This is my life. It's not what it was before....
I haven't really written anything of substance in here in a long time. I can't promise substance with this entry but it's something.
I can't help but feel like people in my life are leaving but I have been down this road before and what are you going to do right? I mean almost four years ago I made a decision that changed my life forever. I made a choice and those that didn't like it left me. That situation was so much bigger than the one at hand but somehow I feel like it's not. I don't get how people work. Especially people you think you knew so well. It's like at any second they can just turn, turn into something you never thought they would be and fuck anyone who is reading this and calling me a hypocrite. You know i can think of things done to you that were magnitudes worse than this and they are all forgiven and forgotten. That's cool I wouldn't expect the same courtesy but after today I'm just letting all of this go, I am so happy with Jamie and she is like I never knew she'd ever be. Everyday it gets better and better between us. I can't fully be happy with her If I'm still thinking about what you say I did to you. I don't know how long things will be the way they are between us and to be honest now, I just don't want to feel it anymore. You have everything you need. This whole time I have been worried about if you were going to be okay. I saw you, I see you and you are fine. I guess if you don't need me... I shouldn't hold on to you either. That's just the way it happens I guess. Between friends someone always loses. Finally I won but of course I had to lose too. I've learned to deal with that. I wont tolerate you saying how fake everything is between us because in actuality there is nothing between us anymore. I don't know how long this will be as it is but I know I'm going to love you for the rest of my life. I will never forget the months we spent together and how they meant more than anything to me. I will forget all that has happened since everything changed because I don't want to remember you like that. With our friendship ending up how it has, I just refuse to accept the fact that this is the end I'll just tell myself that you moved away or something . I'll see you soon but just know that every hello and every word I say IS sincere and from the heart. I LOVE YOU... I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER FOR WHO YOU ARE TO ME... But I cant hold on to this anymore. I'm happy and I just wish I could have shared that with you. Take care of yourself.
I havent seen my friends much lately
I miss all of you...
And JAMIE-------------
My psycho.... I F E M I L W Y L G O A I H O T I S H U Y M M M H B A M H W Y.
<3