Memories, a KAT-TUN one-shot
Memories.
Flashes of what has been, what was, what one has lost and gained with time.
Jin has those. Until now, they’ve sat buried under his bed, years of his mother’s scrapbooking gathering dust among lost socks and discarded schedules. They were stashed next to his memories, memories that he had never really experienced after age 18, memories made on autopilot that were really just cheating the definition of the word.
Now the memories have resurfaced. Books pulled out of plastic bins dragged from the depths of the dust bunny’s lair. Jin pulls them out one by one, drowning in page after page, picture after picture of delicious memories. The pictures have little neat mother-written captions that only reinforce the scenes in his mind.
“Mama, these are my groupmates. They’re coming over to practice.”
“Oh, Jin, why don’t you introduce them?”
“There’s Tanaka Koki, Taguchi Junnosuke, Ueda Tatsuya (our leader, he adds for good measure), Nakamaru Yuichi, and-“
The picture of the six of them in line, laughing and joking around in front of Jin’s mother’s camera has Jin smiling. There are various pictures of them chasing each other around with hoses, eating everything from pizza to gyoza, ending up in a big pile after they jumped on Jin during his birthday party. The next page is full of concert photos, and he chuckles as one catches his eye.
“I can’t believe I just did that.”
“Me neither. How many stories did you fall from?”
“Don’t remind me, please.”
“Like four or something, right?”
“Koki, be nice.”
“I’m just teasing. You okay?”
“Yeah, just a little shaken up.”
Some of the memories aren’t always completely happy, like that one. Or, as he turns the page, some are bittersweet. There’s a picture of Jin standing with the group, a cute little American flag sticker in the corner of the page. Jin has known the members long enough to tell a fake smile from a real one. Even Taguchi’s is strained.
Then there’s the latest picture, in the middle of the last book. There’re only two people in this picture, sharing one bowl of ramen and laughing at a burnt noodle. Another picture on the same page has them only a couple of years earlier doing the exact same thing. The difference is the liveliness, the excitement, the true amusement present in their eyes. Jin eyes it with a sheer fondness, nothing can replace this memory.
“Ah, again, really?”
“What is it?”
“You burnt the ramen again, just like you did the last time.”
“The last time? I haven’t burned the ramen before, ever.”
“You did. This same exact day, three years ago.”
“Oh, I remember that. You flung the noodle at me, you cheater.”
“I’m the cheater? You took a fully cooked noodle and flung it back. I think you’re the one who’s cheating.”
“Hey! You can’t fling that one too!”
“I’m getting you back. I remember that you happened to have the last noodle at the end of that fight, and I deserve to get you back.”
“You started it!”
“Hey!”
And then the kitchen had been covered in ramen noodles. Jin laughed to himself, loud and clear, the sound ringing through the empty room. He continued laughing until the bed dipped down and a hand fell on his shoulder. The book fell shut quickly. No one was supposed to see him now.
“You okay?” Ueda’s voice whispered softly. Jin didn’t move. The hand massaged his shoulder a little, trying to relax him and work out a few knots in the process. “I came in to check on you. If you’d rather have someone else-“
“No, it’s fine.” The younger man took a deep breath, shoulders rising and falling with what seemed to be great effort. He laid down on his back and placed his head in the other’s lap.
“It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.”
Ueda’s hand came up to brush the hair out of Jin’s eyes. The pain in his eyes was obvious, and Jin had never really worn his emotions on his sleeve. It was for things like this that he had backed out of being the official leader, but there was no way that he wasn’t going to help as much as he could now. And just as suddenly as he had stopped laughing, he burst into tears, shaking violently as Ueda’s hand stroked his hair.
“He was everything I had. All the work I did, all of the parts I played, I did everything for him. My baby is gone, Tatsuya, he’s gone! It was all my fault, I should’ve told him not to go, but I let him, I let him-“
“Shh, Jin, it isn’t your fault and you know it. Just let it out, cry as much as you need to.”
“Don’t leave, please…”
“I’m not going to leave you. Even Maru and Koki and Junno will be by a little later. They had to sign off on clearing their schedules for the next month. I took care of yours and… well, anyway, we all have plenty of time to recover.”
“But he won’t recover.” Jin is barely coherent now. “He won’t have a schedule, he won’t come back. We’ll have to rearrange our name. I can’t work without him, I’m nothing without him.”
“You can work too. It might not be the same, it might not produce the same feeling, but you can do it. Would he want you to stop? Would he want you to give up because of him?”
“That’s what happened! Kazuya died because he couldn’t stop!”
There’s a ringing silence. For the first time in days, Jin spoke his name. He and Ueda lock gazes, both in a bit of shock, the realization hitting them full force. Kame wouldn’t be back, he wouldn’t work with them again. No cheery good mornings with tired eyes, no more Gokusen line exchanges for fun, nothing. All they have now is the five of them and somehow they’re expected to push forward.
“We can do it.”
A third voice comes from the doorway. It’s Koki, along with Maru and Taguchi. Koki stays in the doorway while Maru and Taguchi come to sit on the bed. Maru grabs Jin’s hand and manages a weak smile. “It’s what he’d want us to do, right? Keep going.”
“Kame will always be with us, even if we can’t see him.” Taguchi’s eyes fills with tears, and Ueda reaches over to grab his hand in reflex. “Even when we’re singing up a storm, he’ll be there with us, dancing and singing like no other.”
“Kienai kono kizuna.” Jin mumbles, wiping tears from his own eyes. “It’s an unbreakable bond we have with him. That song, I’ve had it on repeat for years and its never really sunk in.”
“He’s always had songs like that, hasn’t he?” Koki laughs, trying to throw the others off of the trail of his faltering emotions. “Like that one where he and Jin made out in front of the microphone and they thought it fit the song.”
“He was all, ‘it’s spaghetti I’m eating.’ Yeah, I’m so sure.” The joke comes from Maru, and they all laugh. Jin shrugs as best he can. “I was just happy to be included.”
Koki rolls his eyes. “Bet you were happy to get something else, too.”
They all tease him lightly, and Jin takes none of it to heart. They pass around memories and laugh. Memories of them, memories of the six of them, memories of Kame. Yes, memories are of what was past and what has been, but even in the presence of the greatest adversity, they know that memories are what will allow them to move forward.
The next picture in the memories is of the five remaining members of the group, smiling and waving at the camera. There are five captions, all around the picture. Each is in one member’s handwriting, ranging from small and neat to large and poorly written. Each has its own personality and is directed to a certain someone who is missing from the picture.
Missing you.
Waiting for you.
Laughing with you.
Singing for you.
Loving you, always and forever.
---end---
I hope you like it! I've been trying a lot of different styles. I don't know how this popped into my head. I started writing it during chemistry. XD It just came out of nowhere, so I hope it's understandable.