Permanent: Extended Author's Note/Dedication of Sorts.
Alright, so youve all heard the story. Hell, I wrote the story. The funny thing about it is I thought it would make things better. I guess in a way it has, because its been said that the first stage of grief is denial, the next is acceptance and blah blah fucking blah. Writing Permanent tore me open from the inside out, upside down. It hurt more than a lot of things have hurt. I think it actually hurt me more than it helped me, but that remains to be seen. Maybe its like a medicine that takes time to take affect. Maybe I started writing it too soon. Ive lost quite a few people in my life. My Mother's best friend/my Uncle who is[was] not committed suicide when I was in 8th grade. She didnt tell me until after his funeral. I never got my goodbye. He was the happiest guy Id ever met in my life, and if hes not happy with life then what hope is there for the rest of us really.
Sept 30, 2007 a good friend of mine was murdered while at a party.
June 18, 2008 another good friend of mine and her boyfriend were in a fatal automobile accident. It was opening night of a show for me. The show ran through her funeral, which is why I didnt go to her service. That and I cant handle funerals.
October 2008 my hero/best friend/everything was diagnosed with Hep C.
A musician friend of mine attempted suicide a week after I found that out.
My favorite neighbor died a few months back.
The only father figure I ever cared to acknowledge is no longer with me.
When I was growing up, I didnt have a lot. I had Aerosmith, I had theatre, and I had my brother.
When I was 19, the day came that I didnt have my brother anymore.
And now this? Really? When does it stop?
Point of this depressing post? Im not really sure there is one actually.
As much as writing Permanent hasnt really helped me as of yet, I hope its helped some people out there. Loss is a tough thing. It never gets easier. The feeling gets less and then something hits and it all comes running back to you. Youre right back where you started and theres nothing you can do except pull through. Thats what my life is now. Its a series of things to pull through with little flecks of hope every once in a while. Its the flecks of hope I live for. Heres hoping this was a fleck of hope
Sept 30, 2007 a good friend of mine was murdered while at a party.
June 18, 2008 another good friend of mine and her boyfriend were in a fatal automobile accident. It was opening night of a show for me. The show ran through her funeral, which is why I didnt go to her service. That and I cant handle funerals.
October 2008 my hero/best friend/everything was diagnosed with Hep C.
A musician friend of mine attempted suicide a week after I found that out.
My favorite neighbor died a few months back.
The only father figure I ever cared to acknowledge is no longer with me.
When I was growing up, I didnt have a lot. I had Aerosmith, I had theatre, and I had my brother.
When I was 19, the day came that I didnt have my brother anymore.
And now this? Really? When does it stop?
Point of this depressing post? Im not really sure there is one actually.
As much as writing Permanent hasnt really helped me as of yet, I hope its helped some people out there. Loss is a tough thing. It never gets easier. The feeling gets less and then something hits and it all comes running back to you. Youre right back where you started and theres nothing you can do except pull through. Thats what my life is now. Its a series of things to pull through with little flecks of hope every once in a while. Its the flecks of hope I live for. Heres hoping this was a fleck of hope