depression
my brain is on fire. i have migraines all the time. my eyeballs always hurt. i am trying to go to doctors and i can't. my hormones are fucked - messed up periods, huge cystic acne, crying crying crying.
crying at my desk, crying on the bus. all my co-workers asking me all the time why i look so tired, so sad, what's wrong?
my emotions are out of control. i am not being who i want to be for my partner and my self.
i am losing it.
i am insecure and think i am losing everything.
i am angry and scared and joyless.
there is never enough time and i talk too much and i am lashing out and acting out and pushing away.
i feel really insecure. i hate myself. i forgot, after years of confidence, what it felt like to hate the way i look so much. i feel ugly and horrible. i feel uninteresting, unexciting, unaccomplished, jealous and terrified.
it's been about 3 weeks it's hurt this much.
there are things happening (getting a shitty letter 2 weeks ago, money stress, travel stress, work things, relationship growing pains) but really i can tell this is not situational. it is the chemicals in my brain conspiring to kill me.
i want so bad to just curl up.
i am so angry.
i am 13 years old and yelling while i cry.
crying at my desk, crying on the bus. all my co-workers asking me all the time why i look so tired, so sad, what's wrong?
my emotions are out of control. i am not being who i want to be for my partner and my self.
i am losing it.
i am insecure and think i am losing everything.
i am angry and scared and joyless.
there is never enough time and i talk too much and i am lashing out and acting out and pushing away.
i feel really insecure. i hate myself. i forgot, after years of confidence, what it felt like to hate the way i look so much. i feel ugly and horrible. i feel uninteresting, unexciting, unaccomplished, jealous and terrified.
it's been about 3 weeks it's hurt this much.
there are things happening (getting a shitty letter 2 weeks ago, money stress, travel stress, work things, relationship growing pains) but really i can tell this is not situational. it is the chemicals in my brain conspiring to kill me.
i want so bad to just curl up.
i am so angry.
i am 13 years old and yelling while i cry.