lot.”
“Aiba-chan wants to make Arashi big,” Nino said with a small smile. He wished it would come true. He didn’t need it but it would make the others happy. And Aiba already felt so bad that he had stopped their growth when he had fallen ill.
“Wouldn’t that be strange? Everybody knowing us.”
Nino bit his lips but nodded. “A scary thought,” he sighed and Ohno laughed.
“But… Uhm…” Nino began and stopped. Haru sat up and peered into his face. His demeanour as nervous as Nino sounded. Ohno was silent as he watched Nino and Haru communicate in silence, clearly trying to be brave and telling each other it was going to be okay. Mimi came closer and her ears were twitching slightly as her tail moved swiftly, the small movement a sign of Ohno’s own unease. He wanted to be there for his younger boyfriend and make sure that Nino would get better.
All the things that Nino had told him in the dark, far away from Ohno because he couldn’t look at him or be too close, had been worrisome for Ohno if he was honest. Not because she was scared of Nino but because he feared for his health as more things around them happened. He was sure that ignoring everything he felt was not the right way.
Finally Haru jumped off Nino’s lap to hide under his blanket, a clear sign that that was where Nino wished to be but tried to stay where he was. Ohno tried hard no to grimace when Nino’s fingers gripped his hand hard now that he couldn’t distract himself with Haru and Mimi carefully made her way over to the bed. She peered under the blanket and made purring, calming sounds to the shivering fox daemon. Ohno glanced at them for a second but then decided to try his best to ignore them and concentrate on his shivering boyfriend beside him.
“But?” he prodded gently, his free hand drawing small circles on Nino’s leg since it was the only part he could reach without removing himself from Nino’s death grip first.
“If I try, really try, to work through it. With someone professional. What if it won’t change? What if I am still so broken as I am now?”
Ohno looked at him and wished to hold him way closer right now. Something in Nino’s voice told him that he had thought about it before but had been too scared of the outcome and perception of people around him.
“You’re not broken, and if you feel like you are I will help you to fin all the pieces. If things don’t work out right away it’s okay. It will need time, and I am here with you and Haru.”
“Promise?”
Ohno nodded. He carefully moved Nino to be able to hug him and pressed his lips against his forehead. “Always. I will be there. And Mimi as well.”
Nino gasped slightly, his eyes wide in wonder as he looked at the bed where Mimi had made her way towards Haru, still slowly and careful. Haru watched the other daemon silently and when the cat was almost there she lied down, both their snouts very close until Haru very very slowly inched forward and his nose touched Mimi’s who purred loudly and then moved to lick the fox. Haru almost whined at the loving touch he was not used in that way and rolled up, but this time Mimi moved forward to curl up around the fox who looked so much smaller than he was right now. Ohno chuckled as Nino’s face had gone rosy as he hugged him tight, rocking him for a while until the last small shivers went away and Haru sighed softly, burying his face in Mimi’s fur, exhausted by all the mental turmoil. Ohno could feel Nino getting tired but still too much in turmoil to actually rest.
Ohno picked him up and put him onto the bed, kissing his forehead again, when Nino complained weakly about him leaving. “Shh. Just a second. I want to give you something.”
“Huh?”
Nino pulled the blanket over himself, suddenly feeling cold without Ohno’s arms around him. Ohno rummages through his bag that he had brought when he came all those days before. Nino watched him carefully, but with already half closed eyes, making Ohno hurry up a bit more as he finally came back with a small box in his hands.
“What is that?” Nino asked and Ohno had the grace to blush.
“The reason I was so busy outside of work. It was supposed to be a Christmas present, but with all that happened…” he stopped and hugged him when Nino wriggled uncomfortable at the reminder, they had not been in the mood for Christmas and had ended up on the sofa, watching movies and eating the food that Ohno’s mother had made. “Open it. I think it will fit my promise to be with you.”
Nino furrowed his brows but carefully opened it. He gasped as he saw the pretty necklace with feathers and a couple of small pendants put carefully in the box to accompany them. Right now there was a golden and blue star pendant on it, but Nino could change it to a bat, a gaming console, or Haru.
“Wow,” he whispered. “You made it?”
“Yeah, the pendants were a bit hard,” Ohno explained. “But I wanted to make them myself. “Do you like it?”
“Very much,” Nino said and handed it to Ohno to be able to put it on right away. He smiled when the feathers tickled his skin but it felt surprisingly nice.
“I might not be able to be always with you, but part of me will be.”
“I like that,” Nino agreed. He liked it very much.