Real (Chapter 5)
“Are you sure you are not just using him because it seems like the easiest way?”
“Out!”
“Nino… We just…”
“I don’t want to hear it. Out now!”
-
Nino sighed as he kicked the pebble in front of him out of the way. He hadn’t wanted to open the door when they had come over, but there was no hiding when Aiba had a second key for emergencies, and Nino honestly wanted it back.
Ohno had one now, and that was more than enough. He didn’t need a third party involved anymore. But he hadn’t asked for it back yet but would make sure to remember the next time he saw him. He rubbed his forehead and closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath.
After he had thrown out the other two, he had paced in his room, not knowing what to do. He was confused, and generally, if he felt like that, he would call a friend, Aiba or Ohno would be the first choice, but he was still too hurt by Aiba accompanying Jun for today, and he was scared that the others had gone right away to Ohno and he would meet them there again.
No, that was not true… He was scared that Ohno would not open the door for him if he appeared in front of it without calling first, and he didn’t want to call like that, still too scared that Ohno might tell him that they had been too fast.
He needed to trust Ohno, and he did. He really did. If Ohno told him they were fine the way they were right now, it was the truth. That was not the problem. He knew the problem lay within himself. He groaned as he kicked another pebble with a glare on his face, his fingers playing with the necklace around his neck.
He was the problem, and he knew it. He should feel more secure. He should think more. God, he usually thought about everything a myriad of times before doing it. Especially if it was important and marrying Ohno… It was a big step. It was something that, at least in Nino’s mind, nobody could just take back.
And still, he was too nervous about wearing the ring openly. He didn’t want to face their friends or families with the truth, and he was scared to tell Ohno that he might want to be more with him. At the same time, he was not ready to give up his apartment completely.
He was just a mess.
His fingers wandered to his phone as to message Ohno, but in the end, he didn’t. He stared at the dirt path in front of him for a while, deciding that it was better to go back home and sleep it over. His mind would be clearer then for sure.
He looked up to see where he was when he realised that he had walked automatically to his childhood home. He could faintly hear the noises coming from the factory that never seemed to be completely silent. The bigger part of the house that belonged to his grandfather and now housed his cousin that took over his grandfather’s position when it got clear that it was just nothing that Nino enjoyed and the small part that they lived in.
He sighed as the door opened, and his mother smirked slightly as she looked at him. “Are you going to come in?”
“Since when are you psychic?”
“I saw you from the kitchen. You seem troubled. Come on. I prepared hot chocolate already.”
Nino smile got more genuine at the promise of that. His mother nodded and turned around to go back in, and the door stayed open until Nino was ready to follow her.
It was warm inside, he thought as he took off his shoes and coat. The feeling of being home surrounding him almost right away. He wondered how that was possible. It didn’t matter how long he had already moved out, how much time passed between visits. This would always be his home. The place where he could be just himself. He sat on the sofa, his legs drawn close to his body as he stared at the black screen of the old TV.
“Here, sweetheart,” Kazuko said, and he uncurled his form to take the warm mug in between his hands. He brought it close to his face to smell the fragrant scent, closing his eyes for just a second. It reminded him of Ohno, he thought. Ohno liked sweets after all, and Nino was sure he would love his mother’s hot chocolate just the same.
He drank a small sip, still contemplating the conversation - even if very one-sided - with the other two, trying to form words to explain to his mother why he ended up here. But it was hard to find the right words when he didn’t know the answer yet.
“Mum…” he started but trailed off without knowing how to continue. She shook her head and put her hand on top of his head.
“Drink up before it gets cold. You’ll stay for dinner, right?”
Nino furrowed his brows at the question before nodding slowly. “Yeah… Yes, I think I just might, thanks mum,” he said in the end, and she nodded as she stood up, pinching his cheek.
“Lucky you that I will make my special hamburger dish tonight.”
He chuckled as he nodded. “Very lucky indeed,” he decided, leaning against her just for a second, before focusing back on his chocolate and to his thoughts, almost not realising how his mother left him alone to get the right ingredients.
After he had finished his drink, he got up and brought the cup back to the kitchen. His mother had her back to the door, cutting vegetables on the counter, and for a second, Nino felt as if he was back being a teenager, nervous and scared of telling his mother the truth about him. Kazuko had made him a warm drink then as well and left to prepare dinner.
“Mum,” he said slowly, the words echoing in his mind from years ago. She hummed, throwing him a small glance, but enough to show him that she loved him and that everything was going to be okay, regardless of what he thought.
He took another deep breath. “I’m married.”
And just like then, there was no hesitation in the way she cut the vegetables, just a low hum and another glance. “Who’s the lucky guy?” she asked just as she had then when he told her that he was gay and in love for the very first time, and right then, he knew that it would be alright.
“Oh-chan…” he started and entered the room fully, knowing that he didn’t have to stay alert, ready to run whenever. He sat at the table with a sigh, watching as she cleaned her hands on a towel, the vegetables finished for now and looked at him.
“Ohno-kun?”
Nino nodded and stared down at the table, his fingers tracing the pattern of marks that told him how old the table was. “We married when we were in Hawaii. I mean… We already acted as a couple because it was for married people only and… I… We…” he took a deep breath and rubbed his forehead. “We faked being married, and then I wanted to make it real, so we did. Oh-chan agreed.”
“But?”
“But… They all say that I am using him,” he whispered, biting his lower lip hard. He was so scared that he was using Ohno that he was just getting it all wrong.
“And are you?”
He looked up in surprise at the question and frowned in thought. There were no accusations or similar in her words, and that somehow helped to think about it more clearly, without any bad feelings or worry in his heart.
A sigh, and then he shook his head. “I know it was a rash decision,” he whispered. He knew that. He knew it was sudden and maybe too fast. “But it felt and still feels right. It’s a promise. And I hate that the others think otherwise. I would never hurt Oh-chan like that or let them hurt him.”
He looked up in surprise as he realised the truth in it. It was their promise that they were serious about their feelings. It was not a spur of the moment thing or confusion about friendship or more. And he couldn’t allow others - even their best friends - to hurt Ohno or him with their doubts. It was not fair. The promise of forever was true, and maybe they were not the usual couple who wanted to be around each other 24/7, but that didn’t mean that their trust, feelings, and love were not real. And Ohno felt the same, he was sure. Ohno would never just be with him for the heck of it if it was not his true wish, and Ohno would always protect him from the others as well.
“I see,” she said and stood to come over to him. She cupped her cheek and kissed his forehead. “I’m proud of you, sweetheart. I am happy if you are, and I know that I didn’t raise a fool or cold-hearted person who would use others for their enjoyment. If you tell me it was the right decision even if it was sudden, I’m certain it was.”
He nodded and took a shuddering breath. “Thank you,” he whispered.
“How about you invite him over for dinner as well then?”
Nino hesitated, still not entirely sure that Ohno would want to see him after he had just thrown out Jun and Aiba without any big declarations. Still, he pulled out his phone, knowing well that he had to face Ohno and his fears sooner rather than later. His heart dropped for a second as he saw missed calls from Ohno and then a message.
Are you okay? I’m here for you if you want to talk. Always.
Nino smiled and excused himself from his mother as he stood and left the kitchen to go out in the garden. He lit a cigarette and waited, listening to the dialling tone for mere seconds before the call was answered.
“Nino…”
“Hey Oh-chan,” he said, staring into the setting sun, wondering how late it had gotten. No wonder Ohno got worried, he thought. “I’m sorry for worrying you. I ended up at my mother’s place. We talked…”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes…” Nino fell silent for a moment, thinking that over. “Yes, it is,” he repeated.
“That’s good.”
“Yes, she is happy.”
“I’m glad,” Ohno whispered, and Nino grinned. He was too. Very glad.
“How do you feel about dinner?”
“Hamburger steak?” Ohno asked, and Nino giggled at the tease in his voice.
“Of course, mum is cooking dinner.”
“I would never be able to say no to that,” Ohno said with a chuckle. “See you there.”
“Uhn… Oh-chan?”
“Yes?”
“I really do love you,” Nino whispered.
“You…” Ohno said, slightly exasperated. “Tell me these things when I’m there to kiss the hell out of you.”
“If you hurry, I might.”
“You better.” Nino giggled and ended the call without answering as he finished his smoke and went back inside, feeling a lot lighter as he rejoined his mother.
“Out!”
“Nino… We just…”
“I don’t want to hear it. Out now!”
-
Nino sighed as he kicked the pebble in front of him out of the way. He hadn’t wanted to open the door when they had come over, but there was no hiding when Aiba had a second key for emergencies, and Nino honestly wanted it back.
Ohno had one now, and that was more than enough. He didn’t need a third party involved anymore. But he hadn’t asked for it back yet but would make sure to remember the next time he saw him. He rubbed his forehead and closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath.
After he had thrown out the other two, he had paced in his room, not knowing what to do. He was confused, and generally, if he felt like that, he would call a friend, Aiba or Ohno would be the first choice, but he was still too hurt by Aiba accompanying Jun for today, and he was scared that the others had gone right away to Ohno and he would meet them there again.
No, that was not true… He was scared that Ohno would not open the door for him if he appeared in front of it without calling first, and he didn’t want to call like that, still too scared that Ohno might tell him that they had been too fast.
He needed to trust Ohno, and he did. He really did. If Ohno told him they were fine the way they were right now, it was the truth. That was not the problem. He knew the problem lay within himself. He groaned as he kicked another pebble with a glare on his face, his fingers playing with the necklace around his neck.
He was the problem, and he knew it. He should feel more secure. He should think more. God, he usually thought about everything a myriad of times before doing it. Especially if it was important and marrying Ohno… It was a big step. It was something that, at least in Nino’s mind, nobody could just take back.
And still, he was too nervous about wearing the ring openly. He didn’t want to face their friends or families with the truth, and he was scared to tell Ohno that he might want to be more with him. At the same time, he was not ready to give up his apartment completely.
He was just a mess.
His fingers wandered to his phone as to message Ohno, but in the end, he didn’t. He stared at the dirt path in front of him for a while, deciding that it was better to go back home and sleep it over. His mind would be clearer then for sure.
He looked up to see where he was when he realised that he had walked automatically to his childhood home. He could faintly hear the noises coming from the factory that never seemed to be completely silent. The bigger part of the house that belonged to his grandfather and now housed his cousin that took over his grandfather’s position when it got clear that it was just nothing that Nino enjoyed and the small part that they lived in.
He sighed as the door opened, and his mother smirked slightly as she looked at him. “Are you going to come in?”
“Since when are you psychic?”
“I saw you from the kitchen. You seem troubled. Come on. I prepared hot chocolate already.”
Nino smile got more genuine at the promise of that. His mother nodded and turned around to go back in, and the door stayed open until Nino was ready to follow her.
It was warm inside, he thought as he took off his shoes and coat. The feeling of being home surrounding him almost right away. He wondered how that was possible. It didn’t matter how long he had already moved out, how much time passed between visits. This would always be his home. The place where he could be just himself. He sat on the sofa, his legs drawn close to his body as he stared at the black screen of the old TV.
“Here, sweetheart,” Kazuko said, and he uncurled his form to take the warm mug in between his hands. He brought it close to his face to smell the fragrant scent, closing his eyes for just a second. It reminded him of Ohno, he thought. Ohno liked sweets after all, and Nino was sure he would love his mother’s hot chocolate just the same.
He drank a small sip, still contemplating the conversation - even if very one-sided - with the other two, trying to form words to explain to his mother why he ended up here. But it was hard to find the right words when he didn’t know the answer yet.
“Mum…” he started but trailed off without knowing how to continue. She shook her head and put her hand on top of his head.
“Drink up before it gets cold. You’ll stay for dinner, right?”
Nino furrowed his brows at the question before nodding slowly. “Yeah… Yes, I think I just might, thanks mum,” he said in the end, and she nodded as she stood up, pinching his cheek.
“Lucky you that I will make my special hamburger dish tonight.”
He chuckled as he nodded. “Very lucky indeed,” he decided, leaning against her just for a second, before focusing back on his chocolate and to his thoughts, almost not realising how his mother left him alone to get the right ingredients.
After he had finished his drink, he got up and brought the cup back to the kitchen. His mother had her back to the door, cutting vegetables on the counter, and for a second, Nino felt as if he was back being a teenager, nervous and scared of telling his mother the truth about him. Kazuko had made him a warm drink then as well and left to prepare dinner.
“Mum,” he said slowly, the words echoing in his mind from years ago. She hummed, throwing him a small glance, but enough to show him that she loved him and that everything was going to be okay, regardless of what he thought.
He took another deep breath. “I’m married.”
And just like then, there was no hesitation in the way she cut the vegetables, just a low hum and another glance. “Who’s the lucky guy?” she asked just as she had then when he told her that he was gay and in love for the very first time, and right then, he knew that it would be alright.
“Oh-chan…” he started and entered the room fully, knowing that he didn’t have to stay alert, ready to run whenever. He sat at the table with a sigh, watching as she cleaned her hands on a towel, the vegetables finished for now and looked at him.
“Ohno-kun?”
Nino nodded and stared down at the table, his fingers tracing the pattern of marks that told him how old the table was. “We married when we were in Hawaii. I mean… We already acted as a couple because it was for married people only and… I… We…” he took a deep breath and rubbed his forehead. “We faked being married, and then I wanted to make it real, so we did. Oh-chan agreed.”
“But?”
“But… They all say that I am using him,” he whispered, biting his lower lip hard. He was so scared that he was using Ohno that he was just getting it all wrong.
“And are you?”
He looked up in surprise at the question and frowned in thought. There were no accusations or similar in her words, and that somehow helped to think about it more clearly, without any bad feelings or worry in his heart.
A sigh, and then he shook his head. “I know it was a rash decision,” he whispered. He knew that. He knew it was sudden and maybe too fast. “But it felt and still feels right. It’s a promise. And I hate that the others think otherwise. I would never hurt Oh-chan like that or let them hurt him.”
He looked up in surprise as he realised the truth in it. It was their promise that they were serious about their feelings. It was not a spur of the moment thing or confusion about friendship or more. And he couldn’t allow others - even their best friends - to hurt Ohno or him with their doubts. It was not fair. The promise of forever was true, and maybe they were not the usual couple who wanted to be around each other 24/7, but that didn’t mean that their trust, feelings, and love were not real. And Ohno felt the same, he was sure. Ohno would never just be with him for the heck of it if it was not his true wish, and Ohno would always protect him from the others as well.
“I see,” she said and stood to come over to him. She cupped her cheek and kissed his forehead. “I’m proud of you, sweetheart. I am happy if you are, and I know that I didn’t raise a fool or cold-hearted person who would use others for their enjoyment. If you tell me it was the right decision even if it was sudden, I’m certain it was.”
He nodded and took a shuddering breath. “Thank you,” he whispered.
“How about you invite him over for dinner as well then?”
Nino hesitated, still not entirely sure that Ohno would want to see him after he had just thrown out Jun and Aiba without any big declarations. Still, he pulled out his phone, knowing well that he had to face Ohno and his fears sooner rather than later. His heart dropped for a second as he saw missed calls from Ohno and then a message.
Are you okay? I’m here for you if you want to talk. Always.
Nino smiled and excused himself from his mother as he stood and left the kitchen to go out in the garden. He lit a cigarette and waited, listening to the dialling tone for mere seconds before the call was answered.
“Nino…”
“Hey Oh-chan,” he said, staring into the setting sun, wondering how late it had gotten. No wonder Ohno got worried, he thought. “I’m sorry for worrying you. I ended up at my mother’s place. We talked…”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes…” Nino fell silent for a moment, thinking that over. “Yes, it is,” he repeated.
“That’s good.”
“Yes, she is happy.”
“I’m glad,” Ohno whispered, and Nino grinned. He was too. Very glad.
“How do you feel about dinner?”
“Hamburger steak?” Ohno asked, and Nino giggled at the tease in his voice.
“Of course, mum is cooking dinner.”
“I would never be able to say no to that,” Ohno said with a chuckle. “See you there.”
“Uhn… Oh-chan?”
“Yes?”
“I really do love you,” Nino whispered.
“You…” Ohno said, slightly exasperated. “Tell me these things when I’m there to kiss the hell out of you.”
“If you hurry, I might.”
“You better.” Nino giggled and ended the call without answering as he finished his smoke and went back inside, feeling a lot lighter as he rejoined his mother.